Founded in 1964 by John Warkentin, PhD, MD and Thomas Leland, MD Voices: Journal of the American Academy of Psychotherapists Editors: Editorial Review Board: Kristin Staroba, MSW | [email protected] Lee Blackwell, PhD 1201 Connecticut Ave., NW, Ste. 710 Brooke Bralove, LCSW-C Washington DC, 20036 Peggy Brooks, PhD Penelope L. Norton, PhD | [email protected] Grover Criswell, MDiv 555 W. Granada Blvd., Ste. 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Lovett, PhD, Contributing Editor Avrum Weiss, PhD Bob Rosenblatt, PhD, Intervision Editor Sharilyn Wiskup, LPC Berry Wepman, PhD, Poetry Editor Ruth Wittersgreen, PhD, Poetry Editor VOICES: THE ART AND SCIENCE OF PSYCHOTHERAPY (ISSN 0042-8272) is published by the American Academy of Psychotherapists, 1450 Western Avenue / Suite 101, Albany, NY 12203. Subscription prices for one year (three issues): $65 for individuals; $249 for institutions. Orders by mail payable by check: 1450 Western Avenue / Suite 101, Albany, NY 12203. Orders by MasterCard or Visa: call (518) 694-5360 or fax (518) 463-8656. Payments must be made in U.S. dollars through a U.S. bank made payable to AAP Voices. Some back volumes may be available from the Voices B usiness Office. Change of Address: Please inform publisher as soon as a change to your email address is made. Send change of email address to [email protected].▼ Journal of the American Academy of Psychotherapists V O I C E S THE ART AND SCIENCE OF PSYCHOTHERAPY Where Therapists Dare to Tread Summer 2015: Volume 51, Number 2 Voices The American Academy of Psychotherapists ii Table of Contents iii Editorial 1 Where Therapists Dare to Tread Kristin Staroba & Doris Jackson 1 Articles 3 Trash Talk Steve Shere 3 Groups Can Go Where Therapists Cannot Tread Doris Jackson 7 Sex in America: An Interview with Marty Klein Ofer Zur 16 The Pause Before the Jump Jonathan Farber 29 My Clients Have Bodies! Scott Janssen 39 Commentary Natan HarPaz 45 Don’t Go It Alone Matthew Burgess Leary 47 Bearing Witness Lisa Zimmerman 53 Is Money as Taboo as Sex? Mary Gresham 57 Commentary Bob Rosenblatt 61 Reviews 63 Play and Art in Child Psychotherapy Sally Atkins 63 The Body Keeps the Score Stephanie L. Ezust 65 I & C Scholars and Volunteers 71 Austin 2014 71 Balloon Michael Southers 72 Four Days of Group Anonymous 75 My Experience as an AAP Scholar in Austin Molly Milgrom 77 The Painful Practice of Finding My Voice Jen Tem 79 Sigil of a Storm Austin Haedicke 80 AAP Reflection Fiona Gallagher 81 AAP Reflection Andy Drinkard 82 From the Archives 83 Grief Groups: Rekindling Hope Ken Moses 83 Intervision 90 Double Dare: Sexuality and Adoration Bob Rosenblatt 90 The Case Anonymous 91 Response 1 Debbara J. Dingman 93 Response 2 Kelly G. Erickson 94 Response 3 Avrum Weiss 95 Poetry 27 Still Fall Ruth Wittersgreen 27 Bell Buoy Tom Large 38 Hands Tom Large 46 Not All Who Wander Are Lost Blake Edwards 52 Images 5 Steve Shere Jack Shere 5 Swimmer Mary de Wit 38 Icon Mary de Wit 56 Balloon Mary de Wit 70 Calls for Papers 96 Awe in Psychotherapy Deadline January 15, 2016 96 What’s Love Got To Do With It? Deadline April 15, 2016 97 Voices 98 Subscribe to Voices 98 Guidelines for Contributors 99 The American Academy of Psychotherapists 100 On the Cover: Witness Stand GC Myers 2013. Acrylic. GC Myers is a contemporary painter from the Finger Lakes region of New York. He came to painting in mid-life and quite by accident, as a result of an accident that occurred while building his home in the early 1990’s. Since that time, his recognizable landscapes, known for their strong colors and moods, are avidly collected here and abroad. ©2015 by the American Academy of Psychotherapists, Inc. Published three times per year. Cover Design: Mary de Wit Design and Production by Mary de Wit | inw2Wit®, llc AAP Web Site: www.aapweb.com iv VOICES ▼ Summer 2015 Kristin Staroba Editorial Kristin Staroba, MSW, r ecent- Where Therapists Dare to Tread ly moved her practice to downtown Washington, DC, after almost 20 years in the ’burbs. She works with T he stories in this issue remind us how adults in group, couples, and indi- the profession of psychotherapy, when vidual therapy. An AAP member since 2002, this is her third year as practiced well, requires us to venture co-editor of Voices. into frightening territory. O ur work involves Photo by Blue Keleher 2015 bringing some of the most difficult terrain of the human [email protected] psyche into the interpersonal realm of a therapy rela- Doris Jackson tionship. It’s what we do. Why we do it might be partly addressed in Steve Shere’s powerful memoir of recurrent childhood terrors. Was bravado enough to bring him through? Sex and death are two topics not for the faint-hearted, with money not far behind. Lisa Zimmerman tells a ther- apist coming of age story about what she learned when brought face to face with a client’s approaching death. Mary Gresham writes about her adventures in the emerg- ing field of financial therapy, offering thought- provoking reasons why we might conclude that “money is as taboo as sex.” Meanwhile, two authors remind us that the topic of sex still carries plenty of its own taboo. Matthew Leary Doris Jackson, PhD, w as co- writes about coping with being the object of a patient’s editor of Voices from 2009 to 2012 and is pleased to be serving as intense erotic transference, while Bob Rosenblatt pres- guest co-editor for this issue. She ents an Intervision case that looks at the other side of the joined AAP over 30 years ago and coin, describing the dilemma of a therapist distracted by currently co-chairs the AAP Schol- arship Committee. She maintains a erotic fantasies about his patient. In an interview with private practice in Cambridge, MA, Ofer Zur, Marty Klein works to slay the taboo so many offering individual, group and cou- experience about sex. ples treatment. [email protected] Scott Janssen enters often-avoided territory to discuss our clients’ bodies, and his own. Guest co-editor Doris Jackson reminds us that sometimes group can be a more Editorial: Where Therapists Dare to Tread productive vehicle for change than individual psychotherapy. And from the archives we reprise Ken Moses’s journey with grief groups. In a group of essays titled “Austin 2014,” we bring you experiences of some AAP scholarship recipients who dared to tread into the AAP Institute & Conference in Austin, Texas. Their stories remind us of the bravery required to engage in authentic interpersonal encounters — and of the exhilaration that can come from doing so. In a related set of reminiscences, some of the volunteer workers for that conference, who formed their own band of brothers and sisters, report their experiences from the front lines of the Hospitality Suite. Jonathan Farber entertains us recounting three scary moments in his private prac- tice, when he had to rush in “where angels fear to tread.” We can all relate; see if you can guess how the stories end. Relevant book reviews, poetry, and art round out our adventure where therapists dare to tread. ▼ 2 VOICES ▼ Summer 2015 Steve Shere Trash Talk: Steve Shere, PhD, h as been a About Nazis, Anti-Semites, Washington, DC, psychotherapist, and the Grim Reaper organizational consultant, and Academy member for many years. This writing explores formative My job in the family at six years old was experiences and his complicated “job history.” to take the trash out after dinner. M y [email protected] memories are of an hour after daylight savings dark, after dishes had all been done. It was time to go to the dreaded incinerator, a few buildings away. My spirits sank. I left our apartment building heading out into cold night air, a trash bag gripped tightly to my thin young chest. With every step my heart beat harder. I could hard- ly keep any breath; my panic was barely controlled. I tried to look casual, reveal no fear, show only nonchalance. No reason to hurry, no reason to look around. Stare straight ahead. When I reached the incinerator building, I entered the stinking garbage area, pulled the chute door open, and threw the trash in. The door clanged shut and then I made my move. I ran as fast as I could, knowing that drooling monsters, Nazis who devoured Jewish children jammed into box cars, and mounted Cossacks flashing sabers had jumped out, hot-breathed, right behind me. Terrified, I could not look back. I stayed just ahead of their lunges, their grabs at the back of my shirt, out- running certain blood, mayhem and death. At last I desperately swung at the door of our building, flung it open, and raced up the steps until the unlocked door to our apartment sheltered and saved me. Leaping inside, I locked it, sweating and exhausted. No one ever noticed my wide-eyed, panting entrance. I never uttered a word or cried about what lurked in the horrible dark out there. I learned to appear unafraid. Trash Talk 3 Lonely, silent pride. Everyone had a job. I had mine. Still do. Later my family moved to a new home. I could not have anticipated the anti-Semitic bullies in my new community. The first week there I started a ferocious fight with a skinny hoodlum who laughed about Jews in ovens, where he said my family belonged. I decided it was better for me to seek him out than for him to come find me. I only remember throwing wild punches and rolling in bloody dirt on the ground. When the fight was finished I was barely able to keep from stomping him dead. “Now who is the Nazi, who is the Jew?” As I added additional inches and pounds, I found I was not afraid of being hit in a fight. They could hurt me, but now I knew I could hurt them. I came to prefer heart-pounding rage to heart-pounding fear. My last such encounter was a few years later at school. A gym lock, clenched with unmistakable intention, quickly evened up unfavorable odds. My return home after this encounter was witnessed by my worried mother. She saw a young, tear-filled avenger with bruised fists and torn clothing. My fear and rage slowly joined with a terrible sadness. The lie of my composure and nonchalance was finally shattered. As the years passed, I had recurrent Nazi nightmares. The last one ended at age 30 with my slashing Nazi after Nazi with an ice pick, piling up their bloody corpses, and then escaping out the window of a prison camp. These days my life is not so populated by imagined Cossacks or nightmare Nazis, not even by real anti-Semites. Being afraid, angry and sad no longer seem so terrible to me. However I have never been able to visit the Holocaust Museum in Washington, DC, nor to see a movie such as Sophie’s Choice. So much for “resolution.” * * * Today, in psychotherapy or supervision, I sit with people who are living out their familiar narratives as well. Some feel lonely, invisible and disconnected. If I can tolerate knowing more about my own isolation, I can be a container for their felt truths. We can then meet in a relationship that mirrors and challenges their painful assumptions. Sometimes I can more simply reframe a deeply held fear; rather than suffering an “ele- vator phobia,” the perceptive patient may be reacting to the notion of entering a metal box suspended over a chasm, dangling by a wire — suffering, in effect, from a failure of denial. Such a reframe can allow the patient to have a perspective of greater ownership and control. Labels for particular sexual preferences or addictions can also soften enough in a therapeutic relationship to allow real conversations about complicated human appetites. While I appreciate the efficacy of 12-step programs, there are times when “addicts” are best served by my not sending them away to this kind of treatment, even if that would make me more comfortable. I spend time with parents whose children have punctured their wish for omnipo- tence by not living up to parental expectations, or by frightening their parents with psychic symptoms or medical illnesses. I may become as impatient with these parents as they are with their children; hopefully these moments mark the beginning of empathy in each of us. 4 VOICES ▼ Summer 2015