TRANSFORMATIONAL LIFE COACHING Other books by Chérie Carter-Scott, Ph.D., MCC If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules If Love Is a Game, These Are the Rules If Success Is a Game, These Are the Rules If High School Is a Game, Here’s How to Break the Rules If Life Is a Game, These Are the Stories The Gift of Motherhood Negaholics The Corporate Negaholic Negaholics No More! The New Species Waves of Change What Is Your Message? Become One The Inner View The Art of Giving The Baby Boomer’s Bible Transformational Life Coaching Creating Limitless Opportunities for Yourself and Others Chérie Carter-Scott, Ph.D., MCC #1 bestselling author of If Life Is a Game, These Are the Rules Lynn U. Stewart, PCC Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Carter-Scott, Chérie Transformational life coaching/Chérie Carter-Scott and Lynn U. Stewart ; with foreword by Ric Giardina. p. cm. Includes index. ISBN-13: 978-0-7573-0689-1 (trade paper) ISBN-1310: 0-7573-0689-6 (trade paper) 1. Personal coaching. 2. Personal coaching–Practice. I. Stewart, Lynn U. II. Title. BF637.P36C37 2007 158’.3––dc22 2007032438 © 2007 Chérie Carter-Scott and Lynn U. Stewart All Rights reserved. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher. HCI, its logos and marks are trademarks of Health Communications, Inc. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc. 3201 S.W. 15th Street Deerfield Beach, FL 33442-8190 Cover photo by Cameron Studio Cover design by Larissa Hise Henoch Dedication To all of our clients, students, readers, and friends around the world who have entrusted us with their personal development and training over the past three decades; to all of our MMS certified coaches who have taken the work to their different corners of the world and brought the light of possibility to those who had given up hope. Contents Dear Reader 1 The Relationship with the Self 1 2 Awareness 36 3 Listening and Connecting 70 4 Choices and Decisions 103 5 Articulating Objectives and Manifesting Reality 134 6 Energy, Power Centers, Chakras, and Flow 160 7 Living the Process 182 8 Marketing and Building Your Coaching Practice 206 9 Coaching Yourself 247 10 Creating Community 275 The Living Language of Coaching 292 About the Authors 297 Foreword When we take the time to look, we usually find someone in our past who has had a profound and positive effect on the course we set for ourselves for the rest of our lives. Usually we see it clearly only from the future that person actually helped to create; sometimes we’re lucky enough—or perhaps awake enough—to recognize that person for who they are and what they are giving us while it is happening. For me, that someone is Chérie Carter-Scott. And I was very lucky, indeed. I met Chérie in May 1978. She was facilitating a full-day time-management workshop offered through her company, Motivation Management Service, (MMS). I had been urged to take the workshop by my partner in the law firm we were putting together at the time on Union Street in San Francisco. She had already attended it herself and thought it would be of value to me. MMS was directly across the street from our law offices. Even in the list-populated, task-filled, paper- intensive, pre-computer, and pre-PDA world of a 1970’s time-management program, Chérie’s open and caring heart shone through. More than that, I saw she was somehow able to focus and direct that loving energy to assist others in solving their own issues. It all resonated with something deep within me. Within days of the completion of that time- management program, I registered for the MMS Inner Negotiation Workshop, in which I cut years off my recovery time from the perceived hurts of my childhood. Within weeks of completing that workshop, I registered for the three-month MMS Coach Training (CT) intensive. Within months of completing the CT, I left my law firm, carried my boxes across the street, and joined the staff of MMS, where for several years Dr. Chérie and Lynn Stewart taught this often-very-much-in-his-head young man how to move his center to his heart and do his work—whatever it was—from that place. And indeed, they taught me well, for I have successfully carried Dr. Chérie’s heart-centered, trust-yourself-to-have-your-own-answers, trust- others-to-have-their-answers approach into several successful careers that have spanned the military, law, government, high technology, and my own consulting and coaching business. And at the root of it all has been the MMS coaching technique. Here at last, in the words of the founder not only of the MMS, but also of the entire coaching industry as we know it, are those very same techniques that she and Lynn have shared with thousands of MMS Certified Coaches around the world. There are not enough words to describe how pleased I am that this book exists, how honored I feel to have been asked to write its Foreword, and how delighted I am that it is now in your hands. Ric Giardina, MMC Certified Coach (1978) President and Creative Director, The Spirit Employed Company Author of Your Authentic Self: Be Yourself At Work Acknowledgments We would like to thank all those “ambassadors” who give relentless hours of dedication and service to the MMS work around the globe and to all of those who were in the first MMS Coach’s Training in 1975 in San Francisco who believed in us when there was no reason to, who knew intuitively that something was “right” and wanted to be a part of drawing out another’s truth: Diana Bober, Jan Martin Brady, John Collins, Sandy Ford, Addy Helbig, Jean Jones, David Manley, Katherine Martin, Carol McCartney, Lynne Whiteley Novy, Barbra Rasmussen, Franc Sloan, B.J. Snowden and Christine Stockton. Without their unwavering commitment, the work would not have been possible. To Peter Vesgo and Michele Matrisciani, who believed in this book and made it available for the world to read. To Michael Pomije and Isabella, my angel, whose unwavering support on a daily basis inspires us to be the best coaches we can be! And to those who live these principles in their wok and daily lives… CHERIE CARTER-SCOTT, PH.D., MCC AND LYNN U. STEWART, PCC 1 Chapter 1 The Relationship with the Self It is what a man thinks of himself that really determines his fate.” Henry David Thoreau If you aspire to become a certified coach, you must first focus on your relationship with your “self.” [Before coaching another, you must first be connected to yourself. You must be aware of what goes on inside of you before you can build a bridge to another. You can only ask another to do the work that you personally have done. Becoming a coach is a journey that starts with your relationship with you. Your relationship with yourself is the central template from which your personal destiny manifests. The relationship with the self is the most important and crucial relationship in your life. Your career, your personal relationships, your home, and your health are all a direct result of the quality of your relationship with you. The way you hold yourself creates a vibration that sends a message to the world about who you are, what you deserve, and how you should be treated.