Reviews of The Seriously Mum series by Alan Parks "What an engrossing read! Leaving England and moving to Spain, I know from personal experience, is tough and certainly life-changing. But this brave couple, not only uprooted themselves, but set up an alpaca breeding farm in rural Andalucia. I laughed and cried, sharing their highs and lows, willing them to succeed. An inspiring and fascinating story" - Victoria Twead, Author of NYT bestseller Two Old Fools on a Camel and the Old Fools series. "As you can imagine, their stories of adjusting to life in Spain just keep getting better, and in comparison with Driving Over Lemons, Alan and Lorna's tales seem more contemporary, and still as true of expat life today as when they arrived in Spain. This really is a ripping tale of authentic Andalucia, from a family known and loved within the expat communtiity, precisely because they chose to remove themselves and breed alpacas. If living the expat life appeals to you, or you are already doing it, then Seriously Mum, Whats an Alpaca? should be considered a must read." - Ronda Today “I really enjoyed reading Alan's account of his brave and adventurous move to Spain. Despite the many challenges - both emotional and physical - that Alan and his wife Lorna face, there is still a genuine feeling of happiness and almost childlike excitement about the whole experience, which shines through in the narrative. I'm almost tempted to pack up, move abroad, and try something similar myself. Nah, I'll just read Alan's sequel instead.” George Mahood, Author of the bestselling Free Country. “What a great read, I could not put it down until I finished it!” "Absolutely delightful. Humorous, well written. Well done, Mr. Parks." “So good - looking forward to the sequel!!” “A rollicking story of British ex-patriots in Spain.” “These books are hilarious, funny and entertaining. At the same time educative. Easy to read.” Seriously Mum, What’s an Alpaca? Alan Parks The first in the Seriously Mum series Also available in Paperback Table of Contents Introduction Chapter 1 ~ Crazy Idea Chapter 2 ~ What’s an Alpaca? Chapter 3 ~ An Assortment of Viewings Chapter 4 ~ The Olive Mill Chapter 5 ~ Lorna’s Decision Chapter 6 ~ Crisis Chapter 7 ~ Into the Frying Pan Chapter 8 ~ Goodbye Grey Sky Chapter 9 ~ Hello Blue Chapter 10 ~ Beautiful Girls Chapter 11 ~ Alone at Last Chapter 12 ~ Miguel, Fires and Giraffes Chapter 13 ~ The First Hiccup Chapter 14 ~ Problems with my Waterworks Chapter 15 ~ Alpaca Arrival Chapter 16 ~ Too Young, Too Rural Chapter 17 ~ Carlos Chapter 18 ~ Black Dancer Chapter 19 ~ Bingo Chapter 20 ~ First Cordoban Summer Chapter 21 ~ Christmas Chapter 22 ~ The Alpacas Return Chapter 23 ~ Fishing with the Locals Chapter 24 ~ “Pregnant? Of course not!” Chapter 25 ~ A Small World Chapter 26~ The Lost Goats Chapter 27 ~ The Happiest Dog in the World Chapter 28 ~ Galaxy Chapter 29 ~ Feria Time Chapter 30 ~ Kaci’s Birth, Lily’s Loss Chapter 31 ~ The Wettest Weather Chapter 32 ~ Spit Attack Chapter 33 ~ Foal Play Chapter 34 ~ Can’t Get Enough of your Love Chapter 35 ~ Alpaca Chasing Chapter 36 ~ Flystrike Chapter 37 ~ Eggs in the Morning Chapter 38 ~ Poor Lily Chapter 39 ~ Santa’s Christmas Delivery Have you ever licked a toad? Contacts and Links Acknowledgements About the Author Some character names in this book have been changed to preserve anonymity. Introduction To say that my life has changed over the last few years would be a drastic understatement. I have been through the wettest winters and the hottest summers imaginable. I share my beautiful home in the Andalucían hills with a menagerie of strange creatures. The inquisitive alpacas are a joy to be around, but, to be honest, the dogs can be a nightmare. I do my best to keep out of their way. Sometimes, just to be annoying, I like to walk past their fence. Sometimes I just sit there and stare at them, which really irritates them, especially the big one! When the chickens arrived I thought maybe they would be good for dinner one day. But I just can’t do it. I can’t imagine eating them. I enjoy my siestas by the pool, during the long, hot summer. If I can keep away from the kids for an hour or two, then the peace and quiet is fantastic. When we have visitors it’s always exciting. It means dinner will be something interesting. Hopefully the guests will have brought something special for me. Since those two strange people came to live here with us, I have had eight babies, and the last four left home not so long ago. This year’s were a handful, but I coped, I always do. As it’s winter, I spend most of the time in the barn, trying to keep warm in the hay. But soon it will be spring, the sun will shine and the birds will be back. Then it will be my favourite time of year, when the baby birds are hatching. Then dinner will be easy to get. Then I can return to my lazy life by the pool. Barb (Feral Cat) Chapter 1 Crazy Idea Animal Count: One dog (Geri) “Okay, tell me a bit more about this idea then,” said Lorna, as we battled against the wind on the seafront near Brighton. It was a couple of days since her revelation. “Well, I’ve been thinking. Why don’t we move somewhere else? You know, try something different? It would take the pressure off you, get you out of dancing, and also be something exciting and new for us.” Two days earlier, on a previous walk, Lorna had told me that she was struggling to keep up with teaching at her dance school. “I’m not sure how long I can go on,” she had said. She had been diagnosed with Sarcoidosis and Thyroiditis, after nearly two years of doctor’s visits and hospital appointments. It was making work difficult and taking its toll on all of us. “Hmm, okay,” she said, “but what would we do? I don’t know how to be anything other than a dance teacher. And you’ve only ever worked in shops. We can’t just drop everything and do something else.” “Do you remember that funny looking animal we saw at Prague zoo? The alpaca?” Lorna gave me a puzzled look, as though I’d lost my marbles. “Yes, of course. We loved him, but what’s that got to do with anything?” “Well, I’ve been doing a bit of research, and it looks like alpacas are quite a profitable business. I was thinking maybe we could breed them. Maybe move to Florida and do it?” Lorna was giving me a look that said, “I can’t believe we are even talking about this!” I knew I was pushing my luck with the Florida suggestion, but I was serious about the alpacas. “No way! I can’t move to Florida, Alan. What about the kids? It’s too far! Visiting would be expensive and you know how I hate flying! It's nine hours to Florida!” Lorna's two children, Mark, (24 at the time), happily living with his girlfriend, and Frankie, 18, and very close to her Mum, evidently put Florida out of the question. “Okay, okay,” I sighed. “I thought you might say that. What about Spain?” “Spain? Really? But you’ve never even been there! And you don’t like the heat. How would you cope?” “I’d be okay, I would get used to it. I think we should move away and do something completely different.” “Hmm...” “Frankie and her boyfriend could even come with us,” I suggested. “Well, I need to do something. I can’t carry on like I am at the moment. In tears one minute and having to put on a smile the next. Plus, if I give up teaching, I don’t want always to be known as ‘Lorna the dance teacher’ when we see people around town.” “Have a think about it then,” I said. “The house should be easy to sell.” Our house was situated in a desirable area, just outside Brighton, on top of cliffs, with a 180 degree sea view. Near our house was a country park, open to the public, which houses a sizeable number of llamas and alpacas. We decided to head there, to have a look around, and to think more about our idea. It is a beautiful place and we sat outside the cafe, in the sunshine, staring at the alpacas. It was that day that we fell in love with them. We wandered into the barn, where the babies were being kept for the first delicate days of their lives, before being released into the fields. One particular alpaca, Poppy, who had been orphaned the year before, wandered freely about. She had been hand-reared and was very friendly, nuzzling up under our arms for a cuddle. Curiosity attracted other alpacas too, who came to have a look, and take a little food from our hands before running away again. They were relaxing to watch and totally bewitching. “Could we really do this?” Lorna asked. “I think we could. Obviously we will have to do some research to find out more about them. But just imagine, what could be better than a life in the sun with these beautiful animals as companions?” “You know what they say, never work with children or animals. Well, I’ve spent 30 years teaching children, why not complete the set?” “Well, what do you think? Is it a yes?” “Oh my God! I think it is!” Lorna laughed nervously. So that was it. We would move to Spain and breed alpacas. Chapter 2 What’s an Alpaca? “Hi, Frankie, we need to talk to you,” Lorna said as her daughter came in through the front door. She’d been staying at her boyfriend’s house, and Lorna had called to say she wanted her to come home. “What’s wrong? What have I done?” was Frankie’s first reaction. “Nothing’s wrong, Frankie. We just need to talk to you about something. Something quite big.” Lorna explained about her illness and how difficult work had been during the past year. Frankie knew bits and pieces because she had been helping her Mum teach the classes, but I don’t think she realised the full extent of the problem. “We’ve been talking, and we think now is a good time for me to give up the dance school. We’re thinking of moving away, possibly to Spain, to do something different. Now, you have three options. First, you and Chris could come along and help us. Or you could stay here and take over the dance school. If you wanted to, of course. Or you might want to do something else?” Frankie looked horrified and burst into tears. After a few minutes, she gathered herself together again. “Okay then, when do we go?” was followed quickly by, “You said, ‘do something different’. What would we do?” “Well, we’re thinking about breeding alpacas,” Lorna said. “Bloody hell, Mum! What’s an alpaca?” asked Frankie through her tears. So Lorna explained. Breaking the news to Mark was no less emotional, but it was a little easier. He was living with his girlfriend and was settled. He wished us luck; his first reaction was “Great, free holidays!” Over the next few weeks we spent hours on the Internet researching these beautiful animals. We were fascinated by stories of people around the world, giving up successful careers to breed them, enjoying a fantastic lifestyle, and making pots of money too. We spent a day on an ‘Alpaca Experience’ in Devon, and the more we learned, the more we felt it was a possibility. Alpacas are enchanting. Every farmer, breeder and enthusiast we spoke to was full of positivity, both for alpacas as an industry, and for our idea too. Neither Lorna nor I had any experience with livestock, but Lorna’s family had always kept dogs and I grew up in a house with a couple of cats. However, we were assured, “It doesn’t matter if you have never been a farmer, these animals are easy to look after. They don’t get sick and they are cheap to feed.” Our research and farm visits backed this up. This lifestyle seemed so idyllic and perfect that we just wanted so much to be a part of it. The next stage was to find a suitable location to carry out the plan that was beginning to formulate in our heads. These days, with the Internet, there are so many properties out there to choose from. Something for everyone; from a rural idyll in the Slovakian hills, to a modern penthouse in Budapest, all at the touch of a button. Our choice of Spain was twofold; accessibility and abundant sunshine. There are cheap flights from most UK airports, important for family visits and emergencies, should they arise, and of course, Spain is renowned for its sunshine. During our Internet research, we stumbled across Peter and Penny in Andalucía. They had transported their herd of alpacas from the UK to Spain to launch the industry there. We made contact and arranged to meet them during a viewing trip.