quick reference guide Readings Pause and Reflect Artificial (un)Intelligence and Communication How Personal Are Your Facebook Relationships? 15 (in)Competence 23 How Do You Use Social Media? 58 Virtually Separated 40 Your Self-Esteem 64 Social Networking, Survival, and Healing 46 “Ego Boosters” and “Ego Busters” 68 Alone Together 49 Your Many Identities 79 Talking with Little Girls 73 Managing Your Professional Identity 85 What I Instagrammed versus What Was Really Building a Johari Window 88 Happening, Or, My Entire Life Is a Lie 83 Your Perceptual Schema 107 At Facebook, Creating Empathy 127 Role Reversal 119 Introverts: Thoughtful, Not Shy 142 Recognizing Your Emotions 145 Critic’s Math 166 Talking to Yourself 164 Finding the Words to Talk About Disability 187 How Irrational Are You? 169 Your Linguistic Rules 186 Language and Heritage 207 Conjugating “Irregular Verbs” 194 The Eyes Have It 228 Exploring Gender Differences in Communication 202 The Way You Talk Can Hurt You? 232 Body Language 221 Texting to Save Lives 258 The Rules of Touch 234 How to Help . . . and Not Help 268 Distance Makes a Difference 238 Relfies: Good for You and Your Relationships 298 Listening Breakdowns 251 When Friends Get in the Way 336 Speaking and Listening with a “Talking Stick” 256 How to Fall in Love 341 When Advising Does and Doesn’t Work 271 Learning the Languages of Love 345 What Would You Say? 272 An Unlikely Friendship 356 Your Relational Stage 290 Software Tackles Roommate Conflicts 394 Your Dialectical Tensions 296 Maintaining Your Relationships 305 Your Relational Transgressions 308 On the Job Your IQ (Intimacy Quotient) 319 Communication and Career Success 8 Your Family’s Communication Patterns 329 Making Mediated Meetings Productive 35 Gender and Friendship 334 Managing Your Professional Identity 84 Relational Turning Points 343 Sexual Harassment and Perception 122 Evaluating Communication Climates 359 Emotion Labor in the Workplace 150 Understanding Conflict Styles 399 Swearing in the Workplace 191 Your Conflict Rituals 401 Nonverbal Communication in Job Interviews 227 Listening in the Workplace 246 Skill Builders How to Repair a Damaged Professional Relationship 306 Stages in Learning Communication Skills 24 Romance in the Workplace 322 Check Your Competence 26 Intellectual Humility at Google 364 Appropriate Self-Disclosure 94 Picking Your Workplace Battles 390 Punctuation Practice 110 Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. Perception Checking Practice 126 In Real Life Pillow Talk 135 Appropriate and Inappropriate Self-Disclosure 92 Feelings and Phrases 156 Perception Checking in Everyday Life 125 Rational Thinking 174 The Pillow Method in Action 134 Down-to-Earth Language 183 Guidelines for Emotional Expression 160 Practicing “I” Language 197 Rational Thinking in Action 172 Paraphrasing Practice 265 “I” and “You” Language on the Job 198 Behaviors and Interpretations 367 Recognizing Nonverbal Cues 240 Name the Feeling 368 Paraphrasing on the Job 262 Putting Your Message Together 371 The Assertive Message Format 370 Coping with Criticism 377 Responding Nondefensively to Criticism 378 Win–Win Problem Solving 412 Looking at Diversity Igor Ristic: Competent Communication around the Ethical Challenges World 27 Martin Buber’s I and Thou 14 Kevin Schomaker: Forging Relationships with Social The Ethics of Online Anonymity 55 Media 43 Must We Always Tell the Truth? 98 Lexie Lopez-Mayo: Culture, Gender, and Self- Disclosure 87 Empathy and the Golden Rule 132 Christa Kilvington: Socioeconomic Stereotyping 115 Aristotle’s Golden Mean 157 Todd Epaloose: A Native American Perspective on Unconditional Positive Regard 274 Emotional Expression 148 Nonviolence: A Legacy of Principled Effectiveness 376 Pilar Bernal de Pheils: Speaking the Patient’s Dirty Fighting with Crazymakers 393 Language 204 Annie Donnellon: Blindness and Nonverbal Cues 230 Austin Lee: Culture and Listening Responses 250 Rakhi Singh and Rajesh Punn: A Modern Arranged Marriage 284 Scott Johnson: Multicultural Families and Communication Challenges 327 Abdel Jalil Elayyadi: Promoting Understanding 365 James Corney: Searching for Accord in Troubled Times 405 Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. Looking out Looking in FiFteenth edition Ronald B. Adler Russell F. Proctor II Santa Barbara City College Northern Kentucky University Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Australia • EBdirtaorziaill r e•v iMewe hxasi cdoee m• eSd ithnagt aanpy osurpepr e•s sUedn ciotnetednt Kdoiens gnodt ommate r•ia Ullyn afifteectd th Se tovaetraells learning experience. 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Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. Looking Out Looking In: Fifteenth Edition © 2017, 2014, 2011 Cengage Learning Ronald B. Adler, Russell F. Proctor II WCN: 02-200-203 Product Director: Monica Eckman ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. 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IP Project Manager: Sarah Shainwald Library of Congress Control Number: 2015951609 Production Service and Compositor: Cenveo Publisher Services Student Edition: Cover Designer: Sarah Bishins ISBN: 978-1-305-07651-8 Cover Image: © Teresa Arévalo de Zavala/Design Loose-leaf Edition: Pics/Corbis Text Designer: Alisha Webber, Cenveo Publisher ISBN: 978-1-305-65515-7 Services Cengage Learning 20 Channel Center Street Boston MA 02210 USA Cengage Learning is a leading provider of customized learning solutions with employees residing in nearly 40 different countries and sales in more than 125 countries around the world. Find your local representative at www.cengage.com. Cengage Learning products are represented in Canada by Nelson Education, Ltd. To learn more about Cengage Learning Solutions, visit www.cengage.com. Purchase any of our products at your local college store or at our preferred online store www.cengagebrain.com. To Neil Towne whose legacy continues in these pages. Printed in the United States of America Print Number: 01 Print Year: 2015 Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. brief contents Chapter 1 A First Look at Interpersonal Communication 3 PaRT I Looking In Chapter 2 Interpersonal Communication and Social Media 33 Chapter 3 Communication and Identity: Creating and Presenting the Self 61 Chapter 4 Perception : What You See Is What You Get 103 Chapter 5 Emotions: Feeling, Thinking, and Communicating 139 PaRT II Looking Out Chapter 6 Language: Barrier and Bridge 177 Chapter 7 Nonverbal Communication: Messages beyond Words 211 Chapter 8 Listening: More Than Meets the Ear 243 PaRT III Looking at Relational Dynamics Chapter 9 Communication and Relational Dynamics 277 Chapter 10 Interpersonal Communication in Close Relationships 311 Chapter 11 Improving Communication Climates 345 Chapter 12 Managing Interpersonal Conflicts 379 iii Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. contents Preface x About the Authors 1 1 A FIRST LOOK AT INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION 3 Why We Communicate 5 Physical Needs 5 Identity Needs 6 Social Needs 6 Practical Goals 7 The Process of Communication 8 A Linear View 9 A Transactional View 10 Interpersonal and Impersonal Communication 13 Communication Principles and Misconceptions 16 Communication Principles 16 Communication Misconceptions 18 What Makes an Effective Communicator? 19 Communication Competence Defined 20 Characteristics of Competent Communicators 21 Competence in Intercultural Communication 26 Summary 30 Key Terms 31 Part I Looking In 2 INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION AND SOCIAL MEDIA 33 Mediated versus Face-to-Face Communication 34 Similarities between Mediated and Face-to-Face Communication 35 Differences between Mediated and Face-to-Face Communication 36 Consequences of Mediated Communication 38 Benefits and Drawbacks of Mediated Communication 41 Benefits of Mediated Communication 41 Drawbacks of Mediated Communication 45 Influences on Mediated Communication 51 Gender 51 Age 53 Competence in Social Media 54 Fostering Positive Relationships 54 Protecting Yourself 55 Summary 59 Key Terms 59 iv Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. CONTENTS v 3 COMMUNICATION AND IDENTITY: CREATING AND PRESENTING THE SELF 61 Communication and the Self 62 Self-Concept and Self-Esteem 62 Biological and Social Roots of the Self 64 Characteristics of the Self-Concept 68 Culture, Gender, and Identity 71 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy and Communication 74 Presenting the Self: Communication as Impression Management 76 Public and Private Selves 77 Characteristics of Impression Management 77 Why Manage Impressions? 80 Face-to-Face Impression Management 81 Online Impression Management 82 Impression Management and Honesty 84 Self-Disclosure in Relationships 85 Models of Self-Disclosure 86 Benefits and Risks of Self-Disclosure 89 Guidelines for Self-Disclosure 91 Alternatives to Self-Disclosure 94 Silence 95 Lying 95 Equivocating 96 Hinting 98 The Ethics of Evasion 99 Summary 100 Key Terms 101 4 PERCEPTION: WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET 103 The Perception Process 105 Selection 105 Organization 106 Interpretation 109 Negotiation 111 Influences on Perception 112 Access to Information 113 Physiological Influences 113 Cultural Differences 115 Social Roles 117 Common Tendencies in Perception 120 We Judge Ourselves More Charitably Than We Judge Others 120 We Cling to First Impressions 120 We Assume That Others Are Similar to Us 121 We Are Influenced by Our Expectations 122 We Are Influenced by the Obvious 123 Perception Checking 123 Elements of Perception Checking 123 Perception-Checking Considerations 124 Empathy, Cognitive Complexity, and Communication 126 Empathy 128 Cognitive Complexity 129 Summary 136 Key Terms 137 Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it. vi CONTENTS 5 EMOTIONS: FEELING, THINKING, AND COMMUNICATING 139 What Are Emotions? 140 Physiological Factors 141 Nonverbal Reactions 141 Cognitive Interpretations 143 Verbal Expression 144 Influences on Emotional Expression 145 Personality 145 Culture 146 Gender 147 Social Conventions 148 Social Media 149 Emotional Contagion 150 Guidelines for Expressing Emotions 151 Recognize Your Feelings 152 Recognize the Difference between Feeling, Talking, and Acting 153 Expand Your Emotional Vocabulary 153 Share Multiple Feelings 155 Consider When and Where to Express Your Feelings 155 Accept Responsibility for Your Feelings 157 Be Mindful of the Communication Channel 158 Managing Emotions 158 Facilitative and Debilitative Emotions 158 Sources of Debilitative Emotions 159 Irrational Thinking and Debilitative Emotions 164 Minimizing Debilitative Emotions 169 Maximizing Facilitative Emotions 173 Summary 175 Key Terms 175 PaRT II Looking Out 6 LANGUAGE: BARRIER AND BRIDGE 177 Language Is Symbolic 179 Understandings and Misunderstandings 180 Understanding Words: Semantic Rules 180 Understanding Structure: Syntactic Rules 183 Understanding Context: Pragmatic Rules 184 The Impact of Language 185 Naming and Identity 186 Affiliation 188 Power and Politeness 189 Disruptive Language 191 The Language of Responsibility 193 Gender and Language 198 Content 198 Reasons for Communicating 200 Conversational Style 200 Nongender Variables 201 Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s). Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.