THE #1 BEST SELLER! NANCY FRIDAY author of MY MOTHER /MY SELF MEN IN LOVE Men’s Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of love Over Rage MEN IN LOVE NANCY FRIDAY, THE COURAGEOUS, CANDID AUTHOR OF MY MOTHER/MY SELF, EMBARKS ON A BOLD JOURNEY INTO THE SECRET SEX LIVES OF MEN. “LIBERATING ... ILLUMINATING ... THE MOST TALKED ABOUT AND LIFE-CHANGING BOOK OF THE YEAR.” -Michael Korda, author of Power “A LABOR OF LOVE FOR ALL HUMANKIND. NANCY FRIDAY IS STILL ON THE CUTTING EDGE.” -The Houston Chronicle “NANCY FRIDAY’S INTERPRETATION OF MEN’S SEXUAL FANTASIES OFFERS AN INVALUABLE NEW WAY OF SEEING MEN…. IT IS CRUCIAL THAT THE FANTASIES ARE UNEXPURGATED, EXACTLY AS SHE RECEIVED THEM; THE WORDS AND IMAGES EMERGE DIRECTLY ... TELLING US HOW MEN SECRETLY FEEL: THEIR ANGER AT WOMEN, AT WAR WITH THEIR DEEPER UNDERLYING LOVE.” - Richard Robertiello, M.D. “SHOCKING, REVEALING … AN IMPORTANT CONTRIBUTION.” -Barbara Seaman “FRIDAY HAS GONE FURTHER INTO THE WORLD OF MALE FANTASY AND LEARNED MORE ABOUT IT THAN ANYONE WRITING FOR A LAY AUDIENCE HAS EVER DONE BEFORE.... READERS WILL BE TALKING ABOUT THE BOOK AND ABOUT THEMSELVES FOR A VERY LONG TIME.” -Martha Weinman Lear, author of Heartsounds “ASTONISHINGLY OUTSPOKEN, EVEN IN A PERIOD OF UNUSUAL SEXUAL FRANKNESS.” -Publishers Weekly BY NANCY FRIDAY MY SECRET GARDEN FORBIDDEN FLOWERS MY MOTHER/MY SELF MEN IN LOVE: Men’s Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of Love Over Rage MEN IN LOVE Nancy Friday A DELL BOOK Published by Dell Publishing Co., Inc. 1 Dag Hammarskjold Plaza New York, New York 10017 Copyright © 1980 by Nancy Friday All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the Publisher, except where permitted by law. For information address Delacorte Press, New York, New York. Dell ® TM 681510, Dell Publishing Co., Inc. ISBN: 0-440-15903-2 Reprinted by arrangement with Delacorte Press. Printed in the United States of America First Dell printing-February 1981 Fourth Dell printing-January 1983 Acknowledgments I wish to thank psychoanalyst Richard Robertiello, M.D., for his professional assistance in reading all the fantasies in this book, and for giving me the benefit of his understanding of their meaning. If I have added my own interpretations to the clarity and brilliance he brought to our discussions, it is because – great teacher that he is – he always encouraged me to question even his opinions. Further thanks are also lovingly given to two other friends, psychotherapist Dr. Leah Schaefer and psychoanalyst Sirgay Sanger, M.D. Their generosity in giving me so much time, the learning with which they suggested various corrections to my thinking, leave me permanently in their debt. When I hear other writers deplore the failings of their literary agents, I am always reminded how much I owe my own, Betty Anne Clarke. I may not be able to point to any particular pages of my work and say Betty Anne suggested this idea or that; but without her courageous belief in me during the past six years, perhaps the pages never would have been written. Happy endings are made all the more poignant by the memory of unhappy beginnings. At a time when few others were interested in my work, Linda Grey came forward with encouragement, advice, counseland a contract. My debt to her is one only the most fortunate of writers can understand. N.F. For my husband, Bill Manville, whose name should appear On the cover of this book with my own. However, as women have long known, It is not an equal world. Contents 1 The Masculine Conflict.........................................11 2 Masturbation..........................................................27 Drake, Harry, Bill, Allan, Lester, Clifton, Hal, Don, Jud, Julius, Burt 3 Sharing and Living Out Fantasies.......................57 Leon, Bryce’s girl Helen, Vance’s wife, Lee, Penrod, Chip, Les, Warren, Christopher, Murray, Patrick, Miguel 4 Oral Sex..................................................................88 Dan, Donald, Fred, Russell, Lou, Al, Jerry, Bradley, Ben, Wayne, Oliver, Steve, Eddie 5 Semen....................................................................112 Theo, Hamilton, John, Bruce, Herb, Walter, Seth, Alvin, Salty, Hugh 6 Anal Sex................................................................139 Jackie, Vito, Mitch, Lawrence, Lewis, Henry 7 Starry-Eyed Oedipus...........................................158 Tim, Dyson, Bennet, Sailor, Dan, Jake, Butch, Phil, Chet, Jefferson 8 Fetishism...............................................................185 Roy, Kip, Neil, Tucker, Jack, Keith 9 Water Sports........................................................204 Bernard, Dennis, Hank, Melvin, Fitz, Cyrus 10 Voyeurs and Exhibitionists.................................216 James, Greg, Josh, Jess, Kenneth, Mel, Sandy, Maurice, Daniel 11 Women with Women...........................................247 Crosby, Trenton, Clive, Steven, Prentiss, Gene, Leonard, Luke, Perry 12 Animals.................................................................270 Gerald, Buck, Rick, Dale, King, Ludwig, Craig, Paul 13 “She Made Me Do It!”........................................287 Michael, Conrad, Ned, Gilbert, Mort, Clement, Deke, Dayton, Rudy, Lowry, Lennie, Kent, Jason, Ed, Vern, Ben 14 Sharing the Woman with Another Man............324 Vance, Troy, Virgil, Austin, Susie, Thomas, Mac, Jeffrey, Reynolds, Roddy, Clayton 15 Groups..................................................................353 Justin, Lars, Harvey, Allen 16 Straight Men, Gay Fantasies..............................374 Jock, Connard, Wade, Sam, David, Everett, Tex, Jonathan, Chandler 17 Bisexuals...............................................................392 Farrell, Clark, Jones, Andre, Blake, Jeff, Will, Jimmy 18 Homosexuals........................................................415 Nick August, Jonas, Tommy, Philip, Red, Arthur, Fritz, Jethro, Joe 19 Transvestites........................................................437 Joey, George, Dayle, Howard, Crane, Lloyd 20 Breast and Vagina Envy.....................................455 Alex, Brewster, Horatio, “Joan”, Dean 21 Sadomasochism: The Chains of Love................469 Eliot, Tod, Larry, Matthew, Hank, Rock, Vince, Rod, Gerard, Nigel, Douglas, Peter, Dr. Lewis Brown, Ronald, Clifford, Roy, Zack, Vincent, Boyd, Benjamin 22 Virgins..................................................................534 Vernon, Eddie, Omar, Buddy, Sherwin, Andrew, Shep, Milt, Cecil, Dale, Foster, Davey