red families v. blue families This page intentionally left blank naomi cahn and june carbone RED FAMILIES V. BLUE FAMILIES Legal Polarization and the Creation of Culture 1 2010 1 Oxford University Press, Inc., publishes works that further Oxford University’s objective of excellence in research, scholarship, and education. Oxford New York Auckland Cape Town Dar es Salaam Hong Kong Karachi Kuala Lumpur Madrid Melbourne Mexico City Nairobi New Delhi Shanghai Taipei Toronto With offi ces in Argentina Austria Brazil Chile Czech Republic France Greece Guatemala Hungary Italy Japan Poland Portugal Singapore South Korea Switzerland Thailand Turkey Ukraine Vietnam Copyright © 2010 by Oxford University Press, Inc. Published by Oxford University Press, Inc. 198 Madison Avenue, New York, New York 10016 www.oup.com Oxford is a registered trademark of Oxford University Press. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of Oxford University Press. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cahn, Naomi R. Red families v. blue families : legal polarization and the creation of culture / Naomi Cahn and June Carbone. p. cm. Includes bibliographical references and index. ISBN 978-0-19-537217-5 1. Domestic relations—Social aspects—United States. 2. Social change—United States. I. Carbone, June. II. Title. KF505.C34 2010 306.850973—dc22 2009048788 1 3 5 7 9 8 6 4 2 Printed in the United States of America on acid-free paper Contents Introduction 1 part one FAMILY MAPS one Moral Demography 19 two Sexual History 33 three The Age of Division 47 four Personality, Politics, and Religion 60 part two THE LEGAL MAP fi ve C ontraception: Securing the Pathways to Blue Family Life 77 six Abortion, Law and the Cognitive Map 92 seven The Irrationality of Adolescence: What the Adults Are Really Fighting Over 106 eight The Marrying Laws 117 nine Custody and Compromise 139 part three THE MAP TO THE FUTURE ten Marriage Advice in Shades of Pink 155 eleven Making Ready for Baby: Painting the Nursery Sky Blue 170 twelve Work and Family: Retooling the Foundation in Deep Purple 190 Conclusion 206 Notes 211 Index 269 This page intentionally left blank Acknowledgments We will never be able to look at a map of the United States again with- out seeing purple—and red and blue. This is the place/space/location for us to thank friends and colleagues who have supported us over the years that we have been involved in this project. First, we thank each other for our conversations, which have occurred over more than a decade and spanned several continents. As we’ve worked through our agreements—and disagreements—we’ve learned much about red and blue families, and about our own families. Second, we appreciate the extensive discussions, editing, and support— and vetting—that we’ve received from numerous colleagues, friends, and family members. Thank you to Bill Black, Deirdre Bowen, Paul Callister, Jane Curry, Tony Gambino, V ivian Hamilton, Brad Joondeph, Nancy Levit, Linda McClain, Rachel Rebouche, Carol Sanger, Mike Selmi, Mary Lyndon Shanley, Jana Singer, Mary Ellen and Charles Tay- lor, and Jeff Thomas. We’ve also benefi ted from presenting early pieces of this book at numerous conferences, including a cathartic meeting of the Baltimore/Washington Feminist Law Prof Group and “Red States v. Blue States: The Judicial Role in an Era of Partisanship at the Uni- versity of Missouri at Kansas City. We’ve been fortunate to work with Dave McBride as our editor at Oxford University Press and with his assistant, Alexandra Dauler. We’d also like to thank the research assistants who worked in Santa Clara, Kansas City, and Washington: Megan Monk, Lindsey Nel- son, Christine Waltz, and Annie Wang; and Kasia Solon, our George Washington University library liaison, who answered all of our ques- tions and helped us to answer ones we hadn’t yet asked. Naomi would like to express her gratitude to Fred Lawrence, who so ably supports faculty development. To our own families—Abigail, Louisa, and Tony, Bill, Galen, Genina, and Kenny—you color our rainbows! This page intentionally left blank red families v. blue families