Dedication This book is for everyone who felt too shy and too scared to face the day. I promise brighter times are possible. Copyright ©2015 Prufrock Press, Inc. Edited by Lacy Compton Layout design by Raquel Trevino ISBN-13: 978-1-61821400-3 The purchase of this book entitles the buyer to reproduce activity pages for individual use only. No other part of this book may be reproduced, translated, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording, or otherwise, without written permission from the publisher. At the time of this book’s publication, all facts and figures cited are the most current available; all telephone numbers, addresses, and website URLs are accurate and active; all publications, organizations, websites, and other resources exist as described in this book; and all have been verified. The authors and Prufrock Press make no warranty or guarantee concerning the information and materials given out by organizations or content found at websites, and we are not responsible for any changes that occur after this book’s publication. If you find an error or believe that a resource listed here is not as described, please contact Prufrock Press. Prufrock Press Inc. P.O. Box 8813 Waco, TX 76714-8813 Phone: (800) 998-2208 Fax: (800) 240-0333 http://www.prufrock.com Table of Contents Acknowledgements Author’s Note Introduction Part I. When Shyness Becomes a Problem Chapter 1.Understanding Social Anxiety Chapter 2.The Biology of Anxiety Chapter 3.Environmental Causes of Social Anxiety Chapter 4.The Impact of Social Anxiety Part II. Feeling Safe Inside Your Skin Chapter 5.Social Anxiety Comes to School Chapter 6.Social Anxiety and Friendships Chapter 7.Social Anxiety in the World Part III. Creating Safe Havens Chapter 8.How to Help Chapter 9.Developing an Action Plan for Home Chapter 10.When to Seek Additional Help Part IV. Social Anxiety FAQs Chapter 11.Social Anxiety Chapter 12.Social Skills and More: Specific Questions Regarding SAD Chapter 13.Educators Ask Questions Final Thoughts References About the Author Acknowledgements Writing is never a solitary sport. And bringing to life a book like this always takes the help of many in order to make it relevant. This list I’m certain is not exhaustive, but it does represent those without whom this book would not exist. To Lacy Compton and the team at Prufrock Press–once again your support, encouragement, and insistence on quality continues to grow my art and provide a platform from which I can help others. “Thank you” hardly seems adequate! To my writing partner, Michelle McLean—once again I must thank you for dropping what you’re doing and taking a few moments to read and provide suggestions on another one of my books. One day I’ll figure out how to repay you for this! To my real-life BFFs and cheer squad: Jodi, Kelley, Nancy, Jill, Corrine, Joe, Debbi, and Andrea—You are all such amazing friends and supporters of what I strive to do on a daily basis. Thank you for being willing to share stories, lend an ear, and just help when I need it. Trust me when I say that it never goes unnoticed. To Nancy Lewis and Jodi Curtis—Thank you for the last minute information on all things speech and language related and for pointing me in the right direction for some resources. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by such talent every day. To the hundreds of contributors from more than five countries—Your stories filled these pages and made my words more relevant than they would have been otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your lives and sharing your struggles and triumphs, your opinions, and questions. Although there were too many of you to name specifically, I do want to send a special shout-out to Erin, Gina, Sarah, Brittany, and the others who wished to remain anonymous in the book. You guys are fearless. Thank you! To the endless sea of support from the writing community, the bloggers, readers, and fangirls I never dreamed I’d have—I haven’t met most of you in real life, but wowza! You guys are really amazing. Your encouragement and understanding of the industry we all love is nothing short of amazing. Finally, my acknowledgements are never complete without a personal thank you to my family, both immediate and extended. To Dirck, Fabiana, and Erika—You are my life. Period. None of this would happen without your support and willingness to share me with my stories and my readers. To my extended family—Thanks for making sure my hubby and kids don’t feel too neglected when I’m under deadline. Thank you, also, for reminding me that there is a life beyond my books! The balance means everything. And no, I’m really not as stressed as I may seem from time to time! —Christine Fonseca Author’s Note As a practicing school psychologist, I have been on the frontline of the mental health crisis facing many school-aged children for almost two decades. These children increasingly suffer from mental health concerns inadequately addressed in private or public sectors, often resulting in significant impacts to educational functioning. Perhaps the most common mental health concerns I deal with in my daily job are anxiety and social phobia. Ranging from the mild case of performance anxiety to the more significant bouts of school refusal, agoraphobia, and selective mutism, children from kindergarten through high school are stretched to their limits. They’re asked to demonstrate coping skills beyond their capacity in order to deal with our ever-increasing stressful world, often with disastrous results that include increased school refusal, behavioral problems, suicidal ideations, and reduced resiliency. Most of my work with parents, educators, and children has focused on developing strategies for daily use to negate the negative impact caused by everyday stress. Through this work, I’ve witnessed the lack of information for parents regarding the causes and treatment of anxiety in general, and social anxiety more specifically. Without this information, parents are left to feel hopeless in the face of their children’s resistance toward building friendships, lack of self-advocacy, and school refusal. It is my goal that this book will provide some of the much needed answers in this area. Based on both my professional experience and the most recent, though limited, research on social anxiety in children and adolescents, this book strives to put into user-friendly language the science behind social anxiety. In addition, I’ve collected the best evidence-based interventions and tips to provide parents and children with the tools needed to end their cycle of embarrassment and humiliation and develop the skills needed in our complex social world. Finally, it is my desire that anyone dealing with social anxiety knows that he or she is not alone in this struggle. As one of my contributors to this project said, “Before I knew I had the disorder, I (had) never met anyone with it, or knew it had a name.” I’ve included case studies and direct quotes from the people impacted by social anxiety disorder throughout the book. Although I have changed the names and any identifying information to protect the participants’