Table of Contents Dedication Acknowledgment Introduction Why? In a Relationship Constant Contact Manipulation Apology on Behalf of Men One-Night Neg Brain Mess Rosie Peacock She Loves Me Maybe Love Hormone Nice Profile, Dog Plunger Ugly Sexy Re-dun-dunce State of the Independent Tiny Buttons OkStupid Questions Make Room Unskilled Labor Shaking a Fist at the Shy Her Big iCarumba PUA Bosu Me Or-Gaz-Mo Careful What You Send Matchmaker F My Commute Take Him Back? Bar Games Valentine’s Day for Singles Indecent Proposal Pink Alert Bottled Things Aisle Pass Hurry Up and Wait Stamped and Stumped The Grind Hate Love Meltdown Fantasy Tic Tac Talk Score Snippity Doo Dah VPS Romance Novel FAIL Call of Duty Damn Snippy Why Doesn’t He? Wood Stop Setting Me Up Shrinkage Pop Reversal That Ass Speed Mating Neighbors Granny Date Sissy Drunk’s Driver Shopping Splurge Splitsville I Am Not a Slut Pool Varieties PDA Guide Left Unsaid Love Thoughts Betty Stoner Sexual ROI One at a Time Not Qualified Initiation My Love Wilts Hey Flo Multitasking Whoopie Nicknames Hiring Babes Whatgasm Personality Tests Blame it on Tequila Directions Taking Offense Scent Sense Mom 1, Bread Pudding 0 Misdeeds Explained Walking Wounded Twisted Branches The Germinator Blame it on the Dame It Takes Two Buh Bye Staying Single The Right Answer Kinks Zip It Fantasy Girl Privates Mailing No Fun Girl The Breast Defense Fan? Therapy with Me Inappropriate? Sack Humor Entitlement Going Down Male Replacement Old Guys Don’t Rule Stuttering Chick First Date Questions Last Date Questions GILF Self-Handicapping Bachelorette Therapy What a Nice Guy About the Author What a Nice Guy by Phil Torcivia Like Phil on Facebook: Facebook.com/SuchaNiceGuy Follow Phil on Twitter: @PhilTorcivia Author website and blog: Torcivia.com Nothing in this book is true except my desire to cover my ass with this statement. Illustrated by Melanie Durkee Cover designed by Jordan “Joey” Helms Copy editing by Linda M. Au Author photo by Micaela Malmi of EpicPhotoJournalism.com All trademarks and registered trademarks are the property of their respective owners. Copyright ©2011 Phil Torcivia All rights reserved. ISBN: 1470076519 ISBN-13: 978-1470076511 Dedication For Pop. I hope they serve Bud and hot peppers in your afterlife. Acknowledgment Thank you, Facebook and Twitter friends, for following me (and my cats) and for leaving clever comments along the way. I long for the day when we can share some chilled libations and laughs while wading in the mating pool.