On LOving, Hating, and Living WeLL On LOving, Hating, and Living WeLL The Public Psychoanalytic Lectures of Ralph R. Greenson Edited by Robert A. Nemiroff, Alan Sugarman, and Alvin Robbins KARNAC First published in 1992 by International Universities Press, Inc. “dying is fine) but Death” is reprinted from XAIPE by E.E. Cummings, edited by George James Firmage, by permission of Liveright Publishing Corporation. Copyright 1950 by E.E. Cummings. Copyright ©1979, 1978, 1973 by Nancy T. Andrews. Copyright ©1979, 1973 by George James Firmage. Acknowledgment is also made to MacGibbon & Kee, an imprint of HarperCollins Publishers Limited, for permission to reprint xaipe by e.e. cummings. This edition published in 2016 by Karnac Books Ltd 118 Finchley Road London NW3 5HT Copyright 2016 © The Estate of Ralph R. Greenson All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher. British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A C.I.P. for this book is available from the British Library ISBN: 978-1-78220-462-6 Printed in Great Britain www.karnacbooks.com Dedication This book is dedicated to the memory of Ralph R. Green son, M.D., extraordinary clinician, creative scholar, and inspir ing teacher; and to his family: his beloved wife Hildi and their children, Daniel and his wife Barbara and Joan and her hus band Andy, who keep the memory of this unique man vital for all of us. Table of Contents Acknowledgments IX The Man and His Life x1 The Public Lectures x1x 1. Misunderstandings of Psychoanalysis (1955) 1 2. Apathy, Boredom, and Miltown (1958) 15 3. People Who Hate (1960) 25 4. The Conflict Between Psychoanalysis and Religion (1960) 41 5. Sleep, Dreams, and Death (1961) 57 6. Varieties of Love (1961) 85 7. Emotional Involvement-Genuine and Counterfeit (1961) 101 8. Why Men Like War (1963) 123 9. Laughter and Tears (1963) 149 10. Masculinity and Femininity Reconsidered (1965) 163 Vll Vlll CONTENTS 11. Sex Without Passion (1966) 173 12. The Fascination of Violence (1968) 185 13. Why People Hate Psychoanalysis (1970) 201 14. Hate in the Happy Family (1970) 213 15. The Dread and Love of Death (1971) 225 16. Boredom, American Style (1971) 235 17. A MCP Freudian Psychoanalyst Confronts Women's Lib (1972) 249 18. Sophie Portnoy Finally Answers Back (1972) 271 19. Jealousy, Envy, and Possessiveness (1973) 281 20. Crisis in Adult Life: Prevention and Survival (1974) 297 21. The Devil Made Me Do It, Dr. Freud (1974) 313 22. You Only Live Twice (1975) 325 23. Beyond Sexual Satisfaction ... ? (1976) 339 24. People in Search of a Family (1978) 351 Acknowledgments We deeply appreciate and take this opportunity to acknowl edge the considerable help we received in the preparation of this book. Foremost, of course, was the invaluable contribution of Hildi Greenson, who provided us with beautifully edited tran scripts of the lectures themselves and many hours of inspiration as well as assistance with proofreading and correction of bio graphical facts. Daniel Greenson too was especially generous with his time and thoughtful advice. The style and cohesiveness of our words benefited immeasur ably from the editorial skills of Barbara Blomgren, whose help we and other colleagues at The University of California, San Diego (UCSD), have appreciated over the years. Phyllis Baumgart, administrative coordinator of psychiatric residency training at UCSD, graciously coordinated many aspects of manuscript prep aration. Joyce Harding, administrator of the San Diego Psy choanalytic Institute, kindly provided access to important lX