P r a c t i c a ‘nick luxmoore’s latest book is as smart, sharp and l Practical S accessible as ever, combining compelling stories with light- u P touch theoretical insights. invaluable.’ e r –Jonathan Wyatt, Senior Lecturer, University of Edinburgh v SuPerviSion i S i o ‘nick makes supervision come alive for the benefit of all who n will read this engaging book. You can imagine yourself sitting f for o in the room, feeling, agonising, laughing or crying – touched r c by the lives of so many young people and their counsellors.’ o –Alistair Ross, Associate Professor of u n counSellorS Psychotherapy, University of Oxford S e l l o r Who Work What helps counsellors when they get stuck? S W This book recalls those moments when supervision sessions h have been crucial to puzzling out the complexities of counselling o W With Young young people. Nick Luxmoore vividly recounts moments of highs o and lows, of uncertainties and breakthroughs, and of the unique r k dilemmas experienced by counsellors and supervisors working W PeoPle with young people. i t h Y Nick Luxmoore is a counselling supervisor and UKCP registered o u psychotherapist. He has 40 years’ experience of working with n g young people and with the professionals who support them, and P has authored numerous books. e o P l e N Jessica Kingsley Publishers ic k L u x m o o r e www.jkp.com nick luxmoore Cover design: Adam Renvoize JKP by the same author Working with Anger and Young People ISBN 978 1 84310 466 7 eISBN 978 1 84642 538 7 Feeling Like Crap Young People and the Meaning of Self-Esteem ISBN 978 1 84310 682 1 eISBN 978 1 84642 819 7 Listening to Young People in School, Youth Work and Counselling ISBN 978 1 85302 909 7 eISBN 978 1 84642 201 0 Essential Listening Skills for Busy School Staff What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say ISBN 978 1 84905 565 9 eISBN 978 1 78450 000 9 School Counsellors Working with Young People and Staff A Whole-School Approach ISBN 978 1 84905 460 7 eISBN 978 0 85700 838 1 Young People in Love and in Hate ISBN 978 1 84905 055 5 eISBN 978 0 85700 202 0 Horny and Hormonal Young People, Sex and the Anxieties of Sexuality ISBN 978 1 78592 031 8 eISBN 978 1 78450 278 2 Young People and the Curse of Ordinariness ISBN 978 1 84905 185 9 eISBN 978 0 85700 407 9 Young People, Death and the Unfairness of Everything ISBN 978 1 84905 320 4 eISBN 978 0 85700 662 2 Jessica Kingsley Publishers London and Philadelphia First published in 2017 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers 73 Collier Street London N1 9BE, UK and 400 Market Street, Suite 400 Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA www.jkp.com Copyright © Nick Luxmoore 2017 Front cover image source: Shutterstock®. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 6–10 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owner’s written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher. Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution. Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978 1 78592 285 5 eISBN 978 1 78450 589 9 For Sue Douglas Acknowledgements A version of Chapter 4 was published by BACP as ‘Containing the angry client’ in June 2016 BACP Children and Young People journal. A version of Chapter 6 was published by BACP as ‘On not being weird’ in June 2015 BACP Children and Young People journal. A version of Chapter 12 was published by BACP as ‘Anger management: The myth’ in September 2011 BACP Children and Young People journal. A version of Chapter 22 was published by BACP as ‘What’s the point of fathers?’ in December 2016 BACP Children and Young People journal. A version of Chapter 23 was published by BACP as ‘Just to say that I’ve failed… again!’ in December 2015 BACP Children and Young People journal. I’m grateful to Kathy Peto, Debbie Lee, Professor Chris Mowles and Jane Campbell for reading and commenting on earlier drafts of this book. Thanks also to my past and present supervisees, to my first supervisor, Sue Douglas, and to my current supervisor, Jane Campbell. Big thanks to Sarah Knight who organizes the training. And special thanks and love to the three people who supervise me most rigorously: Kathy, Frances and Julia. Contents 1 Introduction 9 2 First Ever Clients 13 3 Learning to Be Supervised 21 4 Parallel Processes 29 5 Internal Worlds 37 6 Counselling in Schools 43 7 Institutional Anxieties 51 8 Projective Identification 57 9 Asking Difficult Questions 63 10 Dependence and Independence 69 11 Developing Autobiographies 79 12 The Myth of Anger Management 91 13 Working with Anger 99 14 The Waiting List 105 15 Boundaries 111 16 Self-Disclosure 117 17 Making Judgments 127 18 Playfulness 135 19 Sexuality in the Room 141 20 The Durability Test 147 21 Self-Harming 153 22 Making Sense of Fathers 159 23 Failure 167 24 Existential Answers 173 25 Endings 179 References 185 Index 189