Acclaim for NICHOLSON BAKER’S The Size of Thoughts “A trove of treasures large and small—opulent … ingenious.” —San Francisco Chronicle “There are extravagant delights here.… It’s as if S. J. Perelman had been put in charge of the whole Humanities syllabus.” —The New York Review of Books “Whole bushel baskets of perceptions, engaging and quirky, each and all. … A fine, surprising, pungent, playful and thought-provoking bouquet of a book.” —Los Angeles Times Book Review “Baker is an utterly idiosyncratic, artistically adventurous, passionately intellectual writer.… He notices things that no one else notices, and he articulates what he notices extraordinarily well. He writes heart-stopping sentences and he’s hilarious—what more are we supposed to ask for?” —Village Voice “Always funny.… Baker’s talent can turn not only dross but actual deadwood into gold.” —Newsday Books by NICHOLSON BAKER The Mezzanine Room Temperature U and I Vox The Fermata The Size of Thoughts NICHOLSON BAKER The Size of Thoughts Nicholson Baker was born in 1957 and attended the Eastman School of Music and Haverford College. He is the author of four novels—The Mezzanine (1988), Room Temperature (1990), Vox (1992), and The Fermata (1994)—and one work of nonfiction, U and I (1991), in addition to The Size of Thoughts. His essays have appeared in The New Yorker, The Atlantic Monthly, The New York Review of Books, Esquire, and The Best American Essays. He is married with two children. FIRST VINTAGE BOOKS EDITION, MARCH 1997 Copyright © 1982, 1983, 1984, 1989, 1991, 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996 by Nicholson Baker All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. Published in the United States by Vintage Books, a division of Random House, Inc., New York, and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto. Originally published in hardcover by Random House, Inc., New York, in 1996. The following pieces were first published in periodicals: “Changes of Mind,” “The Size of Thoughts,” and “Rarity” in The Atlantic Monthly; “Ice Storm,” “Reading Aloud,” “The Projector,” “Discards,” “Clip Art,” and “Books as Furniture” in The New Yorker; “The History of Punctuation” and “Leading with the Grumper” in The New York Review of Books; “Model Airplanes” and “The Northern Pedestal” in Esquire; and “A Novel by Alan Hollinghurst” in The London Review of Books. The illustrations on this page and this page are copyright © 1994 by Mark Zingarelli. The Library of Congress has cataloged the Random House edition as follows: Baker, Nicholson. The size of thoughts : essays and other lumber / Nicholson Baker—1st ed. p. cm. eISBN: 978-0-30780751-9 I. Title. PS3552.A4325S5 1996 814′.54—dc20 95-43667 Random House Web address: http://www.randomhouse.com/ v3.1 For my sister, Rachel Contents Cover Other Books by This Author About the Author Title Page Copyright Dedication THOUGHT Changes of Mind The Size of Thoughts Rarity MACHINERY Model Airplanes The Projector Clip Art READING Reading Aloud The History of Punctuation A Novel by Alan Hollinghurst Leading with the Grumper MIXED The Northern Pedestal Wedding Mlack Recipe Ice Storm LIBRARY SCIENCE Discards Books as Furniture LUMBER (i) (ii) (iii) (iv) (v) (vi) (vii)