the me I want to be becoming God’s best version of you 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 1 11/8/09 11:45 AM Resources by John Ortberg An Ordinary Day with Jesus (curriculum series, with Ruth Haley Barton) Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them (book, audio) God Is Closer Than You Think (book, audio, curriculum with Stephen and Amanda Sorenson) If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat (book, audio, curriculum with Stephen and Amanda Sorenson) Know Doubt (book, formerly entitled Faith and Doubt) The Life You’ve Always Wanted (book, audio, curriculum with Stephen and Amanda Sorenson) Living the God Life Love Beyond Reason Old Testament Challenge (curriculum series, with Kevin and Sherry Harney) When the Game Is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box (book, audio, curriculum with Stephen and Amanda Sorenson) 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 2 11/8/09 11:45 AM the me I want to be becoming God’s best version of you john ortberg 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 3 11/8/09 11:45 AM ZONDERVAN The Me I Want to Be Copyright © 2010 by John Ortberg This title is also available as a Zondervan ebook. Visit www.zondervan.com/ebooks. This title is also available in a Zondervan audio edition. Visit www.zondervan.fm. Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Ortberg, John. The me I want to be : becoming God’s best version of you / John Ortberg. p. cm. ISBN 978-0-310-27592-3 (hardcover, jacketed) 1. Self-actualization (Psychology) — Religious aspects – Chris tian ity. 2. Chris tian life. I. Title. BV4598.2O68 2009 248.4 — dc22 2009040163 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, Today’s New International Version™, TNIV®. Copyright © 2001, 2005 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. Other translations used are the New International Version (NIV), the New American Standard Bible (NASB), the King James Version (KJV), the New Revised Standard Ver- sion (NRSV), the New Living Translation (NLT), the Modern Language Bible (MLB), the Living Bible (TLB), and The Message. Any internet addresses (websites, blogs, etc.) and telephone numbers printed in this book are offered as a resource. These are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement by Zondervan, nor does Zondervan vouch for the content of these sites and numbers for the life of this book. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photo- copy, recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Interior design by Printed in the United States of America 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 • 20 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 4 11/8/09 11:45 AM contents Acknowledgments • 7 . Part ONE . finding my identity • 9 1. Learn Why God Made You • 11 2. The Me I Don’t Want to Be • 13 . Part TWO . flowing with the spirit • 13 3. Discover the Flow • 13 4. Find Out How You Grow • 13 5. Surrender: The One Decision That Always Helps • 13 6. Try Softer • 13 . Part THREE . renewing my mind • 13 7. Let Your Desires Lead You to God • 13 8. Think Great Thoughts • 13 9. Feed Your Mind with Excellence • 13 10. Never Worry Alone • 13 . Part FOUR . redeeming my time • 13 11. Let Your Talking Flow into Praying • 13 12. Temptation: How Not to Get Hooked • 13 13. Recognize Your Primary Flow-Blocker • 13 14. When You Find Yourself Out of the Flow, Jump Back In • 13 . Part FIVE . deepening my relationships • 13 15. Try Going Off the Deep End with God • 13 16. Make Life-Giving Relationships a Top Priority • 13 17. Be Human • 13 18. Find a Few Difficult P eople to Help You Grow • 13 . Part SIX . transforming my experience • 13 19. Let God Flow in Your Work • 13 20. Let Your Work Honor God • 13 21. You Have to Go through Exile before You Come Back Home • 13 . Part SEVEN . flowing from here on out • 13 22. Ask for a Mountain • 13 Sources • 13 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 5 11/8/09 11:45 AM 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 6 11/8/09 11:45 AM acknowledgments Love is eternal. What we achieve and possess may fade, but not love. Books are gifts when they are acts of love. To what extent this book will be a gift only God knows, but I know that it would not have come into existence without much love from people who matter a great deal to me. It started with a conversation on a golf course, when a few friends talked about a dream of creating a kind of movement for spiritual growth, and I talked about a book I hoped to write, and we wondered if what we hoped to do might intersect. What you hold is what we hope will be the first milepost on a long journey. I am deeply grateful to Mark Bankford for his ceaseless encour- agement and partnering and optimism and prayer. Sherri Bankord has offered wisdom and feedback; Eric Parks has been a fountain of energy and ideas; Nate May and Kevin Small have added enthusiasm and dreams; Elizabeth Maring and the entire Monvee team have been like working with family. Heartland Community Church in Rockford, Illinois, gave me chances to teach on much of this material and get volu- minous feedback that sharpened it enormously. To Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, I am grateful beyond words for love and shepherding and the freedom to write. Laura (formerly Ortberg) Turner read through the entire manuscript and made hugely helpful suggestions about content, references, and presentation. I am glad you’re a ‘J’. Rick Blackmon has made amaz- ingly generous contributions of his time and thoughts on the writing and beyond. Chuck Bergstrom gave both feedback and laughter. Ron Johnson gave wonderful insights on the structure and thoughts of the manuscript, and he cheered me on when I needed it most. My sister, Barbara Har- rison, gave me a boost at just the right time. Trudi Barnes was helpful in a thousand ways. John Sloan and David Greene gave twice as much editorial panache as any writer could reason- ably expect, and Jim Ruark did his usual excellent job of bringing clarity and life. John Topliff went above and beyond in helping create a unique partnership between a whole team of us involved in this project. Neil Plantinga was kind enough to offer a long conversation about sin and spirit; I am lucky to get to talk to him. Dallas Willard gave more 7 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 7 11/8/09 11:45 AM ACkNOWLEDGMENTS wisdom than any human being has a right to, as well as more love than I have a right to; his life is one of the reasons I believe. And to my wife, Nancy — I have never needed you more deeply or loved you more fully than in this season. 8 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 8 11/8/09 11:45 AM PART ONE finding my identity 031027592x_tmiwtb_new.indd 9 11/8/09 11:45 AM