This page is intentionally left blank Teenage Girls: Exploring Issues Adolescent Girls Face and Strategies to Help Them Ginny Olson 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 11 99//66//0066 88::3344::4477 AAMM Teenage Girls: Exploring Issues Adolescent Girls Face and Strategies to Help Them Adobe® Acrobat® eBook Reader® format Copyright © 2006 by Ginny Olson Youth Specialties products, 300 South Pierce Street, El Cajon, CA 92020 are published by Zondervan, 5300 Patterson Avenue Southeast, Grand Rapids, MI 49530. ISBN: 0-310-66976-6 Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version (North American Edition). Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other (except for brief quotations in printed reviews)—without the prior permission of the publisher. Web site addresses listed in this book were current at the time of publication. Please contact Youth Specialties via e-mail ([email protected]) to report URLs that are no longer operational and replacement URLs if available. Creative Team: Dave Urbanski, Laura Gross, Heather Haggerty, Janie Wilkerson, and Mark Novelli Cover design by Burnkit 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 22 99//66//0066 88::3344::4488 AAMM ACKNOWLEDGMENTS I’ve worked with, ministered to, and studied adolescent girls since I was an adoles- cent myself, so having the chance to write this book is a dream come true. And as is the case with most dreams realized, there are many people who’ve helped bring it into being, and I am deeply indebted to them. A huge round of thanks belongs to the team at Youth Specialties: Jay Howver, for the opportunity to take on this challenge and having the confi dence in me that I could do it; Roni Meek, who graciously kept me moving forward and gave her excellent guidance to the process; Dave Urbanski, who with his amazing talent always makes me sound better than I deserve; Laura Gross, who meticulously combed through the details to make sure the manuscript was accurate (any errors are mine, not hers); and of course the rest of the YS team who give so much of their lives to fi guring out how to best support those in the youth ministry trenches. I am also grateful for my colleagues at the Center for Youth Ministry Studies at North Park University. Jim Dekker and Alison Burkhardt selfl essly stepped in to carry the lion’s share of the load at school to allow me time to research and write. They have been amazing encouragers along this journey. And I am so appreciative for the rest of the Dekker clan who supported me along the way with encouragement, insights, and unbelievable home-cooked meals. This process would have been much more diffi cult if it weren’t for a small group of friends who committed to pray for me and constantly communicated their support as I was in my “writing cave”: Alise Barrymore (and the Emmaus Community), Deb- bie Blue, Justine Conley, Janice Knight, Andrea Sanderson, Terryl Scarbrough, and Gerald and Cynthia Stewart (and the Faith Community of St. Sabina). I am thankful for their friendship in ways they will never know. And of course, I owe a large debt of thanks to the numerous youth workers and adolescent girls who willingly and graciously shared their stories with me over the months and years. Their insights proved to be invaluable. And fi nally, this book is dedicated to my mother, who patiently loved and prayed two daughters through the journey of adolescence. Through her life, she showed us what it meant to be a woman of God and to dream big dreams. And for that I am extremely grateful. —Ginny Olson 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 33 99//66//0066 88::3344::4488 AAMM CONTENTS Contents No Tourists Need Apply 7 Chapter 1: Identity Matters 15 Background 17 Infl uences on Identity Development 19 The Contexts of Identity Development 20 Self-Esteem 27 The Youth Worker’s Role 28 Chapter 2: The Adolescent Girl’s Body—In Search of “Normal” 31 Her Body Is Changing 33 Her Secondary Sex Characteristics 36 Her Primary Sex Characteristics 38 Early Maturation 42 Late Maturation 44 Strategies for Youth Workers 45 The Youth Worker’s Role 46 Chapter 3: The Adolescent Girl’s Body—Body Issues 49 Body Image 51 Extreme Exercise 58 Obesity 58 Eating Disorders 60 Recovery and Treatment for Eating Disorders 70 The Youth Worker’s Role 70 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 44 99//66//0066 88::3344::4488 AAMM Chapter 4: Altered State: Adolescent Girls and Self-Injury 73 Self-Injury 75 The Youth Worker’s Role 78 Chapter 5: Dating Matters 81 A Little Dating History 83 Stages of Dating: Early Adolescence 83 Stages of Dating: Middle Adolescence 85 Emerging Patterns and Issues 88 The Youth Worker’s Role 93 Chapter 6: Sex Matters 97 Girls’ Sexual Activity—by the Numbers 98 Oral Sex: The New Game in Town 100 Incest and Sexual Abuse 102 Pregnancy and Abortion 104 Sexually Transmitted Diseases 108 Same-Sex Attraction 113 Chapter 7: Emotional Matters 121 The Turmoil of the Adolescent Girl’s Emotions 123 Stress and Anxiety 127 Depression 131 Suicide 137 The Youth Worker’s Role 140 Chapter 8: Brain Matters: Cognitive and Educational Issues 143 Gender Differences 148 A Girl’s Mental Development: Issues 150 The Youth Worker’s Role 159 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 55 99//66//0066 88::3344::4488 AAMM Chapter 9: Family Matters 161 When Puberty Hits… 162 The Role of Mothers 165 The Role of Fathers 168 The Impact of Divorce 171 Siblings 175 Immigrant Family Issues 178 The Youth Worker’s Role 182 Chapter 10: Friendship Matters 183 How Friendships Change from Childhood to Adolescence 185 How Girls’ Friendships Differ from Boys’ Friendships 189 Girls and Relational Aggression 191 Girls and Violence 195 The Youth Worker’s Role 196 Chapter 11: Faith Matters 199 Pre-Adolescent Faith 201 Early Adolescent Faith 202 Middle Adolescent Faith 205 Alternative Spirituality 206 The Youth Worker’s Role 209 Notes 211 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 66 99//66//0066 88::3344::4488 AAMM INTRODUCTION NO TOURISTS NEED APPLY 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 77 99//66//0066 88::3344::4488 AAMM TEENAGEGIRLS Anthony, the youth pastor, stood chatting with a couple of middle school students after church when Kayla slipped by on the other side of the hall. Anthony stopped in mid-sentence and called out, “Hey Kayla, when’s your next game?” The tall, lithe seventh-grader looked at him in sur- prise. She almost never came to youth group except when she was dragged by her parents. She didn’t even know the youth pastor knew her name, much less that she played basketball. “Wednesday,” she stammered. “Three thirty. It’s a home game.” Anthony nodded and went back to the conversation with the rest of the students. Kay- la walked away puzzled and skeptical. No one ever came to the games except a sprinkling of parents and teachers. But Wednesday afternoon arrived, and Anthony and a female small group leader were planted on the hardwood bleachers, cheering Kayla on. At the begin- ning of the game, Kayla glanced back from the bench and shyly smiled at the new visitors. Gradually, her mild bewilderment at their presence gave way to a confi dent grin of appreciation. That game was a turning point for Kayla. After that she never missed a youth group gathering. Not only was she a committed regular, she brought her friends, too. One night there were about 90 students at youth group, and Anthony was trying to divide them into three teams for a game. He then realized that more than a third of the students were Kayla’s friends. He ended up having to beg a few to go to the other teams. What seemed to be a simple, solitary act—cheer- ing on a student at a game—was in reality a very pow- erful example of the ministry of presence. What Kayla needed was someone to show up for her, to take an interest in entering her world. Anthony was willing to take up the challenge, and Kayla responded. 8 8 00331100226666332277__tteeeennggiirrllss__iinntt..iinndddd 88 99//66//0066 88::3344::4499 AAMM