Jean's Journals Being with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj 1977 - 1981 by Jean Dunn Jean Dunn lived in India a number of years before she met Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. During those years she lived at Tiruvannamalai as a devotee of Ramana Maharshi. In 1977, after numerous invitations to go to meet the great sage Nisargadatta, she made the trip from southern India to Bombay and met her Guru. These Journals are the notes she made during the time she was with Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj. Book One - 1977 Book Two - 1978 Book Three - 1979 Book Four - 1980 Book Five - 1981 Appendix Nisargadatta Maharaj: "The very hearing of it is a promise of enlightenment." "The very meeting a Guru is the assurance of liberation." Jean's Journals Book One - 1977 Sept. 24. 1977 (To Bombay from Ramanasram) The train trip was extremely tiring. Then there was difficulty in finding a place to stay. After walking to Maharaj's home to look at it, then searching until 10 p.m. for a room someplace, finally I took a taxi to the Rex Hotel, climbing 5 flights of steps and spending the remainder of the night in a hole in the wall. Woke up rested, had breakfast and called the Railway Hotel, but was told it was impossible to find a room anywhere. Arab convention in town. Called Ganesh's friend, and she said it was impossible to see Maharaj today. I took a taxi anyhow and got there at the end of bhajans. After bhajans I went downstairs and was going to sit on the bench until time for questions and answers, but Maharaj came out and said, "Poh" (Go), so I did. Wandered around, had coffee, got lost, when I got back to Maharaj's at 10.35 the room was so crowded it was like being in a sardine can. There is a Dutch group here visiting him. One, not of that group, and Mr. Mullarpattan were both very helpful. Dutchman took me to YMCA where he is staying and I can get a room at 10.00 tonight. Am going to check out of the Rex at 9.00 and take a taxi to the YMCA. I walked, after eating, to Victoria Terminus and back and purchased a ticket for returning Friday. Am exhausted but happy and serene. There is a Ganesh festival going on from 3 to 9 today so can't see Maharaj till morning but was told I could come at 8.00 for meditation. Monday A.M. Loved him on sight. During Q&A period his answers were what Bhagavan (Ramana Maharshi) would have said: One man was asking how and why did Brahman become "Maya". Mr. Mullarpattan could not make him understand and Mr. Sapre took over as interpreter. His answers were very specific and explanations also very clear. "We are trying to find answers to the illusions in the illusion and it cannot be done. Brahman never became this Maya. Maya is completely illusory." He used the illustration of waving a burning stick in a circle and in a figure eight. We see the circle and the figure eight but they are illusory. So with this world and all in it. It comes from the mind outward bent but it is a dream. Maharaj made a comment about it being nice to have a dead guru. Answers to other questions: To start, we turn the mind inward, repeat japa inwardly until the idea that "I Am That" or "I Am" or "I am Brahman" or "Pure Spirit" is as natural as the ideas I am so-and-so, or a woman or a man, or a body, are to us now. We are not any of these things we have always believed ourselves to be. We are not really even the witness or I AM consciousness but must go through this to reach the Reality. The mind must be purified. One man asked how, and Maharaj said through hearing his words and remembering them, and through Japa or Mantra. The man asked if Maharaj would give him a mantra. Maharaj said, "If you want to be my disciple, stay after the others leave and I will give you a mantra." Tuesday Meditation alone with Maharaj from 8 to 9. Bhajan till 9.40. Meditation wonderful. From 10.25 to 11.00 he asked me questions and gave answers and instructions through the interpreter. Said to remember and ponder over all he said to me. I hope I can. He asked where I was from. "America". How long in India. (Sri Ramanasram)? "6 months." How long on this spiritual path? "10 years." How progressing? "Can't evaluate". What practice? "Self-enquiry - who am I - trying to find the source of the I." Who is trying to find the source? "The mind?" Then an explanation of the vital air (prana) uniting with the mind. Being the "I AM", after that even the "I AM" will go and there is nothing but the Self or Reality. Said to keep on with my practices as I am now. The mind must be purified through japa and meditation. Ignore the bodily sensations or "pay no attention to them". It will be all right. Mullarpattan volunteered that it was aroused Kundalini. Maharaj: "What is the use of getting a lot of money or knowledge or power when after the vital air leaves the body nothing remains of any of this and the vital air merges into That." Explanation of the vital air or prana moving up through the different centers and reaching the top and that - Samadhi. Must discriminate - be detached - let whatever happens happen, but do not associate yourself with it. Something about my having an unhappy life - also asked about children and husband. Returned at 5.00 for question period. Dutch group there and an American living in India, Bob. I think Bob misquoted Bhagavan and I reacted! On the whole the answers given to questions were disturbing to me. Some were not. They seemed to be from the highest standpoint but one specifically "The I AM consciousness is made up of chemicals"??? Possibly it was because the answers were to apply to certain types of mind? At any rate, many of the answers shook me up. Maybe I misunderstood. Had coffee with Bob and shared a cab with him. Wednesday Yes, I misunderstood. (NOTE in 1980: NO, I DID NOT MISUNDERSTAND) The mind is like a chemical process or camera, recording impressions. When I came in to Questions and Answer period the interpreter was explaining to Bob something about the chemical process. Bob is full of ego, wants to show off his knowledge. Maharaj keeps explaining to him that he is under a misapprehension that he is this body and/ or mind and that all this is illusion and that he should get rid of all of it as not Self. All these stories of Rama and Krishna, Ganesh, etc, are all fairy tales for children, to point the way. All is unreal. I asked how to purify the mind and was told to remember all that I hear from Maharaj and the mind will become purified. The idea is to let everything happen as it will, do what you want, let ideas come but always remember. "I have nothing to do with all this - I am pure consciousness." Gradually, by disassociating oneself from all that the mind has accepted as real, the pure I AM consciousness will shine forth. The Reality is beyond this. It is Pure Awareness: Perfection - Happiness - Bliss. Went back at 5.00. Maharaj was alone drinking coffee. He gave me half of his cup of coffee! Tomorrow at 8.00 a.m. he will give me my mantra. Stayed till 8.00 for Bhajan - all is well. Bhagavan sent me to him. The Satguru is One. Thursday, Early I was given my mantra this morning and Maharaj placed his hand on my head. Three times he came back to where I was sitting and repeated it. I felt his power very strongly. The first part of the mantra was what came to me in meditation last night. Stayed from 8.00 to 9.40 - back at 10.20 until 12.10. Had lunch with Dutchman at Mullarpattan's house. Enjoyed very much. Came back and had ice cream on the roof with Dutchman. Going back at 6.00. Thursday A.M. Joss, a young boy from Holland (I think), and I met on our way to Maharaj for mantra and I told him we should take fruit, incense and flowers; hardly anything was open but we found it all and in plenty of time to get there by 8.00. I went up first. I don't remember what day it was now, but I asked Maharaj about the library work (it's okay) and he questioned me - did I have any ties, how old was my mother and how did she maintain herself - asked about my children and were any of them on this path. He asked how I maintained myself (I told him my son financed my trip), and I told him about the airplane and fractured back, etc. Then I asked did he think I should be with my mother. (I remember now that Maharaj asked if there wasn't someone else who could be with her, brothers or sisters. I said no.) I told him she had no understanding of this (yoga). His answer, as I understood it, was to continue as I am. When I am established in the "I AM" consciousness then it doesn't matter, I can live anywhere." Thursday P.M. One of the times he was questioning me about how I came to this path. I told him about everything which led up to it. The interpreter told me that several people who had come there had dreams of Bhagavan. Joss saw Bhagavan in a dream and was directed by Him to Maharaj. 5.00 P.M. - My last message from Maharaj. No one was there but Maharaj, me and interpreter and Dutchman. Maharaj asked when I was leaving and I told him (through interpreter) "In the morning". He told me to hold on to the "I AM awareness" and to remember his instructions and not to worry about anything else. I told him I was leaving everything with him (my vices, weaknesses, tiredness and pain). He told me not to bother about anything, the Satguru is within and He (pointing to Maharaj) is always with you. I feel particularly blessed and grateful, and I love Maharaj as I do Bhagavan. I felt like crying when I first saw him and again at bhajans tonight, but think they would have been tears of happiness. Had tea and cakes w/Dutchman before bhajans. Got back to Maharaj at 7.30. There was some kind of scripture reading by a man, then Maharaj would interpret all in Marathi. But it didn't matter (if I couldn't understand Marathi), just looking at Him was enough. After this came bhajans. I couldn't keep my eyes off Maharaj. During bhajans the other women put vibhuti on each other's forehead and on Maharaj. Tonight they put vibhuti on my forehead and gave me flowers to put in my hair. Then they gave me prasad and Maharaj went downstairs. I noticed the time. Close to 9.00 p.m. and a man told me that if I wanted to leave he would get Maharaj's permission. I didn't want to leave but had to in order to pay hotel, pack, etc. So when he returned with Maharaj's permission, I went downstairs and found Maharaj going from the kitchen to the bedroom. He graciously stopped and let me prostrate and lay my head and hands on His feet. Sunday After leaving Maharaj's physical presence, "this" was wrapt in love: things unfolded slowly while on the train from Bombay to Madras, then on the bus from Madras to Tiruvannamalai. I was looking out the window at the animals in the fields and pondering over what Maharaj had said (and which I resented), about the consciousness which was in Sri Krishna and the consciousness in the donkey, and in me, being all the same. All at once this world disappeared and there was - impossible to put it into words - only impersonal consciousness. But in possibly a minute of this world's time, the whole of what this world creation is was revealed. I can't put it into words but it is with me now. I feel such love and melting devotion for the Satguru. Monday Back at the ashram in Tiruvannamalai. I told Ganesh about Maharaj and we had a long talk. He is very understanding. He calls Maharaj "Baba". I love the name and will call Him that myself. G. says I am very blessed to have met Him. Very few people get to meet a Realized Sage. I understand that "Baba" has taken over my life now. I love Him so very much. Only because of names and forms (which are themselves unreal), the mind doesn't know that Bhagavan and Maharaj are one and because Bhagavan knew my need He sent me to "Baba". They are One and that One is the Satguru in the Heart. Sat on Arunachala Hill in such love this morning after seeing Ganesh. I can see Maharaj just as though he were here, holding on to the towel above him at bhajans, fixing flowers in early morning, lighting incense, smoking beedies his twinkling, piercing eyes looking sidewise at me. Pacing the floor, pointing his finger. Tuesday This love for Maharaj has just kept growing - along with it came the terrible feeling of disloyalty to Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi, who has been my Guru for the last three years and whom I loved, I thought, more than anything in the world: this, despite knowing with the mind that all gurus are one, and all that - still, I was suffering. I went to Ramana's Samadhi and did pradakshina around and around the Samadhi, until this body was completely exhausted! Then I laid my head on the grillwork and - everything disappeared and there was just ME, Pure Consciousness, and I saw all of these forms (Ramana and Maharaj) were coming out of me. Now, everything remains peaceful, calm, serene. Thursday During meditation with Vishvanath, I saw how before I went to Baba I was experiencing the "recording impression" of the mind, like a camera. The mind is like a machine, as are the body and senses, all programmed to "I