THE HEART OF COUNSELING More than any other text on the market, The Heart of Counseling is effective in helping students to understand the importance of therapeutic relationships and to develop the qualities that make the therapeutic relationships they build with clients the foundation of healing. In these pages, students come to see how all skills arise from, and are directly related to, the counselor’s develop- ment and to building therapeutic relationships. Student learning ranges from therapeutic listening and empathy to structuring sessions, from explaining counseling to clients and caregivers to providing wrap-around services, and ultimately to experiencing therapeutic relationships as the foundation of professional and personal growth. The Heart of Counseling includes: (cid:129) case studies and discussions applying skills in school and agency settings; (cid:129) specific guidance on how to translate the abstract concepts of therapeutic relationships into concrete skill sets; (cid:129) exploration of counseling theories and tasks within, and extending from, core counseling skills; (cid:129) videos that bring each chapter to life; (cid:129) test banks, instructor’s manuals, syllabi, and guidance for learning- outcomes assessments for professors. Jeff L. Cochran is a professor in the department of educational psychology and counseling at the University of Tennessee. Nancy H. Cochran is an adjunct faculty member in the department of educational psychology and counseling at the University of Tennessee and the treatment coordinator of the UT REACH Project. This page intentionally left blank THE HEART OF COUNSELING Counseling Skills Through Therapeutic Relationships 2nd edition Jeff L. Cochran and Nancy H. Cochran Second edition published 2015 by Routledge 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 and by Routledge 27 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2FA Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2015 Jeff L. Cochran and Nancy H. Cochran The right of Jeff L. Cochran and Nancy H. Cochranto be identified as authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilized in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. First edition published by Cengage Learning 2005 Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Cochran, Jeff L. The heart of counseling: counseling skills through therapeutic relationships/by Jeff L. Cochran & Nancy H. Cochran.— Second edition. pages cm Includes bibliographical references and index. 1. Counseling. I. Cochran, Nancy H. II. Title. BF636.6.C63 2015 158.3—dc23 2014027790 ISBN: 978-0-415-71242-2 (hbk) ISBN: 978-0-415-71243-9 (pbk) ISBN: 978-1-315-88406-6 (ebk) Typeset in Sabon and Myriad Pro by Florence Production Ltd, Stoodleigh, Devon, UK Additional materials are available on the companion website at www.routledgementalhealth.com/cw/cochran The first edition of The Heart of Counseling was dedicated to “the many students that we have come to know through deep sharing of feelings and ideas.” That dedication remains for this 2nd edition, with the addition of the many counseling students that we continue to learn with, plus the clients who continue to teach and inspire us to share our learning of healing and growth through therapeutic relationships. This page intentionally left blank CONTENTS Preface ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction 1 1 Twelve Concepts: Roots that Ground and Grow with the Heart of Counseling 6 2 The Rich and Subtle Skills of Therapeutic Listening 23 3 Striving for Empathy 48 4 Expressing Empathy 69 5 Striving For and Communicating Unconditional Positive Regard 89 6 The Delicate Balance of Providing Empathy and UPR in a Genuine Manner 116 7 Beginning with New Clients and Questions of Client Conceptualization 139 8 Structuring Therapeutic Relationships 164 9 When Clients Need Help Getting Started 183 10 Managing Client Crises with Therapeutic Relationship Skills 199 11 Ending Therapeutic Relationships 236 12 Therapeutic Relationships Across Cultures 264 viii CONTENTS 13 Connecting Heart to Hand: Doing More, Going Beyond, Staying True 280 14 Heart and Mind: Major Counseling Theories and Therapeutic Relationships 301 15 Bringing Heart to All You Do 316 Concluding Thoughts: Growing Your Therapeutic Relationship Skills to Become Who You Are 341 Index 345 PREFACE As counselor educators and supervisors, as well as counselors ourselves, we have written and now revise The Heart of Counseling to solve a series of related problems that we see as hurtful to the effectiveness of the helping professions for persons in need. We know from the literature of counselor development (Falender & Shafranske, 2004; Ronnestad & Skovolt, 2003; Stoltenberg, McNeill, & Delworth, 1998), as well as our experience, that it is natural for beginning counselors to yearn for quick fixes for client problems. It makes sense that many of us came into the helping profession to be active helpers, and therefore are eager to apply various counseling techniques. Con - foundi ng the situation is the contrast between beginning counselors’ need for concrete skills versus the fact that counseling concepts, especially those of therapeutic relationships, are highly abstract. One result is that beginn ing counselors are often tempted to dive straight into counseling techniques aimed at forcing immediate behavior change without developing a therapeutic relationship to ensure that clients own the changes they make. We know from experience and the growing body of supportive literature (Hubble, Duncan, & Miller, 1999; Norcross, 2002, 2011) that the therapeutic relationship a counselor forms with each client can be the most powerful tool for helping clients change. So one of our goals is to help readers see that “slow is fast”—to see the value of the therapeutic relationships they can develop. We frame all counseling skills through therapeutic relationships: from active listening and reflection to treatment planning, and explaining counseling to clients, parents, teachers and administrators; from deep empathy to structuring sessions such that change will happen; from unconditional positive regard for clients to helping clients manage crises; from genuineness with clients to reaching across cultures and beyond. We provide readers with extensive setting-based examples of counseling skills through therapeutic relationships in action. We help readers to be active learners, to see themselves in thera - peutic relationships in their settings, and to develop themselves for the therapeutic relationships they will form. We help readers see how counseling skills through therapeutic relationships form a foundation for all that coun - selors do, including: integrating techniques from theories of psychotherapy aimed at immediate client change, skill-teaching and guidance; assessment and diagnosis; hallway moments with clients in schools and other interactions