Table of Contents Title Page Copyright Page Acknowledgements Dedication Preface Chapter 1 - SAPLINGS IN THE STORM Chapter 2 - THEORETICAL ISSUES-FOR YOUR OWN GOOD Chapter 3 - DEVELOPMENTAL ISSUES—“I’M NOT WAVING, I’M DROWNING” Chapter 4 - FAMILIES—THE ROOT SYSTEMS Chapter 5 - MOTHERS Chapter 6 - FATHERS Chapter 7 - DIVORCE Chapter 8 - WITHIN THE HURRICANE—DEPRESSION Chapter 9 - WORSHIPING THE GODS OF THINNESS Chapter 10 - DRUGS AND ALCOHOL-IF OPHELIA WERE ALIVE TODAY Chapter 11 - SEX AND VIOLENCE Chapter 12 - THEN AND NOW Chapter 13 - WHAT I’VE LEARNED FROM LISTENING Chapter 14 - LET A THOUSAND FLOWERS BLOOM Chapter 15 - A FENCE AT THE TOP OF THE HILL Recommended Reading COMING IN HARDCOVER FROM “[A] COMPELLING ACCOUNT.” —Roanoke Times & World- News “Pipher is an eloquent advocate.... With sympathy and focus she cites case histories to illustrate the struggles required of adolescent girls to maintain a sense of themselves.... Pipher offers concrete suggestions for ways by which girls can build and maintain a strong sense of self.” —Publishers Weekly “Pipher integrates literature, memoirs, and memories of her own adolescence and that of her daughter; she also has a deft way of summing up psychological phenomena in layperson’s terms.... Serious and thoughtful material presented with the fluidity of good fiction.” —Kirkus Reviews “A must read for all of us who care about the young women in our lives ... Reviving Ophelia arms us with information we can use in helping our daughters grow to adulthood with their strength intact.” —Lincoln Star Journal “This book is the first to explore carefully the many aspects of adolescence. It does so without blaming, vilifying, or shouting ‘Victim here.’ Instead Dr. Pipher uses clear, jargonless language and fascinating stories to challenge readers to look at what our culture does to teenage girls. Parents, teachers, and therapists alike will profit from Dr. Pipher’s knowledge.” —Dr. MARY KENNING Juvenile Justice System Minneapolis “Adolescent girls have always fallen through the cracks, but now they are tumbling into a chasm. Dr. Pipher goes deep inside their world and comes back with a clearheaded and compassionate report. We owe it to ourselves and our daughters to read this book.” —CAROL SPINDEL Also by MARY PIPHER , PH. D. SEEKNG PEACE WRITING TO CHANGE THE WORLD THE SHELTER OF EACH OTHER ANOTHER COUNTRY HUNGER PAINS Most Riverhead Books are available at special quantity discounts for bulk purchases for sales promotions, premiums, fund-raising, or educational use. Special books, or book excerpts, can also be created to fit specific needs. For details, write: Special Markets, The Berkley Publishing Group, 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014. THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc. 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL, England Penguin Group Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.) Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi—110 017, India Penguin Group (NZ), cnr Airborne and Rosedale Roads, Albany, Auckland 1310, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL, England All clients are composite characters drawn from my life experience and clinical work. Names and details have be changed to protect confidentiality. Copyright © 1994 by Mary Pipher, Ph.D. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. RIVERHEAD is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. The RIVERHEAD logo is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. PRINTING HISTORY First Ballantine Books trade paperback edition: March 1995 First Riverhead trade paperback edition: July 2005 eISBN : 978-1-10107776-4 Pipher, Mary Bray. Reviving Ophelia : saving the selves of adolescent girls / Mary Pipher. p. cm. eISBN : 978-1-10107776-4 1. Teenage girls—Psychology—Case studies. 2. Teenage girls—Family relationships—Case studies. 3. Self-esteem in adolescence—Case studies. I. Title. HQ798.P 305.23—dc20 http://us.penguingroup.com Acknowledgments Thank you to my family—Jim, Zeke and Sara and all the Brays, Pages and Piphers. I appreciate my writers’ groups—Nebraska Wesleyan Writers’ Group and Prairie Trout. I thank these writers for their help with this project: Pam Barger, Claudia Bepko, Carol Bly, Emilie Buchwald, Paul Gruchow, Twyla Hansen, Carolyn Johnsen, Jo-Anne Krestan, Margaret Nemoede, Marjorie Saiser, Leon Satterfield, Carol Spindel and Elizabeth Weber. I thank my writing teachers: Kent Haruf, Bill Kloefkorn and my first teacher, Charles Stubblefield. The following people helped me with the book: Nancy Bare, Randy Barger, Beatty Brasch, Ellen Brt, Laura Freeman, Sherri Hanigan, Anna Harms, Sally Jones, Karen Kelly, Brooke and Cathy Kindler, Mary Kenning, Dixie Lubin, Jane Masheter, Frank McPherson, Natalie Porter, Carrie Rodgerson, Jan and Amy Stenberg, Susan Whitmore and Jan Zegers. And I thank all my clients, whom I cannot name, for the many lessons they have taught me. I thank my friend and editor, Jane Isay, and her assistant, Rona Cohen. I thank my literary agent, Susan Lee Cohen.