W ‘A real achievement. Jeni Hooper has taken the evidence base of Positive Psychology h Jeni and turned it into easy-to-use tools to help children to flourish. The book has everything a t you need to encourage children to develop their individual strengths and realise their C Hooper potential.’ h – Miriam Akhtar, Positive Psychologist, coach, trainer and i l visiting lecturer, University of East London, UK d r e ‘It is easy to see why so many of the hundreds of books on how to bring up a child seem to n be focused on the challenges and difficulties of this task: the avoidance and management N of problems is rightly high on any parenting priority list. However, Jeni Hooper reminds e us that there is also another equally important component of good parenting – helping e children and young people to achieve appropriately high levels of personal and social d wellbeing and fulfilment. She informs us how to achieve this in a most enticing way t o in her parent-friendly book. Essential reading for parents and carers, teachers…and B grandparents!’ e – Dr Sean Cameron, Educational and Child Psychologist and Co- H director of the Pillars of Parenting Social Enterprise a p p y What makes children happy, confident and successful? How can you help a child to , C flourish? Their environment is important, but the real difference is in your hands – every o adult has the tools to help a child achieve psychological wellbeing. n What Children Need to be This book provides a practical model for helping children flourish and achieve their f i personal potential in every area of their lives. Drawing on ideas from Positive Psychology d e and child development theory, the model explores the five key areas of wellbeing: personal n strengths, emotional wellbeing, positive communication, learning strengths and resilience. t Happy, Practical activities are included for each area, and a questionnaire provides an assessment a n to enable you to keep track of progress. d Suitable for use with children aged 3–11, this step-by-step guide is an ideal resource S for professionals working with children, including counsellors, social workers, teachers u and psychotherapists, as well as parents. c c e Confident Jeni Hooper is a Child Psychologist and Parent Coach who is based in Winchester, s England. She has over 30 years’ experience working with children in both public and s f and independent settings. She now specializes in applying Positive Psychology to promoting u children’s psychological wellbeing as a trainer, coach and consultant. l J e Successful n i H o o Jessica Kingsley Publishers p 116 Pentonville Road e London N1 9JB, UK r Step by Step Positive Psychology to 400 Market Street, Suite 400 Philadelphia, PA, 19106, USA Help Children Flourish www.jkp.com Cover design: Paileen Currie What Children Need to Be Happy, Confident and Successful of related interest Building Happiness, Resilience and Motivation in Adolescents A Positive Psychology Curriculum for Well-Being Tina Rae and Ruth MacConville ISBN 978 1 84905 261 0 eISBN 978 0 85700 548 9 Working with Children and Teenagers Using Solution Focused Approaches Enabling Children to Overcome Challenges and Achieve their Potential Judith Milner and Jackie Bateman ISBN 978 1 84905 082 1 eISBN 978 0 85700 261 7 Communication Skills for Working with Children and Young People Introducing Social Pedagogy 3rd edition Pat Petrie ISBN 978 1 84905 137 8 eISBN 978 0 85700 331 7 A Short Introduction to Promoting Resilience in Children Colby Pearce ISBN 978 1 84905 118 7 eISBN 978 0 85700 231 0 JKP Short Introductions series Helping Children to Build Self-Esteem A Photocopiable Activities Book 2nd edition Deborah M. Plummer Illustrated by Alice Harper ISBN 978 1 84310 488 9 eISBN 978 1 84642 609 4 The Big Book of Therapeutic Activity Ideas for Children and Teens Inspiring Arts-Based Activities and Character Education Curricula Lindsey Joiner ISBN 978 1 84905 865 0 eISBN 978 0 85700 447 5 Cool Connections with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Encouraging Self-esteem, Resilience and Well-being in Children and Young People Using CBT Approaches Laurie Seiler ISBN 978 1 84310 618 0 eISBN 978 1 84642 765 7 Jeni Hooper What Children Need to Be Happy, Confident and Successful Step by Step Positive Psychology to Help Children Flourish Jessica Kingsley Publishers London and Philadelphia First published in 2012 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers 116 Pentonville Road London N1 9JB, UK and 400 Market Street, Suite 400 Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA www.jkp.com Copyright © Jeni Hooper 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher. Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution. All pages marked  can be downloaded at www.jkp.com/catalogue/book/9781849052399/resources and www.jenihooper.com for personal use with this program, but may not be reproduced for any other purposes without the permission of the publisher. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Hooper, Jeni (Jenifer Susan), 1952- What children need to be happy, confident and successful : step by step positive psychology to help children flourish / Jeni Hooper. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-1-84905-239-9 (alk. paper) 1. Child psychology. 2. Positive psychology. 3. Child mental health. 4. Child development. 5. Well-being. I. Title. BF721.H62 2012 649'.6--dc23 2011042876 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978 1 84905 239 9 eISBN 978 0 85700 483 3 Contents PREFACE. ...................................................... 9 Helping children to flourish. ................................. 9 A quick guide to the Flourishing Programme .................. 10 Part I Positive Psychology and the Flourishing Programme What Do Children Need to Be Happy, Confident and Successful?. ................................................... 15 Building psychological wellbeing. ............................ 15 Deciding what is important .................................. 16 Facing the future with confidence ............................ 16 Planning for change. ........................................ 17 Boosting psychological wellbeing............................. 17 The building blocks of wellbeing. ............................ 18 Positive Psychology: Understanding the Nature of Wellbeing .. 19 Wellbeing and the Flourishing Programme .................... 23 Building strengths. .......................................... 24 Enjoying wellbeing. ......................................... 25 The child supplies the power but adults do the steering ........ 26 The importance of childhood wellbeing. ...................... 26 Avoiding the downhill slide. ................................. 27 Helping children to flourish. ................................. 27 Moving forward. ............................................ 27 Toby’s Story ................................................... 28 An undercurrent of anxiety. .................................. 28 Getting things right now is a preparation for the future ........ 29 The solution ................................................ 29 Focusing on Toby’s strengths. ................................ 30 What had gone wrong?. ..................................... 30 Small steps, big changes ..................................... 30 Developing Toby’s core strengths. ............................ 30 First Steps to Flourishing Questionnaire ....................... 32 Part II The Flourishing Programme Unique and Personal: Meeting a Child’s Individual Needs. ..... 40 Finding the potential in every child. .......................... 40 The joys and the challenges .................................. 41 Factor 1 Personal Strengths: The Inner Compass that Guides Our Choices. .................................................. 45 Understanding personal strengths. ............................ 46 Identifying personal strengths. ............................... 50 Building and using personal strengths. ........................ 54 Summary ................................................... 64 Factor 2 Emotional Wellbeing: Creating a Positive Balance ..... 65 Understanding emotional wellbeing .......................... 65 Emotional learning and wellbeing ............................ 71 Understanding and nurturing emotional competence ........... 78 How to nurture positive emotions ............................ 88 Summary ................................................... 97 Factor 3 Positive Communication: Building Trust and Fulfilling Relationships ........................................ 98 Building positive communication ............................. 98 Exploring and boosting your own positive communication. ..... 108 Next steps: building rapport. ................................. 112 Appreciative attention and positive feedback. .................. 112 Communication: rapport, trust and sharing hopes and dreams. .. 116 Summary ................................................... 118 Factor 4 Learning Strengths: Developing Learning Habits to Motivate and Get Results ...................................... 119 Learning for life. ............................................ 119 The five learning success skills. ............................... 121 How adults can help children become confident and independent learners. ..................................... 125 Motivation and success: encouraging a Zest4Learning .......... 126 Bringing out the best in each child: the 3M formula for success . 130 Putting the 3Ms into practice ................................ 141 Summary ................................................... 144 Factor 5 Resilience: How to Avoid Roadblocks and Bounce Back from Setbacks. ........................................... 145 The roots of resilience ....................................... 145 The environmental building blocks which support resilience .... 149 Developing independent resilience. ........................... 151 Using the seven-step programme ............................. 162 Summary ................................................... 164 Developing Independence: The Journey through Childhood ... 165 The Flourishing Programme. ................................. 165 Working with a buddy: how co-coaching can increase your success with the Flourishing Programme. ................... 170 NoTES. ........................................................ 171 INDEx ......................................................... 173 LIST OF TABLES, FIGURES AND BOxES Tables Table 1 The 20 prime strengths . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 52 Table 2 The features of the two mindsets . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 133 Figures Figure 1 How energy and performance levels interact to create prime strengths . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 Figure 2 The four pillars of positive emotions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 94 Figure 3 The eight positive communication principles . . . . . . . . . . . 101 Figure 4 Four types of response to good news . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 117 Figure 5 The five learning success skills flowchart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 122 Figure 6 Zest4Learning flowchart . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 127 Figure 7 The 3M formula . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 132 Figure 8 The ten top skills to build resilience . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152 Boxes Box 1 The five building blocks of psychological wellbeing . . . . . . 24 Box 2 The six core principles for nurturing individual wellbeing . 42 Box 3 The three factors that create wellbeing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48 Box 4 Ten ways to encourage self-discovery learning . . . . . . . . . . 55 Box 5 Seven signposts of prime strengths . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58 Box 6 Ten ways to help children build their strengths . . . . . . . . . 62 Box 7 Ten ways to build a child’s trust and soothe troubled feelings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 Box 8 The five stages of behaviour coaching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 82 Box 9 Ten ways to nurture positive emotions on a day to day basis 92 Box 10 The eight positive communication principles . . . . . . . . . . . 102 Box 11 Ten ways to build positive communication with a child . . . 106 Box 12 Ten ways to build non-verbal positive communication with children in a group . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 Box 13 The seven-step resilience recovery programme . . . . . . . . . . 161 Box 14 Ten strategies to help you make the Flourishing Programme a success . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 167