methuen|drama S U E PLAYS: 1 WOMBERANG (cid:127) BAZAAR & RUMMAGE GROPING FOR WORDS (cid:127) THE GREAT CELESTIAL COW THE SECRET DIARY OF ADRIAN MOLE AGED WA: THE PLAY Introduced by the author B L O O M S B U R Y Sue Townsend Plays: 1 Womberang, Bazaar & Rummage, Groping for Words, The Great Celestial Cow, The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 1|3 -The Play Womberang: ‘Comic whirlwind Rita Onions turns a gynaecology clinic upsidedown ... a daydream of mastered fear.’ NewSociety ‘In herexcellent Bazaar &Rummage,a play about agoraphobics luredout of theirisolation to runa jumblesale,Townsend showshow volunteersocial workers manipulatetheir clients’ panicfor their own neurotic needs.’ NewSociety‘Writtenwith great verve,style and wit.’ NewStatesman Groping forWords: ‘Set in an evening institute, SueTownsend’s thought-provoking playisabout adultliteracy ... Althoughthe play eruptswith jokes on both bourgeois philanthropyand aspiring scholarship, it hasatough core.’ City Limits ‘A powerful play ... Townsendexaminesthis terror of social judgement asa meansof keepingtheworking-classinits place.’ New Society TheGreatCelestial Cow: ‘In aseriesof sympathetic,comicand oftensurrealisticsketch-likescenes,shechroniclesthestruggles of Sita wholeaves her beloved cowin Indiato join her husband in grim Leicester ... anoptimistic celebrationof femaleresilience.’ TimeOut ‘Alovely play, crammed withwell-observed, deeplyfeltdetailthat hits hard.’ The Times The Secret Diaryof Adrian Mole Aged135-The Play: ‘Adrian Mole’shilarious jottings ... SueTownsend hasa mind that grabslike ashrimping netalltheminutiaeof ludicrousvaluesandfrustrated ambitions ... Adrian’sreportageisboth acuteandfunny.’ Evening Standard ‘A rueful,wittyaccount of whatit meansto beasingle-parent child with adadonthe doleand mother living insinin Sheffield ... The realstrengthof theshowisthat MsTownsendisseriousabout her heroandcomicabout almosteverythingelse.’ Guardian SueTownsendlivesin Leicester.Her plays includeWomberang (Soho Poly, London,1979); Dayroom (CroydonWarehouseTheatre, 1981);TheGhost of Daniel Lambert(LeicesterPhoenix,1981); Bazaar &Rummage(RoyalCourtTheatre Upstairs,1982, BBC Television,1983);Groping forWords (CroydonWarehouse,1983); TheGreat Celestial Cow (The Joint Stock Company,1984); The ^ Secret Diaryof Adrian Mole Aged 13 -The Play(Leicester Phoenix,1984);TenTiny Fingers,Nine TinyToes(LibraryTheatre, Manchester,1989)and The Queenand I-The Play(on tour and Royal Court, London,1994).Herother published work includes The £ SecretDiaryof Adrian Mole Aged 13 (1982); The Secret Diaryof Adrian Mole Songbook (in collaborationwith Ken Howard and Alan Blaikley,1985); The Growing Painsof Adrian Mole(1984);The TrueConfessions of AdrianAlbert Mole (1989)and Adrian Mole: TheWildernessYears(1993).Inadditionshehaswritten two novels: Rebuilding Coventry(1988)and The Queen and I (1992). by the same author Plays The Great Celestial Cow Ten Tiny Fingers, Nine Tiny Toes The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged1|3 -The Play The Queen and I-The Play Bazaar & Rummage, Groping for Words, Womberang Fiction The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged13£ The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole The True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole, Margaret Hilda Roberts and Susan Lilian Townsend Rebuilding Coventry The Queen and I Adrian Mole:The Wilderness Years Songs The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Songbook (in collaboration with Ken Howard and Alan Blaikley) SUE TOWNSEND Plays: 1 Womberang Bazaar& Rummage GropingforWords TheGreatCelestialCow ^ TheSecret Diaryof Adrian MoleAged13 -The Play with songs by Ken Howard and Alan Blaikley B L O O M S B U R Y LONDON (cid:127)NLW DLLHI (cid:127)NLW YORK (cid:127)SYDNKY Contents Chronology Introduction WOMBERANG BAZAAR & RUMMAGE GROPING FORWORDS THEGREATCELESTIAL COW THE SECRETDIARY OF ADRIAN MOLE AGED13j £ Musicfor The Secret Diaryof Adrian Mole Aged 13 Sue Townsend: A Chronology PLAYS 1979 In theClub and Up the Spout touringproduction.Womberang produced at the Soho PolyTheatreClub, London, and won the ThamesTelevision bursarycompetition. 1981 The Ghost of Daniel Lambert (musicby Rick Lloyd) produced at the PhoenixArtsCentre, Leicester. Dayroom producedat the CroydonWarehouseTheatre. 1982 Womberang producedasTheWaiting Room at thePhoenix ArtsCentre, Leicester. Bazaar&Rummage producedat the RoyalCourtTheatre Upstairs, London. 1983 Bazaar&Rummage produced on BBCTV.Groping for Words producedat theCroydonWarehouseTheatre. Clients producedattheCroydonWarehouseTheatre. 1984 TheGreat Celestial Cow first presented byJointStock TheatreCompany at the Leicester HaymarketStudio,then toured beforeopeningatthe RoyalCourtTheatre, London. The Secret Diaryof Adrian Mole Aged 1 3 The Play(with songsbyKen Howard and Alan Blaikley) producedat the PhoenixArtsCentre, Leicester,andsubsequentlyat Wyndham’sTheatre, London. 1986 Groping forWords produced in a revisedversionasAreYou Sitting Comfortably?at the PalaceTheatre,Watford. 1989 Ear, Nose and Throat producedattheChichester Festival Theatre. TenTinyFingers, NineTinyToes producedat the Library Theatre,Manchester. 1990 Disneyland It Ain’t producedatthe RoyalCourtTheatre Upstairs, London. 1991 The Ashes,a radio play, presentedon BBC Radio4. 1994 TheQueenand I produced byOut of Joint, Leicester HaymarketTheatreandthe Royal CourtTheatre, London (withsongsby Ian DuryandMickeyGallagher). Subsequently playedatthe VaudevilleTheatre, London. Bodies, part of a serieson Englishness, presentedon BBC2. FICTION £ The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13 (Methuen, 1982) TheGrowing Pains of Adrian Mole (Methuen, 1984) Rebuilding Coventry: ATale of TwoCities (Methuen, 1988) The True Confessions of Adrian Albert Mole, Margaret Hilda Roberts and Susan LilianTownsend (Methuen, 1989) MrSevan’s Dream (Chatto andWindus, 1989) AdrianMole from Minor to Major (incorporatingThe Secret Diary of AdrianMole Aged 13 The Growing Pains of Adrian Mole,True Confessions of AdrianAlbert Mole andAdrian Mole and the Small Amphibians,Methuen, 1991) The Queenand I (Methuen, 1992) AdrianMole: TheWildernessYears (Methuen, 1993) Introduction Ileftschooloneweek before my fifteenth birthday.They wereglad tosee the back of me.I was notdisruptive but if I’d been inthe army I would have been charged many times with‘dumbinsolence’.I was addicted to print, and I would smuggle books into lessons. I was once givenan order markfor reading Malcolm Lowry’sUnder the Volcanoduringa (ReligiousInstruction)lesson. Therewasa good Englishteacher, a pale, reserved woman,called Miss Morris.Shewaspassionateaboutclean fingernails,William Blakeand OscarWilde.Miss Morrispraised mywritingbut pointed out that‘clouds like cottonwool’ was a horrible cliche.Her criticism wasinvaluable, to thisdayI amverywaryof adjectivesandcliches. When Ileft school I missed Miss Morrisand I also missed writing myweeklycomposition.So Istarted towrite at home, in my bedroom.It was the usual mawkishadolescent stuff and I knewbetter than to leaveit lyingaround,soI hid itand I continued tohideit for twenty years-a period which encompassed my first marriage and the birth of threeof my four children. MissMorrisformed theOrpheansDrama Groupand I becamean activemember.I wasJesusin MissMorris’ passion play,and I draggeda wooden crossaround mental hospitalsand churchesin Leicesterand invariousreligiousestablishmentsin Holland.I was GertrudeinWilde’sThe Importanceof Being Ernestin manyvillage halls,but Istoppedactingafter a boyfriendcametosee meas Lady Bracknellin a festivalof drama.‘Youlooked bloodystupid,’ hesaid. I wasseventeen beforeIsawa professionaltheatrical production.It wasAStreetcar Named Desire and I wept with rageand jealousyas theaudience filedout at theend of the performance.I didn’t wantto beintheaudience, I wanted tobeonthestageorbackstageor involved insomeway. I wrote my first playina cheapexercisebook usinga blackfelt-tip pen.I have neverlearnt totype,I haveastrongantipathyto pressing thosekeysdown.Imuch prefer makingscratchynoiseson paper.The playwasa pantomimeforthe Youth ClubI worked inthree nightsa week. Mysecond playwasalsoa pantomime,thistimefor anadventure playground,ThePied Piper’.Onthedayof the performancethe Pied Piper himself had tobedraggedfroma busstopwherehewas waitingto catcha busintotownwithhis mothertobuy a pairof schooltrousers.He’d beentooashamed totell his motherhe wasthe star of ourlong-rehearsed play.Hewasfrogmarchedfromthebus stopat 2.15,at 2.30p.m.hewasinhisgreentights performingin frontof over a hundred invited guests. His mother neverforgave me. Thevast majorityof theaudiencehad never been to thetheatre before, theyenjoyed the pantomimeso muchthat theydemanded an immediate repeat performance;so we did itagain.This timeseveral unrulytoddlers ran onto theacting area and stolethe ratsandquite a few mothersandfathers, who weredrunkboth on pride andalcohol, distracted their children byshoutingout wordsof encouragement.I wasvery moved bythisexperience,but myheartsank whenthe parentsand children asked me for another scripted play. The process of getting the playon had been exhaustingenough. Rehearsing twenty-five young people, most of whom couldn’t read (theabysmallocalsecondaryschool wascloseddown by LeicestershireCounty Council),wasextremelydifficult-atone time I hada deputationof young menasking meif I could writeascene where the Pied Piper had a knife fight withthe citizens of Hamelin. Thentherewerethecostumes to be made.Thescenery tobe builtand painted, thesongs to be rehearsed.Chairshad to befoundfor the audience.Invitations-printed byhand bythe children-to be given out.Thehallhad to becleaned of theevidence of adventure playand disguised as a theatre. Volunteershad to befound to serve refreshments during theinterval.It was thebest introduction to working inthe professional theatreI could havehad. From thenon ‘plays’ becameadaily activityon the playground, but theywereimprovised plays.Itrawledcharityshopsfor dressing- up clothesand props.Thechildren and young peoplewould fight over myspoils,thenlockthemselvesintoa room,and, with much violentargumentandtearfulscuffles,begintodevisea play.Their playsinvariablyhad bigthemes:Justice, Love, Deathetc.Wehad manycourtroomdramas,and moreknifefightsthan Icareto remember.Their outdoorversionof West Side Storywillalwaysbe remembered bythosewhosawitforitsspectacularopeningscene, whenthe rival gangs,theJetsandtheSharks, madetheirentrancesby runningfrom behind thetreesand jumpingover afiercely burning bonfire. Most of the youngstersarc parentsthemselves now.Istilllivein LeicestersoIsecthemquiteoften,and wetalk and laughabout the dayswhen ‘wcmade plays’.Shortlyafter myfourth childwas born I confessed to mysecond husbandthat I wasasecret writer and he urged meto jointhe PhoenixWritersGroup.I did join and thanksto IanGiles,thedirectorof the Phoenix,six monthslater I had been shortlisted foraThamesTelevision Playwrights Bursary.I borrowed my mother’sclothesand went to Londonforthefirst timein my adult life.Ientered a room andsawJohn Mortimer,Michael Billington,SirHugh Carlton Greene andothersuch luminaries.John Mortimer readaloud from my playWomberang and madethem laugh.When I got hometo Leicester Ifoundatelegramonthe