Special Praise for On the Other Side of Chaos “On the Other Side of Chaos is an invaluable resource for the families and loved ones of those trapped in addiction. Van Vechten’s combination of compassion for the one suffering with a substance use disorder, written from her perspective as a family member of someone who suffered with addiction, along with comprehensive information on this baffling disease and it’s treatment provides readers with a critical resource. Her book is likely to become a staple in the treatment of addiction for anyone who wants to learn more about how to cope with this cunning disease. This is recommended reading for our families.” Brad M. Reedy, PhD Cofounder and Clinical Director of Evoke Therapy Programs Author of The Journey of the Heroic Parent “On the Other Side of Chaos is a comprehensive and useful resource for family members of individuals with substance use disorders. It is a valuable tool for families attempting to understand, navigate, and cope with the complex process of substance use and recovery for themselves and their loved ones. I am going to recommend this book to my clients.” Janice Gabe, LCSW, LCAC Owner and President of New Perspectives of Indiana, Inc. “Making our way through the turmoil of a loved one’s addiction is daunting for the one with the disease and his or her family. Blame, shame, not understanding the disease, not knowing where to turn, and what help is available only add to the confusion. Now comes Ellen Van Vechten who provides a much-needed resource that guides loved ones suffering from a substance use disorder and their families away from the blame and shame and toward clarity about the true impact of addictive substances, the nature of the disease, and the way through the chaos.” Chuck Hutchcraft, LCSW Psychotherapist and mindfulness meditation teacher “On the Other Side of Chaos is a timely and relevant text that offers practical, sound, and heartfelt information and support for the family and loved ones of those living with addiction. Armed with evidence-based and practice-informed data, Ellen Van Vechten walks readers through pertinent information on substance use and treatment, as well as providing a call for family and loved ones to engage in their own recovery. Perhaps most importantly, Ellen uses her own experience of living through a loved one’s addiction to bring empathy and grace to what is often such a challenging experience.” Brian L. Kelly, PhD, MSW, CADC Assistant Professor Director, Advanced Accredited Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse Counselor Training Program Loyola University Chicago School of Social Work “Why does anyone pick up a drink or a drug? After so many personal disappointments and heartaches, why would anyone go back to using again? Is there any hope for these individuals? Can they be cured? Why do loved ones take them back again and again? Can any of us make life-giving changes and gain a sense of peace? “These are some of the questions presented in this eye-opening book that will be most informational and useful to a wide audience. Substance use can cause deep heartache for the one using it and for anyone related to him or her. “The author presents us with this difficult subject in a manner that is clearly understood and indicates her deep caring for those affected by this disease. She has brought current research into the subject in an appealing format that can reach many who do not have the opportunity to look into this on their own.” Patricia L. Bogie, MSW, LCSW, CADC, MISAII Director of Addiction Counseling and Education Services Catholic Charities of the Archdiocese of Chicago (Retired) “At a time when the opioid crisis is impacting thousands, families of these individuals are at a loss to understand what is going on with their loved ones caught up in this downward spiral. Ellen’s On the Other Side of Chaos captures a comprehensive up-to-date view of substance use disorders detailed in plain layman’s language, including some of the self-defeating behaviors happening with their addicted family members. Thumbs up.” Rick Love, MHS, CAADC, PCGC Director of Staff Training and Development Haymarket Center, Chicago (Retired) “Myths abound when it comes to the issues of addiction to alcohol and other drugs. Perplexities, shame, frustration, self-blame, fatigue, and hurt are common feelings endured by many when these issues are connected to our close loved ones. In On the Other Side Chaos, Van Vechten debunks these myths using neurobiological evidences and unpacks the scientific knowledge related to many different types of addictive substances and how these influence individual physical and mental health functioning. She carefully walks the reader through each step of the inner workings of addiction and various supportive mechanisms —from traditional treatments to mixtures of modalities formally and other support networks informally—to suggest making reasoned decisions to ‘do what we can.’ By accepting that the supporters of SUD patients are powerless and cannot control the conditions, Van Vechten helps liberate people from the downward spiral of negativity and shows the path to peace and serenity. This is the most comprehensive book that brings together science and personal connection in the journey of walking the walk with loved ones through chaos, but with the hope of seeing a bright future after the storm.” Philip Hong, PhD Lucian and Carol Welch Matusak Endowed Professor Loyola University Chicago School of Social Work Associate Dean for Research Director of the Doctoral Program Director, Center for Research on Self-Sufficiency ON THE OTHER SIDE OF CHAOS ELLEN VAN VECHTEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF CHAOS UNDERSTANDING THE ADDICTION OF A LOVED ONE LAS VEGAS Central Recovery Press (CRP) is committed to publishing exceptional materials addressing addiction treatment, recovery, and behavioral healthcare topics. For more information, visit www.centralrecoverypress.com. © 2018 by Ellen Van Vechten All rights reserved. Published 2018. Printed in the United States of America. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Central Recovery Press 3321 N. Buffalo Drive Las Vegas, NV 89129 23 22 21 20 19 18  1 2 3 4 5 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Names: Van Vechten, Ellen, author. Title: On the other side of chaos : understanding the addiction of a loved one / Ellen Van Vechten. Description: Las Vegas : Central Recovery Press, [2018] Identifiers: LCCN 2018018098 (print) | LCCN 2018034685 (ebook) | ISBN 9781942094807 (ebook) | ISBN 9781942094791 (pbk. : alk. paper) Subjects: LCSH: Substance abuse--Treatment. | Addicts-- Family relationships. Classification: LCC RC564 (ebook) | LCC RC564 .V348 2018 (print) | DDC 362.29--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2018018098 Photo of Ellen Van Vechten by Jill Norton, Jill Norton Photography. Used with permission. Every attempt has been made to contact copyright holders. If copyright holders have not been properly acknowledged please contact us. Central Recovery Press will be happy to rectify the omission in future printings of this book. Publisher’s Note: This book contains general information about addiction, addiction recovery and treatment, and related matters. The information is not medical advice. This book is not an alternative to medical advice from your doctor or other professional healthcare provider. Our books represent the experiences and opinions of their authors only. Every effort has been made to ensure that events, institutions, and statistics presented in our books as facts are accurate and up-to-date. To protect their privacy, the names of some of the people, places, and institutions in this book may have been changed. Cover design and interior by Sara Streifel, Think Creative Design. For all of us AUTHOR’S NOTE Faces & Voices of Recovery (facesandvoicesofrecovery.org), an advocacy group for those in recovery and those who love them, has developed language that allows persons in recovery to speak or write about their “experience, strength, and hope” without violating their own anonymity or that of others: I’m Ellen and I am a family member in recovery from another’s addiction. I am committed to recovery because it has given me new purpose and hope for the future while helping me gain stability in my life. I am speaking out because long-term recovery has helped me change my life for the better, and I want to make it possible for others to do the same. (Adapted from Advocacy with Anonymity, a publication of Faces & Voices of Recovery, the Johnson Institute, Join Together, and the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence.) This work is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should consult a physician or addiction professional in matters related to health, particularly with respect to any issues or conditions that may require diagnosis or medical attention.