The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Fool, by Channing Pollock This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. Title: The Fool A Play in Four Acts Author: Channing Pollock Release Date: June 9, 2015 [EBook #49181] Language: English Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE FOOL *** Produced by David Edwards, Kate Rooney and Ian Smith, Diane Monico, and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net THE FOOL A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS (cover) ACT III FROM THE SELWYN PRODUCTION ACT III FROM THE SELWYN PRODUCTION Photograph by White Studio THE FOOL A PLAY IN FOUR ACTS BY CHANNING POLLOCK "They called me in the public squares The fool that wears a crown of thorns." PUBLISHERS BRENTANO'S : : : NEW YORK BRENTANO'S LTD. : : LONDON COPYRIGHT, 1922, BY CHANNING POLLOCK All rights reserved First printing December, 1922 Second printing January, 1923 Third printing February, 1923 PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA The cast of "THE FOOL" as originally presented by Selwyn & Company, at the Times Square Theatre, New York, October 23, 1922 THE FOOL PRODUCED BY FRANK REICHER Scenic Production and Decorations by Clifford B. Pember THE PERSONS (In the order in which they speak) Mrs. Henry Gilliam Maude Truax "Dilly" Gilliam Rea Martin Mrs. Thornbury Edith Shayne Mr. Barnaby George Wright Mrs. Tice Lillian Kemble "Jerry" Goodkind Lowell Sherman Rev. Everett Wadham Arthur Elliott Clare Jewett Pamela Gaythorne George F. Goodkind Henry Stephenson "Charlie" Benfield Robert Cummings Daniel Gilchrist James Kirkwood A Poor Man Frank Sylvester A Servant George Le Soir Max Stedtman Geoffrey Stein Joe Hennig Rollo Lloyd Umanski Fredrik Vogeding "Grubby" Arthur Elliott Mack Frank Sylvester Mary Margaret Sara Sothern Pearl Hennig Adrienne Morrison Miss Levinson Wanda Laurence And a Number of Persons of Minor Importance Stage, screen and amateur rights in this play are owned and controlled by the Author, who may be reached care Selwyn & Company, at the Selwyn Theatre, New York. No performances or public readings may be given without his written consent. THE PERSONS (In the order in which they speak) Mrs. Henry Gilliam. "Dilly" Gilliam. Mrs. Thornbury. Mr. Barnaby. Mrs. Tice. "Jerry" Goodkind. Rev. Everett Wadham. Clare Jewett. George F. Goodkind. "Charlie" Benfield. Daniel Gilchrist. A Poor Man. A Servant. Max Stedtman. Joe Hennig. Umanski. Grubby. Mack. Mary Margaret. Pearl Hennig. And a Number of Persons of Minor Importance. THE PLACES Act I.—The Church of the Nativity. Christmas Eve, 1918. Act II.—The Goodkinds' Home. November, 1919. Act III.—"Overcoat Hall." October, 1920. Act IV.—Gilchrist's Room—"Upstairs." Christmas Eve, 1920. The action takes place in New York City. THE FOOL ACT I. Scene: The Church of the Nativity. New York. The set, representing only the chancel, is as deep as possible, so that, even when its foreground is brightly illuminated, the detail back of that is lost in shadows. Pierced by three fine stained glass windows, the rear wall looms above the altar, on which the candles are not lighted. In front of that is the sanctuary, and, in front of that, the communion rail, with three steps to the stage. Just right of these steps is a very tall and beautiful Christmas tree. The tree has been expensively trimmed, and has a practical connection for an electric-lighted ornament still to be placed at its top. Down R., a door to the choir room, and, down L., a door to the parish house and the street. These doors are exactly alike. Down L., two folding wooden chairs that have been brought in for temporary use. A tall stepladder L. of the tree, facing front. Down R., two wooden boxes of ornaments, that on top open and half emptied. There is a pile of tissue-wrapped and ribboned packages under the tree, and a general litter of gifts, boxes, and crumpled paper everywhere. The Church of the Nativity is fashionable and luxurious; the effect of the set must be that of a peeping into a building spacious, magnificent, and majestic. At Rise: Christmas Eve, 1918. The act begins in bright day-light—about half past three in the afternoon—so that the early winter twilight may have set in before its end. The sun's rays now come through a stained-glass window above the door L., so that the R. of the stage is bathed in white, the C. in blue, and the L. in a deep straw. Two women and a girl are discovered. Mrs. Henry Gilliam, bending over the box down L., is fat, forty, rich and self-satisfied. Her daughter, Daffodil, commonly called "Dilly," perched upon the ladder, is a "flapper." As regards her mind, this means that, at twenty, she is wise and witty, cynical and confident, worldly and material beyond her elders. Physically, she is pretty, and, of course, has not hesitated to help out nature wherever she has thought it advisable. Considering what has been spent on her education, she is surprisingly ignorant and discourteous, particularly to her mother, who bores her dreadfully. Leila Thornbury is a divorcee; thirty, smart, good-looking, with something feverish in her face, in her eyes, in her movements. Deliberately attractive to men, she is disliked, in proportion, by women. All three are very expensively dressed. Mrs. Thornbury has laid aside a fur coat on the cost of which twenty families might have lived a year. She is at the end of the stage, concerned with a number of dolls and other toys. Mrs. Gilliam [Turning with some ornament, on a level with her eyes she observes a generous view of Dilly's nether limbs]: Dilly, for pity's sake, pull down your skirt! [As Dilly pays no attention, she continues to Mrs. Thornbury] I don't know what skirts are coming to! Dilly [Pg 13] [Pg 14] [Pg 15] They're not coming to the ground, mother. You can be sure of that! Mrs. Gilliam What I can't understand is why our young women want to go around looking like chorus girls! Mrs. Thornbury Perhaps they've noticed the kind of men that marry chorus girls. Dilly Salesmanship, mother, begins with a willingness to show goods. Mrs. Gilliam Dilly! Pull down your skirt! Dilly I can't! That's all there is; there isn't any more! Mrs. Thornbury [Holding up two dolls]: What are we going to do with these? Mrs. Gilliam [Despairingly surveying the profusion]: Goodness knows! Mrs. Thornbury I've two engagements before dinner, and I've got to go home and undress for the opera. Dilly I gave up a dance for this. Mrs. Gilliam A dance at this hour? Dilly People dance at any hour, mother. Mrs. Gilliam What do they do it for? Dilly For something to do. [To Mrs. Thornbury] We're young and we've got to have life and gaiety; haven't we, Mrs. Thornbury? Mrs. Thornbury We've got to have something. I don't know what it is, but I know we have to keep going to get it. Mrs. Gilliam But you all waste your time so dreadfully. I'm busy, too, but my life is given to the service of others. Dilly What could be sweeter? Mrs. Gilliam Dilly! Nobody knows better than you that I've never had a selfish thought! Mr. Gilliam—— Dilly Of the Gilliam Groceries, Inc. Mrs. Gilliam Mr. Gilliam says I'm far too good! Mrs. Thornbury [Pg 16] [Pg 17] We agree with him, Mrs. Gilliam. Mrs. Gilliam Only yesterday I gave five hundred pounds of coffee and sugar to the Salvation Army! Dilly And today father jumped the price of sugar to thirty-two cents! Mrs. Thornbury Now—Dilly! Mrs. Gilliam [With rising emotion]: One gets precious little reward.... I can tell you! I sent helpful thoughts from the Bible to all Mr. Gilliam's employes! Now they're on strike, and the man that got "Be content with your wages" is leading the strikers!... Where's the Star of Bethlehem? [To conceal her agitation, she has turned to the box.] Dilly It doesn't work, mother. Mrs. Thornbury Are those your husband's men—on the front steps? Mrs. Gilliam Oh, no! Those are people from the sweat shops! They're starving, I hear, and Mr. Gilliam says it serves 'em right! [Bringing forth a small case] What's the matter with the Star of Bethlehem? Dilly Oh, the usual! Whoever heard of the lights working on a Christmas Tree? Mrs. Gilliam [Holding up the star]: But this must work. Mrs. Tice had it made to order—of Parisian diamonds. It cost a hundred dollars. Dilly [Reaching for the gewgaw]: All right! It's better than nothing! [She takes it, and starts to ascend] Hold the ladder, mother! It wiggles! [Mrs. Gilliam obeys.] Mrs. Thornbury [She has ribboned both dolls, and sets that just finished beside its companion on the chair]: There! [Rises] I'm half dead, and there can't be any more presents! [Starts up for her coat] I'd give my left hand for a cigarette! Mrs. Gilliam Not here! Mrs. Thornbury I don't know why not. We've had almost everything else. Dilly Mother's so Mid-Victorian! And ministers are finding they've got to do something to make church-going attractive. What do we get out of it now? I've heard of preachers who go in for dances and movies, and they draw crowds, too. Naturally! Who wouldn't go to church to get a squint at Douglas Fairbanks? [She has hung the star] I'm through! Mrs. Gilliam Then come down. Dilly Believe me, I'm glad to get off this thing! [She descends unsteadily] When I think I broke an engagement with the best fox-trotter in New York to do a shimmy with a ladder—— [Mr. Barnaby, package-laden, enters L. He is the sexton, and of the age, manner and appearance peculiar to sextons] Oh, Mr. Barnaby! Mrs. Thornbury [Pg 18] [Pg 19] [Turns and is appalled at his burden]: What have you got? Mr. Barnaby Some more presents. Mrs. Gilliam Good Lord! Mr. Barnaby [Deposits his bundles on the steps L.C.]: Mrs. Tice brought them. She and Mr. Jerry Goodkind. [Mrs. Gilliam nudges Dilly] They're just coming in. Mrs. Gilliam [Sotto voce]: Dilly, powder your nose! [Dilly takes her bag from the communion rail, and obeys] Mr. Barnaby, our star won't light. Will you see if you can fix it? [Mr. Barnaby's mind is on Mrs. Tice. She is much too rich to open a door. He is edging L.] Mrs. Thornbury And Mr. Barnaby—— [Voices off L.] Mr. Barnaby One moment! [He opens the door L. Enter Mrs. Tice followed by Jerry Goodkind. Mrs. Tice has just entered middle-age, and refuses to shut the door behind her. Her wealth, which has given her an air of great authority, has made it possible for her to look a smartly-dressed young matron. The truth is that she is clinging to youth in an ever-lessening hope of "keeping" her husband. Beneath the "air of authority" is something cowed, and worried, and unhappy. Just so, beneath the smiling, careless surface of Jerry lies iron. He can be very ugly when he wishes, and he is always sufficiently determined to get what he wants, though he gets it generally by showing the urbane surface. Jerry would describe himself as a "kidder." He is 35; sleek, well-groomed, and perfectly satisfied with himself. His most engaging point is a perpetual smile.] Mrs. Tice Hello, everybody! ["Everybody" returns the greeting] Who are those people on the church steps? A lot of dirty foreigners blocking the sidewalk! Mr. Barnaby It's the grating, Mrs. Tice. The furnace room's underneath, and they're trying to keep warm. Mrs. Tice Well, let 'em try somewhere else! [Recollection of unpleasant contact causes her to brush her coat] I don't mean to be unkind, but there must be missions or something! [Mr. Barnaby removes the coat, and then climbs to attend to the star] Mrs. Thornbury We didn't hope to see you here, Mr. Goodkind. Mrs. Tice I met him in front of Tiffany's! Jerry The most dangerous corner in New York! Mrs. Tice And lured him here by mentioning that Clare Jewett was helping us. Dilly Somebody page Mr. Gilchrist! Mrs. Gilliam Dilly! What a way of saying that Clare is engaged to the assistant rector!... Dilly's looking well today, isn't she, Mr. [Pg 20] [Pg 21] [Pg 22] Goodkind? So young, and—— Jerry And fresh. Dilly Oh, boy! Mrs. Tice Do come and see what I've got for the girls of the Bible Class! Mrs. Thornbury Testaments? Mrs. Tice That's just it; I haven't! Bibles are so bromidic! I want to give them something they can really use! And it's so hard to think of presents for those girls; they've got everything! [Opening a small parcel she has withheld from Mr. Barnaby] Guess how I've solved the problem! Mrs. Thornbury I can't! Mrs. Gilliam I haven't an idea! Dilly I'm dying to know! Mrs. Tice [Impressively. Displaying the gift]: Sterling silver vanity cases! Dilly [Taking it]: How ducky! Mrs. Thornbury Charming! Mrs. Gilliam An inspiration! Dilly [Showing it to Jerry]: All complete—lip-stick, powder and some nice, red rouge. Jerry [Cynically]: To put on before you pray? Dilly Precisely. To put on—before we—prey! Mrs. Thornbury [Gathering up her coat]: Well, good people, this is where I leave you! Mrs. Gilliam [With the air of one bereft]: Oh, Mrs. Thornbury! Mrs. Thornbury I've done my "one kind deed" today, and I've an engagement for dinner. Jerry Permit me. [Helping her.] Some coat! Mrs. Thornbury [Pg 23] [Pg 24] Yes ... thanks.... See you all tomorrow at the Christmas Service! Good-bye, everybody! And Mr. Goodkind! Miss Jewett's wrapping things in the choir room! [Everybody laughs. She exits L.] Mr. Barnaby I'll just try those lights. [Exits L.] Mrs. Gilliam She has an engagement for dinner, but you notice she didn't say with whom! I don't think they ought to allow divorced women in the church! Mrs. Tice [Virtuously]: The church won't marry them! Mrs. Gilliam That's the trouble! Dilly [Indicating]: The church will let 'em give stained glass windows! Mrs. Gilliam Where does she get all her money? Mrs. Tice Billy settled for thirty-six thousand a year! Jerry [With growing amusement]: Think of getting thirty-six thousand a year out of munitions!... Gee, what a lot of lives that coat must have cost! [Everybody laughs, and, on the laugh, enter Dr. Wadham. He is not the stage clergyman. On the contrary, he is a very pleasant and plausible person—plausible because he believes implicitly in himself. He has passed sixty, and has a really kind heart. But he has had no experience with life, and he has never been uncomfortable.] Dilly [Hearing the door closed, looks around. Surprised]: Here's Dr. Wadham! Mrs. Gilliam Why, Doctor! Mrs. Tice We didn't know you were back. Jerry I didn't know you'd been away, Doctor. Dr. Wadham [Shakes hands]: Ten days; attending a Conference on the Proper Use of Eucharistic Candles. It's a subject on which I feel rather strongly. [Turns R.] It's pleasant to see you, Mrs. Tice. And Miss Daffodil. Mrs. Gilliam Isn't Dilly looking wonderful? Dr. Wadham Quite wonderful! [Glancing at the tree] And what a beautiful tree! The star lights up, I suppose. Dilly Well, we have hopes! Dr. Wadham Don't let me interrupt. I've only dropped in to keep an appointment with the wardens. [Pg 25] [Pg 26] Mrs. Gilliam We're all through, except for putting these gifts under the tree. [She busies herself with that task] Miss Jewett will be in with hers any minute. [Jerry, who has been contemplating an excursion to the choir room, returns from the door, and helps Mrs. Gilliam] The star is real imitation diamonds. A gift from Mrs. Tice. Mrs. Tice [Joining Dr. Wadham L.C.]: Speaking of gifts, Doctor—— Dr. Wadham Yes, dear lady. Mrs. Tice My husband wanted me to have a little talk with you about his check. [She pauses for encouragement, finding what she has been told to say a trifle difficult] You know, he promised five thousand dollars to beautify the parlor of the Parish House. Dr. Wadham [Foreseeing trouble]: Oh, yes. Mrs. Tice And since then—well, frankly, Doctor, John was very much upset about last Sunday's sermon. Mr. Gilchrist preached from the text about the rich man entering the Kingdom of Heaven. Dr. Wadham Always a trifle dangerous. Mrs. Tice Yes, and last Sunday it seemed as if he were directing all his remarks at John. We're in the first pew, you know, and John says he doesn't like to complain, but there's getting to be altogether too much of this—Bolshevism. John says the preachers are more than half to blame for the present social unrest. I heard the sermon, and I agree with John that some of it was positively insulting! Dr. Wadham Mr. Gilchrist is young. Jerry Mr. Gilchrist is a nut! Mrs. Tice Do you know what he said, Doctor? He said all this—"decking the church"—was making an accomplice of God. He said we couldn't take credit to ourselves for returning a small portion of our ill-gotten gains! Mrs. Gilliam Small portion! When I've just given away five hundred pounds of coffee! Mrs. Tice He said charity wasn't giving away what you didn't want! Mrs. Gilliam It was good coffee, too! Our second best coffee! Mrs. Tice Of course, what John objected to was the reference to rents—to charging clerks and bookkeepers more than they could pay for "wretched little flats." John says he doesn't come here to be told how to run his business! Mrs. Gilliam Quite right! And I don't pay seven thousand dollars a year to hear my husband's coffee roasted! [They all laugh—the more because of the previous tension. Mrs. Gilliam, surprised at first, sees the point, and joins in the laughter.] Well, you understand what I mean! [Pg 27] [Pg 28] Dr. Wadham We understand, Mrs. Gilliam. Mrs. Gilliam Personally, I'm very fond of Mr. Gilchrist. His father had stock in our stores. But I don't think he's a good influence. This used to be a really exclusive church. Now, whenever Mr. Gilchrist preaches, there's such a crush of undesirable people in the galleries you can hardly get to your pew. We don't have that trouble with Dr. Wadham! [Clare Jewett enters R., her arms full of parcels. Clare is 28. Smartly dressed, though in a fashion that suggests thought rather than expenditure, and pretty, in spite of a certain hardness. The next sentence arrests her, and she stands in the doorway; not eavesdropping, but not interrupting.] Mrs. Tice Mr. Gilchrist was such a promising young man! Mrs. Gilliam So rich, and happy! Dilly [Tantalising Jerry]: And in love! Dr. Wadham He's still rich, and in love, and, I think, he's still happy. Jerry I've told you; he's a nut! Mrs. Gilliam I wonder if that's it. Don't laugh! He wasn't like this before he went overseas as chaplain. Is it possible he was gassed—or something? Clare Here's another armful of presents. Dr. Wadham Oh, how do you do, Miss Jewett? Clare I'm very well, thank you. Jerry [Starting to her]: Hello, Clare! This is a—— Mrs. Gilliam [Intercepting him C.]: Surprise! Ha! And you've been waiting for her half an hour! Clare [To Mrs. Gilliam]: I'm afraid we'll have to get Mr. Barnaby. There are so many packages. Dr. Wadham Can't I help? Clare Will you, Doctor? And Mr. Hinkle's in there praying for someone to consult about the Christmas music. Dr. Wadham I told Mr. Hinkle the choir'd better begin by singing, "Peace, Perfect Peace, With the Loved Ones Far Away." [Dilly laughs and turns up L., chanting "My Wife's Gone to the Country." Scandalized, Mrs. Gilliam hushes her.] [Pg 29] [Pg 30] Mrs. Tice And, Doctor! About the Parish House ... shall I tell my husband you'll speak to Mr. Gilchrist? Dr. Wadham Yes, I think you may even tell him that's why we're here today. [He exits R.] Mrs. Gilliam Dilly, do hurry! Mrs. Tice Can't I drive you home? Mrs. Gilliam Thank you so much! Good-bye, Miss Jewett. Good-bye, Mr. Goodkind. We must arrange for you to come up to dinner as soon as the holidays are over. [He bows] Dilly, say "good-bye" to Mr. Goodkind! Dilly Goodbye-ee! [Mr. Barnaby re-enters L. The door closing attracts Mrs. Gilliam] Mrs. Gilliam Oh, Mr. Barnaby, how about the lights? Mr. Barnaby I think the trouble's outside. Mrs. Gilliam You'll be sure to fix it? [Mr. Barnaby nods.] Mrs. Tice And will you put us in the car? [Mr. Barnaby nods again, and goes L.] I rather dread that mob at the door. [She follows, groping in her bag for a bill to give Mr. Barnaby] Good-bye, Mr. Goodkind ... and Miss Jewett, and, if I don't see you tomorrow, a Merry, Merry Christmas! [There is a chorus of repetitions of this wish, amid which exeunt Mrs. Tice, Mrs. Gilliam, Dilly and Mr. Barnaby.] Clare It's funny to find you in church. Jerry Why? My father's the senior warden. Clare [Laughs and takes up a parcel]: Whatever else you inherit, Jerry, it's not likely to be religion! Jerry Religion doesn't trouble the old man much—except Sundays. I came here to see you. Clare Why? Jerry You've been avoiding me. Clare Nonsense! Come help me with these parcels. Jerry I want to talk to you. [Pg 31] [Pg 32] Clare That's just it, Jerry. You always want to talk to me, and always to say something I don't want to hear. Jerry Why not? Clare [Simply, but not very surely]: I'm in love with someone else! Jerry You're what? Clare [Looking defiantly into the mocking face quite close to hers and, this time, with conviction]: I'm in love with someone else! Jerry You're in love with Clare Jewett! Clare You're very rude. I'm engaged to Mr. Gilchrist, and he loves me, and believes in me, and your sense of decency and fair play ... Jerry Inherited from my father? Clare ... should keep you from proposing to a woman who's going to marry ... Jerry You're not going to marry Mr. Gilchrist. [He lounges against the ladder.] What's the use bluffing? We've known each other since childhood. You know I'm not going to give up anything I want because it belongs to somebody else. And I know you're not going to give up what you want—comfort and luxury—for a crazy man who wears his collar hind-side before! Clare Jerry! Jerry Now that's admitted, let's go on. Clare Mr. Gilchrist isn't exactly poverty-stricken! Jerry No; he got quite a lot of money from his father. You like him and when you said "yes," you thought you were getting somebody you liked, and all the rest of it, too. But something's gone wrong with Gilchrist, and you know it! Clare Why do you say that? Jerry Because, if you didn't before, you heard this afternoon. I saw you standing in the door. And I'm going to tell you a few things more! Clare I don't want to listen! Jerry Maybe—but you will! Do you know that your young trouble-hunter has given away nearly one-tenth of his capital in three months? [Pg 33] [Pg 34] Clare No, and I don't believe it! Jerry All right; ask my father! The old man has his money in trust! Gilchrist won't touch his income from Gilliam Groceries, because they're profiteering, and he's preaching such anarchy that both wardens are coming this afternoon to complain to Dr. Wadham! I don't want you to throw yourself away on a raving bug! Clare And your advice is—— Jerry Marry me. I'm a nice fellow, too—and I can give you what you really care about. You're over your ears in debt, without any chance of paying up—or cutting down. And you are, shall we say, twenty-nine in October? I know what it cost you when your father died, and you had to come down a peg. You don't want to keep on—coming down, do you? Clare And so—you advise me to marry you? Jerry Yes. Clare [Looking at him squarely and significantly]: Knowing all I do know about you? Jerry I don't see how that concerns you. Clare It proves you don't love me. Jerry I want you, and I'm offering marriage to get you. Clare You haven't said one word of love. Jerry I've said: "What's the use bluffing?" I'm no movie hero—and no crazy dreamer. I'm a little shop-worn, perhaps— maybe, a little soiled—but I'm sane, and I'm solvent. You're good-looking, and smart, and a lady. You'll help my standing and I'll help your credit. For the rest—we needn't bother each other too much.... What do you say? Clare I say it's—revoltingly—sordid! Jerry [Looks at her an instant]: All right! [Takes out his watch, looks at that, and crosses to L.] You think it's sordid at 3.45 on Christmas Eve. Well, keep your ears and your mind open, and see how you feel in the morning. My telephone's six nine four two Rhinelander—and this is the last time I shall ask you! [Puts his hand on the knob]. Clare Wait! [He turns back] Whatever you believe of me, I love Mr. Gilchrist! Jerry Rhinelander six nine four two. Clare And, what's more, I'm going to marry him! Jerry [Pg 35] [Pg 36] [Pg 37]