The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment, Dedicated to t, by Elisabeth Celnart This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: The Gentleman and Lady's Book of Politeness and Propriety of Deportment, Dedicated to the Youth of Both Sexes Author: Elisabeth Celnart Release Date: September 30, 2012 [EBook #40901] Language: English Character set encoding: UTF-8 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK GENTLEMAN, LADY'S BOOK OF POLITENESS *** Produced by Julia Miller, David Wilson and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net (This book was produced from scanned images of public domain material from the Google Print project.) THE GENTLEMAN AND LADY’S BOOK OF POLITENESS AND P R O P R I E T Y O F D E P O R T M E N T, DEDICATED TO THE YOUTH OF BOTH SEXES. BY Mme. CELNART. TRANSLATED FROM THE SIXTH PARIS EDITION, ENLARGED AND IMPROVED. BOSTON. ALLEN AND TICKNOR, AND CARTER, HENDEE & CO 1833. i Entered according to Act of Congress, the year 1833, by Allen and Ticknor, in the Clerk’s office of the District Court of the District of Massachusetts. BOS T ON: Kane and Co......127 Washington Street. ii PREFACE. The present work has had an extensive circulation in France, the country which we are accustomed to consider as the genial soil of politeness; and the publishers have thought it would be rendering a useful service on this side of the Atlantic to issue a translation of it. Some foreign visitors in our country, whose own manners have not always given them a right to be censors of others, have very freely told us what we ought not to do; and it will be useful to know from respectable authority, what is done in polished society in Europe, and, of course, what we ought to do, in order to avoid all just censure. This object, we are confident, will be more effectually accomplished by the study of the principles and rules contained in the present volume, than by any other of the kind. By persons who are deemed competent judges in such a case, this little work has been pronounced to be one of the most useful and practical works extant upon the numerous and delicate topics which are discussed in it. We are aware, that a man can no more acquire the ease and elegance of a finished gentleman, by any manual of this kind, than in the fine arts he could become a skilful painter or sculptor by studying books alone, without practice. It is, however, equally true, that the principles of Politeness may be studied, as well as the principles of the arts. At the same time, intercourse with polite society, in other words, practice, as in the case of the arts, must do the rest. The reader will find in this volume some rules founded on customs and usages peculiar to France and other countries, where the Roman Catholic religion is established. But it was thought better to retain them in the work, than to mutilate it, by making such material alterations as would have been occasioned by expunging every thing of that description. In our liberal and tolerant country, these peculiarities will give offence to none; while to many, their novelty, at least, will be interesting. The Translator. Boston, May 6, 1833. iii iv v CONTENTS. PART I. Page. Introduction. Of Propriety of Deportment, and its Advantages iii CHAPTER I. Of Propriety of Conduct in Relation to Religious Duties 1 Sect. 1. Of respectful Deportment at Church ibid. 2. Of religious Propriety in our Intercourse with the World 6 CHAPTER II. Of Propriety of Conduct in Relation to Domestic Duties 9 CHAPTER III. Of Propriety of Conduct in Conjugal and Domestic Relations 12 CHAPTER IV. Of Propriety as regards one’s self 19 Sect. 1. Of the Toilet ibid. 2. Of Reputation 27 CHAPTER V. Of Propriety in regard to one’s Business or Profession 32 Sect. 1. Politeness of Shopkeepers and Customers ibid. 2. Politeness between Persons in Office and the Public 38 3. Politeness of Lawyers and their Clients 39 4. Politeness of Physicians and their Patients 40 5. Politeness of Artists and Authors, and the deference due to them 42 6. Politeness of Military Men 46 7. Politeness of Ecclesiastics and Females of Religious Orders; and the deference due to them 48 PART II. OF PROPRIETY OF DEPORTMENT IN REGARD TO OUR SOCIAL RELATIONS. CHAPTER I. Of Deportment in the Street 50 CHAPTER II. Of different kinds of Visits 59 CHAPTER III. Of the Manner of receiving Visitors 75 CHAPTER IV. Of the Carriage of the Body 82 CHAPTER V. Of Physical Proprieties in Conversation 88 Sect. 1. Physical Observances in Conversation ibid. 2. Of Gestures 90 3. Of the Talent of listening to others 92 4. Of Pronunciation 97 5. Of Correctness in Speaking 100 vii viii ix CHAPTER VI. Of the Moral Observances in Conversation 104 Sect. 1. Of Formal and Vulgar Usages ibid. 2. Of Questions and frequently recurring Expressions 110 3. Of Narrations, Analysis, and Digressions 111 4. Of Suppositions and Comparisons 118 5. Of Discussions and Quotations 119 6. Of Pleasantry, Proverbs, Puns, and Bon Mots 121 7. Of Eulogiums, Complainings, Improprieties in general, and Prejudices 125 CHAPTER VII. Of Epistolary Composition 130 Sect. 1. Of Propriety in Letter Writing ibid. 2. Of the Interior and Exterior Form of Letters 136 CHAPTER VIII. Additional Rules in respect to the Social Relations 146 Sect. 1. Of an obliging Deportment ibid. 2. Of Presents 151 3. Of Advice 154 4. Of Discretion 155 CHAPTER IX. Of Travelling 159 PART III. OF PROPRIETY IN RELATION TO PLEASURES. CHAPTER I. Of Entertainments. 163 CHAPTER II. Of Promenades, Parties, and Amusements 171 Sect. 1. Of Promenades ibid. 2. Of Parties and Amusements 175 3. Little Sports and Games of Society 180 CHAPTER III. Of Balls, Concerts, and Public Shows 182 Sect. 1. Of Balls ibid. 2. Of Concerts 188 3. Of Public Shows and Spectacles 189 CHAPTER IV. Of the Duties of Hospitality 193 PART IV. OF PROPRIETY AS REGARDS OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES. CHAPTER I. Of Marriage and Baptism 196 Sect. 1. Of Marriage ibid. 2. Of Baptism 202 CHAPTER II. Of Duties toward the Unfortunate 205 Sect. 1. Of Duties toward the Sick, Infirm, and Unfortunate ibid. x xi 2. Of Funerals and Mourning 208 PART I. INTRODUCTION. Of Propriety of Deportment, and its Advantages. Propriety of deportment, or bienséance, is a happy union of the moral and the graceful; it should be considered in two points of view, and ought therefore to direct us in our important duties, as well as our more trifling enjoyments. When we regard it only under this last aspect, some contend that mere intercourse with the world gives a habit and taste for those modest and obliging observances which constitute true politeness; but this is an error. Propriety of deportment, is the valuable result of a knowledge of one’s-self, and of respect for the rights of others; it is a feeling of the sacrifices which are imposed on self-esteem by our social relations; it is, in short, a sacred requirement of harmony and affection. But the usage of the world is merely the gloss, or rather the imitation of propriety: since instead of being like that, based upon sincerity, modesty and courtesy, it consists, in not being constant in anything, and in amusing itself by playing off its feelings and ridicule, against the defects and excellences of others, provided that this is done with grace, and is never carried so far as to wound the self-esteem of any one. Thanks to custom, it is sufficient in order to be recognised as amiable, that he who is the subject of a malicious pleasantry may laugh as well as the author of it. The usage of the world is therefore often nothing more than a skilful calculation of vanity, a futile game, a superficial observance of form, a false politeness which would lead to frivolity or perfidy, did not true politeness animate it with delicacy, reserve and benevolence. Would that custom had never been separated from this virtuous amiableness! We should then never see well- intentioned and good people suspicious of politeness; and when victims to the deceitful, justly exclaim with bitterness, This is your man of politeness; nor should we ever have made a distinction between the fixed principles of virtue, and what is fit and expedient. The love of good, in a word, virtue, is then the soul of politeness; the feeling of a just harmony between our interest and our social relations, is also indispensable to this agreeable quality. Excessive gaiety, extravagant joy, great depression, anger, love, jealousy, avarice, and generally all the passions, are too often dangerous shoals to propriety of deportment. Moderation in everything is so essential, that it is even a violation of propriety itself to affect too much the observance of it. It is to propriety, its justice and attractions, that we owe all the charm, I might almost say, the being able to live in society. At once the effect and cause of civilization, it avails itself of the grand spring of the human mind, self-love, in order to purify and ennoble it; to substitute for pride and all those egotistical or offensive feelings which it generates, benevolence, with all the amiable and generous sentiments, which it inspires. In an assembly of truly polite people, all evil seems to be unknown; what is just, estimable, and good, or what we call fit or suitable, is felt on all sides; and actions, manners and language alike indicate it. Now if we place in this select assembly, a person who is a stranger to the advantages of a polite education, he will at once be made sensible of the value of it, and will immediately desire to display the same urbanity by which he has himself been pleased. If politeness is necessary in general, it is not less so in particular cases. Neither rank, talents, fortune, nor beauty, can dispense with this amenity of manners; nor can any thing inspire regard or love, without that graceful affability, that mild dignity, that elegant simplicity, which make the name of Frenchman synonymous with amiable, and make Paris dear, to whatever has understanding and taste. If all the world feels the truth of the verse which is now a proverb, Cette grâce plus belle encors que la beauté,1 every one also is sensible, that grace in conferring a favor, affects us more than the favor itself, and that a kind smile, and an affectionate tone, penetrate the heart more deeply than the most brilliant elocution. As to the technical part of politeness, or forms alone, the intercourse of society, and good advice, are undoubtedly useful; but the grand secret of never failing in propriety of deportment, is to have an intention of always doing what is right. With such a disposition of mind, exactness in observing what is proper, appears to all to possess a charm and influence; and then not only do mistakes become excusable, but they become even interesting from their thoughtlessness and naïveté. After the manner of St. Augustine, who used to say, Love God, and then do what you wish, we would say to those, just making their début in society, Be modest, benevolent, and do not distress yourself on account of the mistakes of your inexperience; a little attention, xiii xiv xv xvi xvii and the advice of a friend, will soon correct these trifling errors. Such a friend, I wish to be to you. In undertaking to revise, and almost entirely remodel, the Manual of Good Society, I have wished and have engaged to be useful to you. A more methodical arrangement of the work, more precise and varied details, in short, important applications to all conditions and circumstances of life, I venture to believe, will make this treatise worthy of its design. CHAPTER I. Of propriety of conduct in relation to religious duties. We have said, that propriety ought to preside over the sublimest instructions of morality, as it also regulates the gayest movements of pleasure. We proceed first, therefore, to consider religious deportment. SECTION I. Of respectful deportment at Church. Religious sentiment is the great, perhaps the only difference which we find between man and other animals. However it may absorb you by its depth, exalt you with delight, or withdraw from you in misfortune, this mysterious and sublime sentiment ought always to command your respect. Therefore, without objecting to particular differences of worship, never enter a church without submitting to the requirements of religion.2 Observe silence, or at least speak seldom, and in a low voice; uncover yourself; advance with a slow and grave step; stop, at the same time making an inclination of your body, if any ceremony engages the assembly. Whether the church be Jewish, Catholic, or Protestant, recollect, that in this place men honor the Creator of the Universe; that here they seek consolation in their troubles, and pardon of their sins. If you visit a church or any similar edifice, from curiosity, endeavor to do it out of the time of service. Contemplate silently the pictures, monuments, &c.; beware of imitating those vandals, who deface with their obscure and ephemeral names those monuments which are destined to endure for ages. Do not like them forget, that the only thing which you can expect is a smile of contempt from all enlightened friends of the arts. Do not wait till the keepers remind you of the remuneration due to their kindness in conducting you; offering it to them with your thanks on taking leave; and in order to this, be always provided with small change. The respect due to the place requires us to abstain from everything which resembles the cares of business. I have thus far spoken only the language of toleration, and of religious worship in general, but I am now going to use that of faith and devotion. Let the neatness and modesty of your apparel, and your discreet and respectful deportment, show that you perceive what is due to the house of God. Incline your body on entering; take the holy water;3 then advance by the shortest way, and without precipitation, to the place which you are to occupy; if possible, do not change it; neither put yourself in the passage, nor carry the chairs to a distance; take two together, to avoid turning your seat as circumstances may require in the course of the ceremony.4 If the services have commenced, place yourself in the rear, in order not to disturb those present by your coming. The same motive ought to prevent your going away before the end, except from pressing necessity. If you are accompanied by a lady to whom you owe deference, advance and present to her the holy water; prepare two chairs for her, and place yourself near. In leaving church, clear the passage for her; carry her prayer-book, present her again with the holy water, and hold the door open to let her pass. Indeed, these two last marks of politeness should be shown indiscriminately by well-bred people to any who happen to be near them, in entering or leaving the church. Kind regards towards our neighbors are a worthy accompaniment of devotion. If on a crowded occasion you have two chairs, it is well to offer one of them to those who have none; a man ought even to give up his own to a lady who might be standing. Every one knows that it is contrary to the sanctity of the place, to walk in a church as upon a public promenade; to convene there as in a private house; to cast on one side and the other looks of curiosity; to have a mien which displays uneasiness or weariness; to balance yourself upon the seat, or shake in an annoying manner that of the person before you; to carry with you dogs, packets, &c. During the sermon, it is necessary to endeavor to make no noise, and to bow with profound respect every time the preacher pronounces the sacred name of Jesus Christ.5 Whether you give or withhold an offering to the mendicants of either sex, they should be answered by a kind salutation. It is entirely contrary to religious propriety to press forward, in going to the altar; you ought to wait in silence your turn, without trying to supplant those before you; however, should you have any urgent motives, you can make them known with 1 2 3 4 5 mildness and politeness. Disputes which arise with regard to this, are at the same time an absurdity and impiety. When you take a place at the holy table, you should lay aside gloves, book, cane, &c. It is well for ladies to cover themselves with a veil half drawn; it is a mark of reverence as well as modesty. SECTION II. Of religious propriety in our intercourse with the world. If it is a fundamental principle of propriety of conduct not to wound any one in his self-esteem, his tastes, or interests, much more is it necessary to respect his religious opinions. To make sport of faith, that powerful, deep and involuntary sentiment, before which the law yields; to deliver to the pain of doubting, hearts just become pious and tranquil; to awaken a spirit of fanaticism and religious excesses; to cause one’s self to be considered by some as an imprudent, by others an unworthy person, and by all as an enemy to politeness and tolerance,—are the sad results of raillery against religious observances, raillery, too, almost always dictated by a desire of showing off one’s wit. These results take place without any exception; impious sarcasms in serious people constantly do injury; but they become still more revolting in the mouths of females, who, like angels, ought ever to show themselves lovely, pure, and free from passion; whom Bernardin Saint Pierre designates with much feeling and justice the pious sex. We ought not however to proscribe entirely delicate and happy allusions, or comparisons drawn from the sacred books, and made in a proper spirit. It is useless, I think, to adduce instances; suffice it to add, that rigor alone can reprove them, and that the occasion sometimes renders them very seasonable. As to religious discussions, they above all demand the most reserve and care, since without our knowledge conscience frequently becomes in them auxiliary to pride. If then you are unable to command yourself; if you do not feel enough of logical power, enough of grace, or at least of exactness of elocution, to contend with success, avoid controversies; avoid them through fear of committing, in the eyes of weak people, that religion which you defend, and of exposing yourself to lasting ridicule. But, whatever be the skill which you exhibit in eluding the arguments of your adversary, whatever be your triumph, and although your disposition should urge you, never turn a serious discussion into jest; from that moment you would lose all your advantages, and, although overthrown, your antagonist will recover himself with this just reflection, that ‘nothing is proved by a jest.’ Finally, while you manifest on every occasion a sincere and profound respect for religion, beware above all things of making a proclamation of your piety. Avoid talking with those in your parish, about your confessor, and your religious observances. If you do not distinguish yourself from the crowd, they will take you for a hypocrite, or a person of small mind. If you recommend yourself, on the contrary, by superior merit, they will think that you take pleasure in showing the contrast which exists between your exalted talents and your humble faith. Between ourselves, would they be in the wrong? 6 7 8 CHAPTER II. Of propriety of conduct in relation to domestic duties. Since we admit that there are duties of propriety relative to piety, there are also duties relative to filial piety, that other worship, that familiar veneration of the Deity, whom our parents represent on earth. The most sublime, the most touching marks of religion and of nature unite in commanding us to love and honor those from whom we have received life. We shall not offend our readers by supposing it requisite to insist upon the necessity of fulfilling a duty which is felt by all correct minds and all good hearts. The custom has prevailed of addressing the father and mother in the second person.6 This mark of great confidence, and affectionate freedom, ought never to degenerate into an offensive familiarity. We ought always to address them in a respectful and kind tone; to anticipate them in every thing; to ask their advice; to receive their reproofs with submission; to be silent with regard to the errors they may commit; to show them a lively gratitude on every occasion; in short, whatever advantage you have over them, be careful to conceal it, and consider them always your superiors, your benefactors and your guides. Besides the daily marks of deference which we should show to our parents, there are other particular attentions for which our affection should seek every occasion. At certain periods, such as the new year, the birth day or day of baptism, we should offer them tender congratulations, or ingeniously devised presents. We are not allowed to dispense with these delicate attentions. If you have success in the sciences or arts, make appropriate presents to those from whom you have derived the benefits of your education. If you are separated from your father and mother, write to them frequently; let your style be impressed with a devoted affection; repeat more particularly at the end of your letters the sentiments of respect and of love with which you should be inspired. As to what your uncles, aunts, brothers, sisters, and cousins require of you, you will know what are the duties of propriety in that respect, if you feel how dear family ties are; you will show towards some a respectful, and towards the others a friendly politeness. They should claim on every occasion your first visits and your first attentions; you should identify yourself with them in all their prosperity or adversity; invite them above all others to fêtes and meetings at your house, unless when you assemble a party on a special occasion, at which they would be entire strangers. You should always take care to invite your relations by themselves from time to time, to prove that you have no intention of slighting them. You may be more intimate with some of your family, and give them particular proofs of affection; but in these meetings you will do well to abstain from every act of preference. Without being at all wanting in cordiality, a little more ceremony should be used towards your relations by marriage, to whom you indeed owe as much respect as to your own relations. 9 10 11 CHAPTER III. Of propriety of conduct in conjugal and domestic relations. If any thing can render politeness ridiculous, and even odious, it is the disposition of certain persons, who in society are moderate, amiable, and gracious, but in private show themselves morose, rough and ill-natured. This fault, much too common, is one of the greatest inconsistencies of the human mind. You use all your exertions to please the world which you only see cursorily, and in which you have only power to procure a few moments of pleasure, and you neglect to be agreeable to your husband or wife, from whom you expect the happiness of a whole life. Perhaps it would be better to be continually capricious or harsh, for the contrast of your politeness in the drawing-room with your impoliteness at home makes you appear still more odious. Conjugal intimacy, it is true, dispenses with the etiquette established by politeness, but it does not dispense with attentions. In the presence of your wife or husband, you ought never to do those things which carry with them an idea of disgust, nor perform those duties of the toilet, which before any one but yourself offend decency and cleanliness.7 One ought never to permit disorder in his wardrobe under the excuse that he is just up, or at his own house. To dress with neatness, and elegant simplicity is important, even at home. The conversation of husband and wife cannot be elegant, and sustained in the same manner that it is in society; it would indeed be superlatively ridiculous that it should not have interruption or relaxation, but it should be free from all impoliteness and indelicacy. If at any time the society of your husband or wife causes you ennui, you ought neither to say so, nor give any suspicion of the cause by abruptly changing the conversation. In all discussions you should watch yourself attentively, lest domestic familiarity raise itself by degrees to the pitch of a quarrel. It is especially to females that this advice is addressed, and to the impressive words of Scripture, ‘woman was not created for wrath,’ we may add these, ‘she was created for gentleness.’ To entertain with a politeness particularly affectionate the friends of a person with whom you are connected by marriage; to respect inviolably the letters which she writes or receives; to avoid prying into the secrets which she conceals from you through delicacy; never to act contrary to her inclinations, unless they are injurious to herself, and even in this case not to oppose her, but to endeavor to check them with address and kindness; to beware of confiding to strangers or to domestics the little vexations which she causes you; to dread like poison marks of contempt, coldness, suspicion, or reproaches; to apologize promptly and in an affectionate manner if you have allowed yourself to run into any ill humor; to receive her counsels with attention, and benevolence, and to execute them as quickly as possible—these are the obligations of propriety and love, to which husbands possessed of gentleness bind themselves, by the sanctity of the vows which they have taken before God. There is a still more rigorous duty for a new husband, and for well married persons; they must abstain in public from every mark of affection too conspicuous, and every exclusive attention. Married persons who, in society, place themselves continually near one another, and who converse and dance together, do not escape the ridicule to which their feelings blind them. In society, we ought above every thing to avoid being personal; for a husband or a wife, is another self; and we must forget that self. Mothers, in particular, spare no caresses towards your children, occupy yourselves entirely with them, unless perhaps you fear to render them proud, difficult and insupportable; if you fatigue people by having them always present, if you encourage or repeat their prattle and their sports; if, on the other hand, you treat them with severity before strangers, if you reprimand or punish them, be assured every one will consider you importunate as well as ridiculous. Domestic propriety, which is at once a duty of justice, religion and humanity, is also a source of peace and pleasure. Servants treated with suitable regard, are attentive, zealous and grateful, and consequently every thing is done with propriety and affection. Who does not know the charm and value of this? Duties of this class require that you should never command your domestics with hauteur and harshness. Every time that they render you a service, it claims an expression, a gesture, or at least a look of thankfulness; it requires that you should be still more affectionate towards the domestics of your acquaintances, and especially towards those of your friends, whom you ought always to treat kindly. As to your own domestics, you should carefully beware of addressing to them any confidential or even useless conversation, for fear of rendering them insolent or familiar; but propriety requires you to listen to them with kindness, and give them salutary advice when it is for their interest. It commands us also to show them indulgence frequently, in order to be able, when there is cause, to reprove them with firmness, without being obliged to have recourse to the false energy of anger. 12 13 14 15 16 The ton of domestics ordinarily announces that of their masters. Never suffer them to remain seated while answering distinguished persons who ask for you. Take care that they do it always in a civil and polite manner; let them lose no time, if there is occasion, in relieving your visitors of their overshoes, umbrellas, cloaks, &c.; let them go before, to save your visitors the trouble of opening and shutting the door. When an announcement is made, let them inform themselves respectfully of the name of the person, and pronounce it while holding open for them the door of your room. If you are not there, let them offer a seat, requesting the guests to wait a moment while they go to call you. When visitors take leave, domestics ought to manifest a promptness in opening the outer door; they should hold the door by the handle, while you converse with the person whom you reconduct; they should present them respectfully with whatever garments they may have thrown off, and aid them in again putting them on; and should, if occasion requires, light them to the door, going slowly behind them. Accustom your domestics never to appear before you too poorly, or too much dressed; never to sit in your presence, especially while waiting upon the table; not to enter into conversation; never to answer by signs, or in coarse terms. It is only among the badly educated people of the small towns that they say, the ‘maid,’ the ‘boy,’ the ‘domestic,’ the ‘servant;’ and among the proud, ill-bred fashionables, who ape grandeur; the ‘lackey,’ the ‘valet,’ ‘my people;’ well-bred persons simply say, the ‘nurse,’ the ‘cook,’ the ‘chamber-maid,’ &c. and what is still better, they designate their domestics by their christian names. If you have ever met with those merciless housekeepers who give you a whole tariff of the commodities which they have been to market to purchase, attended by their maid; who entertain you constantly with the insults and unfaithfulness of their domestics; who fly into a passion before you on account of a glass broken, of which they require the value, and make you witness and judge of pert discussions occasioned by servants’ mistakes; if you have had the misfortune to dine with such persons, and have seen them hand reluctantly to their sullen maid-servants one key after another, to arrange the dessert brought by them with a good supply of ill-humor; if you have seen them go to the cellar themselves, and when they have just left the table, to arrange in a surly manner the wine, sugar, and delicacies, tell me, poor guest, if, turning your head away with confusion and disgust, you have not an hundred times said to yourself, ‘Oh! what living and disgusting models of upstarts or provincials.’ 17 18 CHAPTER IV. Of propriety as regards one’s self. Attention to one’s person and reputation is also a duty. If vanity, pride, or prudery, have frequently given to these attentions the names of coquetry, ambition, or folly, this is a still stronger reason, why we should endeavor to clear up these points. SECTION I. Of the toilet. Propriety requires that we should always be clothed in a cleanly and becoming manner, even in private, in leaving our bed, or in the presence of no one. It requires that our clothing be in keeping with our sex, fortune, profession, age, and form, as well as with the season, the different hours of the day and our different occupations. Let us now descend to the particulars of these general rules. The dress for a man on his first rising, is a cap of cotton, or silk and cotton, a morning gown, or a vest with sleeves; for a lady, a small muslin cap, (bonnet de percale,) a camisole or common robe. It is well that a half corset should precede the full corset, which last is used only when one is dressed; for it is bad taste for a lady not to be laced at all. The hair papers, which cannot be removed on rising (because the hair would not keep in curl till evening,) should be concealed under a bandeau of lace or of the hair. They should be removed as soon as may be. In this dress, we can receive only intimate friends or persons, who call upon urgent or indispensable business; even then we ought to offer some apology for it. To neglect to take off this morning dress as soon as possible, is to expose one’s self to embarrassments often very painful, and to the appearance of a want of education. Moreover, it is well to impose upon yourself a rule to be dressed at some particular hour (the earliest possible,) since occupations will present themselves to hinder your being ready for the day; and you will easily acquire the habit of this. Such disorder of the toilet can be excused when it occurs rarely, or for a short time, as in such cases it seems evidently owing to a temporary embarrassment; but if it occur daily, or constantly; if it seems the result of negligence and slovenliness, it is unpardonable, particularly in ladies, whose dress seems less designed for clothing than ornament. To suppose that great heat of weather will authorise this disorder of the toilet, and will permit us to go in slippers, or with our legs and arms bare, or to take nonchalant or improper attitudes, is an error of persons of a low class, or destitute of education. Even the weather of dog-days would not excuse this; and if we would remain thus dressed, we must give directions that we are not at home. On the other hand, to think that cold and rainy weather excuses like liberties, is equally an error. You ought not to be in the habit of wearing large socks (this is addressed particularly to ladies,) as socks of list and similar materials; much less noisy shoes, such as wooden ones, galoches lined with fur, shoes with wooden soles, socks, &c.; this custom is in the worst taste. When you go to see any one, you cannot dispense with taking off your socks or clogs before you are introduced into the room. For to make a noise in walking is entirely at variance with good manners. However pressed one may be, a lady of good breeding should not go out in a morning dress, neither with an apron nor cap, even if it is made of fine cloth and trimmed with ribbands; nor should a well-bred man show himself in the street in a waistcoat only, a jacket without sleeves, &c. We said before that the dress should be adapted to the different hours of the day. Ladies should make morning calls in an elegant and simple négligé, all the details of which we cannot give, on account of their multiplicity and the numerous modification of fashion. We shall only say that ladies generally should make these calls in the dress which they wear at home. Gentlemen may call in an outside coat, in boots and pantaloons, as when they are on their ordinary business. In short, this dress is proper for gentlemen’s visits in the middle of the day. With regard to ladies, it is necessary for them when visiting at this time, to arrange their toilet with more care. Ceremonious visits, evening visits, and especially balls, require more attention to the dress of gentlemen, and a more brilliant costume for ladies. There are for the latter, head-dresses particularly designed for such occasions, and for no other, such as rich blond caps, ornamented with flowers, brilliant berrets and toques, appropriate to the drawing-room. The nicest cloth, new and very fine linen, an elegant but plain waistcoat; a beautiful watch, to which is attached a single costly key, thin and well polished shoes, an entirely new hat, of a superior quality—this is a dress at once recherché and rigorously exact, for gentlemen of good taste and ton. One’s profession requires very 19 20 21 22 23