The only-child adolescent’s lived experience of parental divorce DH Dorfman 23368489 Dissertation submitted in fulfilment of the requirements for the degree Masters in Social Work in Play Therapy at the Potchefstroom Campus of the North-West University Supervisor: Mrs I.F. Jacobs May 2015 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS With much appreciation and gratitude I would like to thank the following people who contributed to this research and provided me with assistance, guidance and much needed encouragement and motivation to complete this study. Issie Jacobs, my study leader – thank you for all the support, guidance, encouragement, motivation and enthusiasm you provided throughout this process. The participant involved in the study – thank you for agreeing to be interviewed, for your co-operation, honesty and willingness to share your experiences with me. My family, friends and boyfriend – thank you for having the patience and support during this time. Your love, guidance and encouragement will never be forgotten and I appreciate your support and patience throughout this process. i DECLARATION BY RESEARCHER I hereby declare that this study, titled “The only-child adolescent’s lived experience of parental divorce”, is my own work and that all references used or quoted have been indicated and recognised. _______________________ ________________ SIGNATURE DATE Student number: 23368489 ii DECLARATION BY LANGUAGE PRACTITIONER I hereby declare that the thesis, The only-child adolescent’s lived experience of parental divorce by Dayle Hayley Dorfman, has been language edited by me. After a career as editor-in-chief at a leading publishing house, I now work as a freelance text editor. Lambert Daniel Jacobs (BA Hons, MA, BD, MDiv) September 2014 iii PREFACE Due to the fact that only one participant partook in the study and she therefore might be easily identifiable, the following ethical measures have been put into place in discussing the data: • Nor the participant’s name or those of her parents were mentioned, in order to maintain her anonymity as well as that of her parents. • Nor her school or suburb that she resides in was mentioned. As it was extremely difficult to find information on the only-child adolescent, the researcher made use of a few out-dated and classical sources within the text. One of these is the work of Adler (1932), who was one of the first researchers to refer to an only-child adolescent. His work even up to today is considered relevant and applicable. iv ABSTRACT The only-child adolescent’s lived experience of parental divorce. The aim of this study was to explore and describe the experience of an only-child adolescent’s lived experience of parental divorce. Gestalt field and phenomenological theory in conjunction with current literature provided an overview of the theoretical underpinnings pertaining to the study. A qualitative research approach with a case study of an only-child adolescent dealing with parental divorce was conducted in an ethical manner by means of two face to face, one-on-one, in depth interviews. Two main themes were identified. The first being experienced feelings associated with grief and bereavement, which revealed feelings of anger in the notion that the participant’s childhood was lost as a result of the divorce and being caught between the parental conflicts. The participant seemed to take it upon herself to take care of those significant to her in fear that she would lose them and that the loss would continue to be repeated. It was further revealed that when the only-child adolescent felt a loss of her own identity she in turn felt out of control. The second theme identified was; experience pressure due to being an only-child. Pressure in being an only-child was very significant surrounding the participant. The participant shared a great deal of feelings pertaining to feeling lonely and longing for a sibling. As parents in divorce situations seem to be focussed on their divorce often the child suffers from stress and the unrealistic expectations parents often have surrounding their children. In this study the only-child could not seem to cope with the pressure and in times of despair made use of coping mechanisms, mainly that of cutting to compensate for the emotional pain experienced. The researcher is of the opinion that the study delivered new found awareness into the only-child adolescent’s lived experience of parental divorce and is in hope that the new found results are utilised as a platform for further studies about this vulnerable population. v KEY TERMS Adolescent development Only-child adolescent Parental divorce Trauma Gestalt therapy vi OPSOMMING Die adolessent as enigste kind se ervaring wanneer ouers skei. Die doel van hierdie studie was om die subjektiewe ervaring van ’n adolessent as enigste kind wie se ouers skei, te verken en te beskryf. Gestalt veldteorie en fenomenologiese teorie in samewerking met die jongste literatuur; verskaf ’n oorsig van hierdie teoretiese ondertoon. ’n Kwalitatiewe navorsingsbenadering met ’n gevallestudie van ’n enigstekind- adolessent wie se ouers geskei is, is op ’n etiese wyse uitgevoer deur middel van twee onderhoude wat in diepte uitgevoer is: van aangesig tot aangesig, en een-tot-een. Twee temas is geïdentifiseer. Die eerste is gevoelens wat verband hou met hartseer en verlies, wat aan die lig gebring word deur gevoelens van woede en die idee dat die deelnemer se kinderjare verlore gegaan het as gevolg van die egskeiding en die deelnemer was ook vasgevang tussen die ouers se konflikte. Dit het voorgekom asof die deelnemer dit op haarself geneem het om te sorg vir diegene rondom haar in vrees dat sy hulle sou verloor en dat die verlies in die toekoms herhaal kon word. Die studie het ook getoon dat die enigstekind- adolessent '’n verlies van haar eie identiteit voel en op haar beurt het sy buite beheer gevoel. Die tweede tema wat geïdentifiseer is, is die ervaring dat die adolossent onder druk was weens die feit dat die adolossent die enigste kind is. Druk as ’n enigste kind het ’n gevoel geskep van eensaamheid en die verlange na ’n broer of suster. Ouers in egskeidingsituasies is baie gefokus op hulle egskeiding en dikwels ly die kind dus aan stres en die onrealistiese verwagtinge wat ouers gewoonlik vir hulle kinders het. In hierdie gevalle studie kom dit voor asof die enigste kind nie die druk kon hanteer nie en het gebruik gemaak van meganismes om die druk te hanteer, veral die toedien van snye in tye van wanhoop om te vergoed vir die emosionele pyn ervaar. Die navorser is van mening dat die studie nuwe bewustheid kweek in die enigstekind-adolessent se ervaring wanneer ouers skei en vertrou dat die nuutgevonde resultate gebruik sal word as ’n platform vir verdere studies oor hierdie kwesbare bevolkingsgroep. vii SLEUTELTERME Adolessente ontwikkeling Enkel adolessente kind Ouers se egskeiding Trauma Gestaltterapie viii TABLE OF CONTENTS ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS i DECLARATION BY RESEARCHER ii DECLARATION BY LANGUAGE PRACTITIONER iii PREFACE iv ABSTRACT v KEY TERMS vi OPSOMMING vii SLEUTELTERME viii CHAPTER ONE INTRODUCTION TO THE STUDY 1 1.1 INTRODUCTION 1 1.2 PROBLEM STATEMENT 1 1.3 RESEARCH AIM AND OBJECTIVES 6 1.4 CENTRAL THEORETICAL ARGUMENT 7 1.5 RESEARCH METHODOLOGY 7 1.5.1 Literature review 7 1.5.2 Research design 7 1.5.3 Research method 8 ix