P W ARTICIPANT ORKBOOK FOR THE VIRTUAL WORKSHOP SERIES Leadership Communication®: How to Communicate with Emotional Intelligence for Powerful Leadership Facilitated by www.EagleAlliance.com William R. Murray Harvard MBA, Yale M.Div., MCC www.EmotionallyIntelligentLeadership.com [email protected] CEO of Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching, LLC 919-240-7924 301 New Parkside Drive, copyright © by William R. Murray/Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching, LLC, 2011. All rights reserved. Chapel Hill, NC 27516-1160 Introduction Introduction Your Gateway to Learning Overview of Entire Program The following Emotional Intelligence Competencies are the major topics of this Virtual Workshop and Workshop. Each one numbered below is a separate Module of the Workshop, having 4 sessions of 1 hour each. 1. Strategic Thinking: What Really Matters ..................................................................... Mod 1-1 Know what you really want. Stay focused on it. 2. Communication Skills .................................................................................................... Mod 2-1 Handle crucial conversations masterfully. Speak in a manner others can hear. 3. Dialogue Skills ................................................................................................................ Mod 3-1 Paraphrase what others say and ask, “Did I get it right?” Seek feedback. 4. Assertiveness Skills ........................................................................................................ Mod 4-1 Express yourself assertively for win/win outcomes. 5. Self-Management .......................................................................................................... Mod 5-1 Tune in to your own thinking, feelings, desires and values. Stay aware of your inner world during crucial conversations. 6. Relationship Management ............................................................................................ Mod 6-1 Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Have empathy for their inner world during crucial conversations. 7. Conflict Transformation and Connecting ...................................................................... Mod 7-1 Minimize conflict and maximize connection. http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 1 Introduction 8. Listening Skills ................................................................................................................ Mod 8-1 open, curious and receptive. Delay giving advice initially. Ask good questions with a light touch. Listen intently, actively, deeply. 9. Facilitation and Empowerment ..................................................................................... Mod 9-1 Facilitate people finding their own solutions to problems. Discover and build on others’ strengths and resources. 10. Performance Management ....................................................................................... Mod 10-1 Clarify problems and opportunities. Set goals and explore alternatives. Choose solutions, plan actions, and follow up. 11. Putting It All Together with Coaching Labs .............................................................. Mod 11-1 Practice all skills in live sessions with feedback. Put skills to work on the job and be coached to improve. Learning Objectives As a participant, by the end of this Virtual Workshop or Workshop series, you will understand how emotional intelligence makes better leaders and professionals. And you will be more skillful at applying the above emotional intelligence competencies on the job. Here they are again phrased a little more concisely:  Module 1: Think strategically and set goals effectively  Module 1: Stay focused on priorities during stressful situations  Module 2: Handle difficult conversations masterfully  Module 3: Dialogue skillfully  Module 3: Give and receive feedback  Module 4: Be assertive, not aggressive or avoiding  Module 5: Be emotionally competent at self-management  Module 6: Be emotionally competent at relationship management  Module 6: Have empathy to connect  Module 7: Minimize conflict and maximize connection  Module 8: Listen skillfully http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 2 Introduction  Module 9: Coach people to be more resourceful  Module 9: Empower others by building on their strengths  Module 10: Manage performance of yourself and others  Module 10: Solve problems and make decisions.  Module 11: Putting it all together in practice sessions and getting feedback. Benefits For a thorough description of benefits and results of this skill-building training, see http://www.eaglealliance.com/services/gec/lcvws/. What will you gain from improving your skills described in the above Learning Objectives? 1. Strategic Thinking: What Really Matters Developing your ability to think strategically is essential for moving into management and leadership positions. High potentials - soar to your potential by improving this skill set. This Module will help you stay focused on what is important. 2. Communication Skills Handle crucial conversations masterfully, and you will solve problems. When you speak in a manner others can hear, your communication is clear and effective. Good communication skills build good relationships. 3. Dialogue Skills You can discover and clear up misunderstandings by paraphrasing what others say and asking for feedback. Your dialogue skills will help you foster collaboration. Others will feel heard and be glad to work with you. Dialogue creates win/win solutions. 4. Assertiveness Skills You can achieve win/win outcomes by expressing yourself assertively. Be respected and effective as a person who is neither too passive nor too aggressive. Get what you really want while respecting the wishes of others. 5. Self-Management Increasing your self-awareness is the first step toward both good self-management and better relationships. Consistently tune in to your own thinking, feelings, desires and values. Keep focused on what is important to you during crucial conversations. Manage your feelings and behaviors. http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 3 Introduction 6. Relationship Management Improve working relationships for better results. Improve your ability to connect with empathy. Maintain connection and empathy even during difficult conversations. 7. Conflict Transformation and Connecting Minimize conflict and maximize connection. Learn a 4-step process for connecting with people to build effective relationships. It is valuable in many situations including managing conflicts and handling difficult conversations. 8. Listening Skills As a leader, excellent listening empowers your direct reports. Listening establishes rapport. After you connect with listening, you are more likely to have a productive conversation. Robert Greenleaf, an AT&T leadership developer who invented the term “servant leader,” asserted that listening is the most important skill of a servant leader. 9. Facilitation and Empowerment Excel as a leader by coaching your direct reports to perform at their best. Empower people to find their own solutions to problems. Discover and build on their strengths and resources. 10. Performance Management Managers and leaders frequently need to coach direct reports to improve these skills: Planning, problem solving, and decision making. We all need to excel at these skills for our own effective self-management to get results. 11. Putting It All Together with Coaching Labs Deepen all your skills. Practice all the skills from all the Modules at the same time through case study discussions. Bring up your own case situations for discussion. Role play and receive coaching to solve your problems. See how different Modules give insights on issues so that your knowledge increases. How do the above Emotional Intelligence Competencies all fit together? First, think about this quote from Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.: "What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic.” http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 4 Introduction How can we be guided by the wisdom of this quote? _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ Some people think power is bad and they don’t want to use it. This gives them an excuse to be conflict avoidant if using power would bring them into conflict. Because they don’t want to exercise power themselves, they figure out many ways to avoid conflict. Thus problems are left to fester. However, it is clear that power can be a force for good. In this case power is the ability to influence others rather than using force. A leader can use power in order to empower others versus having power over them. Empowering others can come from a place of love. The desire to have power over others usually comes from a place of fear, resulting in a need to control. We can start with the intention to love, or care, but can easily cross the line to other goals, such as a desire to impress. We need to ask ourselves, “Am I coming from a place of caring or fear?” It is good to have personal power. Others recognize it, and are less likely to try to overpower you. They have more respect for you. Leaders need to be powerful, but with caring. We all need to be loving, but with power. One way to say this is that we need to have both backbone and heart. Some call this tough love. Leading often requires this and so do professional interactions and many other situations. Most of us fall too much to one side or the other rather than combining both power and love. Martin Luther King’s point is that we may end up being either reckless and abusive, or sentimental and anemic. We need to have power or backbone to stand up to difficult people and hold those crucial conversations necessary to straighten out bent relationships. Leaders receiving my Executive Coaching often request assistance with straightening out bent relationships. They realize this is not easy. You must confront others and assert yourself and at the same time, stay connected. This is not power over, but power with. It is empowering. When you learn how to have both backbone and heart, you can then improve your dialogue and listening skills and use them rather than force. You can exert your power but toward a win/win solution. http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 5 Introduction Once you are good at dialogue, you can improve your ability to handle conflicts. Then as you improve in conflict resolution, you begin to look for conflicts rather than avoid them. You know that you need to surface conflicts so you can resolve them. When you gain competence at exerting both your power and caring, new options come to light. You learn new information from dialogue and listening. You get more resourceful at collaborating and finding new win/win solutions. Seeing new options gives you a broader viewpoint from which to make better decisions. And making better decisions is the heart of effective leadership. When I was getting my MBA from The Harvard Business School, the professors kept telling us that their teaching style with the case method was training us to become better decision makers. This would be the main benefit of our Harvard studies they said, not the technical knowledge we gained. Our professors also repeated many times that our interpersonal skills would be the key to success in leadership, not technical skills. In the 30 some years since I graduated from Harvard, I have seen over and over how right they were. Interpersonal skills are what matters most. Since then, we have realized how important emotional intelligence is for good decision making and leadership in general. The Harvard Business School Press has published many articles and books on emotional intelligence and leadership. I have placed a selection of them on my web site at Executive Coaching Resources, Links section. See http://www.eaglealliance.com/resources/links/, click on Emotional Intelligence. Leaders are required to manage the performance of their direct reports and teams. Power and control is not the best way. Leaders need to empower others to solve their own problems because many problems are too complex for the leader to know all the answers. Leaders need to facilitate others to become more resourceful. This is the crux of the coaching skills that I train leaders how to do in this Virtual Workshop Series. In summary, all these emotional intelligence competencies in this Virtual Workshop Series form the heart of excellent leadership and professional performance. Emotional intelligence enables you to have self-awareness and manage your emotions better. And you can have empathy and manage your relationships better. These things lead to better decisions and excellent leadership. About Emotional Intelligence What is my definition of emotional intelligence? _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 6 Introduction _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________ The ability to perform at your best by having self-awareness, emotional competence, empathy, and people skills. A longer list that is in terms of the above competencies is: knowing what you really want, dialoguing, listening, asking questions, paraphrasing, communicating clearly and assertively, seeking feedback, enhancing self-awareness, having empathy, solving conflicts, connecting, facilitating, empowering, appreciating, encouraging, setting goals, facilitating problem solving, and making good decisions. One corporate application of emotional intelligence is Executive Coaching. My definition of executive coaching is: Helping another person to maximize their strengths and resourcefulness to reach their goals and to boost performance and contributions. By growing in emotional intelligence, leaders increase their own and others’ capacity to perform and their well being. In this Virtual Workshop, managers and leaders will develop their own executive coaching skills. The competencies listed above are often discussed as part of other programs such as coaching skills, which concentrate more on the last two competencies, facilitating and performance management. Therefore, if you acquire this comprehensive set of emotional intelligence competencies you will also be developing skills in related application areas like executive coaching. Your Goals: Clarify your intentions by writing your answers in the spaces provided below. 1. Which Learning Objectives above are most important to you and why? __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ 2. What Modules above do you want most to learn and why? __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ 3. What do you really want to learn in this Virtual Workshop (series)? __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 7 Introduction __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ 4. If you get what you want from this Workshop, where will you apply what you learn? __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ 5. What will you do differently after you complete the Virtual Workshop? __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________________________ How to get the most from this Virtual Workshop: Follow these steps and you will surprise yourself how much you will learn and grow with this spaced-out experiential learning that allows you to practice between sessions and get feedback next session:  Actively take notes in the spaces provided in this Workbook – a proven technique for solidifying your learning  Volunteer your own real life situations for exercises and discussions. Browse the Appendix to get ideas from Cases that may remind you of your own life situations.  Do the Fieldwork.  Practice what you learn between sessions. Practice makes perfect.*  Next session tell us about your successes and problems and get feedback.  If at all possible, get coaching from Bill. Talk about your goals, successes and problems and get feedback. Feedback is the breakfast of champions.  Get our Self-Study Program that supplements this Virtual Workshop Program with new perspectives that deepen your learning. Listen to the mp3 recordings. Read the Training Manual.  Practice new skills during sessions. See next paragraph*. *Take advantage of your opportunity to practice new skills in an emotionally safe group. Daniel Goleman in his book, Primal Leadership, p. 163 points out the importance of an emotionally safe group and then adds, “For leaders, such safety may be crucial for authentic learning to occur. Often leaders feel unsafe, as if they’re under a microscope, their every action scrutinized by http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 8 Introduction those around them – and so they never take the risk of exploring new habits. Knowing that others are watching with a critical eye provokes them to judge their progress too soon, curtail experimentation, and decrease risk taking.” The solution – this Virtual Workshop, which offers anonymity, trust, candor and a safe place to experiment. To grow in emotional intelligence, you must practice and get feedback. It is not enough to get new ideas. The emotional part of the brain has to learn through doing things: rehearsing, practicing, interacting, repetition, and getting feedback. Self-Study Program: Our Self-Study Program is an excellent way to deepen your knowledge with new perspectives. It is based on this Virtual Workshop Series, Leadership Communication®: How to Communicate with Emotional Intelligence for Powerful Leadership. You will see how the skills taught in each Module apply to many different situations of participants as they offer them for case studies and discussions. You can buy individual Modules or the entire program including:  Over 130 hours of recordings of live sessions. You can listen at your own time, place, and pace. 45 hours of recordings cover the Virtual Workshop Series. Another 85 hours give you the option of going deeper into topics.  An extensive, 160-page Participant Workbook.  Training Manuals in the form of e-Books. Training Manuals have articles relevant to a particular Module. They are full of tips on how to build the skills you need in these difficult times. For more information, go to www.EagleAlliance.com/services/gec/ssinfo/ or call Bill at 919-240-7924. How to get the most out of your Self-Study Program:  Print out your Participant Workbook and write in it. Writing furthers learning.  Listen to the mp3 audio recordings at your own pace when and where you can. It is better to listen while you drive or take a walk rather than postpone for the perfect time, which may never arrive.  Read the Training Manual e-Books. Try reading short passages in spare moments rather than waiting for the perfect time of a quiet hour, which may never come. http://www.eaglealliance.com Intro- 9