Also in the Made Easy series The Akashic Records Animal Communication Astrology Chakras Connecting with the Angels Connecting with the Fairies Crystals Discovering Your Past Lives Energy Healing Feng Shui Goddess Wisdom Lucid Dreaming Meditation Mediumship Mindfulness Numerology Qabalah Reiki Self-Hypnosis Shamanism Tantra Tarot First published and distributed in the United Kingdom by: Hay House UK Ltd, Astley House, 33 Notting Hill Gate, London W11 3JQ Tel: +44 (0)20 3675 2450; Fax: +44 (0)20 3675 2451 www.hayhouse.co.uk Published and distributed in the United States of America by: Hay House Inc., PO Box 5100, Carlsbad, CA 92018-5100 Tel: (1) 760 431 7695 or (800) 654 5126; Fax: (1) 760 431 6948 or (800) 650 5115 www.hayhouse.com Published and distributed in Australia by: Hay House Australia Ltd, 18/36 Ralph St, Alexandria NSW 2015 Tel: (61) 2 9669 4299; Fax: (61) 2 9669 4144; www.hayhouse.com.au Published and distributed in India by: Hay House Publishers India, Muskaan Complex, Plot No.3, B-2, Vasant Kunj, New Delhi 110 070 Tel: (91) 11 4176 1620; Fax: (91) 11 4176 1630; www.hayhouse.co.in Distributed in Canada by: Raincoast Books, 2440 Viking Way, Richmond, B.C. V6V 1N2 Tel: (1) 604 448 7100; Fax: (1) 604 270 7161; www.raincoast.com Text © Ali Campbell, 2015 The moral rights of the author have been asserted. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced by any mechanical, photographic or electronic process, or in the form of a phonographic recording; nor may it be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted or otherwise be copied for public or private use, other than for ‘fair use’ as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews, without prior written permission of the publisher. The information given in this book should not be treated as a substitute for professional medical advice; always consult a medical practitioner. Any use of information in this book is at the reader’s discretion and risk. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any loss, claim or damage arising out of the use, or misuse, of the suggestions made, the failure to take medical advice or for any material on third party websites. This book was previously published as NLP (Hay House Basics series). ISBN: 978-1-78180-353-0 A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library. ISBN 978-1-78817-249-3 in print ISBN 978-1-78817-269-1 in ebook format Interior illustrations: 16, 21, 22, 95, 121, 134 © Ali Campbell; all other illustrations © istockphoto.com Dedicated to everyone who has sought and hoped for change in themselves and others. Everything comes from nothing more than the thought of what might be possible. It’s a simple spark of magic that starts from within, but it can change the world. Contents List of exercises Acknowledgements Introduction: A catalyst for change PART I: THE FOUNDATIONS OF NLP Chapter 1: NLP at a glance Chapter 2: The mind: A browser, not a hard drive Chapter 3: Making ‘sense’ of NLP Chapter 4: From awareness to change PART II: THE TECHNIQUES OF NLP Chapter 5: Matching, mirroring, pacing, leading and… commanding! Chapter 6: It’s time for a change Chapter 7: Anchoring states Chapter 8: Meta model – deletions Chapter 9: Meta model – generalization patterns Chapter 10: Meta model – distortions Conclusion: Knowing what to change References Resources Index About the author Join the Hay House Family List of exercises Play with visual cues Further exploring visual cues Completing a submodalities checklist Defining your representation system Your lead representational system Really listen to language literally Listen for visual references Turning down your internal volume Play with your submodalities Building rapport Pacing and leading Visual timeline: The technique Using an NLP timeline Using the swish pattern Parts integration technique Set an anchor Acknowledgements There are a great many people who make a book possible. Some you’d expect and many more, too many to name, who in their own way add a word, an idea, spark a thought or lend a hand. Thank you to all my students and clients over the years who have taught me as much as I have taught them, and to all who have touched my life in a positive way over the course of this project. But there are very special thanks due to a few, without whom this book wouldn’t have been possible. Dr Richard Bandler for his life’s work that is NLP and for making fast, effective change accessible to all. John Grinder also for his part in the creation of a field that has changed my own life and the lives of thousands. Paul McKenna for all my early learnings and for igniting the spark in me all those years ago in London. Michael Neill who really helped me to ‘get it’ and to try again if I didn’t. ‘I don’t know… let’s find out’ is what I’ve spent ten years doing to great effect. A great big heartfelt thank you to everyone at Hay House but particularly Michelle Pilley, Jo Burgess, Julie Oughton, Carolyn Thorne and Amy Kiberd for all your love and support of me personally and for all the work you do shining light in our world. Thank you also to my amazing editor Sandy Draper for making sense of it all, again! And finally thank you to my wife Claire for all your love and support, not to mention all the cups of tea and cuddles. Love you with all my heart, forever and for keeps. Introduction A catalyst for change So what is NLP and why should you take the time to read the whole of this book and allow it to change the way you experience yourself and the world around you? Let me be very upfront and say that I am not one of those ‘this book will change your life; you’ve been doing it all wrong’ guys. I’m sure, just like me, you have been doing your best too. Different circumstances and different choices for sure, but when it comes down to it, we’ve been doing our best given our circumstances, experiences and the available choices we perceived at the time. We look at the world around us and pick the best path we can imagine to get through it and, at the same time, try to collect some of what we want along the way, right? I certainly did. Long before I had ever heard of NLP – like most people, I suspect – I viewed the world as being a more or less static place where things were as they were and change… well, that was hard and definitely happened only on the outside, out there in the physical world, and usually for other people, not people like me. Now think about it. It is really quite difficult to change the world around us, isn’t it? In the world of form and physics, change can be very hard indeed and takes a great deal of effort, but that, in itself, is not really the problem. The problem is rarely actually found in the physical world but rather in our subjective experience of it. As super coach Michael Neill describes it, ‘We’re not scared of what we think we’re afraid of, we’re afraid of what we think.’ Really, think about it for a second… Some people are scared of spiders and some people are not, while others are scared of dogs and cats or flying or even baked beans and ketchup… But most of us are not, so those things simply cannot, in and of themselves, be inherently scary. It MUST be our thoughts about those things that create those feelings of anxiety and sometimes even blind panic. It’s as simple as that. We don’t need to change the world when we can effortlessly change the way we perceive the world out there, and in doing so change ‘our’ world instantly. Whilst change in the world of form and physics takes time and effort, in the world of thought and mind we are only ever one different thought away from being OK. All human behaviour is a product of the state of mind we are in at the time. The difference between being in ‘a right state’ and ‘the right state’ is right there between your ears right now. Over the course of this book, I am going to show you how to make the small changes on the inside that will make huge differences on the outside, because when you change your mind you change your life. Imagine tomorrow, not feeling afraid, not blocked by irrational fears from doing the things you want, not craving foods that don’t serve you but only feed an emotional hunger, not feeling stuck or frustrated and instead just feeling free to be you, the authentic you, and free not just being you but free by just being you. Imagine as you read this book just how much your life can change when you get out of your own way and start to live up to your fullest potential. That’s really what NLP is all about; you, and how you run your own mind and put a twinkle in your eye as you do it. Ahead for change At school we are taught what to think, but we are never taught how to think, until now, that is. The world where we live is changing so fast that, while in the past IQ and knowledge were where all the power sat, now we are never more than a few simple clicks away from the factual answer. That being the case, how we use our brains must change too. No longer do you have to use your brain as a hard drive; now, it is how you use your brain, not what you store in it, that really matters. Think of your mind more as a browser than a hard drive. So many more variables and so many more wonderful ways to use it, it’s time to put you in control, again. You are never more than a few seconds away from any factual answer – no one is – so your advantage in life is not going to be found there. How you use your brain is what matters today and tomorrow and for the rest of your life. That’s what I am going to show you: how to use your brain effectively for the change and life you want and to do that with the same ‘twinkle in the eye’ way that for me epitomizes NLP, its ethos and methodology. If you try something and it doesn’t work, try something else; simple. There is no such thing as failure here. If I want to get a client into a good state so I can help them to change then I’ll make them laugh for real and anchor that real emotion, not get them to recall some dim and distant memory in such a clinical, dull way as to render it meaningless. Sure there is a lot about NLP that cannot be ‘proven’ or measured in double- blind clinical trials, but stand-up comedy doesn’t work under laboratory conditions either, yet we all enjoy a good laugh. No matter what the men in white coats might say, this stuff works in the real world. So open your mind and it will be my pleasure to be your guide as I hand you the instruction manual to your own mind before taking you through it: to make you not just smarter, but also different; your experience of life richer with more distinctions and in higher definition; and the journey here not just a fun learning one, but one by which you change from the inside out with NLP. Plain and simple, these techniques and truths will change your life so, if you’re ready, let’s get started and see where heading towards your full potential now takes you. I don’t make any claim that the principles and techniques you will learn here are mine; they are the collective works of a great many experts and visionaries over the years. Nor is this a definitive work as, in truth, I only have the scope here to scratch the surface. This book could be many times thicker and more involved, but I hope it will whet your interest and ignite your curiosity to then go on and explore the Resources section at the end of the book. Like any body of work, NLP has also evolved over time, but here’s my version of some great old songs, which – while they stay true to the original – are original enough in themselves and with a new inside-out perspective to add some extra value to the piece. Or so I hope… as you join me on a plain and simple tour of what I think are some of the most important and potent patterns and principles in Neuro-Linguistic Programming and beyond.