Naming the Unnamable Bold Visions in Educational Research Volume 40 Series Editors: Kenneth Tobin, The Graduate Center, City University of New York, USA Carolyne Ali-Khan, College of Education & Human Services, University of North Florida, USA Co-founding Editor: Joe Kincheloe Editorial Board: Barry Down, School of Education, Murdoch University, Australia Daniel L. Dinsmore, University of North Florida, USA Gene Fellner, Lehman College, College of Staten Island, USA L. Earle Reynbold, Qualitative Research Methods, George Mason University, USA Stephen Ritchie, School of Education, Murdoch University, Australia Scope: Bold Visions in Educational Research is international in scope and includes books from two areas: teaching and learning to teach and research methods in education. Each area contains multi-authored handbooks of approximately 200,000 words and monographs (authored and edited collections) of approximately 130,000 words. All books are scholarly, written to engage specified readers and catalyze changes in policies and practices. Defining characteristics of books in the series are their explicit uses of theory and associated methodologies to address important problems. We invite books from across a theoretical and methodological spectrum from scholars employing quantitative, statistical, experimental, ethnographic, semiotic, hermeneutic, historical, ethnomethodological, phenomenological, case studies, action, cultural studies, content analysis, rhetorical, deconstructive, critical, literary, aesthetic and other research methods. Books on teaching and learning to teach focus on any of the curriculum areas (e.g., literacy, science, mathematics, social science), in and out of school settings, and points along the age continuum (pre K to adult). The purpose of books on research methods in education is not to present generalized and abstract procedures but to show how research is undertaken, highlighting the particulars that pertain to a study. Each book brings to the foreground those details that must be considered at every step on the way to doing a good study. The goal is not to show how generalizable methods are but to present rich descriptions to show how research is enacted. The books focus on methodology, within a context of substantive results so that methods, theory, and the processes leading to empirical analyses and outcomes are juxtaposed. In this way method is not reified, but is explored within well- described contexts and the emergent research outcomes. Three illustrative examples of books are those that allow proponents of particular perspectives to interact and debate, comprehensive handbooks where leading scholars explore particular genres of inquiry in detail, and introductory texts to particular educational research methods/issues of interest to novice researchers. Naming the Unnamable Researching Identities through Creative Writing TomDobson LeedsMetropolitanUniversity,Leeds,UK SENSEPUBLISHERS ROTTERDAM/BOSTON/TAIPEI AC.I.P.recordforthisbookisavailablefromtheLibraryofCongress. ISBN978-94-6209-639-4(paperback) ISBN978-94-6209-640-0(hardback) ISBN978-94-6209-641-7(e-book) Publishedby:SensePublishers, P.O.Box21858,3001AWRotterdam,TheNetherlands https://www.sensepublishers.com/ Printedonacid-freepaper Allrightsreserved©2014SensePublishers Nopartofthisworkmaybereproduced,storedinaretrievalsystem,ortransmittedinanyformorby anymeans,electronic,mechanical,photocopying,microfilming,recordingorotherwise,withoutwritten permissionfromthePublisher,withtheexceptionofanymaterialsuppliedspecificallyforthepurpose ofbeingenteredandexecutedonacomputersystem,forexclusiveusebythepurchaserofthework. DEDICATION I did not know it at the time, but a beginning of this book was Australia 2002 when I travelled the world with Emma, my then girlfriend. In part, I saw travelling as an opportunity to write a novel and Emma supported me in this, taking a job as a waitress in a restaurant. We were married soon after our return to England and as I kept on writing, Emma kept on supporting me. It is because of her support, love and sacrifice that I have come to write the words on these pages. These words are dedicated to you, Emma. v TABLE OF CONTENTS Acknowledgements ix Abstract xi Unlimited Ammo 2 xiii Praise for Unlimited Ammo 1 … xxi Foreword xxiii List of Characters 1 A Journey 3 The Long Road Home 33 You’s Analysis 73 PhD Student’s Analysis 119 The End of Something 185 List of References 209 List of Academic References 211 List of Literary References 215 vii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to thank all of my family, including my daughters, Isobel and Emelia, for their love and lightness, and my parents, Jane and Geoff, for their pride and encouragement. I would also like to thank my Director of Studies, Jon Tan, for stepping in, Stephen Beesley for the inspired cover and Neil Priestly for formatting the text. Finally, I owe a massive debt of gratitude to my good friend, Tony Cotton. Even when he retired from Leeds Metropolitan University, Tony continued in his role as Supervisor on a voluntary basis. Tony, you always believed in me and I know this thesis would have looked very different without you. ix