Violent Betrayal Violent Betrayal Partner Abuse in Lesbian Relationships Claire M. Renzetti . -. .... . SAGE Publications ' . . I International Educational and Professional Publisher Newbury Park London New Delhi Copyright 0 1992 by Sage Publications, Inc. A11 rights reserved. Nopart of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher. For information address: SAGE Publications, Inc. 2455 Teller Road Newbury Park, California 91320 SAGE Publications Ltd. 6 Bonhill Street LondonEC2A 4PU United Kingdom SAGE Publications India Pvt. Ltd. M-32 Market Greater Kailash I New Delhi 110048 India Printed in the United States of America Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Renzetti. Claire M. Violent betrayal :partner abuse in lesbian relationships / Claire M.Renzetti p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-8039-3888-8. --ISBN 0-8039-3889-6 (pbk.) 1. Abused lesbians-United States. 2. Lesbian couples-United States. I. Title HQ75.6.IJ5R46 1992 362.82'924~20 92-9359 92 93 94 95 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 Sage Production Editor: Diane S. Foster Contents Preface 1 1. Studying Lesbian Partner Abuse 7 2. Correlatesof Abuse I: Dependency, Jealousy,a nd the Balance of Power 27 3. Correlatesof Abuse 11: Substance Abuse and Intergenerational Violence 59 4. Seeking and Receiving Help 75 5. Toward a Better Understanding of Lesbian Battering 115 References 133 Appendix A: Research Instruments 141 Appendix B: Resources for Battered Lesbians 161 Index 194 About the Author 202 Preface The project that forms the foundation of this book began in the spring of 1985.Then, as during most spring semesters, I was teach- ing a course in the sociology of gender. I had reached the point in the course at which I discuss intimate relationships. My students- mostly heterosexual, Catholic undergraduates-were listening to me highlight some of the similarities and differences between gay and lesbian relationships and straight relationships. ”One dif- ference,” I emphasized, “is that gay, and especially lesbian, rela- tionships are not characterized by the power struggles that plague heterosexual relationships.” At the end of class, a young woman approached me. “Ithink you might like to read this,” she said,hand- ingme a copy of the Philadelphia Guy Newsas we left the lecture hall. Over lunch at my desk that day, I perused PGN and, although I’ve never been certain if this is why the student suggested I read the paper, I came across an advertisement announcing a commu- nity forum on lesbian battering. At that time, I had been doing re- search on violence against women for almost 10years, but lesbian battering was a problem with which I was totally unfamiliar. (Later Iwould discover that I was hardly alone in my ignorance.) Idecided to get more information. Shawn Towey, who was then at Women Against Abuse in Philadelphia, was listed as the contact person for the community forum. She and I communicated by mail a couple of times, with 1 2 VIOLENT BETRAYAL me indicating my interest in learning more about the problem of lesbian battering and she relaying the little information that was available on the subject. Eventually, Shawn arranged for me to meet with several other women, some of whom were themselves survivors of lesbian partner abuse. Collectively, they had formed the Working Group on Lesbian Battering. At o wfirst meeting, I presented my ideas for conducting a study of lesbian battering. Much questioning and discussion followed. It appeared obvious that the research would be difficult to do, but it was also clear that the problem isa serious one. Battered lesbians, we agreed, are isolated and stigmatized, not only because they are battering victims, but also because they are lesbians. It wassug- gested that maybe if "scientific" data were available, lesbian battering would be given the attention it deserves within both the lesbian and professional communities, and lesbian victims would be offered the assistance they need. In fact, one of the major goals of the project became determining what services victims them- selves wished to have available. (These findings are discussed in Chapter 4.) The methodology that informed the research is discussed in detail in Chapter 1.Suffice it to say here, however, that this book belongs as much to the Working Group on Lesbian Battering as it does to me individually. At various times, the group included Rosemary McAndrew, Sue Miletta, Wendy Rustay, Judith Lyons, and Char Wilkins. I am indebted to them for their assistance in developing the research instruments and for their lively and often provocative discussions of the findings. But my deepest gratitude is reserved for Shawn Towey and Marie Hegerty, who have been involved with the research since its inception and with whom I continue to meet periodically to mull over new ideas. They have been my educators, advisors, collaborators, and most constmc- tive critics. Perhaps more important, they are good friends. Their contributions to the success of this project are incalculable. During the course of the research, some members of the lesbian community expmsed several concerns regarding the pmject. There were those who were understandably suspicious of the motiva- tions underlying a heterosexual sociologist's interest in lesbian Preface 3 battering. Others questioned the timing of the study, given increas- ing anti-gay and anti-lesbian sentiment in the United States, and wondered whether it was wise to draw attention to a problem that could fuel societal homophobia. Such concerns are undoubtedly legitimate, but the women who volunteered to participate in the study raised other issues that, in my judgment, are of overriding significance. For example, during the interviews, when I informed them that I am not a lesbian, study participants uniformly indicated that my sexual orientation was not a problem for them. More important to them was the oppor- tunity to tell their stories. Without exception, study participants wanted attention drawn to the problem of lesbian battering. In addition, many wrote on their questionnaires that participating in the research had helped them deal with the trauma of having been abused. For a few, it was the first time they had told anyone about their victimization. I want to take this opportunity to thank the women who volun- teered to participate in this study. Their participation involved for each of them a recounting of painful experiences. I applaud their courage to speak out. It is primarily for them, and for all vic- tims of lesbian partner abuse, that this book was written. I also wrote this book to educate my professional colleagues. Having studied violence against women for almost a decade when 1u ndertook this research, I was somewhat used to answering what I considered naive questions about victims from trained profes- sionals: e.g., Couldn't she have done something to stop it? Why didn't she just leave? Nevertheless, I was unprepared for a num- ber of my colleagues' reactions to this particular project. Some implied that my reputation might be sullied; after all, why would anyone who isnot a lesbian care about problems in lesbian relation- ships? Others expressed an interest in a voyeuristic sort of way; they apparently classified lesbians and lesbian relationships as "ex- otic." Still others regarded the research as silly; in their opinion, lesbian battering was not a topic worthy of scientific study. Why was I "wasting" my time on this project, they wanted to know. I think the data and analysis presented in this book constitute in themselves a response to each of these views.