Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs? Big Questions from Tiny Mortals about Death Caitlin Doughty Illustrations by Dianné Ruz W.W. NORTON & COMPANY Independent Publishers Since 1923 To future corpses of all ages Contents Before We Begin When I die, will my cat eat my eyeballs? What would happen to an astronaut body in space? Can I keep my parents’ skulls after they die? Will my body sit up or speak on its own after I die? We buried my dog in the backyard, what would happen if we dug him up now? Can I preserve my dead body in amber like a prehistoric insect? Why do we turn colors when we die? How does a whole adult fit in a tiny box after cremation? Will I poop when I die? Do conjoined twins always die at the same time? If I died making a stupid face, would it be stuck like that forever? Can we give Grandma a Viking funeral? Why don’t animals dig up all the graves? What would happen if you swallowed a bag of popcorn before you died and were cremated? If someone is trying to sell a house, do they have to tell the buyer someone died there? What if they make a mistake and bury me when I’m just in a coma? What would happen if you died on a plane? Do bodies in the cemetery make the water we drink taste bad? I went to the show where dead bodies with no skin play soccer. Can we do that with my body? If someone is eating something when they die, does their body digest that food? Can everybody fit in a casket? What if they’re really tall? Can someone donate blood after they die? We eat dead chickens, why not dead people? What happens when a cemetery is full of bodies and you can’t add any more? Is it true people see a white light as they’re dying? Why don’t bugs eat people’s bones? What happens when you want to bury someone but the ground is too frozen? Can you describe the smell of a dead body? What happens to soldiers who die far away in battle, or whose bodies are never found? Can I be buried in the same grave as my hamster? Will my hair keep growing in my coffin after I’m buried? Can I use human bones from a cremation as jewelry? Did mummies stink when they were wrapped? At my grandma’s wake, she was wrapped in plastic under her blouse. Why would they do that? Acknowledgments Sources Before We Begin Oh, hey. It’s me, Caitlin. You know, the mortician from the internet. Or that death expert from NPR. Or the weird aunt who gave you a box of Froot Loops and a framed photo of Prince for your birthday. I’m many things to many people. What is this book? It’s pretty simple. I collected some of the most distinctive, delightful questions I’ve been asked about death, and then I answered them. It’s not rocket science, my friends! (Note: some of it is, in fact, rocket science. See “What would happen to an astronaut body in space?”) Why are people asking you all these death questions? Well, again, I’m a mortician, and I’m willing to answer strange questions. I’ve worked at a crematory, gone to school for embalming, traveled the world to research death customs, and opened a funeral home. Plus, I’m obsessed with corpses. Not in a weird way or anything (nervous laughter). I’ve also given talks all over the United States, Canada, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand on the wonders of death. My favorite part of these events is the Q & A. That’s when I get to hear people’s deep fascination with decaying bodies, head wounds, bones, embalming, funeral pyres—the works.