Managing Anger in the Workplace Donald Gibson, Ph.D. & Bruce Tulgan HRD PRESS Amherst, Massachusetts Copyright © 2002, RainmakerThinking, Inc. Published by: HRD Press, Inc. 22 Amherst Road Amherst, MA 01002 800-822-2801 (U.S. and Canada) 413-253-3488 413-253-3490 (fax) http://www.hrdpress.com All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the author. ISBN: 0-87425-677-1 Cover design by Eileen Klockars Editorial and production services by Mary George ❦ From Don: To my wife, Kathleen, and our three inspired and inspiring children, Nora, Abigail, and Nathan From Bruce: To all those who have suffered as a result of poorly managed anger in the workplace This page intentionally left blank Table of Contents Acknowledgments..................................................... vii Introduction ...............................................................ix 1. Anger in the Workplace..........................................1 2. The Costs of Anger in the Workplace...................29 3. The Benefits of Anger in the Workplace............... 37 4. Diagnosing Anger..................................................49 5. Focus on the Source.............................................63 6. Dealing With Your Own Anger.............................. 91 7. Dealing With the Angry Individual.....................125 8. Dealing With Anger in Your Organization or Team...............................................................139 In Conclusion . . . ....................................................155 References ...............................................................159 — v — This page intentionally left blank Acknowledgments FIRST AND FOREMOST, we must thank the many thousands of incredible people who, over the years, have shared the lessons of their workplace experiences with RainmakerThinking. We also are grateful to all the business leaders and managers who have expressed so much confidence in our work at RainmakerThinking; thank you for giving us the opportunity to learn from the real management issues you deal with and solve on a daily basis. And to the tens of thousands who have attended our seminars, thanks for listening, for laugh- ing, for sharing the wisdom of your experience, for pushing us with the really tough questions, for all of your kindness, and for continually teaching us. Donald wishes to acknowledge the research colleagues who enhanced and excited his interest in the study of anger in the workplace. He is especially grateful to Sigal Barsade of Yale University, an unfailing friend, critic, and colleague who saw potential in this work; the Academy of Management Research Incubator, particularly Maurice Schweitzer, Ronda Callister, Joo Seng Tan, Barbara Gray, and Martin Davidson, who focused and challenged his thinking about anger; and — vii — Managing Anger in the Workplace Art Swersey, Lisa Barron, Chris McCuster, and the many others who listened when he needed to vent. We are also indebted to the many managers who par- ticipated in our interview and survey research for this book; thank you for giving so selflessly of your time and personal experience. Many thanks as well to our friend and publisher, Bob Carkhuff, and his team at HRD Press; and to all our colleagues, present and past, at RainmakerThinking. Finally, for our families and friends, we reserve our deepest and utmost gratitude. — viii — Introduction ANGER IS a fundamental human emotion, common to everyone’s experience. It stems from our instinct for self-preservation and is both physiological and cogni- tive in nature. Many things can stimulate anger, and virtually all of us feel and express this emotion at some time in the different areas of our lives. The typical workplace is particularly conducive to anger. Here we find complex relationships, chronic pressure, high stakes, and many factors beyond our control. These generate frustration, conflict, and anxi- ety—common causes of anger. We are all familiar with high-profile cases of workplace violence, and surely a burning issue for managers is figuring out how to pre- vent extreme outbursts that may result in injury or worse. But the more comprehensive task for managers and business leaders is to understand anger and learn how to handle it in all its workplace manifestations. The Key to Anger Management When we think about managing anger, we tend to think about controlling people who “over-express” their anger by behaving aggressively. However, an equally — ix —