Focused Issues in Family Therapy Clarissa Sammut Scerri Arlene Vetere Angela Abela Jan Cooper Intervening After Violence Therapy for Couples and Families Focused Issues in Family Therapy Series editor D. Russell Crane, Brigham Young University, Provo, UT, USA More information about this series at http://www.springer.com/series/13372 Clarissa Sammut Scerri Arlene Vetere (cid:129) Angela Abela Jan Cooper (cid:129) Intervening After Violence Therapy for Couples and Families 123 Clarissa Sammut Scerri Angela Abela Department ofFamily Studies Department ofFamily Studies University of Malta University of Malta Msida Msida Malta Malta Arlene Vetere Jan Cooper VID Specialized University Reading SaferFamilies Oslo Reading, Berkshire Norway UK ISSN 2520-1190 ISSN 2520-1204 (electronic) Focused Issuesin Family Therapy ISBN978-3-319-57788-3 ISBN978-3-319-57789-0 (eBook) DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-57789-0 LibraryofCongressControlNumber:2017938312 ©SpringerInternationalPublishingAG2017 Thisworkissubjecttocopyright.AllrightsarereservedbythePublisher,whetherthewholeorpart of the material is concerned, specifically the rights of translation, reprinting, reuse of illustrations, recitation, broadcasting, reproduction on microfilms or in any other physical way, and transmission orinformationstorageandretrieval,electronicadaptation,computersoftware,orbysimilarordissimilar methodologynowknownorhereafterdeveloped. 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Printedonacid-freepaper ThisSpringerimprintispublishedbySpringerNature TheregisteredcompanyisSpringerInternationalPublishingAG Theregisteredcompanyaddressis:Gewerbestrasse11,6330Cham,Switzerland Contents 1 When the Violence Stops: Different Relationships and Different Forms of Violence in the Family. .... .... ..... .... 1 2 Living with Violence in the Family: Retrospective Recall of Women’s Childhood Experiences.. .... .... .... .... ..... .... 19 3 How to Help Stop the Violence: Using a Safety Methodology Across the Life Span. .... ..... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 45 4 Helping Couples Separate Safely: Working Towards Safe Separations .... .... .... ..... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 69 5 Healing and Repair in Relationships: Working Therapeutically with Couples ... .... .... ..... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 75 6 Working Systemically with Parents, Children and Adult Survivors When the Abuse Stops.... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 91 7 Working in the Territory: Therapists’ Experiences of Working with Violent Behaviour in Couples and Families .. .... 115 8 Supervision and Consultation with Practitioners Who Intervene with Families and Trauma..... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 127 9 Prevention and Early Intervention with Violence and Abuse in Families. .... .... .... ..... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 149 Index .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... .... .... .... .... ..... .... 173 v About the Authors Dr. Clarissa Sammut Scerri is lecturer and current Head of the Department of Family Studies at the University of Malta. She is a registered Counselling psy- chologist, Family therapist, and a Systemic supervisor. Her Ph.D. research entitled “Living with contradictions of love and abuse: a grounded theory of women’s understanding of their experiences of domestic violence” sought to illuminate and further the understanding of the complexity of living in a family where there is violence. She has presented her research at various local and international confer- ences. One of her papers: “Ethical dilemmas of a clinician/researcher interviewing women about their childhood experiences of witnessing domestic violence”, has been shortlisted for the Corinna Seith Award by the WAVE Network, Women Against Violence. Dr. Sammut Scerri complements her teaching and research with clinical practice and supervision in the field, including to a team of social care professionals who work with men who are violent in their intimate relationships. Dr. Sammut Scerri wrote Chaps. 1 and 2 in this book. Arlene Vetere, FBPsS, FAcSS is professor offamily therapy and systemic prac- tice at VID Specialized University, Oslo, Norway; visiting professor of clinical psychology at Universita degli Studi, Bergamo, Italy; and affiliate professor of family studies at Malta University. Arlene lives in the UK, where she is registered as a clinical psychologist, systemic psychotherapist and systemic supervisor. Twenty years ago she established ‘Reading Safer Families’, a family violence intervention service, with Jan Cooper. They have published extensively on their approach to safety and safe therapeutic practice with individuals, couples and families. Arlene has also developed a narrative attachment approach to systemic practice, with Rudi Dallos, which has been widely published. Arlene co-authored Chaps. 3 and 4 with Jan Cooper, in this book; and wrote Chaps. 5 and 7. Angela Abela is a professor and founding head of the Department of Family Studies at the University of Malta. As a clinical psychologist, family therapist and systemic supervisor, she works with couples, children and their families and vii viii AbouttheAuthors supervises teams of practitioners working with vulnerable families. She chairs the National Centre for Family Research of the President of Malta’s Foundation for the Wellbeing of Society and is a consultant for the Maltese government and the StandingCommitteesforSocialandFamilyAffairsinParliament.Asanexpertfor theCouncilofEurope,sheworkedonthePolicytoSupportPositiveParentingand is lead author of the Strategic Policy on Positive Parenting for Malta launched in 2016. She has published widely and is an associate editor of Clinical Child Psychology and Psychiatry, an international advisory editor of Contemporary Family Therapy and is on the editorial board of Children Australia. Angela wrote Chaps. 6, 8 and 9 in this book. Jan Cooper is a former psychiatric social worker and a systemic psychotherapist, currently holding a non-clinical registration with the United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy in the UK. Twenty years ago she established ‘Reading Safer Families’, a dedicated family violence intervention service, with Arlene Vetere. They have published extensively on their approach to safety and safe therapeutic practice where violence is of concern. Currently Jan is focused on writing and training on their safety methodology. Jan co-authored Chaps. 3 and 4 with Arlene Vetere in this book. Chapter 1 When the Violence Stops: Different Relationships and Different Forms of Violence in the Family Physical and emotional violence is prevalent in couple and family relationships (OfficeforNationalStatisticsUK2014).Therearemanywell-establishedbookson how to assess for the risk offuture violence in families, and on how to intervene therapeuticallytohelpfamilymembersstoptheviolence,includingthebookbyone ofthepresent authors(HamelandNicholls2006;Hamel2005;CooperandVetere 2005). However, less is written on how to help couples and families once the violence has stopped. Many couples and families wish to stay together following the cessation of violent behaviour. Facing the legacy of violence, and often intergenerational vio- lence and trauma, is both challenging and complex—for family members and for therapists. Healing andrelationshiprepairis thefocus of this book.In ourexperience, this aspectoftheworktakesasmuch,ifnotmore,therapeutictimethanhelpingfamily members to stop the violence. Consolidating change, establishing interpersonal trust,supportingmoresatisfyingbondingandeffectiveproblem-solvingbeginswith the assessment and intervention work, but this book is dedicated to working ther- apeutically with the aftermath—and dealing with unresolved loss, disappointment and hurt, masked trauma responses, developmental trauma, problems of relational esteem, affect regulation and supporting sustainable coping and the giving and receivingofcompassionatecomfortandcare.Thisaspectoftherapeuticworkisthe focus of this book. Invariably this involves extensive collaboration with the pro- fessional network of concern involved with the couple and/or family and their extended family members. The three authors each bring a particular perspective to this book. Clarissa Sammut Scerri has completed a grounded theory Ph.D. study of Maltese women’s recall of the impact of living with domestic violence during their childhoods, and the continuing developmental and relational impact in their adult lives (Sammut Scerri 2015). Angela Abela has made extensive research studies of couple ©SpringerInternationalPublishingAG2017 1 A.Vetereetal.,InterveningAfterViolence,FocusedIssuesinFamilyTherapy, DOI10.1007/978-3-319-57789-0_1 2 1 WhentheViolenceStops:DifferentRelationships… relationships on parenting and support in a changing world (Abela and Walker 2013). Arlene Vetere has co-directed, with Jan Cooper, a specialist family and coupleviolenceinterventionprojectintheUK(CooperandVetere2005).Thethree authors share a commitment to safe therapeutic work with couples and families where violence is of concern and to supporting the development of trust and emotional safety in family relationships. The three authors are all applied psy- chologists and systemic psychotherapists. The overarching theoreticalframework ofthis bookis systemicand integrative, drawingonfamilysystemsandattachmenttheory(DallosandVetere2009),trauma theoryandcomplexPTSD(Fordetal.2005;VanderKolk2014),narrativetheory (Bruner1990),feministtheory(Goldner1998,1999),resilienceandpost-traumatic growth framework Morris et al. (2005), and a life span perspective (Band-Winterstein and Eisikovits 2009)—and drawing on theories of reflective functioning and their application in work with couples and families (Asen and Fonagy 2012). This reflects the authors’ integrative stance in relation to theory– practice linking in their therapeutic working with couples and families. Each chapter will review the relevant and available research evidence for therapeutic practice. In this chapter we look at different forms of family relationships and different forms of violence in these relationships. We bring together current theory and literature not only on intimate partner violence but also on violence between sib- lings, and violence by children on their parents. We use clinical anecdotes and research in the area to illustrate some of the complex family dynamics that family members live with and that health and social care professionals have to contend with,whenworkingwithfamiliesaftertheviolencehasstopped(DeVoeandSmith 2002; Mullender et al. 2002; Perel and Peled 2008; Sammut Scerri 2015). Thedefinitionofdomesticviolencethatweadoptinthisbookistheoneusedby the Council of Europe (2011) also known as the Istanbul Convention: ‘All acts of physical, sexual, psychological or economic violence that occur within the family or domestic unit or between former or current spouses or partners, whether or not the perpetrator shares or has shared the same residence with the victim’. We chose this definition because: (a) it recognises all forms of violence including psychological violence and also child to parent violence; (b) it is gender-inclusive; (c) acknowledges relationships in a family context, both in the past andpresent; and(d) it explicitly recognisesissues ofpowerandcontrol inthe acts of violence. We also would like to highlight the definition of domestic violence by the Council of Europe (1986): Anyactoromissioncommittedwithintheframeworkofthefamily,byoneofitsmembers that undermines the life, the bodily or psychological integrity or the liberty of another member of the same family or that seriously harms the development of his or her per- sonality(RecommendationNo.R(85)4).