Life Coaching The way we think profoundly in(cid:2) uences the way we feel. Therefore, it can be said that learning to think differently can enable us to feel and act differently. Derived from the methods of cognitive behaviour therapy, this book shows you how to tackle self-defeating thinking and replace it with a problem-solving outlook. This book gives clear and helpful advice on: • Dealing with troublesome emotions • Overcoming procrastination • Becoming assertive • Tackling poor time management • Persisting at problem-solving • Handling criticism constructively • Taking risks and making better decisions. The second edition of this book, which has been revised and updated with a new chapter on developing resilience, will be invaluable to all those who are interested in becoming more personally effective in their everyday lives, and to counsellors, coaches and psychologists, students and quali(cid:3) ed alike. Michael Neenan is Associate Director of the Centre for Stress Man- agement and Centre for Coaching, Blackheath, and a BABCP accred- ited cognitive behavioural therapist. He has written and edited over 20 books. Windy Dryden is Professor of Psychotherapeutic Studies at Goldsmiths College, University of London and is an international authority on rational emotive behaviour therapy (REBT). He has worked in psycho- therapy for over 30 years and is the author and editor of over 195 books. This page intentionally left blank Life Coaching A cognitive behavioural approach Second edition Michael Neenan and Windy Dryden First published 2014 by Routledge 27 Church Road, Hove, East Sussex BN3 2FA Simultaneously published in the USA and Canada by Routledge 711 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017 Routledge is an imprint of the Taylor & Francis Group, an informa business © 2013 Michael Neenan and Windy Dryden The right of Michael Neenan and Windy Dryden to be identified as authors of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reprinted or reproduced or utilised in any form or by any electronic, mechanical, or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publishers. Trademark notice: Product or corporate names may be trademarks or registered trademarks, and are used only for identification and explanation without intent to infringe. British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data Neenan, Michael. Life coaching : a cognitive behavioural approach / Michael Neenan and Windy Dryden.—Second edition. pages cm Includes bibliographical references and index. 1. Conduct of life. 2. Cognitive therapy. I. Dryden, Windy. II. Title. BF637.C5N44 2013 158.1—dc23 2013001781 ISBN: 978-0-415-66182-9 (hbk) ISBN: 978-0-415-66183-6 (pbk) ISBN: 978-0-203-75831-1 (ebk) Typeset in Times New Roman by Swales & Willis Ltd, Exeter, Devon To my son, Laurence, who remains a constant source of inspiration to me. M. N. This page intentionally left blank Contents Preface ix Acknowledgements xiii 1 Dealing with troublesome emotions 1 2 Problem-creating vs problem-solving 24 3 Overcoming procrastination 37 4 Time management 52 5 Persistence 67 6 Dealing with criticism 84 7 Assertiveness 101 8 Developing resilience 115 9 Taking risks and making decisions 134 1 0 Understanding the personal change process 153 1 1 Putting it all together 174 References 184 Index 190 This page intentionally left blank Preface The way you think about events in your life profoundly in(cid:2) uences the way you feel about them; change the way you think and this will, in turn, change the way you feel. This is the essence of a widely practised and research-based counselling approach called cognitive behaviour therapy (CBT). Understanding your view of events provides the insight into why you feel and act in the ways that you do (for example, you’re anxious about public speaking and avoid it because you fear that your perfor- mance will be less than perfect). Armed with this knowledge, you can then decide if you want to change this viewpoint in favour of one that is more likely to bring you better results in life (for example, ‘Competence and con(cid:3) dence will come through actually doing it. Doing it as well as I can is far more important than doing it perfectly’). How this is achieved is the subject of this book. It’s important to point out, in order to correct misconceptions, that CBT does not advocate positive thinking. The main problem with positive thinking is described by Burkeman (2012: 16): A person who has resolved to ‘think positive’ must constantly scan his or her mind for negative thoughts – there’s no other way that the mind could ever gauge its success at the operation – yet that scanning will draw attention to the presence of negative thoughts. (Worse, if the negative thoughts start to predominate, a vicious spi- ral may kick in, since the failure to think positively may become the trigger for a new stream of self-berating thoughts, about not thinking positively enough). CBT helps clients to develop realistic, balanced and (cid:2) exible appraisals of events (positive thinking is none of these things and we encourage our clients not to be afraid of, obsess about or berate themselves for having negative thoughts). CBT is not interested in negative thinking per se, but