58760_fm1 3/6/06 2:59 PM Page i Mama Made the Difference 58760_fm2 3/6/06 2:59 PM Page iii M a m a Made the Difference Life Lessons My Mother Taught Me z T. D . J A K E S G. P. Putnam’s Sons New York G. P. PUTNAM’S SONS Publishers Since 1838 Published by the Penguin Group Penguin Group (USA) Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA • Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd, 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Ireland, 25 St Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd) • Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty Ltd) • Penguin Books India Pvt Ltd, 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi– 110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), Cnr Airborne and Rosedale Roads, Albany, Auckland 1310, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd) • Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty) Ltd, 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa Penguin Books Ltd, Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R ORL, England Unless otherwise noted, all scriptural references are from the New King James Version of the Bible, copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. All scriptural quotations marked AMP are from the Amplified Bible, which is a trademark of The Lockman Foundation. Copyright © 2006 by T. D. Jakes Enterprises All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions. Published simultaneously in Canada Book design by Meighan Cavanaugh While the author has made every effort to provide accurate telephone numbers and Internet addresses at the time of publication, neither the publisher nor the author assumes any responsibility for errors, or for changes that occur after publication. Further, the publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content. MSR ISBN: 0 7865 7108 X AEB ISBN: 0 7865 7109 8 Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copyright infringement and could subject the infringer to criminal and civil liability. www.us.penguingroup.com 58760_fm3 3/6/06 3:00 PM Page v z For my wife, Serita, the mother of my children For my mama, Mrs. Odith P. Jakes, the mother of who Ihave become For Coretta Scott King, the mother of the civil rights movement The church sanctuary was adorned with enough roses and lilies to fill two florists’ shops. The aisles overflowed with people dark-clad in the colors of mourning—men and women, black and white, young and old, rich and poor, the famous and the infamous, as well as those unknown to the public eye. The nation’s power brokers bowed their heads in respect, seated along- side those able to lift their heads with pride every day, knowing they would be politically powerless without the efforts of the woman we were there to celebrate. As I surveyed the throng of mourners, I counted among our number four living presidents: President George W. Bush, along with First Lady Laura Bush; Bill Clinton; George H. W. Bush; and Jimmy Carter. Ahost of great singers, in- cluding one featured in this book, CeCe Winans, along with her brother BeBe Winans, the incomparable Stevie Wonder, and a choir of accomplished musi- 58760_fm3 3/6/06 3:00 PM Page vi cians, provided a remarkable offering of commemorative spirituals and hymns that captured the gratitude and grief, the passion and purpose of the woman we had come to honor: Mrs. Coretta Scott King. I recalled how on my last visit with her we didn’t dine together as we oftenhad;herhealthwasdecliningandthestrokehadhamperedherspeech. Still, she managed to communicate enough with me to inspire me as we prayed together. Just as this book was going to press, Mrs. King passed from this life with the same grace and dignity with which she lived it. Coming less than a year after the loss of another civil rights pioneer, Rosa Parks, the death of the Reverend King’s cochampion of equality and justice reminded us that while the torch of equal rights has been passed, we have not fully illuminated all the dark corners of prejudice and racism. As we embrace the expansive legacy of this remarkable woman, this icon of an era in our nation’s history, it seems such a providential gift to have her daughter Bernice, who delivered such a beau- tiful eulogy at this service, share firsthand a glimpse of her mother later in this book. What I set out to do in writing this book is simple: to pay homage to the incredible gifts of our mothers and to offer tribute to the wise lessons that they pass on to us. I learned many of the lessons that I share with you in this book from my own mother, a strong and resilient woman of grace whose absence continues to echo in the canyons of my heart each day. But I also observed the lessons contained here from other mothers such as Mrs. King. And like so many women who may not be our biological mothers but who become our spiritual, emotional, and psychological mothers, Mrs. King demonstrated the lessons she held most dear by the way she lived her life. Carrying on her husband’s legacy. Overcoming barriers of fear and distrust. Upholding the practical impact of equal rights for all people. Whether she was speaking at a council of world leaders, counseling a group of at-risk young women, inspiring generosity at an educational fund-raiser, or lobbying to re- move the wrenching stigma of the past, she made a difference. 58760_fm3 3/6/06 3:00 PM Page vii Yes, like so many remarkable mothers, Coretta Scott King made a differ- ence. Certainly she affected the lives of her children: Yolanda, Martin III, Ber- nice, and Dexter. But she also generously left in the lives of many others a substantial deposit that will continue to flow forward for many generations. And so, as Ioffer this book to her, as well as to my own mother and the mother of my children, I pray that all who read these pages may be ignited by Mrs. King’s example to make their own life-changing, soul-liberating difference in the lives of those around them. I dedicate this book then not just to my mother, my wife, and Mrs. King, but to all the women who will read it and realize that each person they touch is potentially the next one to change the world. Thank you for being the hand that rocks the cradle. Through those you touch, you will rule the world. 58760_fm3 3/6/06 3:00 PM Page ix Contents Introduction: Timeless Teachers in the Classroom of Life 1 Part One homeroom: lessons on life from our greatest teachers Lesson One: Mamas Teach Us to Believe in God 15 Lesson Two: Mamas Teach Us to Believe in Ourselves 22 Substitute Teacher: Learning from Virginia Jamison— Serita Ann Jakes 30 Lesson Three: Mamas Teach Us to Be Broad-Minded 41 Lesson Four: Mamas Teach Us the Power of Words 47 Lesson Five: Mamas Teach Us to Be Responsible 53 58760_fm3 3/6/06 3:00 PM Page x Substitute Teacher: Learning from Coretta Scott King— Bernice King 59 Lesson Six: Mamas Teach Us to Pray 70 Lesson Seven: Mamas Teach Us to Let God Be God 76 Part Two biology lab: lessons on love from our greatest teachers Lesson Eight: Mamas Teach Us to Hide Them in the House 93 Lesson Nine: Mamas Teach Us the Value of Support 103 Substitute Teacher: Learning from Maud Powell— Colin Powell 108 Lesson Ten: Mamas Teach Us to Love Ourselves 118 Lesson Eleven: Mamas Teach Us to Celebrate Others 131 Lesson Twelve: Mamas Teach Us to Banish the Bitterness 140 Substitute Teacher: Learning from Dolores Hayford— Jack Hayford 155 Lesson Thirteen: Mamas Teach Us to Set the Standards High 168 Lesson Fourteen: Mamas Teach Us That Love Has the Last Laugh 179 58760_fm3 3/6/06 3:00 PM Page xi Part Three graduation day: lessons on longevity from our greatest teachers Lesson Fifteen: Mamas Teach Us to Endure 197 Lesson Sixteen: Mamas Teach Us That Education Is Everywhere 203 Substitute Teachers: Learning from Delores Winans— CeCe Winans 210 Lesson Seventeen: Mamas Teach Us to Survive in Order to Thrive 217 Lesson Eighteen: Mamas Teach Us to Be Wise 224 Lesson Nineteen: Mamas Teach Us to Die with the Doors Closed 233 Substitute Teacher: Learning from Vada Hagee—John Hagee 239 Lesson Twenty: Mamas Teach Us That It’s Never Too Late 250 Lesson Twenty-One: Mamas Teach Us to Live Out Our Legacy 255 Conclusion: A Peek into the Motherhood Hall of Fame 258