The Project Gutenberg EBook of Moral, by Ludwig Thoma This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org Title: Moral Author: Ludwig Thoma Release Date: January, 2004 [EBook #4963] This file was first posted on April 5, 2002 Last Updated: June 30, 2013 Language: English Character set encoding: ASCII *** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MORAL *** Text file produced by Charles Franks, Nicole Apostola and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team HTML file produced by David Widger MORAL By Ludwig Thoma CONTENTS INTRODUCTION PERSONS OF THE PLAY THE PRESUMPTION "MORAL" ACT I ACT II ACT III INTRODUCTION Dr. Ludwig Thoma, perhaps better known to his Bavarian countrymen as Peter Schlemiehl, was born in Oberammergau on January 21, 1867. After graduating from a gymnasium in Munich, he studied at the School of Forestry at Aschauffenburg. He did not finish his course there, but entered the University at Munich and received his degree as Doctor Juris in 1893. A year later Dr. Thoma began to practice law; but he abandoned that pursuit in 1899 to follow a career for which his inclinations and talents so happily fitted him. He had been writing humorous verses for Simplicissimus for several years under the pen name of Pete Schlemiehl, with such success that the paper almost became identified by that name. These poems were later published in book form under the title—Grobheiten. His prose writings in Bavarian dialect as well as his boyhood experiences entitled, Lausbubengeschichten, won a large and warm audience. In 1899 he became the editor of Simplicissimus. From then on his renown grew. The foremost critics of German letters began to take notice of this "Bavarian Aristophanes" and to compare him to Heine and the classics. When Moral and Lottchen's Birthday appeared, while the reviewers shook their heads and stated that Dr. Thoma was shocking (so in original) they concluded that their author was "casting a long shadow." To-day Dr. Thoma is a recognized figure in Germany. Prof. Robert F. Arnold in "Das Moderne Drama" (Strassburg, 1908) ranks him next to Hauptmann. His writings are numerous. A vein, satirical and humorous, with a conception of the pathetic, makes him more than an equal to Mark Twain. In addition he is possessed of a message, which he delivers in the Moral. First produced in 1908 the play soon became a part and parcel of the repertoire of the leading theatres in Germany. It was put on for the first time in New York, in German, at the Irving Place Theatre in the spring of 1914, through the efforts of the late Heinrich Matthias and the writer. Mr. Matthias then played the part of Beermann. Mr. Christians, the director, repeated the performance a number of times that season, each performance meeting with a warm response. The late Percival Pollard was the first American critic to emphasize the importance of Dr. Thoma's work in his excellent resume of contemporary German literature: Masks and Minstrels of Modern Germany. He pointed out "that no country where hypocrisy or puritanism prevail as factors in the social and municipal conduct should be spared the corrective acid of this play." H. L. Mencken and George Jean Nathan for many years have sung praises of the Moral in the Smart Set. But its production on the English speaking stage still remains an event eagerly to be awaited. Briefly, the play is a polemic against the "men higher up," churchmen, reformers, and social hypocrites. The translation follows the text implicitly. Four different versions were made all varying in a degree from the original, and although Dr. Thoma wrote to the writer "bin auch damit einverstanden dass Sie in der Ubersetzung meines Schauspieles 'Moral' etwaige Aenderungen oder Adaptiereungen, die durch die englisch-amerikanischen Verhaltnisse und den Geschmack des amerikanischen Theatrepublikums geboten erscheinen, in entsprechender Weise vornehmen ..." it was deemed best for purposes of publication to try to preserve the original atmosphere without an attempt to even transpose such phrases as Gnadige Frau, or Herr Kommerzienrat. CHARLES RECHT. New York, October, 1916. PERSONS OF THE PLAY FRITZ BEERMANN, a wealthy landowner and banker. LENA BEERMANN, his wife. EFFIE BEERMANN, their daughter. KOMMERZIENRAT ADOLPH BOLLAND, capitalist and manufacturer CLARA BOLLAND, his wife. DR. HAUSER, an ex-judge. FRAU LUND, an old lady. HANS JACOB DOBLER, a poet. FRAULEIN KOCH-PINNEBERG, an artiste. PRIVATDOZENT DR. WASNER, a gymnasium professor. FREIHERR VON SIMBACH, the Police Commissioner of the Duchy. ASSESSOR OSCAR STROEBEL, a police official. MADAME NINON DE HAUTEVILLE, a lady of leisure. FREIHERR GENERAL BOTHO VON SCHMETTAU, also known as Zurnberg, A Gentleman-in-waiting and Adjutant to His Highness, the Duke. JOSEPH REISACHER, a clerk of the Police Department. BETTY, a maid at Beersmann's. Two man-servants and a policeman. THE PRESUMPTION The esteemed, sensitive public will assume that the action takes place in Emilsburg, the capital of the Duchy of Gerlestein. The first and third acts occur in the house of Herr Fritz Beermann; the second act, in the Police Headquarters. It all happens between Sunday afternoon and Monday evening. To be free from blame, the producers will please note that: BEERMANN is in the fifties; jovial; lively; with gray side-whiskers and chin carefully shaved. FRAU BEERMANN is in the late forties, though youthful looking for her age. FRAU LUND. sixty-eight; a woman of impressive appearance; her manner is energetic; her mass of white hair is carefully coiffured. FRAU BOLLAND. about forty-five; stout; talkative. DR. WASNER. a tall German professor with full blond beard; deep voiced; wears pince-nez with black tortoise shell rim and broad black cord. HANS JACOB DOBLER. is a poet; he is dressed in a poor fitting cut-away coat; unkempt mustache and Van Dyke beard. FRAULEIN PINNEBERG, a feminist, wears a loose fitting gown. DR. HAUSER. fifty; smooth shaven; wears gold rimmed spectacles, VON SCHMETTAU, sixty; remains stately looking with effort; military bearing. MADAME DE HAUTEVILLE—indefinitely twenty; her ultra-fashionable Parisian gowns invite the cloak and suit patrons. "MORAL" ACT I FURTHER APOLOGY (Card room in Beermann's house. In the background a swinging door opens into the dining room. To the right a smaller door leads to the music room. On the left side another door opens into the entrance hall. To left upstage in a corner a small card table with chairs. To right upstage a large sofa and comfortable chairs. Parallel to background down stage, tea table with coffee service thereon; near it to right, smaller table, on it a humidor. A butler is engaged at the tea table, another man servant is holding swinging door open. [Business of getting up from table.] Many voices and rattle of chairs are heard from dining room. Through swinging doors enters Bolland and Frau Beermann, Beermann with Frau Bolland, Dr. Hauser with Effie, Dr. Wasner with Fraulein Koch-Pinneberg, Dobler alone.) General greeting of "Mahlzeit." Dr. Wasner is vigorously shaking hands—going to Frau Beermann says, "Ich wunsche Gesegnete Mahlzeit." The servants pass around coffee—Beermann conversing with Bolland comes down stage ... BOLLAND. You will receive two thousand votes more than the Socialists. That's certain. BEERMANN [skeptical]. No,—no. BOLLAND. If all the Liberals combine with the Conservatives, the result cannot be in doubt. BEERMANN [taking coffee from the servant]. If ... BOLLAND. Fusion is here. It's the logical development. I am an old politician. The time for discussion is over. Now it's a straight fight to a finish. DR. WASNER [coming nearer]. The German fatherland is rallying to the support of the national flag. BEERMANN. But there are controversies everywhere. I know best. I always am told by campaign managers: don't say this and don't say that. BOLLAND. In what way? BEERMANN. For instance, I'm to speak at the Liberal Club the day after to-morrow. You would not expect me to say the same things I told the Conservatives last night ...? BOLLAND. Your details, of course, must differ. But fundamentally it amounts to the same thing. BEERMANN. The same thing? Believe me, all this masking confuses me. [Drinks.] EFFIE [calling across the tea table where she has been standing with others]. Papa! Listen to Frau Bolland. She also says that the Indian Dancer is so interesting. FRAU BOLLAND. Positively won—derful, Herr Bolland! You can conceive the entire spirit of the Orient. EFFIE. Why haven't we gone to see her? FRAU BOLLAND. You surely ought to go. Professor Stohr—you know him—told me he never in his life saw anything so gorgeous. FRAULEIN KOCH-PINNEBERG. She's so picturesque in her greenish gowns. FRAU BOLLAND. I did not know that the Hindoos could be so charming. BEERMANN. We'll have a look at her some night. EFFIE. But to-morrow night is her last appearance. BEERMANN [going to the humidor]. Very well darling. Will you remind me of it to-morrow? [Taking a box of cigars offers one to Dobler who is standing near him.] Smoke? DOBLER [taking one]. Thanks. But I am not accustomed to the imported ones. BEERMANN [patronizingly]. You'll get used to high living soon enough. BOLLAND [to Dobler]. How long have you been in the city now? DOBLER. Two years. BOLLAND. And before that you were in ... eh? FRAU BOLLAND. You must excuse him Herr Dobler. Why in Unterschlettenbach, dear ... You know that! BOLLAND [correcting himself]. Certainly. Bit of literary history. Mighty interesting place that Unterschlettenbach ... eh? DOBLER. Hardly, Herr Kommerzienrat. Poor and unsanitary. Most of its inhabitants are miners. BOLLAND. Fancy that! And I never knew it. Full of miners! Tell me though, what do you think of our set here ...? How do you like this well-to-do circle ... the big city ... wealthy surroundings? DOBLER [lighting a cigar]. I like it well enough. But I think I will always feel out of place here. BOLLAND. Can't get used to it? DOBLER. Everything is so different. It seems to me at times as though I had suddenly entered a beautiful house while outdoors my old comrade was awaiting me patiently—the open road. FRAU BOLLAND. Isn't that won—derful? So very re-a-lis-tic-ally put! I can just picture it. Oh Herr Dobler ... I must tell you: your novel—my husband and I talk about it all day long. BOLLAND. Tell me though—did you yourself experience the life of that young man you describe? DOBLER. It's the story of my youth. BOLLAND. But it's somewhat colored by poetic imagination? DOBLER. N—-o. BOLLAND. For instance, you have never actually starved? DOBLER. Oh, yes. There's no imagination in that. BOLLAND. Just the way you describe it—so that everything turned red? DOBLER. Everything had a pink color. On one occasion I did not eat anything for four and one-half days. FRAU BEERMANN [compassionately]. You poor thing! FRAU BOLLAND. That's exceedingly interesting! BOLLAND. Do tell us all about it! Then you saw dancing fires? DOBLER. Yes. Everything danced before my eyes, and I saw it all through a hazy veil, and towards the end my hearing was affected. BOLLAND. You don't say so? Your hearing also? DOBLER. When any one spoke to me it sounded as if he stood a great distance off—a great distance. FRAU BOLLAND. Our set never dreams of such things. BEERMANN. How did it all turn out? DOBLER. What do you mean? BEERMANN. Well, in the end you got something to eat again? DOBLER. Finally I fainted; I was found lying in a meadow, and was taken to the hospital. FRAU BEERMANN [sighing]. Are such things still possible in our day? FRAU BOLLAND. What can you expect—of these idealists! DR. HAUSER. They deserve nothing better. BEERMANN. And after you were in the hospital—how did you get out? DOBLER. As soon as I got stronger. Later on I became a printer—found a position—studied and published my book. BEERMANN. That's all in your novel, I know. But the part where you describe how you were a tramp—that's not true? DOBLER. Yes, I "hoboed" almost a whole year. FRAU BOLLAND. "Hoboed!" Fancy that! How unique! FRAULEIN KOCH-PINNEBERG. I can just picture it. Tramping along the railroad tracks. DOBLER. Yes. You folks think you can picture it with four square meals a day. But it's quite different, I assure you. There were three of us at that time. We worked our way from Basel upwards—sometimes on the left—sometimes on the right bank of the Rhine. In Worms we spent the last of our money and we had to PEDDLE for HAND-OUTS. FRAU BOLLAND [not understanding him]. "Handouts?" What is that? DOBLER [with pathos]. To beg for something to eat, gnadige Frau, for our daily bread. [They all remain silent. Only the voice of the butler who is serving liqueur can be heard.] "Cognac monsieur! Chartreuse! Champagne?" BEERMANN [taking a glass]. To a man of refinement, such an existence must have been quite unbearable. DOBLER [taking a glass of cognac from the butler]. Unpleasant. [Drinking.] But you lose your sensitiveness. At first it is hard—but one learns. In one hot day on the road ... when you get fagged out—and with every stone hurting your feet—you'll learn. The dust blinds you—but you've got to go on just the same. In the evening you come to a small hamlet with smoke curling above the house-tops and the houses themselves look cozy—then you have to hold your hat in your hand and beg for a plate of warm soup. [A short pause.] DR. WASNER [deep bass voice]. Home sweet home! BOLLAND. The story reminds me exactly of my late father. FRAU BOLLAND. But, Adolph! BOLLAND. Indeed, I say it does! FRAU BOLLAND. How can you draw such a comparison? Herr Dobler has become a celebrated poet. BOLLAND. My father also achieved something in life. At his funeral four hundred employees followed the coffin. FRAU BOLLAND [impatiently]. We've heard that before ... Herr Dobler, did you write poetry in those days? DOBLER. No, Frau Bolland. Much later. FRAU BOLLAND. I'll have to read your novel all over again, now that I know it is all autobiographical. FRAU BEERMANN [to Dr. Wasner]. You were going to sing, Herr Professor? DR. WASNER. I promised ... FRAU BEERMANN. Yes, do, Effie will accompany you. DR. WASNER. If Fraulein will be so kind ... but I don't know how my voice is to-day ... FRAU BOLLAND. You sing so beauti-ful-ly. DR. WASNER. So much campaign work. Politics corrupts even the voice. FRAULEIN KOCH-PINNEBERG. Do oblige us. [Frau Bolland, Frau Beermann, Dr. Wasner, Fraulein Koch, Effie go out into the music room.] BEERMANN. It's a pity that the professor is going to sing. We could have started a game of skat. Have some more cognac? DR. HAUSER. No, thanks. DOBLER. Thanks. No more for me. [Bolland seats himself on sofa; Dr. Hauser and Dobler sit in chairs; Beermann lights a fresh cigar. The butler goes into the music room and as he opens the door, the sound of the piano is heard.] BOLLAND. As I said before Herr Dobler, your story reminded me very much of my late father. DR. HAUSER. Of the well known Kommerzienrat Bolland? BOLLAND [sinks deep into chair; crosses legs]. Never mind he was not always a wealthy Kommerzienrat. [Turning to Dobler.] Picture to yourself a winter landscape—it's bitter cold—a gray sky—it is snowing and everything is wrapped in snow. Through all this we see a youth walking—rather staggering—along the forest road from Perleberg. A half starved young man. [He pauses and brushes ashes from his cigar. The butler enters from the music room to get a glass of water; then he goes out again. While the door is open, the trembling bass baritone voice of Prof. Wasner is heard.] "In deinen Augen hab ich einst gelesen Von Lieb' und—Gluck—von Lieb' und Gluck den Schein...." [Footnote: (Translated):—"In thy dear eyes I once read the story Of love and Joy—of Love, And Joy agleam...."] [The door closes and the sound is shut off.] BOLLAND [now continues his speech]. And now the snow falls faster and faster. This poor young man had par tout nothing to eat since the morning. He becomes very weak; sits down on a bundle of twigs and falls asleep. Just by sheer chance it happens that a man from Perleberg passing by sees this dejected, snowed-in figure and takes the young fellow home with him. [He pauses.] And this young man later became my father ... HAUSER. And Herr Kommerzienrat Bolland. BOLLAND. Yes. Herr Kommerzienrat Bolland. [To Dobler.] Now don't you consider it quite remarkable? Wouldn't that make a fine novel? DOBLER. Yes ... Yes. BOLLAND. That could be worked up very nicely, couldn't it? A poor young man—the snow covered landscape ... HAUSER. And that bundle of twigs. DOBLER. Fortune has her unique whims and likes to turn the tables. BOLLAND. That's it exactly. Fortune delights in turning the tables. HAUSER. Unique whims? No. That sort of thing happens every day. BOLLAND. What happens every day? HAUSER. The story of a poor young man who becomes a millionaire. Every large factory boasts of a like progenitor. BOLLAND. Do you think so? HAUSER. And the poor young man grows poorer with each telling. Your son, Herr Bolland, in his description will have his grandfather freeze to death on the bundle of twigs. BOLLAND. Upon my word the story is gospel. [To Dobler.] I'd make use of that plot ... How he founded his business and how it grew and grew ... [As Frau Beermann enters from the music room, the tremulous voice of Prof. Wasner is heard.] "Behuet dich Gott, es hat nicht sollen sein." [Footnote: God guard thee well, it was but a dream.] [The closing of the door shuts off the sound.] DOBLER. In one respect you are right. The character of the SELF MADE MAN [Footnote: So in original.] has hardly been treated in contemporary German literature. BOLLAND [with enthusiasm]. That's just what I claim. Always about the poor people only. But take a man who has a large income —one who makes a success of his business, that also is poetry. HAUSER. I'd have my ledger novelized, if I were you, Holland. [A maid opens door, admitting Frau Lund.] FRAU BEERMANN [welcoming Frau Lund]. Mama Lund, how good of you. FRAU LUND [vivaciously]. Always glad to come here. Good afternoon, gentlemen. Where is my little Effie? FRAU BEERMANN. In the music room. [To the maid.] Please tell my daughter ... FRAU LUND. No, no, don't disturb her. BEERMANN. Permit me. [Introducing.] ... Herr Hans Jacob Dobler, our famous poet ... FRAU LUND [taking his hand]. A famous poet? Delighted. BOLLAND. Author of "Life Story of Hans." ... FRAU LUND [pleasantly to Dobler]. If I were younger, Herr Dobler, I would certainly make believe that I read your book. But at my age I find that sort of thing too tiresome. What is the "Life Story of Hans"? DOBLER. It is a novel, gnadige Frau. BOLLAND. A masterpiece. FRAU LUND. Then my ignorance is unpardonable. I'll soon make reparation. [Frau Bolland followed by Effie, Dr. Wasner and Fraulein Koch hurry out of the music room.] FRAU BOLLAND. I am off for the Arts Club. I'll be late, I fear. [To Frau Lund.] Oh, how do you do, Frau Lund? EFFIE [hurries over to Frau Lund and kisses her hand]. Mama Lund! FRAU LUND. How is my little mischief maker? When are you coming to see me? EFFIE. I would glady come ... but, I am so busy with music lessons and Professor Stohr's lectures ... FRAU LUND. And this and that and your eighteen years. You are quite right, my dear. FRAU BOLLAND [to Frau Beermann]. May Effie come along? They say there are very won-der-ful paintings at the Arts Club. FRAU BEERMANN [turning to Frau Lund], I don't know if ... FRAU LUND. Of course, let her go along. She has such a pretty little dress. Why should she be here with us old people? The gentlemen will entertain us ... FRAU BOLLAND. But then we'll have to hurry. It is quite late. Goodbye, Frau Beermann. I enjoyed myself so much. Goodbye, my dear Frau Lund. So glad to have seen you again. Goodbye, goodbye ... Adolph! BOLLAND. Yes, Mother. FRAU BOLLAND. You won't forget the theatre tonight? At eight. The Viennese actor is so fine. [Off to left. Followed by Effie and Fraulein Koch. Frau Bolland in the doorway.] FRAU BOLLAND. Will you come with us, Herr Dobler? You can explain so many things. DOBLER. I'll be glad to. [Shaking hands with Frau Beermann and bowing.] BEERMANN. Come soon again, Herr Poet. BOLLAND. And think over the story I told you. [Dobler goes out left, following Frau Bolland, Effie, and Fraulein Koch.] FRAU LUND [to Frau Beermann]. I'll just have a cup of coffee. FRAU BEERMANN. I'll tell them to make a fresh cup for you. A fresh cup of coffee. [To the butler who is clearing the table.] Tell the chef—[Butler goes out through the middle door. In the meantime Frau Holland again appears through left.] FRAU BOLLAND. Adolph! BOLLAND. Yes—wifey? FRAU BOLLAND. Thursday the circus comes to town, don't forget to reserve seats. BOLLAND. All right! FRAU BOLLAND [while going out]. I'm still a child when the circus comes. [Frau Lund seats herself on sofa. Next to her on the right Frau Beermann; Beermann and Bolland sit opposite in large leather chairs. Hauser is standing behind the sofa leaning against it.] FRAU LUND [to Hauser]. Tell me Judge, where have you been keeping yourself all this time? HAUSER. In my office, Frau Lund, only in my office. But I hear that you were on the Riviera. FRAU LUND. Four weeks in Monte Carlo. Children, I gambled like an old viveur. BEERMANN. What luck? FRAU LUND. I lost, of course—I'm too old to set the world on fire. But, Beermann, I hear all sorts of surprises about you. You are a candidate for the Reichstag? BEERMANN. Yes, they nominated me. FRAU LUND. Who are "they"? BEERMANN. The combined Liberals and Conservatives ... HAUSER. And the Conservatives and Liberals combined. FRAU LUND. Formerly these were distinct parties. HAUSER. Formerly,—formerly. BEERMANN. Now there is fusion. FRAU LUND [to Frau Beermann]. You never told me that your husband was in politics. FRAU BEERMANN. He never was—up to two weeks ago. FRAU LUND. How quickly things change! And of all the people ... you! BEERMANN. What's so startling in that? FRAU LUND. You told me that you never even read the newspapers. BOLLAND. We all are cordially grateful to Beermann that in an hour of need he made this sacrifice. FRAU LUND. The way you talk about the "hour of need" and "sacrifice" Herr Kommerzienrat, it seems to me that you would have been the better candidate. BOLLAND. Oh, I am too pronouncedly Liberal. HAUSER. And that's an incurable disease! BOLLAND. At any rate it makes my nomination impossible. A man was needed who was not known as a party-man. FRAU LUND. It would seem then that our friend Beermann has become a politician because he ... is no politician? HAUSER. That's what is known as "fusion." BEERMANN. Allow me to ask a question. Why should I not become a Reichstag deputy? HAUSER. Quite right! Frau Lund—tell him—why shouldn't he? BEERMANN. Because I am a novice in politics? We all have to make a start. HAUSER. It's the only calling where one can start any day, Frau Lund, without being called upon to produce qualifications. BOLLAND. There you can tell the lawyer. You'd like to establish a civil service examination for members of the Reichstag? HAUSER. You are not afraid that it might hurt them? BEERMANN [with importance]. Let me tell you, Judge. What a person achieves in real life is far greater than all your book wisdom. We have too many lawyers anyway. It's one of our national misfortunes. FRAU LUND [merrily to Frau Beermann]. Look! He's beginning to debate already. BOLLAND [careless pose]. As you know, I run a soap factory where I employ four hundred and sixty-two workmen ... let me repeat it, four hundred and sixty-two workmen. Their livelihood and welfare lies in the palm of my hand; don't you think that requires brains? HAUSER. But ... BOLLAND [interrupting]. Do you realize what the amount of detail and the management of the whole factory means? HAUSER. But friend Beermann never even worked in a soap factory. How can that apply to him? BEERMANN. Oh, what's the use of discussing things if you're joking. HAUSER. Really, I can't see the connection. BEERMANN. At any rate, I'm a better candidate than the book-binder whom the Socialists have put up against me. BOLLAND. Beermann has had greater experience and has a broader point of view. FRAU LUND. Then there's something else I heard about Herr Beermann, that I don't like at all. BEERMANN. About me? FRAU LUND. Yes, I bear that you are the President of the new Society for the Suppression of Vice. What makes you do such things? That isn't nice. FRAU BEERMANN. I fully agree with you. BEERMANN. You do? For what reasons? When honest men select me as their President, is that mere flattery? FRAU LUND. It is not becoming to you, and you are insincere in it. FRAU BEERMANN. It's as false as anything can be, and you speak about problems which you have never understood. BEERMANN. Pardon me! I ought to know best what is becoming for me. FRAU LUND. There's no one in the world I dislike as much as a preacher. But if a person wants to be one ... then, according to the gospel he ought to live on bread and water. It doesn't go well with champagne and lobster. BEERMANN. Do the Scriptures command that we must be poor to be honorable? FRAU LUND. No, Beermann, but if I still remember, they speak of a camel and a needle. BOLLAND. The ladies evidently are not acquainted with the purposes of our new society. I am sure they would subscribe to every one of the principles which are incorporated in our By-laws. FRAU LUND. I certainly would not. BOLLAND [feeling in his side pocket]. At least read our "Appeal to the Public." FRAU LUND [refusing]. No, thank you. BOLLAND. Every woman will rejoice when she reads it. FRAU LUND. Do you think so? How exceedingly amusing your societies are! So, cards and bowling no longer offer sufficient entertainment. You have to moralize. HAUSER. I can't help thinking of the notorious starvation freak at the circus who gets his meals on the sly everyday. DR. WASNER. Of course, every conviction can be made ridiculous once it's regarded as insincere. You shouldn't accuse without proof. HAUSER. Herr Professor, politeness requires that each individual be regarded as the exception—but not an entire club. BOLLAND. It is a pity, indeed, that a great movement like ours is disposed of by a few trifling remarks. That embitters our task of curing the nation of social diseases. FRAU LUND. Where did you get your Doctor's license to cure? DR. WASNER. It's sad enough that the cure is left to only a few of us. HAUSER. Well, I'll remain a patient. You'll need a few anyway to keep up your business. BEERMANN. I consider all this a very cheap kind of humor. I used to joke about these matters myself, but if you will only look upon this problem from a serious point of view, when your eyes are opened to the ... FRAU BEERMANN.... Your newly acquired ways of talking are quite unbearable. BEERMANN. Please, don't make a scene. FRAU BEERMANN. We have been married for twenty-six years; have been very fortunate with our own children. Why worry about other people? BEERMANN. You are not logical, my love. The mere fact that I brought up my children properly is all the more reason for my joining this movement.... FRAU BEERMANN. You didn't lose much sleep about their education. BEERMANN. Evidently I didn't neglect anything. FRAU LUND. I'm afraid you pride yourselves on a degree of willpower you never exercised. BEERMANN. Never exercised? My dear Frau Lund, what do you know about the temptations which confront us men. What does a woman know about them? FRAU LUND. The only thing we women don't know about is the manner in which these temptations terminate. BEERMANN. Our movement intends to do away with these very deceptions. We want to protect the traditions of the home which women treasure. FRAU LUND. No. We, women also treasure modesty. We dislike to see men pretend to have better morals than they actually have. BEERMANN. Seriously, Frau Lund. Public immorality must hurt you more. FRAU LUND. You are mistaken. It requires a genuine manly feeling to sympathize with misery. DR. WASNER. Misery and vice are different problems. FRAU LUND. They're not. And that is why we will never agree. FRAU BEERMANN. All the more reason why my husband should not set himself up as an example. He knows nothing of worry or care. BEERMANN. We can never subscribe to Frau Lund's principles. FRAU LUND. No principles, please! BOLLAND. Out of sheer opposition you will say that you hold different ones from us. FRAU LUND. No. I will say that I hold none at all. BOLLAND. and WASNER [together]. But, gnadige Frau! FRAU LUND. I can't help it. I lost them some place on my journey through life. I have learned that all your principles have loop holes through which people can conveniently slip out and take their friends along with them. So I had my choice of either surrendering them or dishonestly preaching them to others. DR. WASNER. Real principles of life are never given up. HAUSER [with sarcasm]. Cheers from the gallery! BOLLAND. Principles of morality are the laws of nature—they are her dictates. FRAU LUND. Is that the reason you have started your Society for the Suppression of Vice? Do you imagine your by-laws are stronger than the laws of nature? DR. WASNER. May I make just one remark? BEERMANN. What is it? DR. WASNER [stroking his beard]. In summing up the matter we can come to this decision: women have a beautiful privilege. Certain facts in life remain a closed book to them. We, men, unfortunately have to come into contact with them. HAUSER. Did you say UNFORTUNATELY? DR. WASNER. Please don't interrupt. I maintain "unfortunately"! For the last four years, I have been persistently following obscene literature, and to-day I have gotten together a collection of it, which I dare say is pretty complete. So I am speaking of matters about which I am thoroughly informed. [With importance.] The degree of vulgarity our people have reached is incredible. FRAU LUND. And you have been the "persistent collector" of this vulgarity? DR. WASNER. Let me assure you that I took upon myself this task with loathing. HAUSER. Herr Professor, in all my life I have never met a man who for four years voluntarily did something which was loathsome to him. DR. WASNER. You have no business to make such a remark. HAUSER. Have you derived no satisfaction from it at all? DR. WASNER. Satisfaction—if you mean the satisfaction of participating in the uplift of our people. FRAU LUND. Uplift? Our reformers capitalize our national lack of good taste. Good proof of that are the moral works of art which you patronize. DR. WASNER. The matter we are discussing is more serious than reforming bad taste. FRAU LUND. There is nothing more serious. DR. WASNER [knowingly]. If you but knew, Frau Lund! FRAU LUND. I don't have to call and see your collection. Frankly, to me, the most obscene picture in your gallery could not be more disgusting than the talk you carry on in your meetings. BEERMANN. Oh! Oh! FRAU LUND. The nudity of the human body is not disgusting. It is the nudity of your mind. No vice is as repulsive as that virtue of yours which loudly uncovers itself in public—in market places. Vice has at least the shame to hide itself. BEERMANN [to Bolland]. Can you understand her? BOLLAND. I must admit, I can't. DR. WASNER. Gnadige Frau stated that vice hides itself. But in spite of that it exists. BOLLAND. Yes, she admitted that it exists. DR. WASNER. Shall we tolerate it merely because it crawls into dark nooks and corners? FRAU LUND. You reformers! Let more sunshine into this world and vice will not find so many dark corners and nooks to hide in. BOLLAND. You would not be as opposed to us if you had a son who would be exposed to the temptations of our great cities. FRAU LUND. I would be ashamed of myself if for personal reasons I became narrow-minded. BEERMANN. But just stop to think! Picture a healthy young man in his prime falling into the hands of one of these abominable creatures! FRAU LUND. I could picture something worse than that. BEERMANN. Still worse? FRAU LUND. For instance, if he should, with all the credulity of youth, enter into the work of your society. BOLLAND. Well! Well! BEERMANN. You don't seem to take anything seriously to-day. FRAU LUND. Very seriously; this young man perhaps does reach the stage where he sincerely pities your so-called abominable creature. Then he has really advanced in his morality. Let the pity impress itself deeply upon him and your abominable creature has preached better to him than all your high-sounding phrases. BOLLAND. I am simply dumbfounded. DR. WASNER. Then you even believe that our society exerts a bad influence? FRAU LUND [very positively]. Yes. BOLLAND [with irony]. Fancy! University Professors, philanthropists and a general who are with us in this work—they are, of course, the ones who are likely to corrupt the morals of the younger generation. Frau Lund, no doubt, would like to send our young men to the good Ladies of the Pavement. DR. WASNER. In what way is our influence bad? FRAU LUND [with warmth]. The young man who joins your society does it only to ape you and to advance his own ends and vainglory. He forever deprives himself of understanding the meaning of life and of becoming helpful to those who suffer. BOLLAND. Well what do you think of such statements? FRAU BEERMANN. They are splendid. I would be very thankful if my boy would embody the ideals of Frau Lund. BEERMANN. Lena, I simply forbid you to say such things. FRAU BEERMANN. Really? BEERMANN. Everybody knows that Frau Lund is a radical, but I don't want you to fall into that habit. FRAU BEERMANN. I don't acquire new habits as rapidly as you. HAUSER [to Beermann]. Don't get excited. A politician must give everyone an opportunity to express his views. DR. WASNER. I teach young people and I heartily wish they'd continue to seek their ideals among high minded men and not in the dark city streets. BOLLAND. Right! And not in the dark city streets. FRAU LUND. Nor there, Herr Kommerzienrat, where the veil of shame is rudely torn from inborn sensitiveness and it is shorn of every secret charm. DR. WASNER. Correct! We do want to deprive it of its charm. FRAU LUND. You succeed in doing that; no tenderness can survive the brutal frankness of your meetings. DR. WASNER. It is not a national German trait to sugar-coat sin. FRAU LUND. Why do you confound all lack of refinement with the national character? DR. WASNER. Because it is good German to call a spade a spade. BEERMANN [getting up]. Why argue to no purpose? Let's start our game of skat. BOLLAND. Because it appears to be a conflict of two different philosophies. BEERMANN [rises, goes to card table, opens a drawer, takes out a deck of cards and opens them]. It's always the same old story. Never start anything with women! They must have the last word. [Sits down at card table. Bolland gets up and sits beside him.] FRAU LUND [laughing]. Spoken again like a typical reformer. DR. WASNER [rising]. I don't want to continue this argument, but if by any chance you have gained the impression that I regard this matter from a prejudiced view point, I will cheerfully admit it. I do. BEERMANN [calling]. Oh, do come on, Herr Professor. DR. WASNER [turning to card table]. I'm coming. [To others.] I admit with pride that I am prejudiced. For me there exists only one question: How can I best serve my fatherland? BOLLAND. Herr Professor! DR. WASNER [turning to table]. Just a moment.... [To others.] Let the sturdy qualities of our people be conserved. That stand is unassailable. Then I will be sure that my efforts have at least ... BEERMANN [loudly]. But, my dear Wasner! WASNER [not dismayed, continuing].... at least a national scope. HAUSER. Wouldn't you rather play skat, professor? WASNER [going over to card table]. There remains only one thing for me to say. If I have used sharp words, I want to apologize. [Takes a seat.] BEERMANN. You deal, Professor. DR. WASNER [shuffling the cards and talking at the same time]. For me there exists but one ideal. That which Tacitus described as it once prevailed among the old Teutons. Quamquam severa illic matrimonia nec ullam morum partem magis laudaveris. [He lets Bolland cut and then deals.] The most praiseworthy trait of the Teutons was the strictness of their marriage customs. Nam prope soli Barbarorum singulis uxoribus contenti sunt. They were almost the only barbarians to content themselves with a single wife. BEERMANN [loudly]. Tournee! BOLLAND. I'll go you! BEERMANN. Twenty! BOLLAND. I'll better that! BEERMANN. Take it! Gras-Solo! [They play.] [Hauser, Frau Lund, Frau Beermann remain sitting at right.] FRAU LUND. At last the Fatherland is saved. FRAU BEERMANN. It's the only occupation for which nature intended them. They should not tinker with national problems. HAUSER. Have patience. Political ambition dies out after the first defeat. FRAU BEERMANN.... which I hope will happen. HAUSER. That's as certain as fate. Else he never would have been nominated. BEERMANN [calling from the card table]. I have pretty sharp hearing! HAUSER. A very fine acquisition, Beermann, when you grow old. BOLLAND [throwing a card on the table]. Fifty-nine and four make sixty-three! The rest you can take. (They throw down their cards; Bolland collects them and shuffles.) WASNER [half turning to Hauser], And then there is the celebrated passage, "Ergo septa pudicitia agunt, nullis ... spectaculorum illecebris corruptae." BEERMANN. I have six cards. BOLLAND. The bottom one belongs to the Professor. WASNER [as before, continuing]. So the wife lived surrounded by tenderness and care ... and so forth, "Literarum secreta...." Secret communications were not tolerated by either husband or wife. BEERMANN. Please drop that Tacitus. It's your chance to lead.... WASNER. I pass.... HOLLAND. So do I. BOLLAND [loudly and enthusiastically]. That's the way to get at them! Trumps! And trumps again. WASNER [murmuring]. "Paucissima adulteria in tam numerosa gente...." [Gradually lapses into silence and then continues to play with energy.] FRAU LUND [with a glance towards the card table]. Why do we take our principles so seriously.... It's really ridiculous how our every opinion soon turns into religious beliefs. WASNER. The matter is dead serious. FRAU LUND. Who will think of it to-morrow? HAUSER [nodding towards card table]. Not they, of course. But there are cleverer people. The so-called thinking public in Germany must have some national problem to solve. It finds some such, readily enough in order to play with it. Meanwhile they take no notice that the party in power [Footnote: Men with the brass buttons.] are lining their pockets. FRAU LUND. Haven't they always been doing that? HAUSER. Yes, but not with such ease. Here and there they were rapped over the knuckles. But nowadays they could cart away the entire capitol. FRAU LUND. There's not so much left to-day. HAUSER. A couple of pieces anyhow to take along as keepsakes. FRAU LUND. In my days I saw one reform after another on the bargain counter; but we women remain mere spectators while ideals come and go; we can not realize how much they mean to men. HAUSER. My dear Frau Lund, if a real reform should effectively rise among us some day, then you women will have to lend a helping hand. With those [nodding towards card-table] kindergarten heroes nothing can be accomplished. FRAU BEERMANN. What influence can we exert so long as men organize their societies for the protection of women's virtue! HAUSER. These henpecked gentlemen always nominate themselves chastity's guardians. FRAU BEERMANN. They are of importance only when they can get some one to listen. I'd like to go to their meetings and tell them that. HAUSER. Their meetings—bosh! Their sort only couple their nonsense with a few self-evident generalities which no one would really oppose. No, first of all they must be educated and that you women alone can accomplish. FRAU LUND. You say that as if we had any influence on public opinion. HAUSER. You do all the applauding. The whole game is played for you. If you withdraw your applause not a single one of the peacocks of virtue will open up his gospel feathers for exhibition. It is indeed of great importance to you that they do not banish all refinement from our social life. FRAU LUND [citing]. [Footnote: in original "FRAU LUND [zitierend]. "Ja, da eur Wonnedienst noch glanzte, Wie ganz anders, anders war es da! Da man deine Tempel noch bekranzte.... DR. WASNER [hat beim Zitieren der Schillerischer Verse heruber gehorcht und fallt nun mit tiefen Basse ein].... Venus Amathusia."] "Yes, while still thy sanctuaries of pleasure Crowned this earth like in Arcadia Joy had no penalty nor trader's measure...." DR. WASNER [when the citation began listened over his cards, now falls in with deep bass]. "... Venus Amathusia." BOLLAND [angrily breaking in]. Man alive, why didn't you play your Ace of Spades? If you had brought out that Ace you'd have a trump—then you'd beat this with a trump ... and then another trum.... BEERMANN. Now, beloved friends and countrymen, no post-mortem speeches. [While dealing cards.] You cut, Bolland. BOLLAND [cutting cards]. Make use of your trumps, Herr Professor. I am trying to play into your hands. DR. WASNER. I thought ... BOLLAND. You didn't. If you had you'd play differently. BEERMANN [speaking to Frau Lund, while dealing]. How far have you gotten with your moralizing? Have we agreed yet— [Laughing.] Yes; yes; these women folks! WASNER [arranging cards in his hand]. They were citing Schiller a moment ago. We must not forget, ladies, that it was Schiller himself who awakened the national spirit of our race. HAUSER. Your national spirit unfortunately found its way into the strangest kinds of containers. DR. WASNER. I decidedly protest against such a poor opinion. If the sincere religious sentiment of the German element ... BOLLAND [interrupting him]. We are waiting for you, Herr Professor. Are you finally going to announce your cards? DR. WASNER [continuing his pathetic tone]. I pass. HAUSER. The steady contact with school children keeps our educators refreshingly naive. That man still believes in the superiority of the Teutonic element. FRAU LUND. And in the stability of our special German moral standard. HAUSER. Until some little scandal crops up again. By the way, we shall soon have one right in our city. FRAU BEERMANN [with interest]. Here? HAUSER. To-morrow you'll read all about it in the newspapers. The police have made a discovery which may prove more than they bargained for. FRAU BEERMANN. Here? [Beerman, head sideways, listens over his cards.] HAUSER. Last night the police arrested a woman who kept a very open house. She colored it by going under a fancy French name, and they say only entertained the best of society. She kept a diary which fell into the hands of the police. BEERMANN [he leaves his seat, comes forward, right]. A diary? BOLLAND [drops his cards and rises]. What sort of a diary? HAUSER. Oh! Just a naughty little inventory of all of her visitors. BEERMANN. What is the name of the lady? HAUSER. Some French name which sounds to me like rouge. BEERMANN. I can't understand how you could forget her name. BOLLAND. I can't either as long as you seem to know all about it. FRAU BEERMANN [to Beermann]. But, Fritz, why should you worry about it? BEERMANN. Well ... am I the President of the Vice Suppression Society or, am I not ...? CURTAIN ACT II (An office at Police Headquarters. To rear on the left stands the Assessor's desk. To the right against the wall, the desk of Reisacher, the police clerk. Left front is a sofa with two chairs. On the right wall is a telephone. Side entrance left. Another entrance in the middle. Stroebel and Reisacher are seated with their backs to one another. Stroebel is reading a newspaper; Reisacher is writing. Short pause.) STROEBEL [half turning]. Reisacher! REISACHER [also turning]. Yes, Herr Assessor.[Footnote: An assessor is a petty police official.] STROEBEL. Are you familiar with the expression "those higher up"? REISACHER. Yes, Herr Assessor. STROEBEL. What do you understand by it? REISACHER. Those are the folks who are something and have money somewhere. STROEBEL. Is it used to express contempt or class hatred? REISACHER [eagerly]. Well ... well! "The higher ups" are respected. STROEBEL. Are you certain? REISACHER. Absolutely. [They both turn around to their former positions; Stroebel continues to read, and Reisacher to write. Short pause.] STROEBEL [half turning]. Reisacher! REISACHER [does likewise]. Yes, Herr Assessor. STROEBEL. After all, it means class hatred. REISACHER. No, no. STROEBEL. Pay attention. Here it says [he reads]: "Of course, for those higher up there are no laws." That means, I take it, that