FREE EVERY OTHER WEDNESDAY • VOL. 27, NO. 12 • 2018 • THESTRANGER.COM JAN JAN 17 30 CCOOVVEERR CCOOLLOORRIINNGG CONTEST FOR ADULTS, WITH PRIZES! P. 5 HIGH-BRR-NATION OUR GUIDE TO SURVIVING WINTER WITH WEED P. 9 PLUS! TWO WEEKS’ WORTH OF SEATTLE’S BEST MUSIC, FOOD, ARTS & CULTURE, INCLUDING SEATTLE WOMEN’S MARCH 2.0 AND THE DEBUT OF OUR MONTHLY LOCAL SERVICE DIRECTORY 2 JANUARY 17, 2018 THE STRANGER THE STRANGER JANUARY 17, 2018 3 LORI’S POTATO CHIPS by Craft Elixirs 10mg THC per serving 3 Steps to a Healthy Snack Binge 1. Sea Salt & Cracked Pepper 2. Roasted Garlic 3. Sweet Potato SMALL BATCH ORGANIC. VEGAN. KOSHER. Warning - this product contains marijuana. When eaten or swallowed the intoxicating effects of this drug may be delayed by two or more hours. Should not be used by women that are pregnant or breast feeding. For use by adults twenty-one and over. Keep out of reach of children. Products containing marijuana can impair judgement. 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Keep out of the reach of children. 4 JANUARY 17, 2018 THE STRANGER THE STRANGER JANUARY 17, 2018 5 VOLUME 27, ISSUE NUMBER 12 January 17–30, 2018 Staff Editorial ADVERTISING COORDINATOR EDITORIAL DIRECTOR Bobby Anderson HHHaaaiiirrr &&& WWWiiigggsss bbbyyy Dan Savage SALES OPERATIONS MANAGER MAGAZINE EDITOR Taffy Marler Christopher Frizzelle DIGITAL ADVERTISING NEWS EDITOR Steven Hsieh OPERATIONS COORDINATOR 222200006666----222277774444----8888000066666666 MANAGING EDITOR Nikoli Shaver Online Booking at: Leilani Polk HairbySheilaTriplett.com ASSOCIATE EDITOR Events & Media $25 off weave Eli Sanders w/ our hair purchase COVER ART EXECUTIVE PRODUCER Virgin & Raw human hair, quality Top, Booth Illustration by Thomas James FILM EDITOR Rob Crocker Frontals, & 360 Closures! Rent Charles Mudede thomasjamesillustration.com DIRECTOR OF OPERATIONS Ex tensions * Weaving * Styling * Braids * Classes THEATER & BOOKS EDITOR Tracey Cataldo “All hair types are welcomed!” Rich Smith MARKETING & PROMOTIONS EDITOR AT LARGE DIRECTOR COLORING CONTEST! Sean Nelson Caroline Dodge Adults 21 and older, flex your creative STAFF WRITERS MARKETING & PROMOTIONS coloring chops on this cover for a chance Sydney Brownstone, COORDINATOR to win righteous prizes that include Amber Cortes, Status Causey $50 gift cards from Old Stove Brewing Heidi Groover, Co., Soi, and Cupcake Royale, and a VIP Katie Herzog, PODCASTS wine tasting for six from Mercer Estates Dave Segal Nancy Hartunian Winery. Submit your entry to COPY CHIEF Business [email protected] Gillian Anderson or via social media (Twitter, Instagram) with the hashtag #TotallyHighColoring. SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER GENERAL MANAGER / SALES Chase Burns Laurie Saito Download a PDF of the cover at thestranger.com/coloringcontest. Things To Do CFO Rob Crocker REGIONAL CALENDAR ACCOUNTING MANAGER DIRECTOR Renée Krulich Jamie Reed RECEPTIONIST Table of Contents ARTS CALENDAR EDITOR Mike Nipper Joule Zelman KHAO SOI, CURRY NOODLE SOUP FOR THE SOUL. CREDIT MANAGER/ MUSIC CALENDAR EDITOR OFFICE MANAGER 7 Kim Selling Evanne Hall FOOD & DRINK CALENDAR Technology and FORTNIGHT EDITOR Julianne Bell Development Feds crack down on cannabis. Landslide looms. Let’s ride bikes! ASSOCIATE CALENDAR EDITOR CHIEF TECHNOLOGY Elaina Friedman OFFICER Anthony Hecht 9 Art & Production LEAD DEVELOPER Jay Jansheski HIGH-BRR-NATION: REGIONAL DIRECTOR DEVELOPERS THE STRANGER’S GUIDE OF PRODUCTION Michael Crowl, Nick TO SURVIVING WINTER Erica Tarrant Nelson, Hannah Balenda ART DIRECTOR WITH WEED Tracie Louck Bold Type Tickets Take Weekend Road Trips … 11 EDITORIAL DESIGNERS Hidden Pictures Fun Page … 13 Mike Force, Jessica Stein DIRECTOR OF SALES AND SUN-THURS: 11AM-11PM | FRI/SAT: 10PM-CLOSE Go for Long Walks in the City … 15 OPERATIONS ADVERTISING DESIGNERS Ryan Sparks HAPPY HOUR DAILY 3-6PM Strap on Some Snowshoes… 16 Chelcie Blackmun, Joel Schomberg, Laurel CLIENT SOLUTIONS Why Don’t Stoners Dream? … 19 Fried MANAGER The High List: Winter Activities Callan Berry Advertising for Stoners … 20 CLIENT SOLUTIONS SENIOR ACCOUNT REPRESENTATIVES EXECUTIVES Grant Hendrix, Sarah FREE WILL ASTROLOGY......................27 Devin Bannon, Katie VanSandt Phoenix, Andi Pistay Circulation SAVAGE LOVE......................................29 SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE/THEATER THINGS TO DO ....................................33 Juliette Brush-Hoover CIRCULATION MANAGER Kevin Shurtluff ENTERTAINMENT ART .....................................................35 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE CIRCULATION ASSISTANT Diana Katz Paul Kavanagh PERFORMANCE...................................41 DISPLAY Publisher BOOKS & TALKS .................................44 ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE Darci Gatlin Tim Keck MUSIC .................................................47 THE STRANGER 1535 11th Avenue, FILM ....................................................63 Third Floor, Seattle, WA 98122 VOICE 206-323-7101 FAX 206-323-7203 FOOD & DRINK.....................................67 SALES FAX 206-325-4865 HOURS Mon–Fri, 9 am–5:30 pm; LAUGH WHILE YOU CAN ....................70 E-MAIL [email protected] 6 JANUARY 17, 2018 THE STRANGER AALLLL YYOOUU CCAANN EEAATT SSUUSSHHII BBAARR >> EVERYDAY 5–10:30pm & << WEEKENDS 12-10:30 pm Japanese, Mexican, & American Fusion Creative and tasty sushi featuring responsibly sourced ingredients! 1924 N 45th STREET • SEATTLE • (206) 633-4141 Maintain Your Style Sustain Your Wallet 7710 SE 34th St. 98040 | 206-275-7760 | Store Hours: l pro c eeds supp Mon-Sat 10-7, Sun 12-5 www.mercerislandthrift.org l o a r t THE STRANGER JANUARY 17, 2018 7 Currently Outraged Hey, Ovary Owners @DParkCommunity Piss on this issue of The Stranger Haiti, El Salvador, and all of Africa to fi nd out if you’re pregnant. @SeaBikeBlog vs. #HostileArchitecture @GetOutMovie fans Stranger readers regret Stranger regrets weren’t regretful enough I, ANONYMOUS OBJECT LESSON Attorney General Jeff Sessions The Pot Cookie Consider the pot cookie—the commercial, prepackaged variety brought to us by legal weed and suddenly imperiled by racist geriatrics in that other Washington. My fi rst hit of pot, administered by the man who literally wrote STEVEN WEISSMAN the book*, changed my life for the better. You called me, a licensed mental-health profes- But I never got used to sional, asking for a letter certifying your pet as an smoking pot—the stench, emotional support animal so you can fly with it the ashes, the asthma uncrated on a plane. I have a secret for you: All attacks. I preferred pets are emotional support animals. Your dog is edibles. And back in the no more special than mine, and you should not MIKE FORCE day—way, way back before July 8, 2014 (when be trying to use and abuse the absurd regulations the fi rst legal recreational pot stores opened in Feds crack down on cannabis. that allow pets on planes, so long as you can get Seattle)—if you wanted edibles, you had to make a professional willing to collude with you. I have Landslide looms. Let’s ride bikes! them yourself. (Or know precisely which vendor flown and seen pets being imposed on honest at a certain weekly flea market to ask for edibles, A passengers. I won’t be part of it. Same goes for and precisely how to ask them.) ttorney General Jeff Sessions the actor’s face on them in various loca- those of you who try to scam landlords by claim- You were never able to predict just how high a announced he was rolling back a tions around Tacoma. • A new trend in ing you need Fluffy or Fido in a pet-free building pot cookie or brownie might get you. The unpre- federal guideline that protected home decor has emerged: People are now because you need the emotional support. Your dictability of homemade pot edibles from batch marijuana growers and sellers shelving their books with the pages facing butterfly constitution does not trump the rights to batch didn’t bother me—I liked having to let go in states that have legalized pot. outward, likely because they’re losing their of your seatmates or neighbors who did not sign and let pot—but complaints were common. The news set off a flurry of anti-Trump goddamned minds. • Dozens of Yakima up for your spurious claim. ANONYMOUS Well, not anymore. The pot cookies we eat statements from local offi cials, including Valley residents have evacuated an area now—the ones we buy in stores—have precise Mayor Jenny Durkan, who called it “a under Rattlesnake Ridge after geologists SOMETHING TO GET OFF YOUR CHEST? E-mail 200 words or less to [email protected] and predictable amounts of THC. misguided legal overreach and an attack on warned that a fi ssure could soon cause a How do they do it? Seattle.” No word yet on freeing everyone landslide. • State senator Doug Ericksen, “We extract the THC from the cannabis plant in Washington currently in jail on mari- a Republican climate skeptic from Bell- CONJUGAL VISIT and then take the oil to a lab for testing,” said juana charges. • Seattle ingham, batted away Jody Hall, founder of pot edibles baking com- congresswoman Pramila rumors that he planned to pany the Goodship. “They evaluate it and tell us Jayapal cosponsored a bill accept a gig in the Trump just how much THC is in it. Then we do math!” to end federal marijuana administration’s Environ- She was a rich kid home for the holidays. I was a Once Hall knows how much THC is in a batch prohibition. • On January mental Protection Agency. poor kid home for the holidays. We met on Tinder. of pot oil, Goodship bakers can determine—using 3, a 3.9 earthquake and He’s since announced a I was staying at my broke mom’s place; she was that math stuff—just how much oil to add to a dozens of aftershocks near run for reelection, appar- staying at her rich dad’s place. We met up at batch. Mount St. Helens were felt ently content with just Ozzie’s. We had a “If we’re making a batch of 1,000 cookies as far away as Portland killing the environment lot in common— that are supposed to have 10 milligrams of THC and Tacoma. In Seattle, in Washington State actually, we didn’t in them, we’ll need to put in 10,000 milligrams have much in there were also reports of for another four years. • of THC total,” said Hall. “That’s why we have to common besides the ground shaking, but it LimeBike announced that know the exact amount of THC in the oil.” the fact that we’d turned out to be mobs of it will debut 300 to 500 And after those 1,000 cookies come out of YANA PASKOVA/GETTY IMAGES both been dumped the oven, a sample from the batch is sent back distraught stoners running Failure. electric-powered bikes right before the to stock up on weed. • On around the city by the end to the lab. holidays and January 8, Jeff Bezos became the richest of the month. Each bike can reach speeds “If something is labeled as having 10 neither of us had a person ever. At press time, Bezos was worth of up to 15 miles per hour. • Tim Eyman milligrams of THC, the FDA would say you can place to go. She got $110 billion, according to the Bloomberg failed to get the signatures necessary for an be plus or minus 20 percent, because baking is us a hotel room. Billionaires Index. Utter fucking failure initiative that would have siphoned money not an exact science,” said Hall. “Legally, there’s JOHNNY SAMPSON The sex was good, Bill Gates was second on the list at a mere from light-rail projects in the Puget Sound some allowable variation. But if the batch isn’t but she started to $93.8 billion. • A report from the King area. Democrats in the state legislature right on target, we trash it. We want you to have cry afterward—the guy who’d dumped her was her County medical examiner found that 144 picked up where Eyman left off and prom- the same experience each time you use our fi ancé, and I was the fi rst guy she slept with since people believed to be homeless died in King ised to adjust car-tab fees during the new product. We’re here to get rid of ‘edible roulette.’” the breakup. She got dressed and wanted to leave. County in 2017. • At Internet Intimacy, a legislative session. That move could cost Does Hall ever miss the unpredictable pot I thought I’d spend the night in the room, since it edibles of old? private booth installed at Mount Analogue Sound Transit between $780 million and was paid for, but she insisted I leave too. She trust- “There was a romance to it,” said Hall. “We’ve for Pioneer Square’s First Thursday art $2 billion. • On January 4 at Central Cine- ed me so far as sex was concerned, but she didn’t all had that experience where you have a tiny walk, participants anonymously blogged ma’s excellent monthly Central Comedy trust me not to run up a room-service bill on her bite and you’re like: ‘Holy crap! I’m glad I didn’t confessions as an experiment in public show, Portland comic Adam Pasi kept credit card. I texted her the next day to say thanks eat the whole cookie!’ ” soul cleansing. Highlight: “I wish there the crowd laughing as he revealed count- and wish her well. She sent me a smiley-face The Goodship just won the Dope Cup for best was a cock in my mouth most of the time.” less hilarious nuances within his Samoan emoji and then blocked me. “MARSHAL,” AGE 31 edibles in Washington State. Check ’em out at Lowlight: “3.5 years later and I still read heritage and rotund physique (spoiler alert: thegoodship.com. DAN SAVAGE their journal to see if they’re planning to everyone thinks all Samoans are bouncers). HAD A MEMORABLE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER? E-mail 200 words or less to [email protected] leave me.” • Local Danny DeVito devo- He has the potential to become the Pacifi c (We’ll preserve your anonymity, of course.) * Weed: The User’s Guide by David Schmader. tees hid dozens of eggs with stickers of Islander Patton Oswalt. ■ 8 JANUARY 17, 2018 THE STRANGER THE STRANGER JANUARY 17, 2018 9 High-Brr-Nation The Stranger’s guide to surviving winter with weed. I t’s that time of year again—the dark time, the wet time, the you at the border if a drug-sniffing dog IDs your vehicle? Katie Herzog why-do-I-live-here time. You live here because Seattle is the learned the hard way, by taking a trip with a whole bunch of weed in Amsterdam of the United States. Sure, the city has amaz- her car. Read more about her misadventure on page 11. ing culture, fine dining, world-famous music, jagged If you prefer to snooze the gloom away, Lester Black horizons, and greenery—but it’s the greenery you has been looking into the science of smoking weed can smoke legally that sets this city apart. Cannabis and sleep. Why don’t stoners remember their can make the creepy gloom of our wintertime me- dreams? Do stoners even have dreams? He tropolis magical. asked some scientists these questions. Their Have you ever gotten super blazed and just answers are on page 19. gone for a long walk? That’s what Chase Burns Since this is the season of staying home does a lot this time of year. He describes this very and slowly fusing yourself to your couch, DIY depression remedy (and some of the weird we’ve provided activities, too: an adult- stuff he’s found on the street lately) on page 15. coloring-book-style cover (it’s also a contest If you’re looking for a winter sport but don’t with prizes!), and a hidden pictures game like the idea of barreling down a mountain as fast (high-lights for adults, get it?) on page 13. as gravity will take you, have you considered snow- Of course, the best way to cure the monocloud shoeing? Amber Cortes has some pointers for potheads blues is to go out into the city—to see a concert, in particular on page 16. to eat some dumplings, to see something on the big Sometimes the key to being happy in Seattle is getting the hell out— screen. The staff of The Stranger has combed through the and there’s an international border two-and-a-half hours away. May- winter calendar and found a few things we think would be greatly be you feel like skipping the country for a weekend? Are you aware of enhanced by being high as balls. Our winter High List is on page 20. how beautiful Canada is? Have you ever wondered what happens to CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE 160 N. Canal St.  Seattle, WA 98103 206-634-3727 [email protected] Tropical & Exotic Houseplants Lighting for Plants & People Open 10-6 This product has intoxicating effects and may be habit form- ing. Marijuana can impair concentration, coordination, and judgement. Do not operate a vehicle or machinery under indoorsun.com the influence of this drug. There may be health risks associ- ated with consumption of this product. For use only by adults twenty-one and older. Keep out of the reach of children. This product may be unlawful outside Washington State. 10 JANUARY 17, 2018 THE STRANGER