The Psychology of Shame Second Edition Gershen Kaufman, PhD, was educated at Columbia University and received his PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Rochester. Currently he is a professor in the Counseling Center at Michigan State University where he is engaged in providing psychothera- peutic services to university students; consulting to university faculty and staff; clinical supervi- sion and training to psychology practicum stu- dents and interns; research supervision to graduate students; and teaching courses on Affect and Self-Esteem and the graduate-level clinical Practicum in the Psychology Department, as well as a course on Lesbian, Bisexual, and Gay Studies in Women's Studies. Dr. Kaufman also maintains a private practice as a licensed psychologist where he sees a broad range of clientele in psychotherapy. A pioneer in the study of shame, Dr. Kaufman is the author of The Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes (Springer, 1989); Shame: The Power of Caring (1992); and Journey to the Magic Castle (1993). He is the co-author with Lev Raphael of Stick Up For Yourself! Every Kid's Guide to Personal Power and Positive Self- Esteem (1990); Dynamics of Power: Fighting Shame and Building Self- Esteem (1991); and Coming Out of Shame: Transforming Gay and Lesbian Lives (1996). He is also the co-author with Lev Raphael and Gerri Johnson of A Teacher's Guide to Stick Up For Yourself (FreeGerri Johnson of A Teacher's Guide to Stick Up For Yourself (Free Spirit, 1991). Dr. Kaufman has been widely in demand as a lecturer over the past decade throughout the United States, Canada, and England. He has lec- tured as well as conducted seminars and workshops on the role of shame in personality, psychopathology, and psychotherapy; on shame and self- esteem; and on the significance of shame for gender, culture, and society. He has lectured at universities, medical centers, teaching hospitals, meetings of the American Psychiatric Association, state Psychological Association meetings, state Social Workers Association meetings, addiction treatment centers, and numerous conferences. He has also presented an innovative self-esteem curriculum which can be implement- ed either in clinical or educational settings. The Psychology of Shame Second Edition Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes Gershen Kaufman, PhD Michigan State University SPRINGER PUBLISHING COMPANY First edition published, 1989 Copyright © 1996 by Springer Publishing Company, Inc. All rights reserved No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmit- ted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or oth- erwise, without the prior permission of Springer Publishing Company, Inc. Springer Publishing Company, Inc. 11 West 42nd Street New York, NY 10036 Cover and interior design by Tomas Yabut Production Editor: Pamela Ritzer Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Kaufman, Gershen. The psychology of shame: theory and treatment of shame-based syndromes / Gershen Kaufman.—2nd ed. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 0-8261-6672-5 1. Shame. 2. Self. 3. Affect (Psychology) 4. Affective disorders. I. Title. RC455.4.S53K38 1996RC455.4.S53K38 1996 616.85'2—dc20362.1'0973—dc20 95-52777 CIP Printed in the United States of America To SiCvan 5. 'Tomkins Man is unique not because fie does science, and he is unique not Because he does art, but because science and art equaCCy are expressions of his marvettous pCasticity of mind. JACOB BRONOWSKI The Ascent of Man This page intentionally left blank Contents Foreword to the First Edition by Silvan Tomkins ix Preface to the Second Edition xi Preface to the First Edition xv Acknowledgments xviiAcknowledgments xvii xvii PART I A Developmental Theory of Shame, Identity and the Self 1 1 Phenomenology and Facial Signs of Shame 3 2 The Face of Shame Over the Life Cycle 28 3 Internalization of Shame 57 4 Psychological Magnification of Shame Scenes 85 5 Reformulating Psychopathology 110 PART II Psychotherapeutic Intervention 153PART II Psychotherapeutic Intervention 153 153 6 Restoring the Interpersonal Bridge 155 7 Returning Internalized Shame to Its Interpersonal Origins 172 viii Contents 8 Identity Regrowth and Healing Shame 199 9 Developing Equal Power in Current Relationships and the Family of Origin 218 10 Time-Limited Group-Focused Treatment for Shame-Based Syndromes 237 11 A Language of the Self 261 PART III Contemporary Problems 271 12 Identity, Culture, and Ideology 27312 Identity, Culture, and Ideology 273 27378 13 Governing Scenes in Personality and Culture 303 Bibliography 335 Index345 34598 foreword^to the Jirst "Edition In 1980, in the introduction to Shame: The Power of Caring, I wrote, "The full range of what I have called the primary affects has not yet become common knowledge." Today, that is no longer true. Infant affect is now under intensive scrutiny, most notably in the work of Demos and Kaplan. The narcissistic self is at the center of Kohut's revision of classi- cal psychoanalytic theory. Empathy for the feelings of the borderline self is now represented as crucial for therapy of the heretofore inaccessible, fragile, beleaguered self. Gershen Kaufman's Shame: The Power of Caring, now in its second edition, is no longer a solitary voice. Broucek, Nathanson, and Morrison have deepened our understanding of the dynamics of shame. The concern with shame has moved center stage within the therapeutic community, and Kaufman's work was influential in that transformation. The present work continues and deepens that contribution. We are once again indebt- ed to Gershen Kaufman for his special sensitivity to the role of shame and its contribution to affect theory and to psychotherapy. We are further indebted to him for relating the dynamics of shame to the full spectrum of the primary affects and for embedding affect theory within the larger matrix of script theory. In script theory the basic unit of analysis is the scene. The scripts are sets of rules for the governance of scenes. Such scripts include the classical family romance, the object rela- tions of Fairbairn, and the narcissistic self of Kohut, but also include affect management and affect control scripts, ideological as well as afflu- ence, limitation, remediation, contamination, and antitoxic scripts. Script theory purports to match the great diversity to types of scenes that human beings magnify by their various affect investments. SILVAN S. TOMKINS IX