Marriage, Divorc e and Remarriag e Hong Kong University Press thanks Xu Bing for writing the Press's name in his Square Word Calligraphy for the covers of its books. For further information, see p. iv. The contributors to this volume are: Cecilia Lai-Wan CHAN Grace Mi-Har CHAN Anita Yuk-Lin FOK Shirley Suet-Lin HUNG Winnie Wai-Ming KUNG Roger Wai-Hong KWAN LAM Chiu Wan LAM Wai Man Natalie Kin-Wai LAW Timothy Yuk-Ki LEUNG Laurene Lai-Ping MAN Monica Lai-Tuen NG Lianne Yau-Yee TAI Julia Lai Po-Wah TAO WONG Lai-Cheung Ivan Yau-Tat YU YEUNG Ka-Ching Katherine Pui-Ha YOUNG Marriage, Divorc e and Remarriag e Professional Practic e in th e Hong Kon g Cultural Contex t Edited by Katherine P.H. Young and Anita Y.L. Fok # Sf c *, * i t HB . *t HONG KONG UNIVERSITY PRESS Hong Kong University Press 14/FHingWai Centr e 7 Tin Wan Praya Road Aberdeen Hong Kong © Hong Kong University Press 2005 ISBN 962 209 741 3 All rights reserved. No portion of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, recording, or any information storage or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data Secure On-line Ordering http://www.hkupress.org Printed and bound by Liang Yu Printing Factory Limited, Hong Kong, China. Hong Kong University Press is honoured that Xu Bing, whose art explores the complex themes of language across cultures, has written the Press's name in his Square Word Calligraphy This signals our commitment to cross-cultural thinking and the distinctive H nature of our English-language books published in China. "At first glance, Square Word Calligraphy appears to be nothing more unusual than Chinese characters, but in fact it is a new way of rendering English words in the format of a square so they resemble Chinese characters. Chinese viewers expect to be able to read Square Word Calligraphy but cannot. Western viewers, however are surprised to find they can read it. Delight erupts when meaning is unexpectedly revealed/' — Britta Erickson, The Art ofXu Bing Contents Foreword vi i Preface i x Acknowledgements x v Contributors xvi i 1. Rethinkin g Marriage 1 Katherine P.H. Young 2. Discoverin g the Spouse's Other-ness through 1 7 Family-of-Origin Explorations and Reinventing Partnerships in Marriage Laurene L.P. Man and Natalie K.W. Law 3. Long-ter m After-effects o f Childhood Sexual Abuse 4 5 on Married Life: Implications for Practice Grace M.H. Chan yi . . CPMmis 4. Tacklin g the Intrinsic Dilemma in Marital Infidelity 6 7 Anita Y.L. Fok 5. Forgivenes s in Marriage 9 1 Wong Lai Cheung 6. Reachin g the ''Point of No Return": Tracking the 11 9 Pathway to Making the Decision to Divorce Anita Y.L. Fok 7. Rediscover y of the "Self": Culturally Sensitive 14 3 Intervention for Chinese Divorced Women Cecilia L.W. Chan, Shirley S.L. Hung, Winnie W Rung 8. Ambivalen t Exit and Ambiguous Entry: Ten Hong Kong 16 9 Men's Perceptions of Spousal Relationships In and Out of Marriage Roger W.H. Kwan 9. Th e Making of a Second Spring: The Experiences of 19 1 Remarried Persons in Hong Kong Lianne Y.Y. Tai 10. Gende r Considerations in Couple Work: Reflections 22 1 from Social Workers Involved in Marriage Counselling Timothy YK. Leung, Monica L.T. Ng, Yeung Ka Ching, Ivan T.Y Yau 11. Th e Changing Nature and Ideology of Marriage in 24 3 Hong Kong Lam Chiu Wan, Lam Wai Man, Timothy YK. Leung 12. Reconstruction of Traditional Values for Culturally 26 7 Sensitive Practice Julia Tao Lai Poh-Wah Index 291 Foreword The impact of globalisation in recent years, and its consequent increases in population an d labou r mobility, longer working hours, unstabl e employment pattern s and diversified lifestyles , has posed formidabl e challenges to the stability and solidarity of family life in Hong Kong. In this process, we have seen traditional family values steadily and rapidly undermined b y seemingly irreversible trends of rising divorces rates, family violence and declining marriage rates and fertility. Family problems have becom e distressingl y familiar , bu t polic y an d professiona l intervention to support families can vary significantly from country to country, mainl y due to the differences i n cultural traditions and th e socio-economic situation . Ove r the last decade, there has been a n increasing recognitio n o f the importance of culturally sensitive an d evidence-based family social work practice. At the same time, there has been a growing concern to support marriages and minimise the social costs of divorce. Katherine Young is known for her work on the theory, practice and research of family social work. Even after retirement, she has remained ardently committed to championing the development of evidence-based and culturally sensitive family social work practice in Hong Kong. This was clearly evident at the Symposium on Chinese Culture and Social Work Practice organised by the Department of Social Work and Social Administration a t the University of Hong Kong. At the Symposium , mi - ______ ™ FJPMWJPMQ Mrs Young and a number o f prominent academics , supervisors an d practitioners i n the field made a series of presentations focusin g o n innovations in family intervention and clinical practice. Now, with Anita Fok, she has edited a small collection of clinical and research wor k reflecting curren t professiona l practic e an d concern s o f the ne w millennium in Hong Kong, and published them in this book. The articles clearly show that family issues have become more complex. The question of how socia l workers ca n strengthen familie s an d marriages , an d empower families to face a changing environment, has become a matter of foremost concern. With rising divorce rates, Hong Kong is inevitably moving towards a "divorce culture", in which "marriag e is an option , marriage is contingent on the partners meeting each other's needs, and divorce is a gateway to a new life". Ye t marriage and happy family life is still considered the foremost "social resource to be prized and protected". Based on a systemic perspective, the contributors acknowledge and respect the family' s strengths, culture and ability to make decisions that ar e appropriate for the family. Facing a wide array of dilemmas and tensions involved i n family intervention , practitioner s hav e to revie w thei r expectations and aspirations regarding how to strengthen or reinstate a marriage culture in Hong Kong. As advocated by the editors, therapeutic intervention i s seen a s a value-guided proces s o f explorin g an d constructing meanings for life experiences. Practitioners should have a clear perception of their own values and beliefs, so that they can avoid the danger of imposing their views and meanings on their clients during the intervention process. Through this "discovery" process of searching for meaning, people can achieve personal growth and rebuild the self. It is clear that this publication will stimulate further dialogue and reflection in the field, so that a more consolidated practice in marital work can emerge. I am convinced that this book will be a milestone in knowledge- building in the field of family practice in Hong Kong and Chinese society. Indeed, this book will become a benchmark reference work for the further exploration int o the concepts, meanings an d practice of marriag e counselling and divorce mediation. More importantly, the views and findings can re-examine our beliefs, aspirations and culture of marriage and family in Hong Kong as well as in other Chinese communities. loe Leung Head Department of Social Work and Social Administration The University of Hong Kong September 2004 Preface The idea for this book emerged from the Symposium on Chinese Culture and Social Work Practice held at the University of Hong Kong. During the Symposium, it became clear that a great deal of innovative clinical work and interesting small research studies were being carried out, which could be collected and shared, to arouse further questioning and enquiry. Our hope was to create a debate among practising professionals working in marriage counselling and divorce mediation, and with students in training who could be stimulated to find out more. Many areas of concentration were proposed. It was eventually decided that this publication should focus on marriage, divorce and remarriage. It seems likely that, in the years to come, adult fulfillment is likely to be found in varying ways: for some through marriage, some through divorce, some through remarriage, and some through the single state. Each of these has its own potentials, tensions, and prospects for growth an d development; each offers different though viable lifestyles through which people can develop in adulthood. Encouraging Dialogue and Debate While we hope that this collection will create a dialogue over clinical practice in marital work, it is also an attempt to encourage debate o n