The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Sunny Side of the Street, by Marshall P. Wilder This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title: The Sunny Side of the Street Author: Marshall P. Wilder Illustrator: Bart Haley and Charles Graham Release Date: June 5, 2021 [eBook #65520] Language: English Character set encoding: UTF-8 Produced by: The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images generously made available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) *** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET *** The Sunny Side of the Street [1] [2] PHOTOGRAPH BY MARCEAU, NEW YORK Merrily Yours Marshall P. Wilder THE SUNNY SIDE OF THE STREET BY MARSHALL P. WILDER Author of “People I’ve Smiled With” WITH TEXT ILLUSTRATIONS BY BART HALEY AND COVER DECORATION BY CHARLES GRAHAM [3] [4] FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY NEW YORK AND LONDON 1905 Copyright, 1905, by FUNK & WAGNALLS COMPANY [Printed in the United States of America] Published, June, 1905 Affectionately Dedicated To My Father [5] [6] [7] PREFACE In this little volume are offered recollections of the sunny side of many people. I have plucked blossoms from the gardens of humor and pathos, which lie side by side, and in weaving them into a garland, claim only as my own the string that binds them together. [8] CONTENTS I. Sunshine and Fun 23 The Sunny Side of the Street.—Jests and Jesters.—The Force of a Joke.—Lincoln’s Way.—Kings and Their Joke-makers.—As They do It in Persia and Ireland.—“Chestnuts.”—Few Modern Jesters but no End of Jokers.—Entertainers and Their Ways. II. Sunny Men of Serious Presence 31 Richard Croker.—A Good Fellow and Not Hard to Approach, if One is not in Politics.—Croker as a Haymaker.—Does not Keep Opinions on Tap.—He and Chauncey Depew on New York City Politics.— Croker Bewilders a London Salesman.—His Greatest Pride.—Recorder Goff.—Not as Severe as His Acts. —Justice Tempered With Mercy.—Two Puzzling Cases. III. At the White House and Near It 41 My Prophecy to “Major” McKinley.—President McKinley Becomes “One of the Boys” of My Audience; His Attention to His Wife.—How He Won a Vermont City.—A Story of the Spanish War.—My First Meeting with President Harrison.—A Second and More Pleasing One.—A Chance Which I Gladly Lost.— Some of President Harrison’s Stories.—I Led a Parade Given in His Honor.—Vice-Presidents Morton and Hobart. IV. Story-Telling as an Art 57 Different Ways of Story-Telling.—The Slow Story-Teller.—Lincoln’s Stories.—Bad Telling of Good Stories.—The Right Way to Tell a Story.—The Humorous, the Comic and the Witty Story.—Artemus Ward, Robert J. Burdette and Mark Twain as Story-Tellers. V. Actors’ Jokes 68 All of Them Full of Humor at All Times.—“Joe” Jefferson.—J. K. Emmett.—Fay Templeton.—Willie Collier.—An Actor’s Portrait on a Church Wall.—“Gus” Thomas, the Playwright.—Stuart Robson.— Henry Dixey.—Evans and Hoey.—Charles Hoyt.—Wilson Barrett.—W. S. Gilbert.—Henry Irving. VI. A Sunny Old City 81 Some Aspects of Philadelphia.—Fun in a Hospital.—“The Cripple’s Palace.”—An Invalid’s Success in Making Other Invalids Laugh.—Fights for the Fun of Fighting.—My Rival Friends.—Boys Will Be Boys. —Cast Out of Church.—A Startling Recognition.—Some Pleasures of Attending Funerals.—How I Claimed the Protection of the American Flag. VII. My First Trip to London 93 Large Hopes vs. Small Means.—At the Savage Club.—My First Engagement.—Within an Ace of Losing It.—Alone in a Crowd.—A Friendly Face to the Rescue.—The New York Welcome to a Fine Fellow.— One English Way With Jokes.—People Who are Slow to Laugh.—Disturbing Elements.—Cold Audiences. —Following a Suicide. VIII. Experiences in London 108 Customs and Climate Very Unlike Our Own.—No Laughter in Restaurants.—Clever Cabbies.—Oddities in Fire-Fighting.—The “Rogue’s Gallery.”—In Scotland Yard.—“Petticoat Lane.”—A Cemetery for Pet Dogs.—“Dogs Who Are Characters.”—The Professional Toast-Master.—Solemn After-dinner Speakers. —An Autograph Table-cloth.—American Brides of English Husbands. IX. “Luck” in Story-Telling 121 The Real Difference Between Good Luck and Bad.—Good Luck with Stories Presupposes a Well-stored Memory.—Men Who Always Have the Right Story Ready.—Mr. Depew.—Bandmaster Sousa’s Darky Stories.—John Wanamaker’s Sunday-School Stories.—General Horace Porter’s Tales That go to the Spot.—The Difference Between Parliament and Congress. X. Journalists and Authors 133 Not all Journalists are Critics, Nor are all Critics Fault-finders.—The Most Savage Newspapers not the Most Influential.—The Critic’s Duty.—Horace Greeley.—Mark Twain’s First Earnings.—A Great Publisher Approached by Green Goods Men.—Henry Watterson.—Opie Reid.—Quimby of the “Free Press.”—Laurence Hutton, Edwin Booth and I in Danger Together. XI. The Unexpected 146 Robert Hilliard and I and a Dog.—Hartford’s Actors and Playwrights.—A Fit that Caused a Misfit.—A Large Price to Hear a Small Man.—Jim Corbett and I.—A Startled Audience.—Captain Williams and “Red” Leary.—“Joe” Choate to the Rescue.—Bait for a Dude.—Deadheads.—Within an Inch of Davy Jones.—Perugini and Four Fair Adorers.—Scanlon and Kernell. XII. Sunshine in Shady Places 164 On Blackwell’s Island.—Snakes and Snake Charmers.—Insane People as Audiences.—A Poorhouse That was a Large House.—I am Well Known by Another Profession.—Criminals are Not Fools.—Some Pathetic Experiences.—The Largest Fee I Ever Received. XIII. “Buffalo Bill” 177 He Works Hard But Jokes Harder.—He and I Stir Up a Section of Paris.—In Peril of a Mob.—My Indian Friends in the Wild West Company.—Bartholdi and Cody.—English Bewilderment Over the “Wild West” People.—Major “Jack” Burke.—Cody as a Stage Driver.—Some of His Western Stories.—When He Had the Laugh on Me. XIV. The Art of Entertaining 190 Not as Easy as It Would Seem.—Scarcity of Good Stories for the Purpose.—Drawing-room Audiences are Fastidious.—Noted London Entertainers.—They are Guests of the People Who Engage Them.— London Methods and Fees.—Blunders of a Newly-wed Hostess from America.—Humor Displaces Sentiment in the Drawing-room.—My Own Material and Its Sources. [9] [10] [11] [12] XV. In the Sunshine with Great Preachers 199 I am Nicknamed “The Theological Comedian.”—My Friend, Henry Ward Beecher.—Our Trip Through Scotland and Ireland.—His Quickness of Repartee.—He and Ingersoll Exchange Words.—Ingersoll’s Own Sunshine.—DeWitt Talmage on the Point of View.—He Could Even Laugh at Caricatures of His Own Face.—Dr. Parkhurst on Strict Denominationalism. XVI. The Prince of Wales, Now King Edward VII 211 The Most Popular Sovereign in Europe.—How He Saved Me From a Master of Ceremonies.—Promotion by Name.—He and His Friends Delight Two American Girls.—His Sons and Daughters.—An Attentive and Loving Father.—Untiring at His Many Duties.—Before He Ascended the Throne.—Unobtrusive Politically, Yet Influential. XVII. Sir Henry Irving 222 A Model of Courtesy and Kindness.—An Early Friend Surprised by the Nature of His Recognition.—His Tender Regard for Members of His Company.—Hamlet’s Ghost Forgets His Cue.—Quick to Aid the Needy.—Two Luck Boys.—Irving as a Joker.—The Story He Never Told Me.—Generous Offer to a Brother Actor-manager.—Why He is Not Rich. XVIII. London Theatres and Theatre-Goers 236 Why English and American Plays Do Best at Home.—The Intelligent Londoner Takes the Theatre Seriously.—Play-going as a Duty.—The High-class English Theatre a Costly Luxury.—American Comedies too Rapid of Action to Please the English.—Bronson Howard’s “Henrietta,” not Understood in London.—The Late Clement Scott’s Influence and Personality. XIX. Tact 247 An Important Factor of Success.—Better Than Diplomacy.—Some Noted Possessors of Tact.—James G. Blaine.—King Edward VII.—Queen Alexandra.—Henry Ward Beecher.—Mme. Patti.—Mrs. Ronalds. —Mrs. Cleveland.—Mrs. Langtry.—Colonel Ingersoll.—Mrs. Kendall.—General Sherman.—Chauncey M. Depew.—Mrs. James Brown Potter.—Mme. Nordica. XX. Adelina Patti 263 Her Home in Wales.—Some of Her Pets.—An Ocean Voyage With Her.—The Local Reception at Her Home-coming.—Mistress of an Enormous Castle and a Great Retinue of Servants.—Her Winter Garden and Private Theatre.—A Most Hospitable and Charming Hostess.—Her Local Charities are Continuous and Many. XXI. Some Notable People 278 Cornelius Vanderbilt.—Mrs. Mackey.—The Rockefellers.—Jay Gould.—George Gould and Mary Anderson.—Mrs. Minnie Maddern Fiske.—Augustin Daly.—Nicola Tesla.—Cheiro. XXII. Human Nature 292 Magnetism and Its Elements.—Every One Carries the Marks of His Trade.—How Men Are “Sized Up” at Hotels.—Facial Resemblance of Some People to Animals.—What the Eye First Catches.—When Faces Are Masked.—Bathing in Japan.—The Conventions of Every Day Life That Hide Us From Our Fellows. —Genuineness is the One Thing Needful. XXIII. Sunny Stage People 302 “Joe” Jefferson.—I Take His Life.—His Absent-Mindedness.—Jefferson and General Grant.—Nat Goodwin, and How He Helped Me Make Trouble.—Our Bicycling Mishap.—Goodwin Pours Oil on Troubled Dramatic Waters Abroad.—George Leslie.—Wilton Lackaye.—Burr McIntosh.—Miss Ada Rehan. XXIV. Sunshine is in Demand 313 Laughter Wanted Everywhere.—Dismal Efforts at Fun.—English Humor.—The Difference Between Humor and Wit.—Composite Merriment.—Carefully Studied “Impromptus.”—National Types of Humor. —Some Queer Substitutes for the Real Article.—Humor is Sometimes “Knocked Out,” Yet Mirth is Medicine and Laughter Lengthens Life. XXV. “Bill” Nye 321 A Humorist of the Best Sort.—Not True to His Own Description of Himself.—Everybody’s Friend.—His Dog “Entomologist” and the Dog’s Companions.—A Man With the Right Word for Every Occasion.—His Pen-name was His Own.—Often Mistaken for a Distinguished Clergyman.—Killed by a Published Falsehood. XXVI. Some Sunny Soldiers 330 General Sherman.—His Dramatic Story of a Trysting-place.—The Battle of Shiloh Fought Anew.— Sherman and Barney Williams.—General Russell A. Alger on War.—General Lew Wallace.—The Room in Which He Wrote “Ben Hur.”—His Donkey Story.—General Nelson A. Miles and Some of His Funny Stories.—A Father Who Wished He Had Been a Priest. XXVII. Some First Experiences 348 When I was a Boy.—One Christmas Frolic.—How I Got on One Theatre’s Free List.—My First Experience as a Manager.—Strange Sequel of a Modest Business Effort.—My First Cigar and How It Undid Me.—The Only “Drink” I Ever Took.—My First Horse in Central Park.—I Volunteer as a Fifer in School Band, with Sad Results to All Concerned. [13] [14] [15] [16] The People, Stories About Whom Appear in “The Sunny Side of the Street” Abbey, Henry E., 99 Abbot Sisters (Bessie and Jessie), 215, 216 Albert Victor, Prince, 217 Alexandra, Queen, 221-249 Alger, Gen. Russell A., 42, 339 Allen, Heron-, 289 Allen, Viola, 303 Anderson, Col., 336 Anderson, Mary, Miss, 282 Arkell, W. J., 47, 100 Bancroft, Sir Squire, 310 Bangs, Frank, 303 Barrett, Lawrence, 73 Barrett, Millie, 74 Barrett, Wilson, 78, 98, 261 Barrymore, Maurice, 153 Bartholdi, 182 Battenberg, Prince Henry of, 273 Baumeister, Caroline, 271 Beecher, Henry Ward, 46, 199, 201, 202, 250 Bell, Digby, 163 Bellew, Kyrle, 158 Bingham (Ventriloquist), 149 Blaine, James G., 248, 257 Bliss, Cornelius N., 42 Booth, Edwin, 143 Bowers, Arthur, 100 Brockway, Supt. (Elmira), 167 “Bronco Bill,” 182 Brough, Lionel, 222 Buntline, Ned, 177 Burdette, Robert J., 62 Burgess, Neil, 148 Burke, Major John, 186 Burnand, F. C., 118 Busbey, Georgia, 73 Byron, Oliver Dowd, Mr. and Mrs., 148 Cameron, Gov., 251 Carlyle, Francis, 147 Carr, Comyns, 310 Carte, D’Oyley, 191 Chanfrau, Mr. and Mrs. Frank, 148 [17] “Cheiro” (Louis Warner), 288-291 Childs, Geo. W., 99 Choate, Joseph H., 151 Clarke, J. I. C., 99 Cleveland, Mr. and Mrs. Grover, 46, 69, 254, 255, 295 Coates, Foster, 99 Cockerill, John A., 331 Cody, Kit Carson, 177 Cody, Col. Wm. J. (“Buffalo Bill”), 100, 177, 178, 179, 180, 181, 186, 187, 188, 189 Collier, Wm. (“Willie”), 71 Corbett, James J., 150 Croker, Mr. and Mrs. Richard, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36 Croly, Mrs., 284 Dailey, Pete, 69 Dale, Musical, 147 Daly, Augustin, 99, 285 Davis, Richard Harding, 260 Depew, Chauncey M., 34, 99, 122, 123, 124, 125, 126, 137, 196, 214, 260, 290 Devonshire, Duke of, 214 Dewey, Gott, 84, 86, 88 Dickens, Charles, 118 Dillingham, C. B., 147 Dix, Rev. Morgan, 326 Dixey, Henry E., 75 Dockstader, Lew, 147 Dodson, J. E., 225 Doubleday, Frank N., 140 Dougherty, Daniel, 99 Drew, John, 303 Dunham, Geo., 303 Du Val, Harry, 99 Eames, Emma, Mme., 147 Edward the Seventh (King), 211-221, 249 Emmett, J. K., 69 Evans, Charles, 76, 77 Evarts, Wm. M., 295 Fawcett, George, 155 Fiske, Harrison Grey, 100 “Flat Iron,” 182, 183, 184 Florence, W. J., 100, 303 Frohman, Charles, 155 Frohman, Daniel, 99 Fuller, Loie, 288 [18] Geary (P. M. Gen.), Mr. and Mrs., 42 George, Prince, 217 Gilbert, W. S., 78, 79, 118 Gildersleeve, Judge, 189 Gillette, Wm., 147 Glenny, Charles, 79 Goff, Recorder, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40 Goodwin, Nat, 156, 199, 307 Gould, Edith Kingdon, 282 Gould, George, 281, 282 Gould, Jay, 280 Grain, Corney, 191 Grant, Gen. Fred., 336 Grant, Mayor Hugh, 99 Grant, Gen. U. S., 32, 330 Greeley, Horace, 137 Griffen, Mrs., 283 Grossmith, Geo., 191 Gunn, Michael, 283 Halford, Leige, 46, 47 Handy, Moses P., 100, 286 Harris, Sir August, 245, 310 Harrison, Benj. F., 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52 Harrison, Russell, 46, 48 Hatton, Joseph, 100 Hilliard, Robert, 146 Hobart, Garrett A., 42, 54 Hoey, Bill (“Old Hoss”), 76, 77 Howard, Bronson, 239 Howard, Jos., Jr., 100 Howe, “Daddy,” 224 Hoyt, Charles, 78 Hutton, Laurence, 143 Ingersoll, Col. Robt. G., 99, 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 257, 319 Irving, Sir Henry, 98, 222-235, 290 Jefferson, Charles, 303 Jefferson, Jos., 69, 303, 304, 305, 306 Jefferson, Jos., Jr., 303 Jefferson, Thomas, 303 Jefferson, Willie, 303 Jones, Henry Arthur, 310 Jones, Senator of Nevada, 154, 348 Keith, B. F., 212 [19] Kendal, Mrs., 225, 252, 257 Kendall, Ezra, 59, 60 Kennet, Luther M., 337 Kent, Chas., 285 Kernell, Harry, 159, 161 Lackaye, Wilton, 153 Langtry, Mrs., 255, 256 Lawton, Frank, 147 Leary, “Red,” 151 Lee, Gen. Fitzhugh, 251 Lee, Gen. Robt. E., 251 Leslie, Mrs. Frank (Baroness de Bazus), 252 Leslie, George, 311 Levy, Jefferson, 34 Lewis, Marshall, 73 Lincoln, Abraham, 25, 57 Lombard, Elsie C. (Mrs. John T. Brush), 303 Lord, Chester A., 99 Loring, D. A., 42 Louise, Princess of Teck, 217 Lucy, Henry W., 117 Mackaye, Steele, 189, 206 Mackey, Mrs., 279, 311 Maddern, Minnie (Mrs. Fiske), 284 Mannering, Billy, 156 Mansfield, Richard, 79, 231 “Mark Twain,” 64, 65, 66, 67, 138, 147, 148, 316 Matthews, Father, 337 Maude, Princess, 217 McAllister, Ward, 196 McIntosh, Burr, 311 McIntyre, 227 McKelway, St. Clair, 99 McKinley, Abner, 44 McKinley, Mr. and Mrs. Wm., 41, 42, 43, 44, 45 Meade, “Tom,” 226 Merrill, Bradford, 99 Miles, Gen. Nelson A., 344 Mitchell, Maggie, Miss, 148 Morton, Levi P., 55 Nicolini, Signor, 264 Nordica, Madame, 262 Nye, Wm. Edgar (Bill), 100, 321 Ochiltree, Col. Thos. P., 100, 354 Paget, Lady, 261 Palmer, A. M., 99 Parkhurst, Rev. Charles H., 208, 295 Parry, John, 191 Patti, Adelina, 41, 252, 263 Paulding, Fred’k, 303 Perugini (John Chatterton), 157 Pettit, Harry, 310 Philip, Captain, 45 Philip, Mr., 44, 45 Pitou, Augustus, 156 Ponisi, Madame, 303 Porter, Gen. Horace, 130 Potter, Mrs. Brown, 261 Pryor, Roger A., 295 Quimby, W. E., 142 “Red Shirt,” 182, 183 Rehan, Ada, 312 Reid, Opie, 141 Reid, Whitelaw, 99 Riley, Jas. Whitcomb, 139, 159 Robertson, Forbes, 79 Robson, Stuart, 73 Rockefeller, John D., 279 Rogers, Claude, Miss, 162 Rogers, Cynthia, Miss, 160 Ronalds, Mrs., 252, 262 Rosser, Gen., 251 Rothschild, Baron de, 192 Russell, Lillian, 292 Sage, Russell, 290 Salsbury, Nate, 185 Sanger, Frank, 99 Saunders, Lucille Marie, 147 Scanlon, W. J., 159 Scott, Clement, 240, 241, 242, 243, 244, 245, 246 Scott, Margaret Clement, 244 Shah of Persia, 249 Sherman, Gen. W. T., 69, 99, 259, 260, 330 Shine, J. L., 240 Sims, George R., 245 Skinner, Otis, 147, 303 [20] Smith, Ex-Gov., 251 Smyth, Recorder, 295 Snyder, Mr. and Mrs. Mat., 148, 149, 152 Sothern, Sam, 100 Sousa, John Philip, 126 Stevens, Mrs. Paran, 261 Stoddart, J. M., 99 Sutherland, Duke of, 112 Talmage, Rev. T. De Witt, 207 Teck, Duke and Duchess of, 217 Teck, Princess Mary of, 194 Templeton, Fay, 70, 292 Tesla, Dr. Nicola, 286 Thomas, Augustus, 72 Thomas, Brandon, 245 Toole, J. L., 214 Tree, Beerbohm, 117 Vanderbilt, Cornelius Harry, 164, 278 Vassar, Queenie (Mrs. Kernell), 162 Vaughn, Theresa, Miss, 148 Victoria, Princess, 217 Wallace, Lew, 334, 342 Wanamaker, John, 92, 128, 129 Ward, Artemus, 63 Washburn, U. S. Minister, 337 Watterson, Henry, 100, 141 Webb, Jas. Watson, 337 Wilcox, Ella Wheeler, 315 Willard, E. S., 79, 99, 100, 233 Williams, Capt. Alexander, 151 Williams, “Barney,” 337 Wintersmith, Col. Dick, 141 Woodruff, Harry, 147 Wyndham, Charles, 307 Young, James, Jr., 151 Young, John Russell, 100 [21] [22] I SUNSHINE AND FUN The Sunny Side of the Street.—Jests and Jesters.—The Force of a Joke.—Lincoln’s Way.—Kings and Their Joke- Makers.—As they do it in Persia and Ireland.—“Chestnuts.”—Few Modern Jesters but no End of Jokers.— Entertainers and Their Ways. I live on the sunny side of the street; shady folks live on the other. I always preferred the sunshine, and have tried to put other people there, if only for an hour or two at a time, even if I had to do it after sunset from a platform under the gaslight, with my name billed at the door as entertainer. As birds of a feather flock together, it has been my good fortune to meet thousands of other people on the sunny side of the street. In this volume I shall endeavor to distribute some of the sunshine which these fine fellows unloaded on me. Nature has put up many effective brands of concentrated sunshine in small packages; but the best of these, according to all men of all countries, is the merry jest. As far back as history goes you will find the jest, also the jester. The latter was so important that kings could not get along without him. Some kings more powerful than any European sovereign is to-day are remembered now only by what their jesters said. All these jesters are said to have been little people. I am doubly qualified to claim relationship with them, for I am only three and a half feet high, and I have been jester to millions of sovereigns—that is, to millions of the sovereign American people, as well as to some foreign royalties. The reason for little people taking naturally to sunshine and good-natured joking is not hard to find, for it is a simple case of Hobson’s choice. It is easier to knock a man out with a joke than with a fist-blow, especially if you haven’t much height and weight behind your fist. It is the better way, too, for the joke doesn’t hurt. Instead of the other man’s going in search of an arnica bottle or a pistol or a policeman, he generally hangs about with the hope of getting another blow of the same sort. One needn’t be little to try it. Abraham Lincoln had a fist almost as big as the hand of Providence, and as long a reach as John L. Sullivan, but he always used a joke instead, so men who came to growl remained to laugh. I’m not concerned about the size of my own hand, for it has been big enough to get and keep everything that belonged to me. As to reach, as long as my jests reach their mark I shan’t take the trouble to measure arms with any one. [23] [24] [25] It is a Simple Case of Hobson’s Choice. There’s always something in a jest—for the man who hears it. How about the jester? Well, he is easily satisfied. Most men want the earth, so they get the bad as well as the good, but the best that the world affords is good enough for the jester, so I shan’t try to break the record. It is often said that the jester swims near the top. Why shouldn’t he? Isn’t that where the cream is? And isn’t he generous enough to leave the skimmed milk for the chaps dismal enough to prefer to swim at the bottom? I am often moved to pride when I realize how ancient is my craft. Adam did not have a jester; but he did not need one, for he was the only man—except you and I—who married the only woman in the world. Neither did old Noah have or need one, for he had the laugh on everybody else when the floods fell and he found himself in out of the rain. But as soon as the world dried out and got full enough of people to set up kings in business, the jester appears in history, and the nations without jesters to keep kings’ minds in good-working order dropped out of the procession. The only one of them that survives is Persia, where John the Jester is, as he always was, in high favor at court. When trouble is in the air he merely winks at the Shah and gets off: “Oh, Pshaw!” or some other bon mot old enough to be sweet; then the monarch doubles up and laughs the frown from his face, and the headsman sheathes his sword and takes a day off. Speaking of old saws that are always welcome reminds me to protest against the unthinking persons who cry “Chestnut!” against every joke that is not newly coined. In one way it is a compliment, for the chestnut is the sweetest nut that grows; but it does not reach perfection until it has had many soakings and frosts, and has been kicked about under the dead leaves so many times that if it was anything except a chestnut it would have been lost. Good stories are like good principles: the older they are, the stronger their pull. There is not a more popular tale in the world than that of Cinderella. It is so good that nations have almost fought for the honor of originating it. Yet a few years ago some antiquarians dug some inscribed clay tablets from the ruins of an Asiatic city that was centuries old when Noah was a boy. Some sharps at that sort of thing began to decipher them, and suddenly they came upon the story of Cinderella—her golden slipper, fairy godmother, princely lover and all. But do children say “Chestnut!” if you give them this, and then tell them the story of Cinderella? Not they!—unless you don’t know how to tell it. A story is like food: it doesn’t matter how familiar it is, if you know how to serve it well. Why, the story-teller, of the same old stories, too, is as busy in Persia to-day as he was thousands of years ago, and one of the most important of his duties is the passing of the hat. You will find him on the street corners of the towns with a crowd about him. When he reaches the most interesting part of the story he will stop, like the newspaper serial with “To be continued in our next.” Then he passes his fez. The listeners know well what the remainder of the story will be; but instead of “Chestnut!” he hears the melodious clink of coppers. Not only the Shah, but many a wealthy Persian keeps a jester for the sole purpose of being made to laugh when he feels dull. Some of the antics of these chaps would not seem funny to an American—such, for instance, as going about on all fours, knocking people down and dressing in fantastic attire—but there is no accounting for tastes, as the old woman said when she kissed the cow. The Shah’s jester has a great swing—he has twelve houses, and not a mortgage on one of them. He also has all the wives he wants. Who says that talent is not properly appreciated in Persia? If you will run over to Europe you will find the Irish prototype of the Persian story-teller on the streets of Dublin and Limerick. Many a time I have seen him on the street corner telling the thrilling story of how O’Shamus was shot, or some similarly cheering tale—for fighting seems the funniest of fun to an Irishman. And just before first blood is drawn, the story-teller pauses to pass the hat, into which drop hard-earned pennies that had been saved for something else. It is the old Persian act. The manner is the same, though the coat and hat are different, so I should not be surprised to learn that the Irish are direct descendants of the ancient Persians. [26] [27] [28] [29] The Irish Prototype of the Persian Story-Teller. It would be easy to follow the parallel and to show how from the ancient jester was evolved the modern comedian; but of the “true-blue” jesters of to-day—the men who evolve fun from their own inner consciousness—I am compelled to quote: “There are only a few of us left.” Of these “entertainers,” as they are called in modern parlance, I shall let out a few of the secrets which admit them to the drawing-room of England and America to put a frosting, as it were, on proceedings that otherwise might be too sweet, perhaps too heavy. The modern jester comes to the aid of the queen of the drawing-room just as the ancient one did to the monarch of old, so he is still an honored guest at the table of royalty. [30]