Praise for Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job Losing a job is like losing a piece of yourself. It can cause real damage to your self-image, your mental health and your physical health. Robert Leahy’s Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job is a practical guide to picking yourself up, restoring your health and wellbeing, and getting the motivation and confidence to move forward with your life. This invaluable resource also has tips for family members who want to help, but don’t know how. Leahy is an international expert in teaching people how to recover from setbacks and live healthier, productive lives. ~ Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, author of the bestselling Women Who Think Too Much Tough economic times bring tough psychological challenges -and that’s where Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job comes in. It’s based on the best research for what really helps people cope - changing your thinking. You might not be able to avoid losing your job, but you can try to avoid the depression that comes along with it. The book also has invaluable practical advice on money management, job searches, and venting without wallowing in victimhood. ~ Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D., Associate Professor of Psychology (San Diego State University) and author of The Narcissism Epidemic and Generation Me A great self-esteem book ~ Healthy Magazine Leahy provides psychological tools to help you handle your unemployment, with simple strategies that can be used immediately ~ Money Magazine Every unemployed person and their family members will want to read internationally renowned psychologist, Dr. Robert L. Leahy’s book, Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job. Being unemployed is not simply about losing a job, but it also can involve losing hope, feeling ashamed, becoming isolated, financial worries, losing a sense of who you are and increased family conflicts. With powerful self-help tools for the many difficulties that you face, Dr. Leahy gives wise, compassionate, and empowering advice. ~ Aaron T. Beck, MD, Professor Of Psychiatry, University Of Pennsylvania KEEPING YOUR HEAD AFTER losing your job HOW TO SURVIVE UNEMPLOYMENT ROBERT L. LEAHY, PH.D. Author of The Worry Cure USA Behler Publications Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job A Behler Publications Book Copyright © 2014 by Robert L. Leahy, PhD. Cover design by Yvonne Parks -www.pearcreative.ca. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher, except where permitted by law. Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Leahy, Robert L. Keeping your head after losing your job : how to survive unemployment / Robert L. Leahy. pages cm ISBN-13: 978-1-933016-62-7 (pbk.) ISBN-13: (invalid) 978-1-933016-61-0 (ebk) ISBN-10: 1933016-62-0 (paperback) 1. Unemployment--Psychological aspects. 2. Self-esteem. 3. Self- actualization (Psychology) 4. Stress management. I. Title. HD5708.L3943 2013 158.7--dc23 2013026416 FIRST PRINTING ISBN 13: 9781933016-62-7 e-book ISBN 9781933016-61-0 Published by Behler Publications, LLC North Fayette, PA www.behlerpublications.com Manufactured in the United States of America To my brother Jim, who is always there Table of Contents Acknowledgements Introduction, 1 Looking Differently at Where You Are Now, 2 You Have a Right to Your Feelings and the Ability to Change Them, 3 Take Action, 4 Build Your Self-esteem, 5 Don’t Get Stuck in Your Head, 6 Why Me? Feeling Like a Victim or Becoming Empowered?, 7 Mind Over Money, 8 Helping Each Other: For Partners and Families, 9 Stop Worrying: Live for Now, 10 Getting Outside Yourself, 11 Taking Care of Yourself, 12 Taking it to the Future, References, About the Author, ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS It is always a challenge to do justice to the many people to whom I owe a debt of gratitude. But I will try. Let me begin by thanking my many clients, friends, family members and neighbors who have shared their stories about coping with unemployment. It is their voice and experience that I wished to convey in writing this book. Often the unemployed person feels marginalized, forgotten and desperately helpless, but their stories and their examples of courage and perseverance can give hope to others. Once again I recognize how invaluable my colleagues at the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City (www.cognitivetherapynyc.com) have been. They have been gracious enough to allow me to share my ideas about this book and their insight and experience are reflected in whatever is of value. Thanks, especially, to Dennis Tirch and Laura Oliff, who continue to educate me and support our mutual work together. My research and editorial assistant, Poonam Melwani, has been tireless in her detailed devotion to the many projects that we work on. In North America I am grateful to the many colleagues and mentors that I have had, including Brad Alford, Aaron Beck, Judy Beck, David Burns, Tom Borkovec, David A. Clark, Frank Dattilio, Allison Harvey, Steve Hayes, Stefan Hoffman, Steve Holland, Steve Hollon, Sheri Johnson, Thomas Joiner, Marsha Linehan, Chris Martell, Lynn McFarr, Lata McGinn, Dean McKay, Cory Newman, Art Nezu, Christine Nezu, Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, Christine Purdon, John Riskind, Kelly Wilson, Terry Wilson and many others. Writing is a lonely enterprise that, ironically, reflects the voices of a multitude. Thank you to all. Thanks, also to my many British colleagues over the years whose work continues to inform and inspire: David M. Clark, Christopher Fairburn, Melanie Fennell, Paul Gilbert, Emily Holmes, Warren Mansell, Costas Papageorgeo, Roz Shafran, Adrian Wells, Mark Williams and, of course, my good friend Philip Tata. I have been honored over many years to participate in the conferences held by the British Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Psychotherapies as well as the European and world conferences where I have been fortunate to get to know my international colleagues. My editor at Behler Publications, Lynn Price, has been immensely supportive. Bob Diforio has been my dedicated, skilled, wise and wonderful agent for many years. His dedication to this work and to the message it represents has been far beyond the call of duty. Thank you, once again, Bob, for your friendship and support. And, to my brother, Jim, I am forever grateful for always being there, always generous, always wise. This book is dedicated to him. Finally, I once again realize that words are not enough to express the gratitude I have for my wife, Helen, who is the wind beneath my wings.