Learning to Counsel More related titles from How To Books 365StepstoSelf-Confidence Aprogramme for personaltransformation – injust afewminutes a day Taming theBlackDog Howto beat depression – a practical manual for sufferers,their relatives andtheircolleagues HealingtheHurt Within Understandingself-injuryand self-harm, andhealtheemotional wounds FreeYourselffrom Anxiety Aself-helpguideto overcoming anxiety disorders Please sendforafreecopyofthelatestcatalogue: howtobooks HowToBooks SpringHillHouse,Spring HillRoad, Begbroke, OxfordOX5 1RX,UnitedKingdom [email protected] www.howtobooks.co.uk Learning to Counsel Third edition Jan Sutton & William Stewart howtobooks Published by How To Content, A division of How To Books Ltd, Spring Hill House, Spring Hill Road, Begbroke, Oxford, OX5 1RX, United Kingdom. Tel: (01865) 375794. Fax: (01865) 379162. [email protected] www.howtobooks.co.uk All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced or stored in an information retrieval system (other than for purposes of review), without the express permission of the publisher in writing. The rights of Jan Sutton and William Stewart to be identified as authors of this work have been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Design and Patents Act 1988. © Copyright 2008 Jan Sutton and William Stewart First edition 1997 Reprinted 1998 Second edition 2002 Reprinted 2003 Reprinted 2004 (twice) Reprinted 2005 Reprinted 2006 Reprinted 2007 (twice) Third edition 2008 First published in electronic form 2008 British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 978 1 84803 284 2 Cover design by Baseline Arts Ltd, Oxford Produced for How To Books by Deer Park Productions, Tavistock Typeset by PDQ Typesetting, Newcastle-under-Lyme Note: The material contained in this book is set out in good faith for general guidance and no liability can be accepted for loss or expenses incurred as a result of relying in particular circumstances on statements made in the book. 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Contents Illustrations, table, sample forms and letters viii Foreword ix Preface xi 1 Exploring counselling 1 Defining counselling 1 Clarifying why counselling is not advice giving 3 Examining why counselling is not persuasion 4 Exploring why counselling is not exercising undue influence 4 Counselling skills versus counselling per se 5 Counsellor and psychotherapist: is there a difference? 6 Different counselling approaches 6 Understanding confidentiality 14 Confidentialityand young people 17 Future developments in the field 18 Where do counsellors work? 20 What motivates people to seek counselling? 21 Barriers to seeking counselling 21 Learning to counsel 23 Summary 24 References 24 2 Exploring Essential Counsellor Qualities 26 Elaborating on essential counsellor qualities 27 Genuineness 27 Unconditional positive regard 30 Empathic understanding 35 Staying in the client’s frame of reference 38 Listening with understanding 39 Six ways of responding 40 Summary 42 v vi Learning to Counsel References 42 3 Developing Self-Awareness 43 Exploring the meaning of self-awareness 44 Using Maslow’s hierarchyof human needs to enhance your self-awareness 47 Elaborating on the five levels of the hierarchy 48 Introducing the Johari Window 50 Limitations to self-awareness 54 Learning to use free association 56 Summary 59 References 60 4 Helping the Client Feel Safe 61 The first meeting 61 Boundaries in counselling 65 Note taking and record keeping 75 Recording sessions 78 Referring a client 78 Summary 81 References 81 5 Helping the Client Explore the Problem (Part 1) 82 Primary level empathy 82 Active listening 84 Attending 91 Paraphrasing 95 Reflecting feelings 98 Asking appropriate questions 102 Summary 107 References 107 6 Helping the Client Explore the Problem (Part 2) 108 Summarising 108 Focusing 112 Being concrete to help the client be more specific 117 Final summary 130 References 131 7 Helping the Client Understand the Problem 132 Challenging and confronting 132 Contents vii Confronting a client 133 Using advanced level empathy 138 Using immediacyas awayof discussing your relationship with the client 143 Disclosing self to facilitate communication 145 Summary 156 8 Helping the client resolve the problem 157 What is problem solving? 158 Goal setting 160 Brainstorming 164 Force field analysis 165 Helping the client become more assertive 171 Final summary 177 Some key points to consider 179 References 179 9 Terminating the Counselling Relationship 180 Preparing for termination 180 Premature termination by the client 180 Terminal evaluation 181 Travelling at the client’s pace 186 Summary 186 References 186 10 Counsellor Self-Care 187 What is supervision? 188 Burnout and how to prevent it 192 Drawing the threads together 196 References 197 Recommended reading 197 Appendix 1 Sample Forms and Letters 198 Appendix 2 Suggested Responses to Exercises 205 Appendix 3 Important People in the Development of Counselling 214 Glossary 229 Useful Websites 238 Further Reading 241 Index 245 Illustrations, tables, sample forms and letters 1.1 Distinguishing betweenadvicegiving, guidance andcounselling 2 1.2 A range of counselling andpsychotherapyapproaches currently practised 7 2.1 Essential counsellorqualities 27 3.1 A simple timeline 46 3.2 Hierarchyofhuman needsbasedonMaslow’stheory 48 3.3 ModifiedJohari Window 51 4.1 Rigidboundaries 66 4.2 Enmeshedboundaries 67 4.3 Healthy boundaries 68 4.4 Exampleof awrittencounselling contract 70 5.1 Thelisteningskillsusedby thecounsellor tofacilitateexplorationof theproblem 82 5.2 Examplesof ‘internalblocks’ tolistening 86 5.3 Examplesof ‘externalblocks’ tolistening 86 5.4 Examplesof SOLERcontact 91 7.1 Anoverview ofthe skillsthecounsellor usestofacilitate understandingof the problem 133 8.1 Eight important tasks involvedin theprocessof problem solvingandgoalsetting 161 8.2 Jane’s ideasgeneratedthrough brainstorming 164 8.3 Forcefieldanalysis 165 8.4 Internal andexternal forces 166 8.5 Anoverview ofthe counselling process 178 Table 2.1 Internal frameof reference: theinner worldofthe client 38 Sample Forms andLetters Sampleform1: Assessment forcounselling 198 Sampleform2: Supervision presentationform 201 Sampleform3: Counsellorcasenotes form 202 Sampleletter1:Confirmationof counselling consultationletter 203 Sampleletter2:Referral lettertoa generalpractitioner 204 viii Foreword Recent years have witnessed an explosion of interest in counselling, and the use of counselling skills. It has been estimated that some 600 educational centres around the countryare running a counselling programme of one sort or another. There is a plethora of counselling ‘schools of thought’ and approaches. It has even been suggested that there are more people involved in counselling training than are in the armed forces! That may take some verification, but it highlights the interest of many people in developing a bankof skills for the purpose of self-development, or applying within a particular setting or context. Counselling students fall into three cohorts: firstly, there are those who do not want to become practitioners but would like to develop and enhance their interpersonal, communication and counselling skills within their own sphere of work, such as a nurse or teacher or social worker. A second cohort is similar; these are students whowish to use these skills within a voluntary capacity, without necessarily intending to seek professional status. A third cohort is made up of those who are seeking to make counselling their vocation, and are working towards professional recognition as a practitioner of counselling. For all three cohorts, knowledge of counselling skills and techniques is both essential and necessary if theyare going towork safelyand competently. The third edition of this excellent, easy-to-read Learning to Counsel book enables the reader to understand and develop a bankof skills necessary towork within a counselling context, or one where counselling skills are practised. The authors bring to this work awealth of experience as both counselling practitioners and trainers, and this revised edition is vibrant with their insights into the fundamentals that underpin the foundation of all counselling practice. Building on the success of the first two editions of Learning to Counsel, this edition ix