“This is a timely book, as Adoption Services are structurally and bureaucratically being reorganised. In the confusion and chaos that inevitably follows, it is easy to forgetthatadoptionisultimatelyarelationalexperience.Thiswellresearchedbook looks at the attachment relationships, for all parties involved. Attachment is the touchstoneofthatexperienceandProphecyaddsdepth,historyandneuroscienceto enrich our understanding of that experience. She also adds her clinical experience andthatofothers,toaddtothenarrative.Averyrichandrewardingread.” Alan Burnell. Co-founder and Director of Family Futures “ThisremarkablebookprovidesarivetinghistoricalaccountofBritishsociety’sevol- vingunderstandingofnotonlymothers’butalsofathers’painfulexperienceofgiving upachildtoadoption.ProphecyColeshassucceededyetagaininvividlyconveying theemotionalimpactofbeingachildexistingfor9monthsinamother’swombonlyto faceanxietiesofseparationfromherandthefatherandplacedinthecareofothers.It seems imperative that professionals and both natural and adopting parents and their offspringdevelopanunderstandingofadoptionwhichthisimportantbookprovides.” Jeanne Magagna. Former head of Psychotherapy Services at Great Ormond Street Hospital and former Consultant to Family Futures Adoption and Fostering Consortium “With wisdom, and deep clinical and life-experience, Prophecy Coles has deliv- ered an evocative and thought provoking text on the important subject of adop- tion. Her unique personal voice shines though, as she weaves tales which are moving and peppered with understandings from literature, history, politics and psychotherapy, and most importantly, are infused with a heartfelt and compas- sionate appreciation of the complex issues that adoption raises.” Graham Music. Consultant and Child Psychotherapist at the Tavistock and Portman Clinic “This sensitive book by an experienced psychoanalytic psychotherapist, Prophecy Coles,extendsherfascinationwiththesadchancesthenewborninfantcansuffer.It isextraordinarythatearlydisruptionhasforsolongbeenoverlookedasaseriouslife eventfortheinfant,andforthechildandadultthathe/shebecomes.Suchlong-term effectshaveperhapsbeenintuitivelyknown—asthebookconveysacowlosingits calf is a crisis even a child can know deeply. Coles does face us with the stunning disadvantage and prolonged distress of adoption. We want so much to create an advantageforthedispossessedthatthedisturbancegetssilentlyshovedawayintoa darkcupboardandcanonlywithlongpersistencebetakenoutandlookedatagain. This book can help keep the difficult-to-face in front of us and recognise how pro- foundly we havealwayswantedtohideit. Surelyallcareworkersneedtouseitin thecaretheyprovideforpeopletheysupport.” Bob Hinshelwood. Fellow of the British Psychoanalytic Society, former Emeritus Professor in the Department of Psychosocial and Psychoanalytic Studies, University of Essex Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Illegitimacy, Adoption and Reproduction Technology In this book, Prophecy Coles traces the existential history of the unwanted child with particular attention to the illegitimate child, linking myth, literature and clinical practice in the historical and legal context of adoption. From the time of the Reformation in the sixteenth century until the early twentieth century the lives of such children were short-lived. The Adoption Act of 1926 did much to change the moral climate and the fate of the illegitimate child. It provided the child with a legal family and a name. There follows some unexpected difficulties that emerged after World War Two. Adopted children did notnecessarily thrive, and youngmothers who hadbeen forced togive upa child born out of wedlock revealed their suffering. The sealed records of the illegiti- mate child’s origins became an issue. Today, the children who are available for adoptionareolderandmaybedistressedbyseveralyearsincare.Fundamentalto helping these adopted children and their families there needs to be a multi-dis- ciplined therapeutic approach to try and mitigate the damage that has often been donetotheearlyinfantbrainthroughtrauma.Thisbookbringstolifesomeofthe adoption issues through the study of personal memoirs. Each chapter considers adoption from a different angle: the adopted child, the birth mother, the birth father, foster parents and adopting parents. The final chapter discusses some of the problems around adoption that have arisen again with reproductive technol- ogy and surrogate mothering. This book will be of value to all those who have been involved in or affected by adoption. It will be of special interest to those adopting parents who have not been properly prepared or supported in their magnificent work of taking on some of the most troubled children in our society. Prophecy Coles is a retired psychotherapist. In all she has written she has been pursuing the idea that the relationships we have with those other than our parents can leave a lasting impression on the patterns of our adult life. Her publications include, The Importance of Sibling Relationships in Psychoanalysis, Sibling Relationships, TheUninvited Guest from theUnremembered Past,TheShadow of the Second Mother and Psychoanalytic and Psychotherapeutic Perspectives on Stepfamilies and Stepparenting. Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Illegitimacy, Adoption and Reproduction Technology Strangers as Kin Prophecy Coles Firstpublished2021 byRoutledge 2ParkSquare,MiltonPark,Abingdon,OxonOX144RN andbyRoutledge 52VanderbiltAvenue,NewYork,NY10017 RoutledgeisanimprintoftheTaylor&FrancisGroup,aninformabusiness ©2021ProphecyColes TherightofProphecyColestobeidentifiedasauthorofthisworkhasbeen assertedbyherinaccordancewithsections77and78oftheCopyright,Designs andPatentsAct1988. Allrightsreserved.Nopartofthisbookmaybereprintedorreproducedor utilisedinanyformorbyanyelectronic,mechanical,orothermeans,now knownorhereafterinvented,includingphotocopyingandrecording,orinany informationstorageorretrievalsystem,withoutpermissioninwritingfromthe publishers. Trademarknotice:Productorcorporatenamesmaybetrademarksorregistered trademarks,andareusedonlyforidentificationandexplanationwithoutintent toinfringe. BritishLibraryCataloguing-in-PublicationData AcataloguerecordforthisbookisavailablefromtheBritishLibrary LibraryofCongressCataloging-in-PublicationData Names:Coles,Prophecy,author. Title:Psychoanalyticperspectivesonillegitimacy,adoptionand reproductiontechnology:strangersaskin/ProphecyColes. Description:NewYork:Routledge,2020.|Includesbibliographical referencesandindex.| Identifiers:LCCN2020006206(print)|LCCN2020006207(ebook)| ISBN9780367367428(paperback)|ISBN9780367367411(hardback)| ISBN9780429351099(ebook) Subjects:LCSH:Illegitimacy.|Adoptedchildren--Psychology.| Birthmothers--Psychology.|Fosterparents.|Adoptiveparents.| Stepfamilies--Psychologicalaspects. Classification:LCCHQ998.C652020(print)|LCCHQ998(ebook)| DDC306.874--dc23 LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2020006206 LCebookrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2020006207 ISBN:978-0-367-36741-1(hbk) ISBN:978-0-367-36742-8(pbk) ISBN:978-0-429-35109-9(ebk) TypesetinTimes byTaylor&FrancisBooks Contents Acknowledgments viii Introduction 1 1 Some of the myths surrounding illegitimacy and adoption 10 2 Bastardy 21 3 The prelude to the Adoption Act of 1926 33 4 Birth mother, illegitimacy and adoption 46 5 Fathers and their illegitimate sons and daughters 59 6 Foster carers 75 7 The adopted child 86 8 Adopting parents today 104 9 Reproductive adoption 125 Index 141 Acknowledgments This book could not have been written without the contributions of the following people: Silvia Biggs, David Black, Sue Boyd, Adrian Briggs, Adam Burnell, Faye Carey, Karen Ciclitiva, Coline Covington, Sophie Fletcher, Angela Foster, Kath Gott, Sarah Hadland, Melanie Hart, Anna Hopewell, Bob Hinshelwood, Maggie Huntingdon-Whitleley, Penny Jacques, Dennis Judd, Dorothy Judd, Jeanne Kaniuk, Kate Langley, Jeanne Magagna, John Mason, Graham Music, Lucy Peppiat, Eilish Quinn, Ann Scott, Laurie Slade, Jennifer Silverstone, Kate Springford, Jill Steward, Tanya Stobbs and Annabel Tarrant. I also wish to thank Alan Hall from the Wandsworth Library who was able to borrow all the books I needed. Without the continuing support of Kate Hawes, theCommissioningEditorofRoutledge,thisbookwouldnothavebeenwritten.I also wish to thank Hannah Wright who has overseen the production of this book and Lusana Taylor who has meticulously edited the script. Thank you to all my family who have taken an interest in my endeavour. I dedicate this book to Walter, whose support, through the many transcripts that I have asked him to read, has been tireless. Introduction When I came to the end of my last book on stepchildren and stepparents my daughter-in-law Tanya Stobbs asked me a far-reaching question: ‘Are there simila- ritiesbetweenbeingastep-childandanadoptedchild?’1Herquestionjoltedmeinto thinking how little I knew about the adopted child. Did they travel the same or a differentpathtothatofastepchild?Iftheirpathwasdifferentwherediditlie?AsI haveresearchedthisbook,Ihavediscoveredaworldthattheadoptedchilduniquely encounters and which carries an historical legacy that is quite different to that of a stepchild.InanswertoTanya’squestionItrytoshowthattheadoptedchildexperi- encesaworldthathasfewsimilaritiestothatofastepchild. My lack of knowledge about the difficulties of adoption and the consequences upon a person’s life is well reflected in a clinical example from the days when I wastrainingtobeapsychotherapist.Iworkedinaclinicthatofferedonceaweek therapyfor oneyearonly.Thiswasintheearlyeighties.Isawalonelyfifty-year- old unmarried man, whom I shall call Kenneth, and with my supervisor, we called him ‘the man who wasn’t there.’ He had been referred for mild depression and anxiety that his drinking was getting out of control. Why we called him ‘the man who wasn’t there’ was that his presence seemed evanescent even though he complied with all the rules, such as arriving on time and talking freely. He would give a detailed account of his week, and the amount of alcohol he had drunk and then turn to me for my supposedly therapeutic insight. For my part I came to dread making any comment on what he said because he would leap to agree with me and, in doing so, I knew he was leaving himself behind. We tip-toed around his early lifeand he vehementlymaintained that his adoptionat afew monthsold wasofnoconsequenceandhewasnotintheleastbitinterestedinthinkingabout his natural parents. It needs to be remembered that he was adopted in the 1930s when birth records were sealed. So my understanding of the difficulties an adop- ted child might face as he or she grew up was effectively ‘sealed off’ from me when I encountered Kenneth, and I made no substantial contribution to his understanding of his mild depression and drinking problems. It is only with hindsight that I have realised that one reason he ‘wasn’t there’ was because his adoption had left him with a fragile sense of belonging any- where. This meant that a therapy, that was already bound by an ending after one year, seemed to confirm his profound non-verbal belief that he was not wanted