“Reading The Thriving Adolescent sets you on a journey into the hearts and minds of young people in a way that is unique, fascinating, and incredibly informative. From the beginning, I felt compelled to reflect upon how, as a therapist, my goal was always to help distressed adolescents adapt to the adult world. This book turns that assumption upside down and asks us instead to help adolescents linger longer in their journey to adulthood by cultivating their abilities to notice what is going on in their world; to detach from destructive, self-focused mental chatter; and to be playful and experimental in their behaviors. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes a prosocial approach like the DNA-V model to give us a sense of direction with a distressed adolescent. This book is packed full of revealing insights, interesting case examples, therapist-client dialogues, practical clinical tips, teaching protocols, and worksheets. All of this is done in an easy-to-read, conversational, and entertaining style. The Thriving Adolescent addresses the social landscape of adolescence, from the intricacies of developing healthy self-narratives to creating naturally occurring prosocial groups that help adolescents discover the practice of kindness to self and others. This book is a must-read for teachers, school counselors, therapists, and anyone else who wants to help teenagers thrive.” —Kirk Strosahl, PhD, cofounder of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) and coauthor of Inside This Moment and In This Moment “This book breaks new ground in our understanding of how to nurture the development of adolescents. It translates the acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) perspective into a strategy for helping young people develop social and emotional competence. I expect that it will enable schools, families, clinics, juvenile justice works, and communities become much more oriented toward ensuring that young people become caring and productive members of their communities.” —Anthony Biglan, PhD, senior scientist at Oregon Research Institute, and author of The Nurture Effect “This is an excellent resource written by two eminent thinkers and skilled practitioners. Every chapter is filled with creative exercises, metaphors for explaining complex ideas, and scripts that can be fine-tuned for each teenager you’re trying to help. With step-by-step strategies, this book is a road map for leading adolescents toward a better life.” leading adolescents toward a better life.” —Todd B. Kashdan, PhD, professor of psychology at George Mason University and coauthor of The Upside of Your Dark Side “This book is not about psychopathology. It is about that struggle for identity and becoming that happens in adolescence. Hayes and Ciarrochi offer a comprehensive developmental approach built on the best available science. It contains well-thought-out theory to ground the work and is packed with tools, transcripts, and real-life examples to make it readily accessible to any teacher, counselor, and health care professional.” —Kelly G. Wilson, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Mississippi and author of Mindfulness for Two “How I have longed for this book! It’s an invaluable resource for helping teenagers to grow into their full potential and live life full out. This book is an engaging and clear road map with its practical suggestions, worksheets, exercises, and examples. It’s a must-have for teachers, counselors, and health professionals working with adolescents.” —Fredrik Livheim, licensed clinical psychologist, clinical researcher on ACT for teens at the Karolinska Institutet in Stockholm, Sweden, and coauthor of The Mindful and Effective Employee “The Thriving Adolescent moves beyond traditional behaviorisms to present a new perspective on engaging young people in vitalizing relational ways. The book is rich with ideas at the interface between positive psychology and youth development, and with practical strategies for helping young people identify meaningful goals and life values. Hayes and Ciarrochi map out many useful and concrete pathways for adults to build constructive, facilitating relationships with teenagers that can contribute to flourishing on both sides of the dialogue. Definitely advances the field.” —Richard M. Ryan, professor at the Institute for Positive Psychology and Education at the Australian Catholic University “The Thriving Adolescent contains a great deal of wisdom and understanding of young people, and a practical approach to working with them in a developmentally attuned way. There are few clear and practical blueprints for this vital work, and the model the authors have crafted will be a useful addition to the repertoire of clinicians.” —Patrick McGorry, AO, MD, PhD, FRCP, FRANZCP, executive director of Orygen, and professor of youth mental health at the University of Melbourne “This is a long-needed book. The combination of Hayes’s and Ciarrochi’s expertise in clinical and research work with adolescents contribute to make acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) simple to apply even for those who are new to this third-generation cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) approach. Their DNA-V model is robustly grounded in the ACT research tradition. The authors distill its essence into three core behaviors, making it easy to build psychological flexibility and openness to the world and to any experience (which is basically what is needed by any adolescent in the world). There is no need to be an ACT expert to practice the DNA-V model, but you will become that expert. Exercises and metaphors are specifically tailored within a developmental frame and with adolescence in mind to help the reader become the context that models, instigates, and reinforces DNA skills in young people. This book should be read (and practiced) by any person interested in adolescence, or in being a therapist, counselor, teacher, or simply a parent.” —Giovambattista Presti, associate professor of psychology and coordinator of the undergraduate program in psychology at Kore University of Enna, Italy “Listen up counselors, teachers, and primary care clinicians. If you care about adolescents and helping them flourish, this book is for you. The authors provide a theoretical basis to support ‘DNA-V conceptualization’ of adolescent evolution, and they make intervention easy with downloadable worksheets. Read it, apply it, and take pride in the fact that you are more able to love, protect, and equip tomorrow’s leaders.” —Patricia J. Robinson, PhD, director or training at Mountainview Consulting Group, and coauthor of Real Behavior Change in Primary Care Publisher’s Note This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought. Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books Copyright © 2015 by Louise Hayes and Joseph Ciarrochi Context Press An Imprint of New Harbinger Publications, Inc. 5674 Shattuck Avenue Oakland, CA 94609 www.newharbinger.com Cover design by Amy Shoup Acquired by Catharine Meyers Edited by Jasmine Star All Rights Reserved Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data on file ePub ISBN: 9781608828043 To my loved ones across the world who held my hand during the darkest of days; you now have my heart. To my coauthor and friend, Joseph; without your mentorship this book would not exist. You carried my value when it was too heavy for me. —LH It took a lot of trauma to write this book. So I would like to thank my father for treating me like a nuisance and never teaching me to deal with bullies, play sports, or make friends; the football coach who grabbed my face mask and yelled abuse at me in front of my grandma sitting in the bleachers; the teacher who belittled me in front of the class because I kept forgetting to bring a pencil; the well-dressed lady who opened her car door suddenly and knocked me off my bike—and then looked straight through me lying on the street and walked away without saying a word. Thank you for teaching me how difficult it is to get through childhood without an adult to stand up for you and protect you. This book is for the protectors. —JC Contents Foreword Acknowledgments Introduction Part 1: Learning DNA-V: The Basic Skills 1 The Elements of Thriving 2 Values Help Us Connect to Meaning and Vitality 3 The Advisor Helps Us Efficiently Find Our Way 4 The Noticer Helps Us Appreciate and Choose 5 The Discoverer Helps Us Develop and Grow 6 Returning to Values and Committing to Action 7 Bringing DNA-V Together to Develop Flexible Strength Part 2: Advanced Skills: Applying DNA-V to Our Self and Our Social World 8 >Our Self in Action 9 Developing Flexible Self-View 10 From Self-Abuse to Self-Compassion 11 Friendship and Love Are in Our DNA 12 Building Strong Social Networks 13 Eight Tips for Becoming a DNA-V Expert Appendix: List of Downloadable Materials References