The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Goop Directory, by Gelett Burgess This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: The Goop Directory Author: Gelett Burgess Release Date: July 28, 2004 [EBook #13035] Language: English Character set encoding: ASCII *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE GOOP DIRECTORY *** Produced by David Newman. THE GOOP DIRECTORY OF Juvenile Offenders Famous for their Misdeeds and Serving as a Salutary Example for all Virtuous Children with Pictures by GELETT BURGESS Author of "Goops," "The Lively City o' Ligg," etc. 1913 INDEX Argyll, Marmaduke Talking While Eating Beal, Nancy Throwing Away Things Bildad, Master Selfish With Toys Bingg, Percy In the Way Birch, Betsy Talking in Church Boing, Levi Going Carelessly Call, Mary C. C. Crying Continually Coralie, Little Getting Feet Wet Crossett, Andrew Playing With Faucet Day, Annabella Obeying Slowly De Witt, Gwendolyn De V. Sulking Elfinstone, Adolphus Playing With Matches Fish, Amanda Stealing Sweets Fisher, Frederick Not Eating Crusts Hecht, Ezra Not Minding Mother Hopper, Midget and Bridget Restless While Dressing James, Amanda M. Calling Names Klein, Susie Whining Lees, Roberto Teasing animals LeGrand, Annie A. Lying and Fibbing Mackadoo, Miss Not answering McClung, Isabel Sticking out Tongue McGiff, Alexander B. Not Wiping Nose McGuff, Elias E. Rough and Rude McKim, Solomon Scuffing Feet Pell, John D. Ordering People Pound, Esau Leaving Things Around Puddingfoot, Eliza Cheating at Play Pratt, Amelia Saying "I Won't" Ray, Jumbo Snatching Toys Riff, Annie F. R. Snuffling and Sniffling Ropps, Felicia Handling Things Sloop, Percival B. Acting Uncleanly Smalt, Susie Blaming Others Sprooks, Sperry Tearing Books Stead, Uriah Not Going to Bed Trood, Rosie L. V. Playing With Food INTRODUCTION In this DIRECTORY you'll see Just what you never ought to be; And so, it should Direct your way To Good Behavior, every day. The children of whose faults I tell Are known by other names, as well, So see that you aren't in this group Of Naughty Ones. Don't be a Goop! MARMADUKE ARGYLL Talking while Eating A Goop that always makes me smile Is this one: Marmaduke Argyll. His mouth is full from cheek to cheek, Why should he then attempt to speak? It makes me smile, but still, the fact is, It is a most unpleasant practice. NANCY BEAL Throwing Away Things On the sidewalk Nancy Beal Throws her old banana peel; Throws her apple skin and cores, Right in front of people's doors! Isn't that a shocking trick? Ask that Goop to stop it, quick! MASTER BILDAD Selfish With Toys A puppy, when he gets a bone, Will keep it for himself alone. So Bildad would not share his toys Or lend them to the other boys. He was a Goop; and so are you If you are ever selfish, too! PERCY BINGG In the Way Percy Bingg, when he's at play, Is almost always in the way; In the room, or in the street, Always under people's feet! Goops like that annoy me so! You keep out the way, I know! BETSY BIRCH Talking in Church Look at little Betsy Birch, Always whispering in church! Always playing with the books, Never caring how she looks! Never knowing Goops like her Ought to neither talk nor stir! LEVI BOING Going Carelessly Are you a Goop, like Levi Boing? He never looks where he is going; He's always bumping into chairs, And stumbling, when he goes upstairs; He tips things over, bumps his nose. He can't be careful, I suppose! MARY C. C. CALL Crying Continually Mary Carey Cory Call— Hear her cry and hear her bawl! Hear her groan! Hear her growl! Hear her moan!— Hear her howl! She's the goopiest Goop of all, Mary Carey Cory Call! LITTLE CORALIE Getting Feet Wet Though Coralie was small and sweet, She always, always had wet feet. She liked to walk through puddles; so, She always had a cold, you know. But as you aren't a Goop, you try To keep your tootsies warm and dry. ANDREW CROSSETT Playing With Faucet Have you heard how Andrew Crossett Meddled with the water-faucet? Letting water flood the sink? Andrew was a Goop, I think; Otherwise he would have known He should let such things alone! ANNABELLA DAY Obeying Slowly How slow is Annabella Day! She's so reluctant to obey! She acts so sluggish and so sickly! Oh, Anna, why not do it quickly? Oh, Anna, do be prompt, and then, No one will call you "Goop" again! GWENDOLYN De V. De WITT Sulking Miss Gwendolyn De Vere De Witt Is having such a sulky fit! Because she couldn't have her way With other children at their play. A sulky Goop I really call As bad as those who cry and bawl. ADOLPHUS ELFINSTONE Playing With Matches Adolphus Elfinstone, of Nachez, Thought it was fun to play with matches Until the little Goop had learned It hurt a lot when he got burned! A little fire is queer and curious; But soon it grows quite big and furious. AMANDA FISH Stealing Sweets If there's sugar in the dish, Who will take it? Mandy Fish? If there is a box of candy, Just look out for little Mandy! She goops the fruit, and leaves the peeling— She calls it fun; I call it stealing! FREDERICK FISHER Not Eating Crusts Freddie Fisher fairly fussed When he came to eat his crust! Often on the floor he'd throw it, Hoping mother wouldn't know it! Goops all hate to eat the crust; If you're told to, then you must! EZRA HECHT Not Minding Mother What in the world would you expect Of a Goop whose name was Ezra Hecht? Of course he would refuse to heed Or mind his mother— yes indeed! Of course he would. Of course he did. But you must do what you are bid. M. AND B. HOPPER Restless While Dressing Mother always is distressed If you fidget when you're dressed. If you fidget like Miss Midget, Hopper, or her sister Bridget. Goops like that are so much bother, That they ought to dress each other! AMANDA M. JAMES Calling Names Amanda Minnesinger James She called her sister horrid names! She called her brother names, as well, So bad I wouldn't dare to tell! It's shocking how a Goop will act! They have no manners, that's a fact. SUSIE KLEIN Whining When e'er I hear a puppy whine, I always think of Susie Klein; I think of how she hangs her head, She doesn't speak— she whines, instead! Don't whine! If you don't speak right out, You are a Goop, without a doubt! ROBERTO LEES Teasing animals How thoughtless was Roberto Lees! (For only thoughtless children tease). He teased the little pussy cat, He teased the puppy! Think of that! He even teased his sister, too! I think he was a Goop—don't you? ANNIE A. LeGRAND Lying and Fibbing The queerest Goop in all the land Was Annie Annabelle LeGrand; She often said what wasn't true— Which is an awful thing to do! But we are honest, you and I, We think it's wrong to tell a lie! MISS MACKADOO Not answering This is a Goop— Miss Mackadoo; She never speaks when spoken to. When spoken to, she turns her eyes, And never answers or replies. She hangs her head and sucks her thumb— You'd think that she was deaf and dumb! ISABEL McCLUNG Sticking out Tongue Do you ever stick your tongue Out, like Isabel McClung? No one but a Goop would show Rudeness such as that, I know! If you're good, take my advice; Please don't do it! 'Tisn't nice. ALEXANDER B. McGIFF Not Wiping Nose Young Alexander B. McGiff Each day had a clean handkerchief. In spite of this, if you'll believe, He wiped his nose upon his sleeve! Nobody but a Goop would do it; His mother'd scold him, if she knew it. ELIAS E. McGUFF Rough and Rude Elias Ethelbert McGuff, Oh, he was rude and he was rough! He used to pinch, he used to poke, And called his rudeness just a joke. What made him plague his playmates so? He was a Goop and didn't know! SOLOMON McKIM Scuffing Feet I wonder if you ever meet The Goop who always scuffs his feet? He makes them drag along the floor As if they weighed a ton or more. Just think of Solomon McKim, And don't be slovenly like him! JOHN D. PELL Ordering People When John D. Pell wants something done, D'you think he asks of anyone? Oh, no! He orders someone to, With "Get my hat!" or, "Tie my shoe!" The Goops all say rude things like these, But you, of course, say, "If you please!" ESAU POUND Leaving Things Around When you're finished with your play, Do you put your toys away? Do you put away your hat, And your coat, and things like that? Or, are you like Esau Pound? He's the Goop who leaves things 'round! ELIZA PUDDINGFOOT Cheating at Play If you should ask why Rosamund Eliza Puddingfoot was shunned, I'd say, because she'd always cheat In every game, so she could beat. Only a Goop would act that way And be dishonest in her play. AMELIA PRATT Saying "I Won't" "I won't!" says young Amelia Pratt; "I won't do this!" "I won't do that!" Now isn't "won't" the naughtiest word That anyone has ever heard? Now isn't that the rudest way A Goop could answer? I should say! JUMBO RAY Snatching Toys No children ever like to play With such a Goop as Jumbo Ray. For he will snatch and grab the toys Of all the little girls and boys. Though Jumbo loves to fuss and fight, You know, of course, it isn't right. ANNIE F. R. RIFF Snuffling and Sniffling Annie Fanny Ruffle Riff; Hear her snuffle! Hear her sniff! Hear her sniffle! Hear her snuff!— See her—well, I've said enough. You have seen her, I suppose, The Goop who seldom blows her nose? FELICIA ROPPS Handling Things Funny, how Felicia Ropps Always handles things in shops! Always pinching, always poking, Alwyas feeling,