Submissions Welcome We are always seeking submissions of interest to local lesbians. Letters to the editor, book, concert and movie reviews, articles about lesbian-friendly businesses in Edmonton, political and social commentary, short fiction, poetry and artwork are among the items we ae ae are interested in contributing, 0 EVERYONE NVOWED ou may either write to Womonspace fie #30-9930-106 St, Edmonton AB \ OUR 1EBA T5K 1C7), attend a newsletter meeting, or leave a message on the Lesbian Life Line (425-0511). Topics for coming months: May: S/M 992992999 June: Nontraditional Jobs July: Bisexuality ladies Damee August: Travel ;: September: Womonspace Membership Contributors this issue: OOS Adien, Patti, Lee Ann Phillips Sue mie ie cee Deets Donym Louise A, A.E.N and Elizabeth A i ? seveehe nt us, yourmenber ste Seale. Special thanks to Maureen Irwin who does the membership mailing each month, and to Sheelagh who distributes the free copies around town, Womonspace News is a publication of Womonspace Social and Recreational Society of Edmonton. We are a nonprofit organization. The newsletter is produced by, for, and about lesbians in Edmonton and the surrounding areas, Our purpose is to inform and entertain our members and any other interested lesbians. The opinions expressed in any issue of Womonspace News do not necessarily reflect the opinion of the Directors or the Newsletter Committee. The events, organizations and establishments publicized are not necessarily supported by Womonspace. Womonspace News is produced on a volunteer basis by the Newsletter Committee. We welcome submissions. Material submitted becomes the property of Womonspace. We reserve the right to edit for length and content, and to refuse publication. Articles or letters to the editor may be sent to: Womonspace, #30-9930-106 Street, Edmonton, AB TSK 1C7. Womonspace members may submit classified advertising—up to 3 lines free—at any time. Womonspace News seeks advertising that is lesbian-positive to help defer publications costs, Womonspace does not necessarily endorse products or services offered. We reserve the right to refuse ads. For rate information, and to place an ad, please leave a message on the Lesbian Life Line: 425-0511. The editor is Lindy Pratch. 2 WOMONSPACE NEWS THE BATTLE OVER MY BODY You’re free of your mother; you want more than your mother’s life; you have (and yours, for that matter.) your own life. If lam to sing the praises of And why can’t I be like you? monogamy, in the face of the adversary, I have stopped demanding full the nonmonogamous, the polyamorous, understanding. Understanding seems the faithfully challenged and chal- always impaired by knowledge— lenging, will I sign my own name to it? epistemologically limited in its scope, I'm lazy, a hypocrite, and amorously validity, criteria, and bases. The challenged. | am monogamous. | faith- emphasis is on the fullness of the fully perpetuate the heterosexist understanding, not on the attempt to normative ideal of Hollywood’s version understand, (which is too enjoyable a of romantic love, it seems. But if | spend process to do away with.) my life and nights contentedly in the My heterosexual sisters and brothers presence of my one and only, however may accept my homosexuality, but I long or perhaps eternally, then what is doubt they understand it outside their it to you? knowledge of their heterosexuality. My Are my laziness, hypocrisy, and brothers may accept my femininity, but I amorous impairment perchance bipolar doubt they understand it outside of their to your negative associations of knowledge of their masculinity. You nonmonogamy? Are you restless, may accept me, but could you noncommittal, and amorously understand me outside of your knowl- insatiable? Do you consciously subvert edge of yourself? I do accept you, but I the deadly norms of heterosexual doubt | understand you outside of what I femininity? But if you spend your days know of me. and nights contentedly in the presence The absence of a shared morality does of your diversity, however short or not indicate the immorality or amorality however many, then what is it to me? of one. I don’t think that right wing, Could there be more than one fundamentalist Christians are devoid of goddess of true lesbian love? Just like morals just because they don’t share the Christian god is not everybody’s mine. Few people are aware of the Jaweh, Allah, do we all need to adhere strength and scope of their principles to the same mistress? when these have never been challenged. 1 ama good little woman; I want only My principled nonmonogamy was one. 1 am a good little woman; boring as challenged when it clashed and crashed hell. 1am a good little woman; copying with unsuspected jealousy. My own my mother, my mother’s mother, my jealousy—though I prefer to view it as mother’s mother’s mother. my insecurity in the face of being with Why can’t you be like me? someone whose company I enjoyed WOMONSPACE NEWS 2 emotionally, physically, intellectually, Nonmonogamy %) tenderly, sexually and all of it thor- oughly. I didn’t want to share it, in fact, A Conscious Choice I only wanted more of it. My non- by Patti monogamous principles dwindled fast. In our lesbian world, is monogamy a Oops. fallacy we strive for and buy into Perhaps I don’t fully understand because we know nothing else? Or is it myself. Perhaps my knowledge of myself really the best situation for a also has its limits. relationship, and the goal we should be The battle over my body—and yours, working towards? Perhaps nonmono- for that matter—takes place in the nar- gamy may be a healthy option for row realm of norms, morals, principles some. I believe it depends on the people and personal convictions. Yours and involved, and with all the necessary mine. As with abortion and euthanasia, tools, it could work. Unfortunately, I the question revolves around who has have no experience with nonmono- the right to determine what’s right for gamy, so I’m just projecting. my body. Being conscious of what we feel is Nonmonogamy is not good. essential in any relationship. Knowing Monogamy is not good. ourselves, being able and confident to That doesn’t mean they’re bad. All it speak up for our needs, and being: means is the absence of an absolute, the respectful of our needs, and thoseof absence of a dictator, the presence of our partner, is really what makes a choice, the possibility of change. healthy relationship. Since most And for however long it lasts, I have women are driven by their hearts, chosen, choose daily, to spend my desire being intimate involves really feeling on one. Without shame, without all you feel. Having a co-commitment righteousness, without regret, with love, with more than one person may not be with pride, with all of me, I hold on to as unhealthy as we are lead to believe. the right to my body and my desire... Nonmonogamy isn’t about having that is, | hang on to all of me. affairs, being unfaithful, or breaking a However. Only celibate singlehood commitment. It’s about being honest, involves only one self. All other options making and keeping meaningful embrace the body and the desire of at agreements, and feeling all you feel. least one other. Allowing ourselves to expand into And so, the battle over my body con- what give us the most positive energy, tinues, as it does over yours, for that and engaging ina situation that will matter. best nurture us, cannot be harmful. by Adten society has ingrained in us that this type of relationship is unacceptable. 4 WOMONSPACE NEWS SE SS SSS SS SSS SS Fortunately, no one has the right to an almost relationship with her ex- decide what is right for anyone else. So, husband, practically unmarried but not as strong women, each of us can decide yet free; and almost sick to death of the what type of relationship will work best small town she lives in but not quite for us individually. near enough dying to leave the land she Healthy boundaries, integrity, and loves from the bottom of her heart. responsibility should all be a part of our It’s quite a predicament and Luanne relationships. Maintaining these factors Armstrong handles it with a deft touch in a nOnmonogamous commitment that lets you feel her trapped-~on- would be essential. Furthermore, flypaper struggles as if they were your because our inner feelings drive our own. Through this novel run a series of existence, being conscious about what leifmotifs: the lyrical descriptions of her will make us the happiest and most farm, the trees and mountains around content is something we all need to be her, and the physical process of aware of. working with living things. As an In this demanding world, we hope to undercurrent, we also feel the deep make the choices that best meet our power of her first real love, a woman needs. If that choice is one of a non- who left her but still tugs at her heart. monogamous relationship, I say all the The pain of her loss is part of what power to you and enjoy your total paralyzes her, but not all. She is fulfillment. disconnected from herself; the pieces of her life splayed out around her like the Getting Unstuck limbs of a half-dissected frog. What finally galvanizes her into action is the by Lec Ann Phillips arrest of the daughter of her best friend Bordering by Luanne for smuggling drugs across the border. Armstrong, gynergy, In solving the puzzles of how boredom Charlottetown, 1995 7 and the itch to dosomething led to Did you ever have one of those days drugs and arrest, she crosses a few when you felt like you were stuck in borders of her own, and pulls her glue? One of those days when things scattered life together. Along the way kept happening around you and you she manages to tidy up a little corner of didn’t have the slightest idea what in the the world as well. world was going on? Editor’s note: Luanne Armstrong is a Louise McDonald is having one of former Edmontonian, now living in BC. those lives. She’s stuck; stuck on the Bordering is available at Edmonton Public edge of Canada, practically in the USA Library. More book reviews by Lee Ann and nowhere near the center of Canada; Phillips can be found online at: stuck on the verge of coming out, http://www.cybergrrl.com/review/ practically visible but not quite; stuck in WOMONSPACE NEWS 5 Love, Multiplied 3¥ partner by having a sexual relationship with someone else? The simplest reason by Sue Donym is that one person cannot usually meet According to Webster’s (1988), all of our needs, and so one’s life can monogamy is “the state or custom of be enriched by establishing a second- being married to one person at a time.” ary relationship that complements the Popular culture has a wider definition: primary one. Those needs may be the state of being sexually involved intellectual, spiritual, or emotional, and with one person at a time. Polyamory— as a Closeness to the secondary person or nonmonogamy—is the state of being grows, a physical relationship couid sexually involved (in some way or very likely develop. another) with more than one person at There are also cases where one a time. person in committed relationship There are three types of polyamory: might have very different sexual that which occurs when one is single; preferences to their partner. It could be that which occurs when more than two a woman who discovers she is a lesbian people are together (as in a ménage a after she is married to a man, or trois); and that which occurs when one bisexuality could be involved, or one is in a committed relationship with one partner might prefer s/m sex. And yet, other person. their partnership is well fea! in For someone who is single, every other way. polyamory can be a means of exploring Is it really betrayal to have a (fare a number of different relationships (or relationship with someone in a possibilities of relationships!) at the secondary way, when one has a same time. The primary concern here is primary relationship? Betrayal implies safe sex. If you don’t know about the deception; a wrong done behind possible dangers and their solutions, someone’s back. I do not believe that it then become informed. Your life, and is betrayal, as long as communication the life of others you care about, may is kept open and clear. be at stake. It is also important to be This is the key, as it is in every other honest with your partners about the area of a relationship. All parties situation. involved must know what is In a ménage a trois ( or four, or happening, and must support it. five), I imagine life is much like that in Agreement about which is the primary a coupled relationship, except that the and which is the secondary compromises are multiplied. relationship is vital. All parties must be But what about someone in a honest about their expectations, committed relationship to just one because it is when someone is not other person. Why ‘betray’ your getting what they expect that hurt and 6 WOMONSPACE NEWS SS es SS SS SP ES anger can occur. expanded to include the newcomer. Ah! you say, this sounds all very fine In the same way, loving a second in theory, but in the real world this just person does not have to mean that we could never work. No one would go for love our primary partner any less; and an arrangement like this! if we can communicate this clearly, Well, | am closely connected with then a truly joyful future can be in three people (in fact, 1am one of them) store. This is what I wish for anyone that Pil call A,B, and C. Aand Bareina whe wants to expand their loving long-standing committed relationship relationships by polyamory. which has survived a number of crises. They have a number of things in RNATIV common, but there are some very major differences in a number of areas. This is the primary relationship. B and C have a secondary relationship which is meeting a number of their needs in a very VIIDEO positive way. Before this relationship became well- established, all three sat down and talked about it; what each person thought they could gain, and what their 4N0A0R5DA0 -8BR2O OAKSV E expectations were. This communication EDMONTON AB has continued as the secondary relationship developed. In fact, A, B and PH (403) 439-2233 C have become very close friends as a ‘group’, although there is not a When Night is Falling ‘relationship’ kind of relationship Female Misbehavior between A and C. Entre Nous The final thought I would like to share on polyamory is the idea of loving QUOTE: more than one person at a time. Many of | have seen lesbian plums which us have had the experience of raising more that one child. When my first cling to each other child was born, I remember my surprise in the tightest of monogamous love at how much love I could feel for and | have watched lesbian someone who could not (at that time) pumpkins love me back. When the second one declare the whole patch came along, I was even more astonished. their playground. My love was not cut in half; rather, it Martha Courtot, 1984 WOMONSPACE NEWS 7 CALENDAR OF EVENTS Metropolitan Community Church Weekly worship, 10086 MacDonald Drive, Sundays at 7:15 pm. Groups and Weekly Events: SOLO Social club for lesbians and bisexual GLCCE (Gay and Lesbian Community women (over 18) gets together every week Centre of Edmonton) is located in the for a wide variety of public events and basement below Boystown Cafe, 10112- social functions. Linda at 447-4776. 124 Street. It is open Monday to Friday from 7-10 pm and Wednesdays from 2-4 Shakespear’s Darts & Rumpus Room. pm. Peer support counselling, lesbian Pool Tournament every Sunday; register by coming out group, drop-in, and library, 2 pm. Always $12/player, incl. coin drop. 488-3234. Also, ladies-only dances on the first Saturday of the month. 2nd floor, OUTreach social & political student 10306-112 St. 429-7234. group at the University of Alberta campus: Gay & Lesbian Youth Group: 988-4166. Phone 486-9661, voice box 10. Adamant Eve feminist radio program PFLAG: Parents, Families, and Friends of broadcast on CJSR, FM 88.5, at the University of Alberta. Thursdays from Lesbians and Gays support group, c/o GLCCE, or Lynne 462-5958. Outreach Line 5:30-6 pm. Gaywire A lesbian, gay & bisexual radio 944-1394 v.b. 3524 (FLAG) 24 hour, recorded message except 7 - 9:30 prit show on FM 88.5. Thursdays from 6-7 pm. Monday to Friday when calls are Queeries current affairs show on CJSR, forwarded to a PFLAG volunteer for FM 88.5, Fridays from 5:00-5:30 pm. confidential and anonymous support for gays and lesbians and their parents, L’Amazon Recreation Night families, and friends. Wednesdays, 7-9 pm at McCauley Community League, 96 St -108 Ave. Drop The Liatris Society of Edmonton in basketball, volleyball, soccer, dancing. is a casual group of dynamic, enthusiastic, All welcome: $2. L’Amazons touch queer-positive greenthumbs football team needs players; call Tina at who meet for horticultural 482-3801, or Roz at 468-2579. experiences and social interaction. There are no Lambda Christian Community membership fees in 1996, Welcomes members of the lesbigay and our events are open to community; worship 7 pm Sundays, all. The next event will be a perennial plant 11148-84 Ave (Garneau United Church). exchange in May. Leave a message if you Phone 988-3913. would like more information: 425-0511. 8 WOMONSPACE NEWS Coming Events: Saturday, April 20 Saturday & Sunday, March 30 & 31 Womonspace Dance Wen-Do Women’s Self-Defense A friendly, fun place for women only. Awareness, avoidance & action to assault; Shake out your winter blues on the dance learn effective strategies in a supportive, floor, then enjoy a late snack at the buffet. fun environment. Suitable for all ages and Bonnie Doon Community Hall, 9240-93 St, abilities. 9 am-5 pm both days: $50. Pre- 8 pm-1 am. Dance volunteers get a break registration required; call 450-9447. on admission, and volunteering is also a great way to meet other women; call 425- Monday, April 1 0511. Womonspace News Meeting Saturday, May 4 The Cook & Gardener Cafe, 10345-106 A Dance for Ladies Only Street, 7:30 pm. Submissions deadline for May issue on the topic “S/M”. New Shakespear’s Darts & Rumpus Room, 2nd volunteers are always welcome. floor-10306 112 Street. Details: 429-7234 Thursday, April 4 Monday, May 6 Sacred Circle Dancing Womonspace News Meeting Starts at 7 pm sharp; dance till 9 pm. $4 The Cook & Gardener Cafe, 10345-106 per person. Open to all women. Westwood Street, 7:30 pm. Submissions deadline for Unitarian (sanctuary), 11135-65 Ave. June issue on the topic “Nontraditional Friday, April 5 Jobs”. New volunteers are always Performance Poet Reading welcome. Sherry-D Wilson will read from A Girl’s Guide to Giving Head at Orlando Books, Gay & Lesbian Infoline: 988-4018 10640 Whyte Ave, at 7:30 pm. Lesbian Life Line: 425-0511 Saturday, April 6 A Dance for Ladies Only Shakespear’s Darts & Rumpus Room, 2nd ON +he EDGE floor- 10306 112 Street. Details: 429-7234. W OMOdN (cards, photos) Monday, April 15 OF women Womonspace Board Meeting For women 7:30 pm at Jazzberrys, 9965-82 Ave. B Box BSiteS, ARS Friday, April 19 Tofield, AB TOB USO Book Reading 4o3 (662-4182) BC writer Marsha Mildon reads from her new mystery, fighting for Air at Orlando SASE for info Books, 10640 Whyte Ave, 7:30 pm. WOMONSPACE NEWS = Point of View SV place a definite strain on the relationship— in some cases ending it before a solid by Louise A. foothold existed. | was uncertain about my I was raised in a strict religious home. needs in connection with other women, yet I This indoctrinated me not only with knew that some of the morals imposed on religious didactics, but also society’s me were not part of who I was. Hence, | expectations for women. A young lady was could not validate their existence in my taught that when she was ‘with’ someone, relationships. she was to remain sexually faithful “for as I could love a woman with my entire long as you both shall live.” Religion or not, being, and yet she would consider me sex was not something to be toyed with. unfaithful if | noticed other women, and— Needs, desires and fantasies were confined horror of horrors—might actually want to to the mind. I accepted these statements as find out what was under that t-shirt. truth, and mostly kept my mind and body Considering I can have sex without the under a proper lady-like control. interference of the ‘love’ emotion, I chose to Religion and society forgot to mention have sexual relations mostly with women our sexual nature as women. No matter who were in relationships themselves. Love what sexual orientation, women are born and sex are not necessarily synonymous... sexual. Unlike men, who have a biological and t-shirt removal takes two; one to take necessity for sexual release, we women can the shirt off and the other to let her. I could have sex just because it’s fun. Men need have sex with another woman, but that did sex. They don’t necessarily want it. But not take away the love I had for my partner. - women can want sex without needing it. Monogamy is the physical, emotional and Now that’s freedom! Women control their spiritual act of day to day life as a couple. I own sexual responses, and one thought can can continue to love my partner and respect end or enhance a sexual experience, no our commitment, no matter how many t- matter what stage of arousal she is in. Of shirts I take off. course the male-dominated church and Being faithful is different from being society have done their utmost to make sure monogamous. I can be monogamous/ women are not allowed to consecrate this married/committed and love my mate to the powerful freedom. core of my soul, but that does not mean I Discarding many religious and societal will be with just her, sexually. Sexual dogmas left me in want of a defined, experiences with different women are not individual value system. I did not acts of unfaithfulness. | would consider necessarily agree or disagree with the myself to be unfaithful only if I allowed lesbian or even the straight community in myself to develop an emotional bond with regards to monogamy. I let my partners lay the “other woman,” (I would not call that down their sexual rules. When it came to love) and then left my mate to pursue a other women, the rules were: you did not relationship with her. look; you did not touch. I refused to One of the most disturbing aspects of this implement this, and would quietly continue community are the personal values women my sexual exploration with other women. I try to impose on each other. Just because I would invariably be caught, and this would am ina relationship, am I to suddenly turn a 10 WOMONSPACE NEWS