foreword by Jan Wong “What a lucky girl!” Everybody who has adopted a daughter from China “What a gift! Here is a collection of personal revelations that tell us the t h has heard that one. And every parent good news: people are still finding high-risk ways to act with decency and e has said, or thought, in reply: commitment toward others. Here are some truly delightful, challenging, and heart-rending stories, written by both adopters and adoptees that will L “No, we’re the lucky ones.” topple any stereotypical views a reader may have about the adoption of u children from China. Lucky us who are given the chance to glimpse this c brave new world of families embraced by so much hope and goodwill.” k the This anthology sets out to explain why — Wayson Choy, author of The Jade Peony, All that Matters and Paper Shadows y Lucky Ones people who have adopted children O from China feel as though they’ve won “These compelling, poignant, lovely vignettes will resonate with anyone the lottery. who has ever adopted and thought about how their particular child or children n have come to be members of their families or what it means to them to e have the incredible luck to be parents to them. The editor’s selection of the Since the late 1980s, as many as 7,000 s artfully told stories describing the journeys of these men and women as Chinese-born girls (and a few boys!) they enter the unique world of adoptive parenting go to the root of what have been adopted annually and now it means to belong, of what comprises a family. It is a beautiful collection live in the United States, Canada, Aus- that belongs in the home of adoptive families everywhere.” Our StOrieS Of AdOpting Children frOm ChinA tralia, and Europe. They are officially — Jane A. Brown, MSW, creator of Adoption Playshops! orphans, victims of a rigorous birth E Edited by Ann Rauhala control policy limiting most families to “The Lucky Ones is a charming compilation of stories that highlight the joys d one child. of those families receiving their children, the sadness of those left behind i t in China, such as foster and birth parents, and the issues that the children e d The story of these children is compelling and families have confronted and will confront. It should prove edifying and entertaining for all who read it — those who are considering adoption, b as a narrative of hope and optimism but y those who have adopted, and those whose curiosity is simply piqued.” it may also become a story of dis- A — Martha Maslen, former executive director of Children’s Bridge location and crisis of identity. These n n baby immigrants add unusual texture “This book provides an excellent snapshot on every aspect of adoption, R to the lives of the families they join — Ann Rauhala is a former columnist from deciding to adopt to raising teenage daughters, from coming home a they come here not by choice but by u and foreign editor of The Globe and from China to going back for heritage trips. I am most fascinated by the h someone else’s design. Mail, now director of newspapers at the two adopted teenage girls’ own narratives about their life. Overall, this a School of Journalism at Ryerson University book tells stories about human interactions that enrich the life of both la The memoirs collected in The Lucky parents and children. Every parent should read this book.” in Toronto. Ones deal with infertility, moving to — Dr. Tony Tan, director of China Adoption Research Program, acceptance of a multiracial family, University of South Florida With contributions from Jasmine Akbarali, anticipating the adoption, reflecting Jasmine Bent, Cindy Boates, Lia Calderone, during the trip to China and, at last, Julie Chan, Denise Davy, Sarah Giddens, ISBN-13: 978-1-55022-823-6 grappling with an odd destiny — turning Havard Gould, Heidi Hatch, Patricia Hluchy, ISBN-10: 1-55022-823-4 terrible beginnings into happy endings. Douglas Hood, Tess Kalinowski, Margaret Lawson, Glen McGregor, Lilian Nattel, Susan Olding, Shelley Page, Sonja Smits, $19.95 ECW PRESS www.ecwpress.com Evan Solomon, Steve Whan, and a foreword Distributed in the U.S. by Independent Publishers Group by Jan Wong. and in Canada by Jaguar Book Group ecw foreword by Jan Wong “What a lucky girl!” Everybody who has adopted a daughter from China “What a gift! Here is a collection of personal revelations that tell us the t h has heard that one. And every parent good news: people are still finding high-risk ways to act with decency and e has said, or thought, in reply: commitment toward others. Here are some truly delightful, challenging, and heart-rending stories, written by both adopters and adoptees that will L “No, we’re the lucky ones.” topple any stereotypical views a reader may have about the adoption of u children from China. Lucky us who are given the chance to glimpse this c brave new world of families embraced by so much hope and goodwill.” k the This anthology sets out to explain why — Wayson Choy, author of The Jade Peony, All that Matters and Paper Shadows y Lucky Ones people who have adopted children O from China feel as though they’ve won “These compelling, poignant, lovely vignettes will resonate with anyone the lottery. who has ever adopted and thought about how their particular child or children n have come to be members of their families or what it means to them to e have the incredible luck to be parents to them. The editor’s selection of the Since the late 1980s, as many as 7,000 s artfully told stories describing the journeys of these men and women as Chinese-born girls (and a few boys!) they enter the unique world of adoptive parenting go to the root of what have been adopted annually and now it means to belong, of what comprises a family. It is a beautiful collection live in the United States, Canada, Aus- that belongs in the home of adoptive families everywhere.” Our StOrieS Of AdOpting Children frOm ChinA tralia, and Europe. They are officially — Jane A. Brown, MSW, creator of Adoption Playshops! orphans, victims of a rigorous birth E Edited by Ann Rauhala control policy limiting most families to “The Lucky Ones is a charming compilation of stories that highlight the joys d one child. of those families receiving their children, the sadness of those left behind i t in China, such as foster and birth parents, and the issues that the children e d The story of these children is compelling and families have confronted and will confront. It should prove edifying and entertaining for all who read it — those who are considering adoption, b as a narrative of hope and optimism but y those who have adopted, and those whose curiosity is simply piqued.” it may also become a story of dis- A — Martha Maslen, former executive director of Children’s Bridge location and crisis of identity. These n n baby immigrants add unusual texture “This book provides an excellent snapshot on every aspect of adoption, R to the lives of the families they join — Ann Rauhala is a former columnist from deciding to adopt to raising teenage daughters, from coming home a they come here not by choice but by u and foreign editor of The Globe and from China to going back for heritage trips. I am most fascinated by the h someone else’s design. Mail, now director of newspapers at the two adopted teenage girls’ own narratives about their life. Overall, this a School of Journalism at Ryerson University book tells stories about human interactions that enrich the life of both la The memoirs collected in The Lucky parents and children. Every parent should read this book.” in Toronto. Ones deal with infertility, moving to — Dr. Tony Tan, director of China Adoption Research Program, acceptance of a multiracial family, University of South Florida With contributions from Jasmine Akbarali, anticipating the adoption, reflecting Jasmine Bent, Cindy Boates, Lia Calderone, during the trip to China and, at last, Julie Chan, Denise Davy, Sarah Giddens, ISBN-13: 978-1-55022-823-6 grappling with an odd destiny — turning Havard Gould, Heidi Hatch, Patricia Hluchy, ISBN-10: 1-55022-823-4 terrible beginnings into happy endings. Douglas Hood, Tess Kalinowski, Margaret Lawson, Glen McGregor, Lilian Nattel, Susan Olding, Shelley Page, Sonja Smits, $19.95 ECW PRESS www.ecwpress.com Evan Solomon, Steve Whan, and a foreword Distributed in the U.S. by Independent Publishers Group by Jan Wong. and in Canada by Jaguar Book Group ecw foreword by Jan Wong “What a lucky girl!” Everybody who has adopted a daughter from China “What a gift! Here is a collection of personal revelations that tell us the t h has heard that one. And every parent good news: people are still finding high-risk ways to act with decency and e has said, or thought, in reply: commitment toward others. Here are some truly delightful, challenging, and heart-rending stories, written by both adopters and adoptees that will L “No, we’re the lucky ones.” topple any stereotypical views a reader may have about the adoption of u children from China. Lucky us who are given the chance to glimpse this c brave new world of families embraced by so much hope and goodwill.” k the This anthology sets out to explain why — Wayson Choy, author of The Jade Peony, All that Matters and Paper Shadows y Lucky Ones people who have adopted children O from China feel as though they’ve won “These compelling, poignant, lovely vignettes will resonate with anyone the lottery. who has ever adopted and thought about how their particular child or children n have come to be members of their families or what it means to them to e have the incredible luck to be parents to them. The editor’s selection of the Since the late 1980s, as many as 7,000 s artfully told stories describing the journeys of these men and women as Chinese-born girls (and a few boys!) they enter the unique world of adoptive parenting go to the root of what have been adopted annually and now it means to belong, of what comprises a family. It is a beautiful collection live in the United States, Canada, Aus- that belongs in the home of adoptive families everywhere.” Our StOrieS Of AdOpting Children frOm ChinA tralia, and Europe. They are officially — Jane A. Brown, MSW, creator of Adoption Playshops! orphans, victims of a rigorous birth E Edited by Ann Rauhala control policy limiting most families to “The Lucky Ones is a charming compilation of stories that highlight the joys d one child. of those families receiving their children, the sadness of those left behind i t in China, such as foster and birth parents, and the issues that the children e d The story of these children is compelling and families have confronted and will confront. It should prove edifying and entertaining for all who read it — those who are considering adoption, b as a narrative of hope and optimism but y those who have adopted, and those whose curiosity is simply piqued.” it may also become a story of dis- A — Martha Maslen, former executive director of Children’s Bridge location and crisis of identity. These n n baby immigrants add unusual texture “This book provides an excellent snapshot on every aspect of adoption, R to the lives of the families they join — Ann Rauhala is a former columnist from deciding to adopt to raising teenage daughters, from coming home a they come here not by choice but by u and foreign editor of The Globe and from China to going back for heritage trips. I am most fascinated by the h someone else’s design. Mail, now director of newspapers at the two adopted teenage girls’ own narratives about their life. Overall, this a School of Journalism at Ryerson University book tells stories about human interactions that enrich the life of both la The memoirs collected in The Lucky parents and children. Every parent should read this book.” in Toronto. Ones deal with infertility, moving to — Dr. Tony Tan, director of China Adoption Research Program, acceptance of a multiracial family, University of South Florida With contributions from Jasmine Akbarali, anticipating the adoption, reflecting Jasmine Bent, Cindy Boates, Lia Calderone, during the trip to China and, at last, Julie Chan, Denise Davy, Sarah Giddens, ISBN-13: 978-1-55022-823-6 grappling with an odd destiny — turning Havard Gould, Heidi Hatch, Patricia Hluchy, ISBN-10: 1-55022-823-4 terrible beginnings into happy endings. Douglas Hood, Tess Kalinowski, Margaret Lawson, Glen McGregor, Lilian Nattel, Susan Olding, Shelley Page, Sonja Smits, $19.95 ECW PRESS www.ecwpress.com Evan Solomon, Steve Whan, and a foreword Distributed in the U.S. by Independent Publishers Group by Jan Wong. and in Canada by Jaguar Book Group ecw The Lucky Ones OUR STORIES OF ADOPTING CHILDREN FROM CHINA Copyright © Ann Rauhala, 2008 Published by ECW PRESS 2120 Queen Street East, Suite 200, Toronto, Ontario, Canada M4E 1E2 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any process — electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise — without the prior written permission of the copyright owner and ECW PRESS. Hua Jun Gets Daddy by Douglas Hood was published in the FCC of Greater New York newsletter, Families with Children from China, Vol. 2, Issue 4, October 1995 and in A Passage to the Heart, published by Yeong & Yeong Book Co., St. Paul, Minnesota, 1999. It is reprinted with permission. As Traditional as a Child by Tess Kalinowski was fi rst published in The London Free Press May 13, 2000. It is reprinted with permission. All chapters are copyright © 2008 by individual contributors, except: As Traditional as a Child by Tess Kalinowski, copyright © 2000, Sun Media Corporation. LIBRARY AND ARCHIVES OF CANADA CATALOGUING IN PUBLICATION Rauhala, Ann The lucky ones: Our stories of adopting children from China / Ann Rauhala. ISBN-13: 978-1-55022-823-6 ISBN-10: 1-55022-823-4 1. Adoptive parents—Biography. 2. Adopted children—China. 3. Intercountry adoption. 4. Interracial adoption. I. Rauhala, Ann HV875.5.L82 2008 362.7340951 C2007-907093-0 Editor: Jen Hale Cover Design: David Gee Text Design and Typesetting: Melissa Kaita Cover photo: Catherine Farquharson Printing: Transcontinental The publication of The Lucky Ones has been generously supported by the Canada Council for the Arts which last year invested $20.1 million in writing and publishing throughout Canada, by the Ontario Arts Council, by the Government of Ontario through Ontario Book Publishing Tax Credit, by the OMDC Book Fund, an initiative of the Ontario Media Development Corporation, and by the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP). Distribution Canada: Jaguar Book Group, 100 Armstrong Avenue, Georgetown, Ontario, L7G 5S4 United States: IPG, 814 North Franklin Street, Chicago, Illinois 60610 PRINTED AND BOUND IN CANADA For all our children and for the ones left behind Contents Preface ........................................................................................ix Foreword Jan Wong ......................................................................1 As Traditional as a Child Tess Kalinowski .....................................7 Tumbling Down Patricia Hluchy ................................................15 Double Happiness Evan Solomon .............................................23 At Lingyin Si Susan Olding ..........................................................31 This Child of Mine Denise Davy.................................................53 Two Boys, Two Girls Sonja Smits ...............................................65 About Margaret Havard Gould ..................................................71 This Baby’s Going to Fly Ann Rauhala ......................................77 Carry Me Jasmine Akbarali .........................................................85 An Arranged Family Julie Chan ..................................................89 Hua Jun Gets Daddy Douglas Hood ..........................................97 Words Fail Margaret Lawson ....................................................103 At Home in a Small Town Heidi Hatch ...................................109 Bullets on the Bund: An Excerpt Steve Whan ..........................119 Why Not an Egg? Shelley Page .................................................125 Out of the Mouths of Babies Lilian Nattel ...............................137 “Face Your Fortune Bravely” Sarah Giddens............................143 Nice and Warm Cindy Boates....................................................155 A Month in Beijing Glen McGregor .........................................165 Just Known as Me Jasmine Bent ...............................................173 A Long Way from Hunan Lia Calderone ...................................177 Our Silk Road Douglas Hood ....................................................183 Appendix ..................................................................................189 Contributors .............................................................................197 Acknowledgments ...................................................................203