THE ABSENT MOTHER …. The Psychological and Emotional Consequences of Childhood Abandonment and Neglect Dr. Judith Arndell Clinical Psychologist The Psychological Parent The object of the child’s deepest feelings (cid:1) The Biological mother (cid:1) The Adoptive mother (cid:1) The Foster mother (cid:1) The Care giver The WOMAN is the main Psychological Parent (cid:1) Whom the child cannot imagine being without (cid:1) Whom the child loves and wants to be with (cid:1) Whom the child longs for when he/she is hurt or unhappy (cid:1) Whom the child feels most secure with The WOMAN is the main Psychological Parent continue….. (cid:1) This person shares the child’s joys and sorrows (cid:1) This person helps the child to control aggression (cid:1) This person helps the child to tolerates frustrations From this person, the child learns the give and take within a LOVE relationship. When this relationship is established it promotes social intelligence and emotional development The ABSENT mother This phenomena can be define in different situations (cid:1) Mother is emotionally unavailable …neglect, abuse, lack of emotional nurture (cid:1) Mother migrates to another country (cid:1) Mother’s behaviour is not conducive for child development...drugs or prostitution (cid:1) Mother is unable to provide basic need care (cid:1) Mother dies (cid:1) Mother got divorced or is separated (cid:1) Mother is uninvolved, Foster Care becomes the solution The Core Wound of ABANDONMENT (cid:1) Abandonment Trauma (cid:1) Abandonment Depression (cid:1) Abandonment Fears This emotional void and emptiness is the most deep and psyche injury a human being can ever hope to survive. If left untreated, the void can follow you into adulthood . The Core Wound of ABANDONMENT and the void that takes root in a person’s daily life. From this Wound… (cid:1) life is perceived and experienced (cid:1) dysfunctional relationships are formed (cid:1) there is an ongoing inner longing and hope for love and a sense of belonging (cid:1) the pleasure connected to life, love, joy and happiness is numbed (cid:1) the psyche is suppressed (cid:1) the individual struggles daily to cope and make sense of the emotional demands (cid:1) insecurity, distrust, anger, bitterness, false sense of self is experienced (cid:1) addicting, psychiatric disorders, personality disorders, mental conditions are formed and played out The Core Wound of ABANDONMENT and the Disorders and Conditions created (cid:1) Borderline personality disorder (cid:1) Antisocial personality (cid:1) Anxiety disorder (cid:1) Obsessive compulsive personality disorder (cid:1) Drugs and alcohol addiction (cid:1) Eating disorder (cid:1) Schizoid, schizotypal, schizoform (family) (cid:1) Dissociative disorder (cid:1) Reactive attachment disorder Emotional Consequences (Blockages) (cid:1) Difficulty trusting (cid:1) Constant inner anger, hostility towards others (cid:1) Guardedness , defensiveness (cid:1) Dominating, controlling personality traits (cid:1) Mood swings (cid:1) Disconnection from community, family, self and friends (cid:1) Blocked passion (cid:1) Insecurity (feeling unloved, unwanted) (cid:1) Emotional (physic) numbness (cid:1) Fear of rejection (need to please others) Emotional Consequences (Blockages) continue….. (2) (cid:1) Low self esteem – poor self concept (cid:1) Self mutilation (cid:1) Impulsive behaviours (cid:1) Promiscuity – pornography (cid:1) Relationship difficulties (long term marital) (cid:1) Co-dependency (cid:1) Conflict with attachment and letting go (cid:1) Confusion ; unsure of life’s direction