The Fragmenting Family This page intentionally left blank The Fragmenting Family Brenda Almond CLARENDONPRESS · OXFORD 1 GreatClarendonStreet,Oxfordox26dp OxfordUniversityPressisadepartmentoftheUniversityofOxford. ItfurtherstheUniversity’sobjectiveofexcellenceinresearch,scholarship, andeducationbypublishingworldwidein Oxford NewYork Auckland CapeTown DaresSalaam HongKong Karachi KualaLumpur Madrid Melbourne MexicoCity Nairobi NewDelhi Shanghai Taipei Toronto Withofficesin Argentina Austria Brazil Chile CzechRepublic France Greece Guatemala Hungary Italy Japan Poland Portugal Singapore SouthKorea Switzerland Thailand Turkey Ukraine Vietnam OxfordisaregisteredtrademarkofOxfordUniversityPress intheUKandincertainothercountries PublishedintheUnitedStates byOxfordUniversityPressInc.,NewYork BrendaAlmond2006 Themoralrightsoftheauthorhavebeenasserted DatabaserightOxfordUniversityPress(maker) Firstpublished2006 Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthispublicationmaybereproduced, storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmitted,inanyformorbyanymeans, withoutthepriorpermissioninwritingofOxfordUniversityPress, orasexpresslypermittedbylaw,orundertermsagreedwiththeappropriate reprographicsrightsorganization.Enquiriesconcerningreproduction outsidethescopeoftheaboveshouldbesenttotheRightsDepartment, OxfordUniversityPress,attheaddressabove Youmustnotcirculatethisbookinanyotherbindingorcover andyoumustimposethesameconditiononanyacquirer BritishLibraryCataloguinginPublicationData Dataavailable LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublicationData Dataavailable TypesetbyLaserwordsPrivateLimited,Chennai,India PrintedinGreatBritain onacid-freepaperby BiddlesLtd,King’sLynn,Norfolk ISBN0–19–926795–2 978–0–19–926795–8 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 For Ella, Toby, Jamie, and Joe This page intentionally left blank Contents Introduction 1 Part I. Understanding family: Philosophy’s contribution 1. Family 9 2. Permanentrelations?Love,marriage,andphilosophical lives 22 3. Fromphilosophytolaw 44 4. Feministaims,familyconsequences 58 Part II. Shaping families: Science’s contribution 5. Havingandnothavingchildren 85 6. Newreproductivetechnologies:Whosehumanrights? 98 Part III. New frontiers: Family, law, and politics 7. Familychoices:Whatdochildrenreallywant? 123 8. Law,policy-making,andthecontemporaryfamily 146 Part IV. Preserving identities: A future for the family? 9. Family,identity,andcommunity 171 10. Findingawaythroughthewood 188 Notes 208 Bibliography 238 Index 255 To forget one’s ancestors is to be a brook without a source, a tree without a root. (Chinese proverb) Introduction Whatisthefamily?Therearemanywaysofansweringthisquestion,but I takeas my starting point here G.K. Chesterton’s striking metaphor offamilyas‘thisfrailcord,flungfromtheforgottenhillsofyesterdayto theinvisiblemountainsoftomorrow’.¹Inmoreprosaicterms,itisthe chainofpersonalconnectionsthatgivesmeaningtoourhumannotions of past, present and future—a mysterious genetic entity that binds us in our short span of individual existence to our ancestors and to our successors.Butformany people, thesefamiliar domesticfoundations, taken for granted by previous generations, have begun to crumble. The signs are there in personal lives diminished by unstable relation- ships,brokencommitments,andlossofcontactwithawholerangeof peripheralbutimportantrelationships,fromgrandparentsandin-laws to distant cousins and aunts. But, while the family is not indestruct- ible, it is resilient. The family is, andalways has been, thefoundation ofcommunitiesinwhichthecherishingofeachindividualpersoncan flourish,andperhapstheonlyonethatcansurvivesocialchange,pre- servingtheshapeandstructureofcivilsocietythroughthevicissitudes ofhistory:warandpeace,theriseanddeclineofnationstates,demo- graphic fluctuations and economic change. The original architects of a liberal and individualist social philosophy are often taken to have propoundedamessageofself-interestandegotism.But,evenforthese earlierthinkers,the‘atomicindividual’ofmodernpoliticalthoughtwas an alien concept, unless perhaps as hermit, recluse, or solitary mystic. Even for them, as for their contemporary successors, the ‘individual’ whose self-determination sometimes needs protection from an over- zealousstatecanbeseen,notasarivalconcept,butasonethatisitself deeplyembeddedinthebroaderconceptoffamily.