Afghanistan © David Kaelin 2013 I have not written all this to complain: I have simply written the truth. I do not intend by what I have written to compliment myself: I have simply set down exactly what happened. Since I have made it a point in this history to write the truth of every matter and to set down no more than the reality of every event, as a consequence I have reported every good and evil I have seen of father and brother and set down the actuality of every fault and virtue of relative and stranger. May the reader excuse me; may the listener take me not to task. ~ Babur Khan, founder of the Mughal Empire Do not try to do too much with your own hands. Better the Arabs do it tolerably than that you do it perfectly. It is their war, and you are to help them, not to win it for them. Actually, also, under the very odd conditions of Arabia, your practical work will not be as good as, perhaps, you think it is. ~ T.E. Lawrence, The Evolution of a Revolt I don’t fear death; I fear remaining silent in the face of injustice. I am young and I want to live. But I say to those who would eliminate my voice: I am ready, wherever and whenever you might strike. You can cut down the flower, but nothing can stop the coming of the spring. ~ Malalai Joya, Raising My Voice Table of Contents Author’s Note Abbreviations Maps Part I Defense Contractors, Mercenaries, and War Profiteers, Oh My! Fort Knox, Kentucky Into the ‘Stan! Operation Enduring Freedom Taliban Rocket Show Fallen Soldiers: The Pat Tillman Story Balkans Invasion $35 Haircut Special Camp Cupcake—The Easy Life Phoenix Rising Bombs, Bullets, Insurgents Part II The Nights of Kabul White Collar Mercenaries R Us Arriving in the Mile High City The Taliban’s House of Murder Wazir Akbar Khan and the Chinese The Kabul Beauty School Part III Herat: The Revolutionary City The Pearl of Khorasan TarjomaniMan Meeting the General Terp Boot Camp Training the Afghans The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly Masjid Jami Ghalla Attar Motorcycles, Politics, and Sex Videos Kidnappings and Drive-Bys Major Zahir Arrives Boy Buggin’ Pashtuns Chaghcharan No Greater Love The Boys from Farah Land of the Great Conquerors Epilogue Glossary Acknowledgments Author’s Note This book is based on true events that occurred during my decade of service in Afghanistan as a defense contractor for the U.S. military. I have changed the names to protect those who may be endangered by their continuing involvement with Coalition Forces. This is a very real danger. It is especially true of those brave men and women who serve as interpreters and translators for the U.S. military and Coalition Forces. These men and women, primarily Afghan, place their lives on the line daily in their efforts to drag Afghanistan to a better future. Other individuals, particularly defense contractors, mentioned herein still work and live in Afghanistan. The U.S. Army and State Department are staffed with many people who hate, or merely dislike, contractors. Any chance they come by to fire a contractor would be seized upon with relish. For that reason, I’ve changed all those names as well. The U.S. Army denied contractors (and still does to an extent) the right to carry firearms in self-defense. Instead, they leave us reliant on the military personnel who surround us. Some of the men and women with whom I worked disagreed with this policy. These persons offered me the opportunity to have a measure of self-defense at my disposal. Those names were changed as well. As regards other U.S. military personnel, if I felt that the actions of a given soldier or marine might endanger their careers, I changed their name. Similarly, I changed the names of certain members of the National Guard. I did not work closely with U.S. Air Force or Navy personnel. I retained the real names of colonels, generals, and other high-ranking members of the armed forces, since these individuals have all been cited in the press at one time or another, and, in many instances, quite often. I have also retained most of the Afghan military officers’ real names. They know the dangers that surround them. They are public figures. Some of these men are as venal as the Taliban and bandits who prey on the Afghan populace. Others are men simply trying to make a decent living and survive with a measure of security for themselves and their families. Even the venal ones befriended me and offered hospitality and a measure of security in my travels throughout Afghanistan. I do not call these men corrupt or criminal in this book. I write of my experiences with them. I leave you to your opinion of their humanity. Abbreviations AAFES Army and Air Force Exchange Service ABP Afghan Border Police ANA Afghan National Army ANP Afghan National Police ANSF Afghan National Security Forces AO Area of Operations AR Army Regulation BAF Bagram Airfield BDE Brigade BN Battalion CAC Common Access Card CDR Commander of a Unit (company, battalion, brigade, division, or corps) CFC-A Combined Forces Command–Afghanistan CIA Central Intelligence Agency CIF Central Issue Facility CJTF-180 Combined Joint Task Force 180 CO or Company COY COL Colonel CONOP Convoy Operation CONUS Continental United States CPL Consolidated Property Listing CPOL Civilian Personnel Online CPT Captain CRC CONUS Replacement Center CSM Command Sergeant Major CW2 Chief Warrant Officer Two CW3 Chief Warrant Officer Three CYA Cover Your Ass DA Department of the Army DART District Assessment and Reformation Team DCO Deputy Commander DFAC Dining Facility Administration Center DHQ District Headquarters DPM Deputy Program Manager DSN Defense Information Systems EOD Explosive Ordnance Disposal FATA Federally Administered Tribal Areas FDD Focused District Development FOB Forward Operating Base FUBAR Fucked Up Beyond All Repair HMMWV High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle HQ Headquarters IED Improvised Explosive Device ISAF International Security Assistance Force K2 Karshi-Khanabad KBR Kellogg, Brown & Root KIA Killed in Action LOGCAP Logistical Capstone MAJ Major MG Major General MOD Ministry of Defense MOI Ministry of Interior MP Military Police MPRI Military Professional Resources Inc. MRAP Mine Resistant Ambush Protected MSG Master Sergeant MSR Main Service Road MWR Morale, Welfare, and Recreation NATO North Atlantic Treaty Organization NCO Non-Commissioned Officer NGO Non-Governmental Organization NWFP Northwest Frontier Province OCS Officer Candidate School OEF Operation Enduring Freedom OIC Officer in Charge OIF Operation Iraqi Freedom OP Operations PBO Property Book Officer PBOSS Property Book Operations Sustainment and Support PBUSE Property Book Unit Supply Enhanced PEB Pre-Engineered Building PFC Private First Class PHQ Province Headquarters POI Program of Instruction PX Post Exchange RBWT Regional Battle Warrior Training RCAG Regional Command Advisory Group RHQ Regional Headquarters RPAC Regional Property Assistance Command RPAT Regional Property Assistance Team R&R Rest and Recuperation RTC Regional Training Center S4 NCOIC Supply (or Logistics) Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge SAS Special Air Service SECFOR Security Forces SF Special Forces SFC Sergeant First Class SGM Sergeant Major SGT Sergeant SOP Standard Operating Procedures SPBS Standard Property Book System SPC Specialist SSA Supply Support Activity STD Sexually Transmitted Disease SUV Sport Utility Vehicle TF Task Force TOA Turnover of Authority TOC Tactical Operations Center TOG The Old Guard TPE Theater Provided Equipment UAV Up-Armored (and/or Unmanned Aerial Vehicle) High Mobility HMMWV Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle UCMJ Uniform Code of Military Justice USFOR-A United States Forces–Afghanistan USO United Service Organization UXO Unexploded Ordnance VA Veterans Affairs VBIED Vehicle-Borne Improvised Explosive Device XO Executive Officer, usually second in command of a military unit