(NO SNOOPING ALLOWED!!! ) Contents Acknowledgments Wednesday, January 1 Thursday, January 2 Friday, January 3 Saturday, January 4 Sunday, January 5 Monday, January 6 Tuesday, January 7 Wednesday, January 8 Thursday, January 9 Friday, January 10 Saturday, January 11 Sunday, January 12 Monday, January 13 Tuesday, January 14 Wednesday, January 15 Thursday, January 16 Friday, January 17 Saturday, January 18 Sunday, January 19 Monday, January 20 Tuesday, January 21 Wednesday, January 22 Thursday, January 23 Friday, January 24 Saturday, January 25 Sunday, January 26 Monday, January 27 Tuesday, January 28 Wednesday, January 29 Thursday, January 30 Friday, January 31 About Rachel Renée Russell To my wonderful sisters and BFFs, Damita and Kimberly. Thank you for being my real-life Chloe and Zoey! I’m proud (and very lucky) to be your big sister. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS To all my Dork Diaries fans—thank you for loving this book series as much as I do. The real Nikki Maxwell is actually YOU! Stay sweet and smart and always remember to let your inner DORK shine through. Liesa Abrams, the nicest, coolest, dorkiest (is that a word?) editor in the entire world. No matter how crazy things get, you’re forever the calm voice of reason and a bright ray of sunshine. I ALWAYS look forward to working with you (and your two inner tweens). You’re an author’s dream! Lisa Vega, my tireless and supertalented art director. You never cease to amaze me with your snazzy layouts and dorkalicious covers. And I STILL love your ice skates. Nikki Maxwell says she would LOVE to be your summer student intern ! Mara Anastas, Carolyn Swerdloff, Matt Pantoliano, Katherine Devendorf, Paul Crichton, Fiona Simpson, Bethany Buck, Alyson Heller, Lauren Forte, Karin Paprocki, Julie Christopher, Lucille Rettino, Mary Marotta and the entire sales team, and everyone at Aladdin/Simon & Schuster. Thank you for making this series the huge success that it is. What you have accomplished is quite mind-blowing. Daniel Lazar, my awesome agent at Writers House, who NEVER sleeps! Thank you for going above and beyond your duties at every turn. I adore your wicked sense of humor and endless enthusiasm for all things dorky. To put it simply . . . You ROCK! Also, a special thank-you to Torie for keeping us superorganized and sending me fabulous mail. Maja Nikolic, Cecilia de la Campa, and Angharad Kowal, my foreign rights agents at Writers House, for making Dork Diaries books available to children across the globe. I say “thank you” in thirty-two languages (so far)! Nikki Russell, my supertalented assistant artist, and Erin Russell, my supertalented assistant writer. I really cherish the time we all spend together creating our wacky Dork Diaries world. You make writing these books so much FUN that it almost doesn’t seem like work. Hugs, kisses, and lots of love from Mom! Sydney James, Cori James, Presli James, Arianna Robinson, and Mikayla Robinson, my nieces, for being brutal critique partners and willing to work for a weekend-long pajama party with endless junk food. WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 1 OMG! I CANNOT believe I’m actually going to go through with this! It’s supposed to be just a little prank. But I have to admit, I’m a little worried. I really need to think about the consequences of my actions. Because if something goes wrong, there’s a chance SOMEONE could actually end up . . . DEAD! DEAD !! YES, that’s correct. Namely . . . ME! Because if my parents find out about this stupid stunt I’m planning to pull, they’re going to KILL me! It all started when Chloe, Zoey, and I decided to have a sleepover during our winter break from school. We excitedly counted down the seconds to midnight . . . . “TEN . . . NINE . . . EIGHT . . . SEVEN . . . SIX . . . FIVE . . . FOUR . . . THREE . . . TWO . . . ONE . . . ” CHLOE, ZOEY, AND I CELEBRATE!! I was really looking forward to a brand-new year. Mainly because last year was filled with SO much drama. What better way to start things off than with me and my two BFFs having a WILD and CRAZY New Year’s Eve pajama party at Zoey’s house? We pigged out on pizza, double-chocolate cupcakes, M&M’s, and ice-cream sundaes, and then washed it all down with soda. Soon we were giggling hysterically and bouncing off the walls from a major sugar buzz. We were having WAAAY too much FUN painting our nails funky colors and playing TRUTH OR DARE to watch some lame disco-ball thingy drop in Times Square on TV. “Zoey! Truth or dare?” Chloe asked, locking her eyes on Zoey with an eager grin. “Truth!” she answered. “Truth!” she answered. CHLOE, ZOEY, AND ME, EATING JUNK FOOD AND PLAYING TRUTH OR DARE “I have a really good one!” Chloe squealed. “It’s SOOO romantic and from my FAVE book! Okay, who would you rather kiss, Deadly Doodle Dude or Hunk Finn?!” “Oh! That’s easy!” Zoey giggled. “I pick Hunk Finn. He’s the sensitive artist type and supercute.” “Yeah, but Deadly Doodle Dude is so . . . morbidly . . . beautiful and intensely . . . doodley,” Chloe gushed. That’s when I almost choked on my pizza. I know my BFF is a hopeless romantic, and I love her to death. But sometimes I worry that her TEETH might be BRIGHTER than SHE is. Crushing on a DOODLEY guy is just so . . . WRONG! I mean, is that even a REAL word?! If I was going to create the perfect guy, he would be KIND, have a good sense of HUMOR, and be adorably CUTE (just like my crush, Brandon). . . . ME, MIXING UP THE INGREDIENTS TO MAKE MY DREAM GUY “Your turn, Nikki,” Zoey said, and turned to me. “Truth or dare?” “Oooh! I have a really good one!” Chloe exclaimed. A wicked grin spread across her face as she whispered in Zoey’s ear. Zoey’s eyes got as big as saucers. “OMG, Chloe! Nikki is going to DIE if we ask her that!” she shrieked through her giggles. I scrunched up my face and nervously chewed my lip. Answering a truth about a fictional guy was fun and exciting.