ALI BABA and the forty thieves by Nigel Holmes (c) Copyright All rights reserved www.PantomimePantomime.co.uk You may NOT perform or rehearse this script without a written license from the author, Nigel Holmes. A licence and current performance price are available via www.PantomimePantomime.co.uk Any production group or company found using the whole or any part of this script without a licence will be prosecuted for copyright infringement. The rights of Nigel Holmes to be identified as the Author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act. ALI BABA and the forty thieves CAST LIST ___________________________________________ Ali Baba - Old enough to have a grown up son. He is a slightly weary man, who has been a wood cutter all his life and feels hard done by. Barbara Baba - The Dame. Played by a man. The wife of Ali Baba. Bouncy and full of fun. Must be able to interact with the audience. Hassan Baba - The son of Ali and Barbara Baba. Young and cheeky. Could be played be a young female in tights. (Principle boy style.) Kassim Baba - Brother of Ali Baba. A similar age, but has done better in the world. He leads a good life style as he married a rich widow and has made many shrewd investments. Somewhat greedy. Eyneeda Baba - Wife of Kassim Baba and a bit snooty. She looks down on Ali and Barbara. Thinking of them as the poor relatives. Mustapha Pea - Part of the comedy due. Much of the humour of the pantomime comes through them. Mustapha Pea is slightly more intelligent. Only slightly. They are part of the gang of Forty Thieves. Mustapha Widdle - The second part of the comedy duo. Just a little dim. Again, part of the Forty Thieves. This pair MUST be able to work well together AND be able to handle the contact with the audience. Al Racheed - The villain of the panto. He is the leader of the Forty Thieves. Very loud and over the top. Sure of himself. Yet doesn’t always get his words right and makes a few up. Morgiana - The slave girl of Kassim and Eyneeda. She is the love interest for Hassan Baba. Morgiana eventually becomes the heroine of the pantomime. Spirit of the Sand - The magical spirit. Twirling long ribbons and always spinning on and off. She performs the magic that makes everything fall into place. Vizier - Police chief or security for the palace. A commanding person who knows he has the power of the palace behind him. Karmel the Camel - A panto camel (skin) with two people inside. Cave door voice - Voice only. This can be done as a sound effect or live. Needs a soft female voice like in a lift. Perhaps with an echo or mechanical edge. Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 2. ACT I SCENE 1: THE BAZAAR IN CAIRO. Musical Number : Chorus and Villagers. Suggestion: Blinding Light - The Weeknd. THE SCENE OPENS TO A RIOT OF COLOUR AND MOVEMENT WITH TRADERS AND STALLS SELLING THEIR GOODS. VILLAGERS ARE MINGLING AND A FEW THIEVES ARE VERY OBVIOUSLY STEALING BITS AND PIECES AND BRINGING THEM FORWARD TO BE PLACED IN THE SACK HELD BY THE COMEDY DUO OF MUSTAPHA PEA AND MUSTAPHA WIDDLE. AT THE SAME TIME SOME THIEVES ENTER FROM THE BACK OF THE AUDITORIUM AND PRETEND TO STEAL COMEDY THINGS FROM THE AUDIENCE. THEY REACH UNDER CHAIRS AND "STEAL" CHICKENS, BAGS OF MONEY, UMBRELLAS, SNAKES, MICE AND/OR LARGE WOMEN'S JOKE UNDERWEAR. THEY DISPLAY THEM PROUDLY AS THEY MAKE THEIR WAY TOWARDS THE STAGE TO DEPOSIT THEM IN THE SACK. MUSTAPHA PEA AND MUSTAPHA WIDDLE SING THEY ARE COLLECTING THE STOLEN GOODS. EACH THIEF EXITS AS THEIR ITEM GOES INTO THE SACK. AT THE END OF THE MUSICAL NUMBER THE TRADERS AND VILLAGERS EXIT QUIETLY WITH THEIR GOODS DURING THE NEXT FEW LINES OF DIALOGUE AND BUSINESS. MUSTAPHA PEA PULLS A LARGE LADIES BRA OUT OF THE SACK AND STRETCHES IT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM. PEA: Look what one of our thieves has stolen. WIDDLE Wow! Amazing. What is it? PEA: I bet you've never seen one this big before? WIDDLE I'm not sure I've ever seen one at all before. PEA: Something like this can make a man go cross eyed at a hundred paces. WIDDLE What is it, what is it? PEA: Well... Someone in the audience is now missing a double cupped super dooper extra whooper sling shot. WIDDLE Really? A double cupped super dooper extra whooper sling shot? PEA: Yes. WIDDLE Wow! A sling shot. Double cupped no less. PEA: Most of those brave men out there (POINTS TO AUDIENCE) have at sometime wished they could get their hands on a sling shot of this size. WIDDLE Can we see it in action? Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 3. PEA: Why not? WIDDLE What can we put in it? PEA: What about these? (PULLING SWEETS FROM HIS POCKET) Then if we give it some tension, we might be able to hit someone in the back row. WIDDLE Wow! What an instrument of delight. PEA: It certainly is. Get ready! WIDDLE Before we do, have you checked with Health and Safety. They might say it's dangerous. You might take someone's eye out. PEA: I think the original occupant of this could have taken several eyes out. (TO AUDIENCE) Close your eyes, because here comes a big surprise. WIDDLE PUTS A SWEET INTO EACH CUP WHILE PEA HOLDS THE STRETCHED BRA LIKE A SLINGSHOT AND FIRES THEM INTO THE AUDIENCE. WIDDLE (SAID AS IF ANNOUNCING ON A TV DARTS SHOW) One hundred and eighty. THEY PUT THE BRA BACK INTO THE SACK. PEA: (TO AUDIENCE) Hello and welcome to Cairo. WIDDLE Thank you. PEA: What for? WIDDLE For welcoming me to Cairo. PEA: Not you stupid. Them. WIDDLE Oh right! Hello everyone. (AUDIENCE REACTION) PEA: No no no. Louder than that. Hello everyone. (AUDIENCE REACTION) WIDDLE That's better. PEA: Hey, let's see if they know their part in this panto. WIDDLE Does the audience have a part? PEA: Yes. A very important part. They respond to stuff we say. WIDDLE They respond to stuff we say? How does that work? PEA: It's easy. I'll show you. WIDDLE Hang on, hang on. You'll have to tell them what to say? PEA: It's all right. They already know. WIDDLE Have they read the script? Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 4. PEA: No don't worry. Trust me. They'll get it right. Listen. (TO AUDIENCE) What do you think of it so far? (AUDIENCE REACTION) WIDDLE Oh no it's not. (AUDIENCE REACTION) PEA: Oompa, oompa! (AUDIENCE REACTION) WIDDLE For the younger ones among us, don't worry about that last one. Your Grans and Grandads have been doing this a long time. So look... Do we know any of them? PEA: Yes, here. (PULLS LIST FROM POCKET) THIS SECTION COULD BE ADAPTED TO INCORPORATE ANY BIG GROUPS OR CLUBS IN THE AUDIENCE, OR BIRTHDAYS AND CELEBRATIONS ETC ETC. WIDDLE Is there anyone in from (LOCAL REFERENCE TO NEXT TOWN)? PEA: I told you this lot were more posh than normal. WIDDLE (POINTING TO A MAN NEAR THE FRONT OF THE AUDIENCE AND NUDGING MUSTAPHA PEA) Look! PEA: What? WIDDLE There. PEA: Who! WIDDLE Royalty. PEA: Royalty? Who is it? WIDDLE I think it's the Ex-King of Ruritania. PEA: It is. You're right. (TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE MAN IN THE AUDIENCE) Welcome your Majesty. It's an honour and a privilege for us to have you here. WIDDLE Look. Next to the Ex-King. The Ex-Queen of Ruritania. She's come with him. MUSTAPHA PEA AND WIDDLE BOW DEEPLY IN THE DIRECTION OF THE COUPLE IN THE AUDIENCE. PEA: Your Majesties, we are indeed honoured by your presence at our little event. Could I humbly ask if you wouldn't mind standing and turning to face the audience for a moment (ENCOURAGING THEM TO STAND) Would you be kind enough give all our patrons a Royal wave. (ENCOURAGING THEM TO WAVE TO THE THEATRE AUDIENCE) Thank you your Majesties. We are but your humble servants. WIDDLE Shouldn't we give them something? You know, the key to (LOCAL TOWN) or something? Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 5. PEA: What a good idea. (TO COUPLE IN AUDIENCE) As a token of affection between our two lands, we offer you temporary freedom over the people of the Kingdom of this theatre. This means that everyone will bow when approaching you. Also you can kiss any subject you find attractive and generally use your Royal powers as you see fit during this performance. It is the least we can do for gracing us with your Royal presence. WIDDLE That was nice. (TO COUPLE) You can sit down on your majestic bums now. PEA: Okay, who else have we got. Look at all these gorgeous ladies. WIDDLE Have any of you lovely ladies brought your husband? PEA: Have any of you lovely ladies brought someone else's husband? WIDDLE There's a little girl down here who answered yes to that. PEA: They grow up fast in (LOCAL TOWN) don't they. So anyway... Welcome to Cairo. WIDDLE Thank you. PEA: Not you. WIDDLE Oh them. I've just thought. Do you think they can do the booing and hissing stuff? PEA: I don't know. I guess we could do a rehearsal. WIDDLE What if I pretend to be one of those rubbish acts on "Who Wants to be on X Factor in the Jungle"? PEA: Okay. We need you to do something that goes wrong so we can boo you. What can you do badly? WIDDLE Act. PEA: Apart from that. WIDDLE I can do invisible juggling. PEA: Invisible juggling? I've never seen that. WIDDLE Well you still won't. The balls are invisible. PEA: Okay, so you do invisible juggling and make a mess of it so we can boo you. WIDDLE (HE REACHES INTO THE SACK AND PRETENDS TO TAKE OUT THREE BALLS) Okay, I have the invisible balls, look. PEA: (TO AUDIENCE) Get ready to start. When he drops something... WIDDLE Which will be almost instant. PEA: ... then boo as loud as you can. WIDDLE MIMES JUGGLING AND DROP AN INVISIBLE BALL. Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 6. (AUDIENCE REACTION) WIDDLE They didn't do anything. PEA: They did, but we could hardly hear them up here. We'll do it again. Louder this time please. WIDDLE How can I juggle louder? PEA: No, them, not you. Ready? WIDDLE Nearly, but I can't see the ball I dropped. PEA: (POINTING.) It's over here, look. WIDDLE MIMES PICKING UP THE BALL AND STARTS TO MIME JUGGLING AGAIN. HE DROPS ONE. (AUDIENCE REACTION) WIDDLE Hey, I wasn't that bad. PEA: You were. But they were good. Well done everyone. BOTH MOVE OVER TO ONE SIDE OF THE STAGE AWAY FROM THE ENTRANCE OF AL RACHEED. WIDDLE There were a few of you over this side who weren't joining in. AL RACHEED STRIDES ON FROM THE OPPOSITE SIDE AND SWAGGERS ABOUT. AL RACHEED: I am here. The great Al Racheed. PEA: (TO AUDIENCE) That's our master. Al Racheed. The leader of the Forty Thieves. You can boo him if you like. AL RACHEED: Ahhhh Haa Haa Haaaa! You dare to boo me you little people of (LOCAL TOWN). I am the great Al Racheed. For that, I will have your riches taken away before this day is out. That is if you have any money left after the price of a programme, plus being stung for a raffle ticket, then saving a bit for an ice cream in the interval. I am the great one. Master of the Forty Thieves and the most dangerboozled man in all of Cairo. PEA: The most "dangerboozled"? That's not a real word. (NUDGING WIDDLE) Tell him. WIDDLE You tell him. I've seen his huge dagger. I don't want to be on the wrong end of it. AL RACHEED: Come here you sniveling excuses for thieves. Show me what you have in the swagbunkle bag. PEA: The "Swagbunkle bag"? WIDDLE I won't mention it if you don't. AL RACHEED: Did my thieves do good work in the bazaar today. Did they plunderheist well? PEA: "Plunderheist"? Did they plunderheist well? I've no idea what he's talking about. Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 7. WIDDLE I think this script is a direct translation from the original Arabian version. AL RACHEED: Show me my bounty. THEY PULL A BOUNTY BAR FROM THE SACK. AL RACHEED: Fools. Show me the bestiest item you plunderwaddled. PEA: The "bestiest" item we plunderwaddled Oh! The best item we plundered. I'm getting the hang of this. THEY PULL A FOOTBALL SHIRT FROM THE SACK. (LOCAL TEAM) AL RACHEED: Rubbish! PEA: I'd rather have a tea bag than a (LOCAL FOOTBALL TEAM) shirt. WIDDLE How can a tea bag be better than a (LOCAL FOOTBALL TEAM) shirt? PEA: A tea bag stays in the cup longer. AL RACHEED: This is last years shirt? We couldn't even sell that at the (LOCAL PLACE) car boot sale. Call yourself thieves? Anyway which ones are you? PEA: (THROWING HIS CHEST OUT) I am Mustapha Pea. WIDDLE (THROWING HIS CHEST OUT) And I am Mustapha Widdle. AL RACHEED: Where are the rest of my Forty Thieves. PEA: Errr... Over there. (POINTING TO WINGS) WIDDLE (TO PEA.) Forty? But there's only us two. PEA: Shush! AL RACHEED: Bring them to me for I have wordwallops to say to them. WIDDLE "Wordwallops"? PEA: Best not to ask. MUSTAPHA WIDDLE EXITS AND QUICKLY RETURNS HAVING PUT ON A VERY OBVIOUSLY DIFFERENT COLOURED HAT/TURBAN. WIDDLE (THROWING HIS CHEST OUT) I am Mustapha Wee. AL RACHEED: I thought you were Mustapha Pea. WIDDLE No, that's him. He's Pea, I'm Wee. AL RACHEED: Is that not the same thing? Anyway, you look like Mustapha Widdle. WIDDLE Twins. AL RACHEED: Twins? I want to see more of my thieves. MUSTAPHA WIDDLE EXITS AND INSTANTLY RETURNS HAVING PUT ON YET ANOTHER DIFFERENT HAT, THIS TIME A SLIGHTLY RIDICULOUS ONE WITH BIG FEATHERS. Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 8. WIDDLE (THROWING HIS CHEST OUT) I am Mustapha Nother. AL RACHEED: But you look even more like the other one. WIDDLE Triplets. AL RACHEED: (LOOKING AT MUSTAPHA PEA) And you? Do you have any brothers among my thieves. PEA: (STAGE WHISPER TO MUSTAPHA WIDDLE) How many hats do we have? WIDDLE (STAGE WHISPER) Four. PEA: Yes your honour. I am one of quins. Hey, look over there. (POINTING OFF STAGE AND AL RACHEED LOOKS) There's one coming now. MUSTAPHA PEA AND WIDDLE SWAP HATS AS AL RACHEED LOOKS AWAY FOR A MOMENT. WIDDLE (THROWING CHEST OUT) I am Mustapha Rest. PEA: (THROWING OUT CHEST) And I am Mustapha Double. AL RACHEED: This is very confusing. Do not play with my mind, for I am Al Racheed, the great one. Master of the Forty Thieves and the most dangerboozled man in all of Cairo. Plus part time bouncer at the toddlers (LOCAL REFERENCE.) play group. (EXITS WITH A FLOURISH) Ahhhh Haa Haa Haaaa! PEA: Phew! I think we got away with it? Where can we find some more thieves? WIDDLE Thieves? The job centre promised to send us some Members of Parliament. PEA: Oh well. Moving on with the story. Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, please put your hands together and welcome on stage the main man himself... Ali Baba. MUSTAPHA PEA AND WIDDLE EXIT AS ALI BABA ENTERS ON THE OTHER SIDE. ALI BABA SEEMS SAD AND DOWNTRODDEN AS HE LOOKS INTO THE AUDIENCE. ALI BABA: (HE SIGHS AND LOWERS HIS SHOULDERS) Why are you people so happy? Life is not for happiness. Life is hard. I have a wife and a grown up son to support, but I hardly earn any money. I am just a poor wood cutter. I gather wood and split it into kindling, then sell it in the bazaar. I make enough to feed the three of us but there is nothing left for what you call fun. My Brother Kassim. Ha! Yes, he is rich. He married well. The rich widow Eyneeda. Now he has more money than he knows what to do with. But my own wife is English. She came from a lowly background in (NEXT TOWN) where I am told everyone is poor. She contributed no money to the household, yet it is true to say that she remains jolly though all our hardships. One day we will be rich, I know it. I do the lottery regularly. Soon we will be rolling in it. Ali Baba - © Nigel Holmes - Page 9. It's only a matter of time before it is my turn. Last week I narrowly missed the jackpot by a couple of numbers. Five actually. Very soon I will not need to work and I will have enough money to pay off all my debts. Ah, here comes my wife now. Let me introduce you. (BARBARA BABA MAKES A BOUNCY ENTRANCE) Please meet my lovely wife, Barbara Baba. AS BARBARA BABA CROSSES THE STAGE SHE GOES TO WHERE THE FICTIONAL EX-KING AND QUEEN ARE IN THE AUDIENCE AND GIVES THEM A VERY ELABORATE CURTSY. BARBARA BABA: Your Majesties! (TURNING TO ALL AUDIENCE) Hello everyone. How are you all? Lovely. I see you've met my husband Ali. Isn't he a love? I met him while I was on holiday, having a "Shirley Valentine moment". He offered four and a half camels for me. But I said that all it would take was a glass of Prosecco and a pork pie. I hope he hasn't been boring you with his tales of woe. It's not that bad. We can manage. ALI BABA: (TO AUDIENCE.) Oh no we can't. AUDIENCE REACTION. BARBARA BABA: Of course we can Darling. Look at last night's dinner. Fish and chips from (LOCAL FISH SHOP or SUPERMARKET). We had a chip each. And everyone had a lick of the fish. We're saving the rest for when his rich brother and my pompous sister-in-law come round. I know I shouldn't call her that but... well... she is. Always knowing better and having more than we do. When they come round we get out the best china and even polish the cat. Well, you don't want to let the side down do you? We do pretty well for food actually. I mean the other day I went to the shop owned by Mustapha Sausage - he's the butcher in the Bazaar - and I bought a sheep's head. Yes a whole sheep's head. It was a good deal and even better when I asked him to leave the eyes in. That was so it would see us through the week. I also asked for six slices of bacon. They said "lean back?" So I said (LEANING BACKWARDS.) "Six slices of bacon please. You know, their bacon is so lean it almost fell over. ALI BABA: I don't think we can go on eating like this for much longer you know. BARBARA BABA: It's not a problem my love. Think of it like an enforced diet. Actually most of us girls could do with a little dieting couldn't we ladies? (TO AUDIENCE) I may look perfect from where you're sitting lovies, but in a good light I could do with losing an eighth of an inch off my bum. (TURNS TO SHOW THEM)