When Desire Takes Over ADVICE FOR COLLEGE & UNIVERSITY STUDENTS Abdus Subhan Dalvi "Has the time not yet come for those who believe that their hearts should be humble for the remembrance of Allah and for the truth that has descended (through revelation)? They must not be like those to whom the Book was given before, but a long period passed on them (in which they did not repent), therefore their hearts became hard, and (thus) many of them are sinners." Siirah Hadid 57:16 Contents Foreword - Sheikh Abdur Rahim Limbada ..................................................... 1 Foreword - Sheikh Irfan Sidyot.. ..................................................................... 3 Author's Preface .............................................................................................. 4 Love and Lust ................................................................................................. 7 Finding Love in Schools, Colleges and Universities .................................... 13 Secret Lovers & Secret Marriages ................................................................ 19 Temporary Nikkiib & Time Bound Nikkab & Its Ruling .............................. 22 Everybody Slips Up ....................................................................................... 26 Religious Attraction ....................................................................................... 29 Backbiting & Saying a Good Word ............................................................... 38 Moulding A Partner ....................................................................................... 43 Loneliness ...................................................................................................... 46 Using the Internet & Social Networking Websites Incorrectly ...................... 50 To What Extent Should Such Services Be Used ............................................ 60 Infatuation & its Harms ................................................................................. 62 The Cure to Infatuation .................................................................................. 68 Breaking Up & The Sadness That Follows It ................................................ 75 Using Free Time Properly .............................................................................. 79 Zina & Recovering From It ............................................................................ 84 Changing Yourself & Moving On ................................................................. 91 Keeping A Low Profile .................................................................................. 99 Guidance From A Complete 'Alim .............................................................. 103 Stories, Sayings, Poetry on Love & Lust ..................................................... 106 When Desire Takes Over Foreword by Sheikhul I:Iadith Maulana Abdur Rahim, Dami Ulum Al Arabiyya Al Islamiyya, Bury U.K. Sayyiduna Luqman Hakim ~ counselled his son with many beautiful advices. They were so beautiful that Allah • mentioned some of them in the Qur'an. Among those advices He said, "Dear son, establish ~alah and command good and forbid evil and be patient upon what afflicts you. Surely, these are works of courage." Allah also says in Siirah Tauba, "Believing men and believing women are friends and protectors of one another. They command good, forbid evil, establish ~alah, give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger. It is they to whom Allah will show mercy. Surely Allah is mighty wise." In the hadeeth of Tamim Ad-Dari • (a Christian revert ~altabi) narrated by Imam Muslim, Rasiilullah ~ is reported to have said, "Din is wishing well." (Tamim says) We asked, "For whom Ya Rasiilullah?" He replied, "For Allah, His Book, His Messenger, for the leaders of the Muslims and for their general public." In light of the above, my beloved Maulana Abdus Subhan (may Allah keep him safe) has written this important book in which he has addressed some important contemporary issues facing the youth. As the Arabic proverb goes, "The owner of the house is more acquainted with what is in it." Maulana Abdus Subhan is a student of Din and Dunya both at the same time. He is studying at university during the day and at a religious institute during the evenings. Many a times, he delivers lectures to the college students. He has a very good command of the English language and at the same time, as you will notice after reading this book, he has a vast knowledge of the Islamic literature. Having that burning feeling in his heart, he was restless and he felt the pressing need to draw the Muslim community's attention towards subjects which would normally be brushed under the carpet. When Desire Takes Over This book can be described as the "need of the times" as it highlights the harms of moral decadence. It provides a rare insight into the nature of the various forms of relationships and the disastrous consequences which then follow. It gives guidance to help a person abandon a life of sin and become a pious Muslim. In short, this book is a 'treasure of golden advice' and I have great hope that it will create an awareness of the evils of }:laram relationships and encourage the reader to seek the peace and tranquillity found in lawful marriage. fl I pray that Allah bless this work with acceptance, grant the author the best of rewards and make it a means of guidance for the whole Ummah. Amin, Ya Rabbal 'Alamin Abdur Rahim One of the servants of Darul Uliim Bury U.K. When Desire Takes Over Foreword by Sheikh lrfan Sidyot, Principal & Senior Lecturer of I::IadTth, Jami a Siraj ul Uloom/Lantem of Knowledge, London UK ~ JI ~ JI 11 r Actions are usually shaped by purpose. When focus is lost from the purpose, failure prevails. A simple example can emphatically demonstrate this statement: an archer aims to strike his target and focuses his sight on the target. When firing his arrow, he turns away from the target for some reason. The likely outcome of this loss of focus will be him firing a stray arrow, missing the target. The fundamental purpose of a student is to learn and gain qualifications, and that is why students enrol onto a course. So the student's focus should always remain upon the target of learning and acquiring that qualification. But when the student is plagued with a deadly cocktail infused with the apparently forceful factors of loneliness, peer-pressure, independence, and of course the oomph which comes with young age, and the likes, focus is simply lost. The case becomes ever more complex when this deadly cocktail is presented before the Muslim student whose life and actions are meant to be shaped by the purpose of pleasing the Almighty. A viable course of action to counter a predicament of this kind would require diagnosis of key factors and solutions. I have read various parts from this work, written by my cherished friend Maulana Abdus Subhan Dalvi, a graduate of our institute (Lantern of Knowledge/Jamia Siraj ul Uloom, London). It successfully explores the components of this deadly cocktail and provides useful, practical solutions for college/university students, enabling them firstly, to recognise what is harmful to them as students and more so as Muslims, and secondly, to courageously say 'no' to partaking from the cocktail's poisoned chalice. tJi I pray Allah accepts the Maulana's effort and makes this work a means of guidance for all. Amin. lrfan Sidyot Lantern of Knowledge Educational lnstitute/Jamia Siraj ul Uloom, London When Desire Takes Over Author's Preface All praise is to Allah ~ alone, who sent His Messenger ~ in a time ravaged with the darkness of misguidance and made him a guiding light. May peace and blessings be upon him eternally and on his companions and all those who follow in his blessed footsteps. After completing the commentary to 'The Prodigy of Creation', my respected cousin Dr Shakib Khamkar encouraged me to write a book upon contemporary issues. He suggested that I write about the pressing issue of illicit relationships that are growinj_, immensely popular in recent times. All:iamdulillah by the grace of Allah • and the du 'as of my parents and teachers, I found it quite straightforward to write about this topic. This was largely down to two reasons: I. I had gone through the system of school, college and I am currently at university myself so I am well aware of what goes on. 2. Due to the combined studies of 'Alimiyya and secular studies, I was able to assess various situations in an Islamic perspective However, I soon became lazy and the urge to write soon subsided within me. For a year or so, I did not write anything but maintained a close eye on various situations that would arise in college and university. From time to time, I would write small articles and leaflets due to the requests of fellow Muslim students and would seek to highlight matters that were appearing troublesome to many youth. During this year, Allah • enabled me to give talks in various colleges and I was able to gain vital experience and a deeper understanding into the problems faced by many people. I also spent this year being a classroom assistant in a local college which gave me the ability to observe youth in a way that I was not able to during my time as a student in college. This was down to them being students and not peers; a person is often on the same wavelength as peers and their mentality coincides with one another but as a classroom assistant, I was able to monitor student lifestyle in a slightly more mature way. During this time, many college students would ask me for advice with regards to Islam and many of them had one common problem - they were in love. This too helped me in understanding the roots of the problem further but the power of laziness still overpowered me. When Desire Takes Over It was only until after Ramac;lan 1430 (2009) that I continued writing this book. During the last ten days of Ramac;lan, I was able to spend some precious time with my, respected t~acher and spirit~al mentor, S_heikh _A bd~r Rahim (May Allah M preserve htm and elevate his rank); Durmg this penod, there were many talks held for the youth who took a great liking to Sheikh who always had time for everybody despite his hectic schedule. A couple of the younger Mu'takifin came into Sheikh's company and asked him to mention some deeper, sinister issues that have been arising in universities and colleges. Topics such as internet romancing and forbidden love were discussed. All)amdulillah, I myself was present during this conversation and I mentioned the few pages I had written. Sheikh requested to see it and then took it back to Bolton when he left. The few days after Ramac;lan, I felt extremely upset due to being far away from my dear Sheikh and would find myself constantly day daydreaming about the blessed time we all had in Masjid e Quba during I'tikaf. Soon after, I was sitting on the tube, heading off towards university when I saw my phone flash, "Maulana Abdur Rahim Sahib"; the tube was above ground and so I could speak for a few minutes but the phone cut when I went underground! I quickly got off the tube and phoned Maulana back to apologise and enquire as to why he had phoned. He had read the document I had given him and was extremely pleased, he encouraged me to finish it and publish the book but I felt too unworthy to take this work on. Sheikh kindly advised me that the topics contained within this book need to be discussed and presented before the public so that they can benefit. His kind words and encouragement gave me the zeal to continue with this work. With his du'as behind me, I found much needed prosperity in my time and I soon began to cover many issues. All)amdulillah within a few months of this incident, I completed this book that is in your hands. I have tried to keep the book straight forward without being too technical as sometimes, people just need a book to relax and chill out with. I have also kept my writing informal and have tried to maintain a level of humour from time to time as I feel many people hold this view that all Maulanas are stem, straight faced people. This is not the case at all! There are many books available on this matter but I felt that there wasn't much available which was practical. Many times, people write about the problem as a whole but do not write any remedies. I have tried to particularise specific topics and write as many remedies as possible. I would like to thank all those who have helped me with this project, especially my dear Dr Shakib who had constantly given me advice and inspiration in writing this work. I am grateful to my dear friends I:Iiifi:? Mubeen Ahmed and Umar Iqbal for proofreading this book. I would like to especially thank Sister