Copyright © 2013 by Ann Coulter All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system now known or to be invented, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages in connection with a review written for inclusion in a magazine, newspaper, website, or broadcast. First ebook edition © 2013 eISBN 978-1-62157-196-4 The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows: Published in the United States by Regnery Publishing, Inc. One Massachusetts Avenue NW Washington, DC 20001 www.Regnery.com Manufactured in the United States of America 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 The interview on pp. 353–62 is reprinted with the permission of Beliefnet, where it originally appeared. Books are available in quantity for promotional or premium use. Write to Director of Special Sales, Regnery Publishing, Inc., One Massachusetts Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20001, for information on discounts and terms, or call (202) 216-0600. Distributed to the trade by Perseus Distribution 250 West 57th Street New York, NY 10107 For my brothers, John and Jim, who inspired, directly and indirectly, many of the columns in this book Contents Chapter One: Will This Be on the Midterms? Chapter Two: If Chuck Schumer Is Smiling, Vote Nay!—and Other Good Advice for Conservatives Conservatives Need Twelve-Step Program to Manhood Free the Fitzgerald One! With Friends like These, Who Needs Keith Olbermann? On This Aborted Fetus, the Democrats Plant Their Flag Chapter Three: Thou Shalt Not Speak Ill of a Fellow Republican—with the Following Exceptions Fred Sawyer and Huckabee Finn Liberals Sing “Huckelujah” The Elephant in the Room “Straight Talk” Express Takes Scenic Route to Truth Newt: Speak Bombastically and Carry a Tiny Stick Romney Doing the Job Republican Establishment Just Won’t Do Chapter Four: Democrats: They Can’t Be Trained—They Can Only Be Beaten Obama Woos Gun-Toting God Nuts Only His Hairdresser Knows for Sure Biden Secret Service Code Name: “Assassination Insurance” One Plus One Equals Twenty Extra Votes for Franken Obama Birth Certificate Spotted in Bogus Moon Landing Footage Let’s Play “Spot the Democrat!” Patty Murray: the Stupidest Person in America Weiner’s Penis Headed to Small Claims Court Chapter Five: Liberal Behavior: Porn Surfers, Liars, and Welfare Suppliers Reno 911 Obama’s Recipe for Change Not My Cup of Tea What a Sack of Sacrosanct Bonfire of the Insanities Look for the Union Fable This Is What a Mob Looks Like Who Wouldn’t Enjoy Firing These People? Chapter Six: Slavery, the KKK, and the Trail of Tears—I Give You the Democrat Party Harry Reid’s Negro Problems and Ours Negroes with Guns Elizabeth Warren Dances with Lies Matthews a Few Race Cards Short of a Full Deck White Liberals Tell Black Lies about Civil Rights This Year’s Duke Lacrosse Case Chapter Seven: PC Police: Shoot First, Hug Later Freeze! I Just Had My Nails Done! Speaking Truth to Dead Horses: My Oscar Predictions Ho Ho Ho, Merry Imus! They Gave Your Mortgage to a Less Qualified Minority Chapter Eight: America’s Enemies, Foreign and Democratic NY Times: Better Dead than Read If Only Bin Laden Had a Stained Blue Dress Frank Rich Declares Iraq “Box Office Poison” The Democratic Party: A Vast Sleeper Cell Welcome Back, Carter Obama to Iran: Let Them Eat Ice Cream Ahmadinejad: “Yep, I’m Nuclear!” Bill Kristol Must Resign Libya Commemorates 9/11 Chapter Nine: Muslims: Why You’re Barefoot in an Airport Right Now Guantanamo Loses Five-Star Rating What Can I Do to Make Your Flight More Uncomfortable? Terrorists’ Restless Leg Syndrome Muslims: “We Do That on First Dates” Muslim Suffers Bruised Ego in Fort Hood Tragedy Obama National Security Policy: Hope Their Bombs Don’t Work Chapter Ten: Immigration: Addressing America’s Chronic Shortage of Fertile, Unskilled Illiterates America Nears El Tipping Pointo If Rubio’s Amnesty Is So Great, Why Is He Lying? If the GOP Is This Stupid, It Deserves to Die I Got Thirty Million Reasons Chapter Eleven: Guns and Crime: Guns Do Kill People, Thank God NY Times: Fraught Nexus of Lies, Stupidity, and Bigotry Cop-Killer Is Media’s Latest Baby Seal If I Were a Liberal The Biggest Scandal in U.S History Guns Don’t Kill People, the Mentally Ill Do Why Does Anyone Need . . .? The Left’s Continuing War on Women Don’t Knox This “Serious Network” Chapter Twelve: Courts: The Third Branch of Liberalism Fool Me Eight Times, Shame on Me This Is What “Advice and Consent” Means Democrats Stick Fork in Own Heads God Hates Judges Chapter Thirteen: “Keeping Abortion Safe” and Other Liberal Oxymorons Remove Dennis Kucinich’s Feeding Tube! Forty-Nine Million to Five The Sun Never Sets on the British Welfare System The Vagina Diatribes Vulgarians on the Loose! Chapter Fourteen: Higher Re-Education The Little Injun That Could Tuition Soars Due to Knowledge Shortfall Tase Him, Bro! Oh, Canada! Repeal the Twenty-Sixth Amendment! Chapter Fifteen: Media: Does Barack Obama Have Nude Polaroids of Everyone in the Mainstream Media? Dan Rather: Fairly Unbalanced Newsweek Dissembled, Muslims Dismembered! Murder Spree by People Who Refuse to Ask for Directions Olbermann’s Plastic Ivy Watching MSNBC Is Torture Like, Is Sarah Palin Totally Conceited? Media: Halliburton Paid Dick Cheney to Commit Rape in Iraq Chapter Sixteen: Liberals and Science: Regulate Al Gore’s Refrigerator The Coming Ass Age A Glowing Report on Radiation Liberals: They Blinded Us with Science The Flash Mob Method of Scientific Inquiry Chapter Seventeen: I Have a Savior, and His Name’s Not Obama Dressing for Distress: In Hoc Signo Vinces If You Can Find a Better Deal, Take It! Beliefnet Interview—Church Militant: Ann Coulter on God, Faith, and Liberals Chapter Eighteen: Not Far from the Tree Wall Street Journal Interview with My Mother! John Vincent Coulter Nell Husbands Martin Coulter Acknowledgements Index